"Um before we begin ...why is the tavern on fire?" the informant asks.
My whole group glances at the burning tavern. It kinda smells like a barbeque now.
"It was like this when we got here," Warren deadpans.
"I don't believe you at all. You burnt down the tavern didn't you? I swear you government people just have to ruin everything we peasants enjoy! I swear if it wasn't for what I know I would be attacking you all right now! The government always-"
"I don't have time for this. Quincy," Warren states.
"Yeah I got it," I say as I go over to the informant.
I give him a quick jab to the face, knocking him out.
"Ah! What are you guys doing?! We came here to help this man!" Adam cries in shock.
Adam is kind of right. When he gave his whole speech about us needing to help this informant I felt bad and wanted to help but I can already tell this informant isn't the sympathetic figure I thought he was. The guy barely said anything and I already got annoyed.
"Look, I didn't hit him hard, ok? It was like a tap. If Nerva did it the guy would probably be dead," I justify.
"That's true shit," Nerva concurs.
"We don't have time for him to harangue us. Nerva, go ahead and put the informant in the back of the car. We'll take him to a secure location. Pretty sure the guards will be swarming this place soon," Warren orders.
Nerva grabs the informant by the legs and starts to drag him to the car, singing a tune.
"Gonna put a motherfucka inna' car. Gonna put a motherfuka' inna' car oh yea. . ." she sings to herself.
"W-Warren what are you going to do to him?" Adam questions as we get in Warren's car.
"Make him tell us everything he knows about the slaves," Warren says.
". . . Just don't hurt him, ok? We came here to do good," Adam argues.
"Eh, you can just heal him," I point out.
"I don't wanna have to though. A-are we even going to give him the money?" Adam replies.
"Depends on his answers," Warren declares as he turns the key in the ignition.
Nerva joins us in the car. Once Warren begins to drive her face scrunches up and closes her nostrils.
"Ugh what the fuck smells like shit?" she ponders aloud.
"That'd be Adam," I answer, turning around to point at him.
"H-hey it's not just me. It's you too. You were in the sewer water as well. Actually more so." Adam shoots back.
"Why were y'all in the sewer?" Nerva inquires.
"We had to beat up a guy. Used electricity so the only way to make his power go away was to use water. So we beat him in the sewer. He's probably drowning in feces right now," I inform.
"Well, shit, you guys had the cooler fight. Warren and I just dealt with some mind bitch."
"A-a what?" Adam asks, confused.
"You know, mind bitch. Bitch fought us doing some psychological shit. Made you want to sleep forever or something right Warren?" Nerva queries.
"Don't wanna talk about it."
Guess Warren saw some things he didn't want to see. I would probe for more information but I have a feeling he won't ever talk about it.
"Oh you guys should know, I-I contributed to the fight. I didn't pass out due to fear. I helped," Adam tells everyone with a huge grin on his face.
"Really now?" Warren says, sounding pretty surprised.
"About fucking time. After all that training we did, you better have," Nerva adds.
"As much as I don't want to admit it, it's true. He made a good distraction by getting electrified a bunch of times," I state.
"Hey I did more than just that. I protected you," Adam asserts.
Ew. Is that what happened? Oh god that did happen. I was protected by Adam. That doesn't sound right, like nature broke. I have to make sure that never happens again.
"That explains why the side of your shit looks like burnt toast," Nerva declares, poking the side of Adam's head.
He reels back in pain.
"Ow! It still stings so please don't do that," Adam discloses.
"Heh," Nerva laughs.
She's now trying to poke him again and again in the head. Adam puts up his arms in defense.
"No Nerva stop please!" he begs.
"Hehehehehehehe," she chuckles, trying to get past his defenses to keep poking.
"Honey, the kids are fighting," I joke to Warren.
"Kids, stop it or you won't be getting your allowances," Warren says going along with the joke.
"This isn't funny! Warren, make her stop please! Her arms are small, they keep getting through. Ow!" Adam yelps.
"Hah got ya!" Nerva exclaims in delight.
Everyone laughs except Adam who is just sad and defeated.
"Ok ok that's enough. We're here. Time to get to work." Warren orders as the car stops, quickly becoming serious again.
It was nice while it lasted. I look out the window to realize that we're in the middle of the woods. I didn't even notice, I was too busy watching Nerva poke Adam to death. We exit the car. "Damn. Should have brought rope," Warren grumbles to himself.
"What did you want to do? Tie him up to a tree?" I ask.
