"Hello, Megha?" His voice snapped me back to reality.
"Do you remember that time when you suddenly stopped talking to me? And blocked me from everywhere?"
He remained silent. Probably confused by the many times he ghosted me and left me alone to fend for myself.
"Around the end of August 2018," I added
"Megha let us not talk about the past."
"You never told me the reason."
"My love, please--"
"Let it be Anurag, I already found my answer."
With that, I hung up.
No matter how foolish teen love is, no one should experience this type of betrayal. He should not have cheated; if he did, he should not have returned. I should not have let him back in. How could I be so stupid to overlook all the red flags?
I could barely breathe, tears started rolling down my cheeks and I could not control them. The walls started spinning and all that I could think about was the betrayal and the way I trusted him blindly. He cheats on me thrice, as he admits, and I still kept on waiting for him like some stupid naive girl. How do I believe these were the only times he cheated? How do I know the rest of the times he randomly stopped talking to me, or abused me, there was no one else? How do I fucking believe him?
Just then, my roommate entered the room, I could hear her muffled voice and see a blurry figure approaching me. It seemed like she was rushing towards me and just with that, I collapsed into her arms.
I wasn't like this before, I was lean but physically and medically strong until my grandfather passed away. That's when my blood pressure started dropping whenever I stressed was out or sad. The girl who was hyperactive earlier could only feel down after that.
But the worst ailment that got me was panic attacks. The thought of losing someone started triggering it. I could not even cry in front of everyone. I had to console the elders, handle the kids, look around things, and I didn't even get the opportunity to mourn. But when I did get the opportunity, I let it all out at once, and that was the first panic attack while taking a shower. Thankfully I was still able to move and turning on the shower and crying a river, I felt stable.
A few days before my grandfather's death, I met someone. A friend to confide in, someone I could rely on. On that remorseful day, it had been around two weeks since Roshan and I became friends. And that day, when I was finally able to sit for a while and think about what happened, I needed someone to talk to. Reaching for my phone, I saw there were messages from Roshan. But I simply ignored it and dialled Anurag, who has been ghosting me for months now. I never reached out to him this whole time until that day. But guess what, he rejected my calls even then, when all I wanted was a thread of support in this difficult time, when I was experiencing the pain that I've never felt before. But he was not there, he was nowhere to be found.
Just then, there was another text from Roshan, 'Reply me Megha, I'm worried.'
'Hey.' I replied
'Are you okay? I've been feeling something off since a few hours. Tell me everything is fine.'
'Nana passed away.'
For a few minutes, he left my text on seen on which I thought he doesn't care.
Just then, his caller ID flashed on my screen.
That was the first time I received an emotional support from someone other than my own self.