Sera (3)
A desperate expression is etched on the face, unlike anything I can describe. I don't even know how to depict such a devastated face.
Unlike before, when he thought he should hold back his tears even a little, now there's no room for that anymore.
Tears start pouring down from the guy's eyes as if turning on a faucet.
Sobs, sniffs, the sound keeps coming, trembling hands and feet as if about to start a fight, I can be sure that he feels like his existence is being denied.
Not only Sera, but the foreign kids also seem more frozen than before. No, it's not frozen, it's as if the time itself has stopped.
Perhaps they are imagining themselves in that situation. They might assume they heard those words themselves.
Fear fills the children's faces. Perhaps the fear that their existence might be denied.
Dominions must be thinking of Lee Ji-hye and Cha Hee-ran. They must keep assuming that they might hear those words.
Even Cherubim, who was looking at Seraphim with a worried expression, is holding his breath with a pale face.
Hansora instinctively stands in front of Jung Ha-yan. Seeing that she quickly put up a magic barrier to prevent Seraphim from hearing Ha-yan's voice.
"J-Jung Ha-yan... That..."
"We should have brought another kid..."
"Isn't... Isn't that too harsh? Seraphim is trying his best..."
"Just trying hard is meaningless! Even Sora knows that... It's so frustrating... Sora, it's so frustrating... Sob... Sniff... I'm so annoyed... I don't know what to do... I'm so frustrated..."
"But still!"
"I-I said I'm frustrated!"
"Jung Ha-yan!"
"I-I... I said I'm frustrated!"
'Ah, damn it, I don't know where to intervene. Seriously.'
Hansora's interference doesn't seem like a good choice. She was emotional from the beginning, but now it feels like the flames are even higher.
In fact, Jung Ha-yan may not even know what she's saying right now. She's just blurting out whatever comes out of her mouth.
She feels so suffocated, but she doesn't know how to relieve that feeling. Maybe she can only vent it out.
"Sob... I really hate the sight of it..."
"Please stop... No more..."
"It's... It's too difficult... O-Oppa... Sob... Sniff..."
" .... "
'For now, let's calm down.'
"I think it would be better to talk again later. Do you want Ha-yan to go inside?"
"Or..."
"I-I'll do that. I-I'll take a break...."
Jung Ha-yan deliberately turns her head, trying not to look at Seraphim as she passes by.
Hansora briefly grabs Jung Ha-yan's hand, but she jerks it away in surprise.
Seraphim, who had been standing still like a doll, starts sobbing quietly again. I wonder what I should say at this timing when I feel like anything I say would be appropriate, but he leaves his spot and runs into the forest.
'Is he trying to run away?'
"Cherubim. Bring him back."
"Yes... I will follow your orders, Father."
Cherubim nods and follows Seraphim. He can't really escape anyway. This place is his home.
Hansora glances at Serafim for a moment and then shifts her gaze to me. Yes, I should talk to her too.
"Would you like a cup of coffee..."
"You're being cold, vice guild master..."
" .... "
"I knew you weren't in your right mind, but you seem more abnormal than I thought."
"I told you not to get involved. I brought him here not because I wanted to. Sora knows that too, right?"
"B-But the situation has changed now."
"I originally thought I did enough for him."
I'm not trying to evade or make excuses. In essence, I have shown him the minimum consideration that I can from my side.
Just by not sending him back or discarding him, I have shown him the minimum courtesy.
If things had gone as usual, he would have been the one to lower his gaze and apologize. Even if it sounds a bit harsh, he had to face judgment for his sins.
"I never give concessions." (I never yield).
"I know that, but..."
"Just being able to come here and enjoy everyday life is already a significant concession at my level. Even though he lost his memory, he has unforgivable sins engraved in his soul. That's how he used to judge others, and I'm just returning the favor. In fact, our Hyun Sung almost got died. He dared to challenge me, but this is how he got away cheaply, isn't it? Don't you think? It may seem a bit ruthless, but what I'm doing now is beyond revenge."
"But still... he's just a child..."
"The minimum consideration I could give was indifference. Honestly, I never thought of leaving Ha-yan in charge... "
"But you did leave her in charge."
"Now that I think about it, it seems like a mistake."
'I never intended to leave her in charge in the first place.'
She was supposed to briefly show some interest in him.
I actually thought that she would briefly show some interest in Ha-yan.
I thought that's what happened... She probably wanted to take the children as if receiving gifts, just like Lee Ji-hye and Cha Hee-ran did.
Feeling left out when everyone else receives gifts... I thought she would subtly pass them on to Hansora and not pay much attention.
