As we made our way through the swamp I realized two things. One, this place smells awful. I didn't expect this place to smell like rainbows but god damn. This is what I get for never going to a swamp before; all the smells hit you at once. My body isn't adjusted. Now if I was from Florida I would have been right at home but that's not the case.
The second thing I realized is that everything is freaking wet. We're trying our hardest to stay on the paths that aren't submerged in swamp water but even still the ground is all mushy.
"Aw man my socks are wet," Adam whines behind me.
I think the ground he was walking on submerged in the water due to his weight.
"Fuck all this shit! Let me burn this whole shit down!" Nerva yells.
She's in the same situation Adam's in, but since she's so short the water goes up to her hips while the water only goes up to Adam's lower thighs.
"My friends, we must remain quiet. We are the hunt for dastardly villains. My fair maiden let me carry you," Luther offers Adam.
"For the 20th time, I'm a man," Adam states.
I try to see if Luther comprehends what Adam just said. I don't think it worked. He goes over to Adam and picks him up princess style. Luther, I hope you never change.
"Warren, can I propel myself with my fire so I can avoid this swamp shit?" Nerva asks, groaning.
Warren's been looking ahead of us this whole time, ignoring all the stupidity that was happening behind him.
"You already know the answer to that," he answers without turning.
He's in serious mode right now. Well, more serious than usual.
"Yeah yeah don't wanna give our position away and shit," Nerva grumbles.
"By the way, Luther, can you please put the fair maiden down? I got an idea," Warren says.
"Hmm I am not comfortable with a fair maiden being in discomfort, but very well," Luther relents, putting Adam down.
I've been wondering why Luther hasn't been treating Nerva the same as Adam. Maybe his instincts tell him that if he tries anything Nerva would burn down the entire surrounding area.
"Adam, put Nerva on your shoulders. We can't have her struggling to keep up due to the swamp water. These paths aren't very solid, she might sink into the water again. You're tall enough so that it won't be as much of an issue," Warren orders.
"B-but why do I have to do it? Why can't Luther or Quincy do it?" Adam questions.
"My fair maiden, my helmet is simply too large. The young lady's body wouldn't fit on my shoulders," Luther explains.
"Don't even act like I'm an option," I angrily point out.
Adam should know how things work by now, he does all the back breaking labor, and I don't. This boy, I swear. Nerva gets next to Adam and he reluctantly bends down so she can get on. She does so and it's a hilarious image. Adam looks like a father who has put his daughter on his shoulders so she can see what's happening onstage at a concert.
"Alright now don't you think of any perverted shit now," Nerva says.
"T-that's the last thing on my mind."
Nerv smacks him on the head.
"Ow! Hey! I just said I wouldn't!" Adam complains.
"You fucking lied, I can tell! Now I'm gonna give you five seconds to get that shit outta your head" Nerva declares.
An awkward silent five seconds pass before she starts smacking both sides of his head making him wobble left and right.
"Ow stop it Nerva! I'm not doing anything! Warren, save me!" Adam begs.
I start laughing uncontrollably. This is the funniest thing I've seen all day.
"Shhh! We have to be quiet remember? Nerva stop hitting Adam. Adam, stop having perverted thoughts let's go," Warren commands.
"But I didn't--Ow!" Adam says but is interrupted by another smack to the head.
With all that out of the way we are back to walking our way through the swamp. The more I look at this place the more I don't like it. The trees are extremely skinny as if they're starving to death. The leaves are also thin, like this place has been poisoned.
The strangest part is that I haven't seen any animals. I've seen insects like flies but not gators, birds or anything I thought I'd see in a swamp. We haven't seen any people either. We came here to ambush Bartrem before he gets to the meeting but that plan is failing horribly since we can't find him.
That's when we discover an outpost. It's a small hut where four men armed with swords are huddled around a fire that's no longer lit. I don't think they are people though. Their eyes are inhuman, giving me the creeps.
Instead of their scleras being white they're black with red pupils and have extremely pale skin. Those must be ghouls, the infamous man-eaters that have been a scourge since man started walking on two legs. We hide behind some nearby trees to overhear what they're talking about.
"Eh that human meat last night wasn't very good was it?" one of the ghouls asks the others.
"I heard it was slave meat. They're always malnourished so that makes them sick. Makes the meat go bad. If Bartrem wanted to get into our good graces he should have given us some good stuff like noble meat since they're trying to take over the government or whatever it is they're doing," another ghoul answers.
Oh no they just referenced slaves. I check the tree Warren was hiding behind and yep he's gone. Warren is standing in the middle of the ghouls.
"What the f-"
Warren cuts the ghoul's head clean off.
The others try to equip their weapons but Warren quickly slices each of them in quick succession.
"Hey what's all the hubbub out here I'm tryna-" a ghouls says coming out the hut but is immediately kicked by Warren back into it.
Warren slowly walks into the hut and I hear the ghoul scream.
"Well I guess we can stop hiding now," I comment as I walk my way towards the hut.
"Your friend is quite skilled but I believe there is pain in his heart. I could tell by the way he fights," Luther remarks.
"Yeah ever since you saved us from those slavers he's been like this. He's on a mission to save his friends who were sold to the rebels before you arrived. That's why he wants to find Bartrem so badly, to get information of their whereabouts," I explain.
