I was right about this date, things are going horribly. Everyone can understand Ice Cube but me and it's pissing me off. Plus the girl just touched my hair. I can't be too mad since she's not from my world but you're never supposed to touch a person's hair. That type of stuff causes fights. Then there's Will's dense ass. This boy keeps getting opportunities to pull a move on Remi yet he doesn't.
He fell onto her, stared for like a minute but then got up. Come on man you've seen romance movies before, you know what you could've done! It sucks being the only non oblivious person here. It's not all bad.
The food isn't terrible, though there's a bit more cheese than I'd like. Adam and Nerva are here so things aren't as awkward as they could be. But Adam did pull that prank on Remi which is messed up.
The restaurant itself is more fancy than I expected. Everything looks like it's made out of gold. The seats also have nice cushions so sitting isn't a pain. Doesn't stop the emotional pain I feel from being here right now. At least my pain is only emotional, for Adam it's been physical.
The boy looks like he ate too much and is about to enter a food coma whereas Nerva looks like she's nowhere close to stopping. She's been eating non-stop this whole time so she must have a bottomless stomach. If I had to guess Remi is having the worst time out of all of us. She's been complaining about the water and it looks like she's finally had enough.
"Why is this water so nasty? Guys, does any of your water taste funny?" Remi asks the whole table.
"Mine tastes fine," Will answers.
"Yeah mine just tastes like water," I say.
"Ughhhh so...much ...cheese," Adam replies with his head on the table.
He probably hasn't even heard the question.
"I didn't order water. I got some dope-ass soda. Want some?" Nerva answers, offering Remi her glass.
"I'll pass. What about you Anastasia?" Remi rejects, turning towards Ice Cube.
"...." Ice Cube says.
"Oh I forgot, you ordered tea. Well something is amiss and I'm gonna figure it out. Waiter!" Remi summons the waiter who kinda reminds me of Lilith. She looks just like her. That's not me being insensitive is it?
"Yes ma'am, what can I get you? Would you like some more water?" she asks.
Before she could answer, the waiter pours more into her cup.
"No stop! Listen, I have to know, is something wrong with the water here? Why is it so nasty?" Remi questions.
"I'm not sure what you mean ma'am. But if you do not like it, I'll be more than happy to get you something else."
"Alright, fine, just give me a soda."
The waiter nods and after a few minutes comes back with a glass of some greenish liquid and it looks nothing like what Nerva has. The waiter sets it in front of Remi and she immediately jumps back.
"What the hell is that!" Remi angrily asks.
"It's soda, ma'am. Go ahead and drink it. Right now. This instant," the waiter insists.
"I'm pretty sure that's urine! What is wrong with this place?" Remi yells.
"I assure you it's not urine. It's. . . lime. Lime soda. Very good. It's foreign that's why it smells weird. Now drink it."
"Foreign huh? Where's it from?" Remi inquires.
"Ughh the...Elven confederacy?" the waiter answers like she's unsure.
For some reason I swear I heard someone facepalm after she said that.
"Oh really? Well in case you haven't noticed I'm an elf and I've never seen a drink like this growing up."
"I don't see race ma'am. It's...from…..Elvenburg."
"Elvenburg? That makes no sense. That's like calling a place Humantown. Where's that at?"
"It's south west north...of the capital. Where the rich elves do rich things. Now please drink."
"I'm not drinking this."
"Oooh then I'll drink it!" Nerva interjects.
We all look at Nerva with concerned looks.
"Ugh sure?" Remi warily answers, handing her the glass.
Nerva's about to drink it when it looks like her chair's been kicked back and she drops the glass, shattering it.
"Oh what the fuck?" Nerva says.
"I am so sorry ma'am. How about I'll get you another drink and bring you all your next course ok? I'll be right back," the waiter says walking off.
"Will I think this place is out to get me," Remi says once the waiter is out of sight.
"Ah yes there is obviously a grand conspiracy to ruin this dinner," Will agrees sarcastically.
"Shut up, I'm being serious. Just think about it, that waiter has done way too many things for it to be a coincidence."
"I think you're overthinking it. Maybe she's new at her job, so cut her some slack."
"Ok but if it turns out something is up I'm so saying I told you so," Remi replies.
Well that was a whole lot of stuff. Now I need to use the restroom. Maybe there's a window I can sneak out of. I could abandon this whole thing right now so I can go back to the tower and read.
"Ugh excuse me I must partake in the emptying of my..urinary tract," I say with a fake aristocratic accent.
"Ah then go right ahead good sir. May your journey prove fruitful," Will says with his own fancy accent.