But maybe that wasn't the case, and it's somewhat shocking.
I thought she was far from having a sense of responsibility, but I'm not sure if she developed a sense of responsibility inside her when she decided to bring Seraphim into her embrace.
'No, maybe she didn't just throw a tantrum.'
Perhaps it's possible that she didn't come to me on a simple impulse, but rather after a lot of contemplation on her own. Jung Ha-yan is the type who doesn't easily create bond on her own with people.
It could be that she's unable to create them, but I have a feeling that she's hitting a wall herself.
Perhaps it's because of her experience on Earth, but she tends to think that if she doesn't create from the beginning, there won't be any betrayal. (They are talking about bond here.)
Regardless of her intentions, bringing Seraphim into herself was undoubtedly a difficult decision for her. In her own way, it might have been a fairly risky challenge.
Inviting a new person into a space where only Lee Kiyoung and Hansora could enter... It can be considered as a significant decision on her part.
She might have pondered over it for several days, and she might have asked Hansora various things as well.
"Let's sit down and have a conversation over coffee. Please relax your expression. There might be room for improvement. Did I invite you to talk for no reason?"
"Are you changing your thoughts?"
"Well, let's hear the conversation. It's not about Seraphim, in case you were wondering. It's about Ha-yan's decision to take him in... from the moment she decided..."
" .... "
"What did you talk about back then?"
"Just... various things. It's hard to remember everything because there were so many, but it seemed like she was contemplating. She mentioned anticipation... and fear... In the end, she did go to the Vice Guild Master, but I remember she hesitated a lot."
'Damn.'
"You didn't stop her?"
"I... I thought it would help Jung Ha-yan."
" .... "
"I do have some regrets, but at that time, I thought it might help Jung Ha-yan."
I might have felt that way for sure. The moment she realized that Seraphim was an imperfect angel, her interest in him disappeared.
She might have let go of his assumptions and speculations when I didn't show any reaction or interest in him...
Actually, it's hard to speculate about such a process. I don't know exactly what Jung Ha-yan is thinking.
If there were a user manual for Jung Ha-yan, I would read it to get some insight, but there isn't.
Although we share almost all our conversations, how can I know the emotions that Jung Ha-yan herself is unaware of?
"I don't think that way now..."
"Because it's difficult for you."
"How was it in the beginning?"
"It would be better for you to see for yourself."
Hansora hands me the Goddess's Hand Mirror, which seems to have been prepared in advance, and an image immediately appears.
When Seraphim was smaller than he is now.
- L-look, Sora. He's, he's, he's really tiny. Isn't he...?
- Yes... He's really small.
- M-My name is Jung Ha-yan... I-I'm going to be your mother from now on.
- M-Mother?
- I-I said it, Sora... I said it!
- They say he could talk from the moment he was born. In the case of other children, they develop language skills a bit faster.
- Cute.
- Hello, Mom.
- H-Hello...
- Don't hide and come out properly, Jung Ha-yan. You should greet properly. Hello, Sera! This is your aunt.
- H-Hello, Aunt...
- You should go and hug Mom once. Jung Ha-yan, please come out soon. Yes, Jung Ha-yan... That's right!
Seraphim's face, as he smiles happily, can be annoying, but Jung Ha-yan's face looks genuinely happy.
Without realizing it, I find myself smiling, a smile that seems genuinely happy.
As Hnayan joyfully laughs and hugs the smaller Seraphim tightly, the scene surprisingly suits them well.
In the mirror, there are continuous scenes of Jung Ha-yan feeling awkward but still petting his head, laughing happily, and enjoying the moment.
-L-Look at this!
I didn't expect to see a performance with magic. Ah, Seraphim was happier in the early stages than I thought.
-Wow...
-S-Sera will be able to do it soon too.
No, I don't think he can...
It's too magnificent.
"It's quite different from now."
"Yes, it's very different. You were already inexperienced, and..."
" .... "
"Jung Ha-yan learned how to love from the Vice Guild Master."
" .... "
"That's all I know."
I learned that too.
Of course, I know that her approach is different from the common societal norms.
Anyway, that's the gist of it. I have alternatives, but Jung Ha-yan didn't.
I can act, but she couldn't. I had other options, but she had none.
Unconsciously, I find myself tapping my thigh. The image of Jung Ha-yan's smiling face continues to linger in my mind.
"Jung Ha-yan sees herself in Sera."
"That's why she feels frustrated."
Looking through the binoculars, I saw Jung Ha-yan, who had flipped the blanket and was crying uncontrollably.