My roommate held me when I could not even hold myself.
Until that day, she knew nothing about my personal life and how much of a mess it was. No one did, no one knew that the girl they labeled as aloof and self-obsessed was the loneliest and afraid to trust anyone. That day, for the first time, I could not hold it in anymore. I hugged her and cried for what felt like hours until my eyes were swollen.
She held me until I bawled my eyes out and when I was done, all she said was, "Look at me, feeling better?"
I was indeed feeling a lot better, letting go of the tears I have held in for so long. That made me recall the number of times I had cried because of Anurag in the past. I never actually cried for him, every time it was because of him. And every single time, I thought it was just because of stress or simply how he was. But no, it was because he never really loved me, if he had, he would never have cheated.
Cheating is not a mistake. It is a choice. Someone chooses to look at someone, flirt with them, share their numbers, their socials, their bed. None of it can be an accident, can it be?
It was never like a one-time thing, where it just happened, they were relationships, all of them, which just happened while I was waiting for him to text me back, but he was impressing other girls. HE KNEW WHAT HE WAS DOING, EVERYTHING WAS INTENTIONAL.
"I love someone," I told my roommate Sara.
"And they broke your heart?" She asked
"Shattered it."
"Love makes you crazy. Do you want to share what happened?"
For a brief moment, I felt as if sharing something like that would be cheating on him, but then I knew that if I did not share it and held it in like I have been doing all these years, it would kill me.
"My love cheated on me"
I could see the pain in Sara's eyes.
"Four times." I added "And I never knew it until now."
She hugged me and I could feel a tear falling on my shoulder. But this time, there was no trace of any tears in my eyes.
"What are you going to do now?"
What would I do? I did not know. All knew was that I was in love.
"If he could fix things, I would give him another chance."
You cannot blame someone affected by love, there is no cure to this disease. With Anurag, I always knew it will either be my destination or my worst heartbreak ever. But what I did not know was this decision would become my only and worst regret ever.