"Good luck sir Quincy esquire," Remi joins in.
"..." Ice Cube says.
Apparently she just said something hilarious because everyone started laughing excluding Adam and Nerva. Adam looks like he fell asleep due to eating so much and Nerva is slow on picking up things. The poor girl still can't read the room.
"Wait, where are you going? You gotta take a piss?" Nerva asks.
"Yep," I say as I leave to use the restroom.
"Could have just said that," I hear Nerva grumble as I get out of earshot.
I find the bathroom as gold as the rest of the place. Even the urinals are golden. I feel like there's a metaphor or some imagery there but I'm too lazy to figure it out. After relieving myself, I wash my hands at the sink when something bursts out of the stall behind me. I turn around to see that it's Luther. Should I be happy or concerned? Who am I kidding? I'm definitely happy. I'm not even going to ask what he was doing there.
"My friend! How goes the date?" Luther asks.
"I don't think it's going well," I admit.
"Why not?" Luther asks in the most concerned voice I ever heard from him.
"Well to be honest Luther, we've been having communication issues."
"How so my friend? Anastasia is a great conversationalist. She can go on for hours about the issues of the day. I remember plenty of times in which she would discuss the policies of Lord Borin or criticize the job Marcus is doing as Emperor. Other times she would love to tell me about the works of literature she has read, especially poetry for she is a fan of my work."
Literally none of this was brought up. The girl just sat there, staring at me with her unblinking eyes, then touched my hair once. Wait what was that last part?
"Wait, Luther, you write poetry?" I say getting distracted by this new piece of information.
"Why of course! A true gentleman partakes in the beauty that is poetry. It is also a very effective way of getting fair maidens, one of the most successful if I do say so myself," Luther explains.
"Can I have some copies of it?" I ask.
"Later, my friend. But for now, tell me what exactly have you and Anastasia talked about."
Ice Cube and I haven't talked about anything. Come to think of it, I don't even think I talked to her since entering the restaurant. I focused mostly on eating my food and looking at how dense Will is. I feel like an a-hole now for not even trying to talk to her. But hey it's not all my fault, because the girl doesn't talk!
"I haven't said anything to her. I haven't even had eye contact with her. She got that aye-aye face going on so it's hard to look at her directly," I reveal.
"My friend," Luther begins, putting his hand on my shoulder.
Oh no I don't like where this is going. I know what he's about to say.
"You haven't even tried to have a good date. Imagine how poor Anastasia must feel, a fair maiden being ignored by her date. My friend, I…"
"Don't say it Luther please."
"...am"
"No! Stop! Please don't!"
"...disappointed in you."
"Nooooo! I'm sorry! I'm gonna fix this right now!"
"Good my friend. I'll be watching from the shadows," Luther says as he goes back into the bathroom stall.
Wait where's he going? I hear the toilet flush and open the door to see if he's there. The stall is empty. Did Luther just flush himself down the toilet? Doesn't matter. I have disappointed Luther, been a jerk to Ice Cube, and haven't finished my food. I have to fix everything.
After taking a deep breath, I rush out of the restroom, accidentally knocking someone. I speed my way back to the table to hear everyone having a weird conversation.
"There's no way you can take on 200 five year olds Will. They would swarm you immediately and you'd lose," Remi claims.
"I disagree. If I open up enough portals and we're assuming that we're fighting to the death, then I can send them all to the arctic or something," Will argues.
"Nah no way. You're just trying to sound tough. You'd lose badly against 200 armed five year olds," Remi retorts.
"Well fine then how many can you take on?" Will asks in return.
"300 at the least," Remi says with a smirk.
"Nah," is all Will says.
"Oh come on you need at least an argument you can't just say 'nah'," Remi says annoyed
"Nah," Will says again.
"Y'all both pussies." Nerva points out.
"Oh, are we? How many can you take on?" Remi questions.
"All of them," Nerva answers.
I have no idea what I just walked into. Why are we fighting five year olds? Like I'm down but when's this happening? Wait, I think this might be a hypothetical. I have to see where this conversation goes.
"I can see it happening," Will admits.
"I don't. What makes you so confident?" Remi inquires.
"Cause I already fought five year olds back when I was five. When I was back in my first elementary I got into a fight with some asshole who stole my crayon so I knocked him out. Then some of his bitch friends got involved so I had to knock them out too. Then I was like fuck it, punch everybody. I hate learning anyway, so I fought all the five year olds in my school, teachers too. Sis saw the whole thing because she attended the same school at the time. Right, sis? It was fucking awesome!" Nerva brags.
"..." Ice Cube states.