"Something like that. I wanted to tie him upside down. Tell him that if he doesn't cooperate we'd leave him there, letting the blood get to his brain," Warren elaborates.
"What no! That sounds like torture. We are not going to torture this man," Adam contends.
"That's not torture. That's just letting nature do its thing. If we wanted to torture we could just let Nerva burn his face," I argue.
"I could do a lot worse. I'm going easy on him," Warren adjoins.
While we've been talking Nerva's been taking the informant out the trunk and dragging him to a nearby tree.
"So what the fuck we doing?" Nerva asks us.
"How about we do what we should have done from the beginning? We'll be nice, he tells us everything, we give him the money, then we leave," Adam proposes.
"That sounds boring as shit," Nerva comments.
Warren sighs and says "Ok we'll try it. Nerva, wake him up."
Nerva puts the guy up against the tree so he's sitting upright against the trunk. She slaps him across the face.
"AH! What happened! Where am I?" the informant asks in quick succession.
The man's hood is removed. He is a scrawny man with a black buzz cut. He has a really pointy nose and thin cheek bones making him kind of look like a bird. He looks left and right still trying to figure out where he is. We gesture to Adam since he wanted to do the nice approach. He picks up on it.
"Um hi, sorry about the whole knocking you out thing. That wasn't my idea. We're not going to hurt you (again). We just want to know what you know and we'll give you the money. After that you'll never see us again I promise," Adam claims.
"Why did you knock me out!?" the informant asks, ignoring Adam.
"You were being annoying. None of us are here to hear your ramble about your problems with the government. Come to think of it, why did you turn traitor anyway?" I question.
"When I first joined the rebellion I thought we were doing something worth fighting for. We would destroy the government and replace it with a just one. One that doesn't let its people starve or have all the wealth be in the hands of the nobility. We all would have lived better lives," The informant tells us.
"Get to the point," Warren commands.
"Look, the whole rebellion is a friggin' sham. The Man of Stone rallied us not because he wanted to help us peasants, but to serve some demon worshiper cult or something. I overheard when he visited our camp a few months back talking to Bartrem about it. I think he wants to save his own hide when the demon wave comes and wants to sacrifice all of us for it. I don't know what the end goal is but I'm not sticking around to find out. I'm getting out of here; maybe go live with the elves," The informant explains.
"I don't care about any of that. I only want to know one thing. Where are the slaves held?" Warren asks, inching closer to the informant.
"I-I don't know that. I know everything else though, positions, future attacks, etc. I even know the exact time, date, and location of where the ghoul meeting is happening so if-"
"I just told you I don't care about any of that. I asked you where the slaves are. If you don't tell me you're going to get hurt for making my group go through a lot of bullshit to find you," Warren threatens.
"L-look like I said I don't know, but I'm sure Bartrem knows and I can tell you where you can find him. That ghoul meeting, it's happening next Wednesday. It'll be at the Infinite Morass Swamp, the largest swamp in Ayana. It's happening at 7:00am. If you get Bartrem I'm sure he'll tell you where the slaves are. Just make sure you guys bring a lot of people, ghouls are dangerous," the informant expounds.
"That's good enough for you Warren?" I ask.
"No. We'll be taking half the money," Warren declares.
"W-wait why!? I cooperated, even after you assholes knocked me out and dragged me into the middle of the woods. I have more than enough information to justify me getting everything," the informant disputes.
"You don't listen. I only care about where you guys keep your slaves. Everything else means nothing to me. You don't know how lucky you are. If it weren't for that man right there you'd be in a lot more pain," Warren says while gesturing to Adam.
"You government guys really are thugs."
"Bitch I am not no fucking government! We're the bad bitches!" Nerva interjects.
"Huh?"
"Don't worry about it, informant guy. We're done here Warren?" I question.
"Yeah. Adam, give him half the money. Everyone else go to the car," Warren orders.
"Wait, you're going to leave me here?" The informant asks in a state of disbelief.
"Yeah pretty much. Have fun walking back," I answer.
"Freaking government assholes," the informant murmurs.
Everyone gets into the car while Adam grabs the money from the bottom of the back seat and takes it to the informant. He unzips the bag and hands him half of the small brown sacks of money that were inside.
"Sorry this happened. Um, I hope you have a good fresh start," Adam says to the informant.
"Would have had a great start if I got what was promised," the informant retorts.
"Sorry about that. . . I'm gonna go now."
"Yeah, you do that."
