The silence that follows is deafening.
'He who speaks first loses,' I recall what my dad, who happens to be a lawyer, always says.
'Silence implies guilt, Lina,' counters my mom's voice that time she asked me whether or not I was dating someone she specifically advised against.
I quickly dismiss these thoughts out of my mind.
Not helping.
"Well?" says six foot two of bristling male energy, looking almost as intimidating as Bruno at the moment.
I'm a respectable five foot seven myself but right now I feel so small and helpless. More especially because I'm in the wrong.
I led this man on.
I'm lying to him.
But what can I do? It's in Miles's best interest that he doesn't learn about Bruno.
'You're not really lying, Lina' the voice in my head soothingly tells me. 'Remember that you and Bruno are not together or anything. So there is technically no other guy, not in that way.'
That sort of makes sense...
'Plus, what you've said to him is the truth because that's how you really feel."
"Lies by omission are still lies, Lina," my dad's voice rang out from nowhere, just as I was starting to agree with myself.
Urrgh, Get out of my head Dad!
I hate to admit it but Dad's voice is right. What I was thinking was bullshit.
However, I can't bring myself to do the right thing. The consequences of what will happen if I involve Miles in this, more than he already is, don't bear thinking about. I may not love him but I care about him and his well-being deeply.
"Say something, Lina" Miles says in a tight voice.
"The answer is no," I say quickly, my voice clear as day. "There is no other guy."
Wow, if I didn't feel so dirty, I'd almost be impressed. There wasn't even a stammer.
Looking at Miles directly in the eye, I will him to believe my white lies so that we can move on and talk about other things. Like literally anything. This right here is dangerous territory.
I'm starting to think he bought it when Miles says the most shocking thing.
"Don't tell me the guy is Bruno Rossini, Lina, please don't."
The gasp escapes from my lips before I can stop it.
Fucking shit.
What the...
How did he...
How the hell did Miles know the guy was Bruno? Wait a minute, how does he even know about Bruno? I've never once mentioned Bruno to Miles. So how the hell did he know about my ex-fiancé?
" Miles, How in the world did you..."
" What?" Miles interrupts me in a mocking tone. "You didn't think that I knew about your whirlwind romance with Bruno-Fucking-Rossini during your time at college?" Miles asks, his handsome face twisting into an ugly jealous mask. I can't bear to look at it so I set my eyes firmly on the floor instead.
"How long have you known?" I ask through gritted teeth.
"A while. When you kept postponing our wedding, I did a little digging. I figured the answer to my question was in the past and it was. Imagine how shocked I was to learn, from other people, that you were once engaged. To a Rossini for that matter. "
I listen to him with mounting rage. "You went behind my..."
He raises his hands in a stop gesture.
"Don't you dare Adelina Rivera. You don't get to play the victim here. Not after all you've put me through, the secrets and now the lies. But let's not get into all that. Just answer my question, Is it him?"
Through feelings of guilt, shame, and anger towards myself, Miles, and Bruno, I manage to find my voice.
"I-I already t-told you there's no one...'
Crack
Miles startles me into looking up by loudly putting his hands together and making a pleading gesture.
"Stop it already, Lina. Just stop it. We both know you're lying. Your mouth twitches when you're telling a lie. After two years I probably know you more than you know yourself. Just cut the bullshit and tell me the truth. You owe me that."
A stunned silence follows.
I've never seen Miles like this. He's always been a calm guy, kind and cheerful. Now I can hardly recognize him. His normally perfectly styled hair is a tangled mess, beads of sweat are forming on his forehead and his sapphire eyes are flashing blue fire.
I did this to him, I think guiltily.
With a new determination, I steadily meet his fierce gaze.
"Miles, you're right, there is another guy. And you're right in thinking that it's Bruno."
Now it's Miles's turn to be rendered speechless.
I use the opportunity to drive the knife in deeper.
"We're getting back together, him and I."
God, the expression on Miles's face is hard to watch. It looks as if he's in actual physical pain.
"You're really leaving me, for him?" he asks.
"Yes, "I state matter of factly.
"But-but why?" he asks with fresh despair
"I already told you why."
The broken-heated guy regards me with a stunned quietness, wearing a pained look.
I break the silence.
'I'm sorry, Miles. I wish it could have worked out differently for us," I tell him with a nonchalant shrug
"No, you don't," he says slowly." You've never even wanted me. I was just someone to keep your bed warm until your prince charming recovered from his amnesia and came to take you away. You never even gave me a chance"
If he only knew. I tried so much. However, in the words of the great Selena Gomez, the heart wants what it wants.
I don't say anything in response though. One more lie could end up coming out. Or maybe the truth.
"This isn't going to end well for you," Miles says, filling up another silent moment. "This guy is bad news. In fact, his whole family is."
Oh really, I didn't know.
"I don't share your opinion, Miles," I say calmly like I haven't so much as run into one of them since they kicked me out of Bruno's private hospital room five years ago.
I turn my face so that he doesn't catch my fib. Yanking towards the door, I pull it open.
Looking away from Miles and straight ahead of me, I say," This is goodbye, Miles. Forever."
His expression is one of shock and anger before he squares his shoulders, holds himself tall, and walks towards the open doors.
Just as he's about to step outside, he pauses at the entrance and looking straight ahead of him says," Trust me, Lina, you'll end up regretting his."
His words shock me unlike anything else.It almost alsounded like a threat but maybe it was all just my imagination?
I watch his back as he walks away, feeling a myriad of emotion-sadness, shame, regret, guilt with just a little fear.
After a moment I close the door and lean against it for support, a new favorite habit of mine.
I bite my lips as the tears silently roll from my cheeks. The pain in my chest isn't the worst I've ever felt but it still fucking hurts. I may not have loved Miles but losing him is still hard. And I didn't just lose him, I did it while hurting him in the process.
A sob bursts from my mouth.
I hope he finds someone who loves him. Someone who appreciates and cherishes him.
I now sob freely and start to wonder if pain like this is going to be a normal feeling. Is Miles right? Am I really going to regret getting back together with Bruno? I mean, I didn't know if I meant that at the time but it does feel like this is where this is going. Anyway if I do, will I regret it?
Don't think about it Lina, I tell myself. That's enough for one day. You'll make your brain explode if you dwell too much on this...this... whatever this is.
It's time to do something else and keep busy, like cleaning maybe.
When was the last time I gave this place a good clean anyway?
Uhmm...
Maybe three days ago.
God, Lina, I think to myself.
I have been busy, I say in defense of myself.
Smiling slightly, I wipe my tears and push back from the door with every intention of cleaning up three days worth of dirt.
I've only taken a step when my phone vibrates in my pocket. I frown. I don't have to look at it to know who's trying to reach me. Unfortunately for him, I need some me time so I'm not going to answer it. To make sure he gets the message though, I reach for my phone inside my pocket and turn it off without looking at it.
There.
Now it's time to bring some peace into the chaos and maybe distract myself from it a while.
It's still not over.