"Oh, you were always a party pooper," Nerva mutters.
"That story doesn't surprise me in the slightest," Remi says.
"Those poor five year olds. What about you Quincy? How many armed five year olds do you think you can take on?" Will asks.
Wait, I don't have time to answer. I have to focus on Ice Cube, for Luther's sake.
"No time! I gotta do this first. Ice Cube! I'm gonna communicate with you!" I reply, turning to her
"Who?" Remi and Will ask.
"My sis. It's his nickname for her. I don't think she likes it. I tried to call her that but she got pissed," Nerva explains.
"..." Ice Cube shoots back.
"The fuck you mean it's ok for him to call you that but not me?" Nerva questions.
"...." Ice Cube elaborates.
"You're weird. I think I am right about that mind control" Nerva mutters.
I forgot about that whole mind control thing Ice Cube is probably under, but I can't focus on that right now. I gotta make Luther proud.
"So ugh...I heard you like talking about literature...wanna tell me about ...it?" I ask.
Her eyes somehow get even bigger upon hearing this. I have no idea if I'm making progress or not.
"...." she says.
"...Yeah I like that book too. I'm more of a history guy myself. Have you read Emperor Marcus's autobiography?"
She scoots closer to me. I don't know what this means. I wish Nerva could help but she's still eating food. Remi and Will are talking about something but I don't know what. Am I doing Luther proud right now? I don't think this is working but I tried.
"Can you look somewhere else now?" I ask.
She doesn't. She keeps staring. That's it, I'm ending this. To make her stop looking at me I put a napkin over her head. She leaves it on. How far can I go with this? I put more napkins on her head. Then more. Then more after that. By the time I finished there are about a dozen napkins on her head. Ice Cube looks like a ghost now.
"Ugh Quincy what are you doing?" Remi asks.
"Ice Cube kept staring at me and acting weird so I put a bunch of napkins on her head to make her stop. I think she's ok," I state.
"Wow Quincy," Will says in an insulting tone.
"Wow what? I did the natural thing...ugh fine I'll take the napkins off," I begrudgingly say.
I take napkins off but she is still staring at me like I never put them on her. I don't know what to do now. I want to bond with Ice Cube but her doing whatever this is isn't helping. I'm about to give up entirely when weird stuff starts to happen on Will's end.
"So nothing is more lewd to you than hand holding?" Remi asks.
"Yes, how many times do I have to tell you this? Hand holding is the most lewd thing two people can do," Will restates.
"Ok," Remi says with a smirk.
She puts her hand over Will's. Oh my god!
"Ah!" Will screams.
"Holy sweet mother of Jesus!" I yell out.
"God damn,Remi, you a hoe," Nerva charges with a bunch of food in her mouth
"...." Ice Cube adds.
Our table flips over revealing Nazuko looking really pissed. You'd think I'd be surprised but I'm not, makes perfect sense.
"Remi! I didn't think you'd go this far you slut!" Nazuko yells.
Our waitress shrieks. I bet she didn't expect to see such a lewd act while working today.
"I knew something was up! I told you Will! Nazuko was trying to ruin this dinner!!" Remi yells while still holding onto Will's hand.
"That's right! Good thing I did, so I can stop this degeneracy! It's time for plan Z: big bomb!" Nazuko screams.
She takes out a bomb, ignites it, then runs her way out of the restaurant with our waiter. Wait, I should probably run too. But the next thing I know everything explodes. I open my eyes and see the whole restaurant is basically gone, only charred remains are left. I think we're in a crater now. I realize Ice Cube is in my arms.
Wait, did I just shield her from the blast? When did I do that? Why did I do that? Ice Cube stares at me with her giant eyes. They're bigger than ever before. She's just as surprised as I am. I quickly drop her, making her plop to the ground.
She gets up, seemingly undisturbed. I have no time to be scared by Ice Cube. I gotta see what happened to everybody else. No one appears dead so that's good. All of the other patrons look knocked out.
Will and Remi get up and it seems Will protected her. Good for him man, unlike what I did with Ice Cube that can be seen as romantic. Wait, I forgot Will is too dense to notice, unlike me who is not dense about anything. Remi has this real deadpan look on her face like she's done with everything.
"That's it. We're going to the tavern. I need a drink," Remi says walking away from all this.
"Wait, I'm going too?" Will asks.
"Yep."
"Do I have a say in the matter?"
"Nope you're coming let's go," Remi says, dragging him along with her.
"Ugh bye Will," I say to him as he gets dragged off into the distance.
"Quincy save me, I'm scared," he pleads.
"Nah."