Adam gets into the car and we're off. The journey back wasn't very interesting. Warren looked pissed most of the way back. I think it's because he didn't get as much information as he wanted. I don't think Nerva nor Adam picked up on it because they fell asleep about 10 minutes into the drive.
After driving all night we were back to the center of the Eastern Front. The sun's up pretty high in the sky yet it's not hot. I would say it's about 11:00 am. Warren parks the car right outside the tower and we get out.
There's no protesters in the streets at the moment. Good, I'm not in the mood to hear all that anyway. I probably would have started punching if they were here. We entered the tower and made our way up to the command room where we threw that Hume guy out the window. When we enter the room I hear a familiar voice.
"And remember men, to always respect women and protect the innocent, for that is the true duty of a gentleman!" the voice says.
"Yes sir!" a group of knights surrounding the table say in unison.
The knights begin to exit the room and after they all leave we see who was giving them orders. OH MY GOD IT'S LUTHER! I knew I recognized his voice.
"Luther!" I scream in excitement.
"It is I!" Luther responds.
He does a kawaii anime girl pose, putting up a peace sign with right hand and rotates it so that his eye (or where I think his eye is) is in between his two fingers and sparkles. Oh my God yes! I have missed this man!
"Oh no…" Adam says in fear.
"Fair maiden it is you! I did not expect to see you again. Now that you are here, we can embrace," Luther says.
Adam doesn't respond. He simply drops the money and sprints out of the building. This makes Nerva and I laugh really hard.
"Holy fucking shit that's hilarious! My stomach hurts!" Nerva announces.
Warren doesn't laugh. I guess he's still pissed off.
"Nerva go get Adam before he runs out of town," Warren commands.
"Ok ok I got it," Nerva replies, making her way down the stairs.
"I should have known better. She must have missed me so much, she couldn't handle seeing me again out of the blue. Such a shame," Luther laments.
I would tell him Adam's a guy but I'm pretty sure Adam told him that when they first met. I think Luther has a filter where he only hears what he wants to hear. This makes Luther the perfect being, because it makes watching him ten times funnier.
"Now, my friend, how are things?" Luther asks me.
"Things are ok. Still haven't unlocked my specialization. Had to fight a few people since the last time I saw you, like the emperor for instance," I acknowledge.
"Yes I saw the battle. You did well! An amazing attempt from one so young! A true gentlemanly attempt! Now tell me, how many girlfriends have you obtained since I've last seen you?"
"Ugh, zero."
"My word! I thought I taught you better than that! A true gentleman gets as many girlfriends as he can, for a gentleman has an infinite amount of love to give! I will do something about this later," Luther expounds.
He turns to Warren.
"I remember you my friend as well. You look different. Did you get a haircut?"
"Yeah, something like that," Warren answers.
"Hmm it is not very gentlemanly, only manly. I suggest you use more shampoo."
"Thanks, I'll keep that in mind," Warren says in a deadpan tone.
"So, Luther, why are you here?" I question.
"I am Hume's replacement, my friend! Apparently he was thrown out a window so I was sent here in his stead. I now command all the forces here on the Eastern Front," Luther explains.
Throwing Hume out the window was the best decision I've ever made.
"If you're here, will Marianne and the others be here as well?"
"I'm afraid not. My love is handling administrative business in Colonus. Ricon is conducting missions in the south. Anastasia is in the west gathering intelligence."
"Gotcha. So do you want to know what we learned from the informant?" I ask.
"Of course my friend! We must defeat that fiend Bartrem, the commander of the rebellion in this area. What have you learned?"
"We learned the time and date of that meeting Bartrem is having with some local ghouls. It's happening at Infinite Morass Swamp, 7:00am, Wednesday. I need Bartrem alive," Warren informs.
"Hmmm, I agree. That fiend has plenty of information that could be used to help put down this rebellion," Luther concurs.
"Oh and we learned that the whole rebellion is just a sham so that the Man of Stone could get into the good graces of demons," I add.
"Hmmm! I knew he had ulterior motives. How devilish. If we can get evidence of this the whole rebellion would collapse. Thank you for your help my friends! Now we just wait for the first hero to arrive. I hope he has succeeded in his quest, " Luther tells us.
Where is Will anyway? He better not be dead, that would suck. As soon as I thought about him I heard a commotion happening outside. We look out one of the nearby windows to see Will's party plus some people I haven't seen before in a weird confrontation with Nerva and Adam. It seems a weird guy wearing nothing but pants is causing the ruckus.
"Your pants disgust me! They will not be worn in my presence!" the man bellows..