Will's gonna be fine, I think. He's gonna have to be on the lookout for that hand holding. What happened to Nerva and Adam? I was about to look for them but Ice Cube pokes me on the shoulder and points me to where they are. They flew further than the rest of us. Nerva is up and about but Adam is still knocked out. I think he was still in his cheese coma so he probably has no idea what happened. Ice Cube runs up to her sister.
"I'm fine, I'm fine stop asking. Huh? Oh yeah I took this bitch and propelled us back with my fire before the bomb went off. I'm proud of Nazuko, that was a dope ass bomb," Nerva explains.
I don't know what Ice Cube said but I can piece together that she asked Nerva how she felt and why they flew so far back. Does that mean Nerva protected Adam? That doesn't sound right. Oh well I don't care enough to find out more. Adam afterwards wakes up.
"Ugh so much cheese. Wait huh!? What just happened? Where did the restaurant go?" Adam asks, realizing his surroundings.
"Nazuko was under our table the whole time then blew up everything," I explain.
"Now I'm even more confused," Adam replies.
"..." Ice Cube further elaborates.
"Oh ok now I get it."
Me not understanding Ice Cube is still pissing me off. I need to get out of here. I'm pretty sure that the date is concluded once everything explodes.
"Well since everything exploded, I'm done. I'm gonna go to the bookstore to get myself a new book, head back to the tower and call it a night," I announce.
"Well, fuck. What am I gonna do now?" Nerva asks aloud.
"What do you mean?" Adam asks.
"I'm still hungry," Nerva complains.
" I think there's food back at the tower," Adam proposes.
"Fuck I guess, feels like a downgrade though. What about you sis where you goin?"
"...." Ice Cube answers.
"Ah so you gotta report back to Luther so you're coming with me," Nerva states.
Before she starts making her way back to the tower, she abruptly pulls me to the side.
"Psst my sis is definitely under mind control. She acted way too damn weird during that dinner," Nerva tells me.
"I know right? It freaked me out. What do we do?" I ponder.
"I need to figure out more of the specifics, so I'm going to keep an eye on my sis tonight. Gotta do more of that ugh.. What's that shit where you get like info?"
"Research?" Adam answers.
Wait, when did he get into our huddle?
"Yeah that shit. I'm gonna do that science shit and figure out how to free my sis from mind control."
"I really don't think that's the case," Adam asserts.
"No Adam, it makes perfect sense. I can think of no other explanation besides that really stupid one you gave earlier," I claim.
"I think I know when my own sis is acting weird. Right sis?" Nerva asks Ice Cube who has also joined our huddle.
Nerva's face changes as she realizes what that means.
"..Oh fuck." Nerva curses.
".........." Ice Cube angrily says, looking at her sister.
"Yeah I thought you were under mind control because you are."
"...."
"What do you mean, why did I ever think that? Cause you been acting weird. You never wanted to go on a date before."
"...."
"We both know that it being a favor doesn't explain shit. Doesn't explain why you were acting like you wanted to go. The sis I know fought tooth and nail to not go on dates. Then during the date itself you acted weird," Nerva asserts.
"...."
"What do you mean I wouldn't understand?"
"..."
"Well now I'm more certain than ever."
"Anastasia, I'm so sorry about this. They're not smart when it comes to these things," Adam interjects.
Did Adam just insult me? How dare he. I can't stand this anymore. I'm getting out of here now.
"Look guys I'm gonna get going. Ice Cube, I hope you get over your mind control. Sorry for the awful dinner, let's never do it again. I'm out," I say as I depart.
"Ugh bye Anastasia, it was fun talking to you. Bye Nerva," Adam says as he begins to follow me.
"Bitch just get outta here," Nerva says.
As Adam catches up to me I hear Nerva and Ice Cube keep arguing. Well just Nerva but I'm sure Ice Cube is saying stuff in return.
"Hey Quincy isn't this great, you and I are going to hang out. In a setting where we're not fighting. I'm glad I have to get something from the bookstore too," Adam says jovially, walking by my side.
"You sure you couldn't just go on your own like tomorrow or something?"
"I don't know where the bookstore is."
"Ugh fine. Just don't be annoying."
"But I never try to be annoying."
"Bro how are you already failing? God damnit Adam we just started too. That's it, I'm jogging there," I say as I start to increase my pace.
"Wait Quincy no wait up for me please! I don't wanna lose you and get lost. Quincy, come back!" he calls out as he struggles to keep up.
Adam sticking with me is going to be a pain. In fact this whole day has been painful. I can't wait until it ends. At least Will's having fun at a bar.