"N-no! Give me my pants back" Adam barks.
Oh he has no pants on. Thank God he's wearing boxer shorts underneath. Ew why am I seeing Adam with no pants? Nerva meanwhile laughs her ass off in the back.
"Nerva help me!" Adam begs.
"This is fucking priceless!" Nerva replies.
"Manchester, give the boy his pants back!" some girl who looks like a ghost orders.
"I cannot! You know me Elisa! I cannot let such poorly made pants be worn by anybody!" the pants man shoots back.
Will's party seems tired and apathetic to the whole thing. Nazuko is talking to Nerva (by that I mean trying to make her stop laughing), Remi is ignoring everything and is making her way into the tower, Lilith and Azura are carrying an unconscious Ryder, and Will is talking to some other girl I don't know. Suddenly Luther decides to get involved.
"Wait a minute! I know that fine gentleman! Manchester, it is I!" Luther yells down to them.
Luther jumps out the window, landing between Adam and Manchester. Dang I forgot how strong Luther is. I'm not jumping out the window so I guess I'm taking the stairs.
"Warren you coming with?" I ask as I move to the door.
"No, I'm not dealing with this. I'm staying here."
I shrug my shoulders and when I open the door I find Remi.
"Hey Remi," I greet.
"Hey Quincy, hey Warren," Remi addresses.
"Hey Remi," Warren says, leaning back in a chair.
"So ugh what's exactly happening down there?" I question.
"Well those are the spies down there. They're a bit eccentric. One is obsessed with pants. Mission was a complete success all thanks to me. Totally did not have to take my pants off," Remi explains.
Warren and I look at her with confused looks. I don't want her to elaborate on why she said that so I'm going to ignore it.
"Ok cool" I say, scooting by her to head downstairs.
I still hear yelling outside. I exit the tower to witness Luther and Manchester giving each other a manly handshake. Oh God you can feel the testosterone in the air.
"Luther! I see you are still a man with good pants," Manchester compliments.
"Of course my friend! Pantliness is next to godliness. Well made pants are an essential part of a gentleman's attire! " Luther responds.
Wait, Luther is wearing armor. Are those pants? Whatever. I make my way over to Will.
"Oh hey Will," I greet.
"Oh hey Quincy. Scylla, this is the second hero I told you about," Will says to the woman next to him
"From what you told me, I expected him to have a book in his hands," Scylla states.
"Nah the book is in my back pocket," I mention, taking out a book to show them.
"So what happened on your adventure Will?" I ask.
"Have you ever gone through something so stupid that you want to forget it ever happened?" Will asks me.
I get Kevin flashbacks. Will must have gone through something really stupid. I sympathize.
"Say no more. I completely understand."
Luther joins us.
"Ah Scylla! I see you are as well endowed as ever," Luther cajoles, I think gazing at her body but it's hard to tell because, you know, helmet.
"Oh no. I was hoping you wouldn't notice me," Scylla replies.
"How could I not notice such a fine lady!?"
"Thanks for the compliment but stay away from me. Why are you even here?"
"I am in charge!" Luther brags, doing another kawaii anime pose.
Luther you are precious.
"Oh gods and goddesses I have to take orders from you. You better not do anything freaky Luther, I know the stories," Scylla warns.
"My friend, pay her no mind. Her pants may be good, but I have seen women with much better pants. But if you want I can take her pants off for you," Manchester adds while holding Adam off to prevent him from getting his pants back.
"You better not. If you do, I'm burning all of the pants in your collection," Scylla threatens.
Manchester gasps in fear then says,
"You can be such a brute sometimes, Scylla."
"Do not worry my friend. I do not want her pants. I want what's underneath!" Luther exclaims.
"Oh brother," Sylla says.
The ghost girl walks up to Luther.
"You said you're in charge right? I got good intel from our mission, let's head into the tower. I'll tell you everything I learned," the ghost girl proposes.
"Very well! Everyone to the tower!" Luther orders while pointing at the structure in a flamboyant fashion.
Will and I exchange confused glances. We both don't know how to react to all this. As everyone makes their way into the tower Manchester relents and throws Adam his pants back. As we make our way inside Will and I stay in the back of the group.
"Who's that funny looking knight guy?" Will questions.
"That's Luther. He's in Marianne's squad. You will respect him, you hear?" I state.
"Yeah ok," Will responds nonchalantly.
I feel like we got a group of insane people together. I think this debriefing from the ghost girl will get real stupid real fast if everything that happened outside was any indication.