"What a sad tale. Surely he must know that the chances of them alive are small. These rascals use slaves for a number of things. I heard they use them as target practice for their soldiers, and other horrible things I dare not name."
"I'm not surprised. I'm also sure Warren knows all of that. But there's a chance, and as long as that chance exists he's going to do whatever it takes. I hope the knights weren't hoping to interrogate Bartrem without hurting him. Because Warren is going to, I'll tell you right now. He'll probably do it as soon as we defeat him," I predict.
"Hmm a gentleman has limits about what is allowable and what is not. For your friend I may be more lenient than I am with Elisa or Ricon. Just remember my friend, your ally is in pain. A true gentleman is always there for his friends when they are going through rough times," Luther says when we arrive in front of the hut.
Luther can be quite philosophical when he wants to be. Beneath all of his perversion of women, his inability to hear things for some reason, and his tendency to jump out windows, lies a smart man.
The ghoul continues screaming, making me hesitant to enter the hut out of fear of what I'd see. Nerva and Adam arrive just after Luther and I do. It took them longer because Adam is weighed down by Nerva in addition to being hit in the head the entire time. I could tell because Adam kept saying "ow". The screaming stops and Warren comes out with blood spots all over his outfit.
"Turns out Bartem left earlier than we expected. He's about to reach the meeting site. Let's go." Warren heads down the path.
"Ugh Warren what exactly did you do to that ghoul in there?" Adam asks, about to head inside.
Warren turns around and says "Don't go inside there. I just used persuasion. Ghouls can regenerate their body parts quickly, so I kept persuading a certain part of his body. Then I cut his head off since that's the only way to kill a ghoul. Now let's go."
"I-is that what we call torture now?" Adam questions reluctantly, following with Nerva still on his shoulders.
"Adam, you can't complain. You only made him promise not to torture Bartrem, everyone else is fair game," I argue.
I expected Luther to add something to the conversation but he disappeared. I was about to call out to him when he comes out of the hut.
"My word! That ghoul had his greatest asset removed over and over! Warren, my friend, was quite brutal. If that were not a ghoul I would be upset. I even made Elisa promise not to do that to any man back when we were planning this mission," Luther reproaches.
"Wait what he'd do?" Adam inquires.
Nerva breaks out into a fit of laughter. It's not hard to realize what a man's greatest asset is.
"Oh that's fucking hilarious! You kept cutting his dick off!" Nerva announces.
Warren, ignoring Nerva's fit of laughter says "Don't worry Luther, I'm not going to do that with Bartrem. I have different plans for him."
So he's going to treat Bartrem even worse. Warren is ruthless, that's for sure.
"That's... that's pretty extreme," Adam expresses.
"I didn't have time to play games. Had to get straight to the point. Now everyone be quiet, we're almost there."
After a few more minutes we arrive at the meeting area but don't enter it. Warren tells us to stay back a few hundred feet to lay a trap. The plan is for him to throw a flashback during the meeting and that would make Bartrem want to chase down who threw it. Bartrem and his goons would come right to us and there we would all throw our flashbangs at once. Hopefully it'll blind everyone and we can take them all out quickly.
As Warren leaves to flashbang everything, everyone else hides behind some trees that are on both sides of a path so we'll have them flanked on two sides. Nerva and Adam sit across from me, the former no longer on the latter's shoulders. Luther hides behind a tree next to me with his gut sticking out.
We take out our flashbangs and put them on the ground next to us. I have about five and I'm definitely throwing all of them. It's going to be the most painful ambush ever. They're going to get hit with 15 flashbangs in all. This is going to be great. Since we're trying to use Bartrem's PTSD against him I'm going to shout out traumatizing things.
What should I do? Confederate rebel yell which freaked the hell out of Union soldiers during the civil war? Nah. Native American war calls used during the Indian wars? Nah too racially insensitive. Oh I got it. I shall honor Texas despite never having visited the state. After I've made up my mind I spot Warren running down the path and quickly hides behind a nearby tree. He's followed by a large group of men.
"Alright men it seems we got ourselves guerillas. Stay in Vanguard formation! Watch the trees!" says the guy in the front.
He has black thief armor and only has one arm. If I had to guess I'd say that's Bartrem unless this rebellion has more than one armless thief. From our positions we wait for Warren to give the signal.
As Bartrem and his people come closer, I count eight men with him. They wear black ponchos with swords drawn. These aren't some peasants that Bartrem gave weapons to, they're trained soldiers. They stop abruptly on the path.
"Bartrem you fiend I have found you at last!" Luther exclaims, standing before them.
Oh no this wasn't part of the plan. Luther, why? I should have known he wouldn't be the type of guy to ambush people. At least it's just him exposed, the rest of us remaining hidden.
"You the one who attacked us, fat knight? Are you trying to charlie my foxtrot?" Bartrem asks.
Wait huh? That second part made no sense in either normal english or military speak.
"It is true! I am the one who has foxtroted your charlie! Now fiend, I shall give you one chance, surrender or face the consequences!" Luther threatens while posing dramatically and sparkling.
How does he keep sparkling like that? Can he teach me? Bartrem and all of his men laugh in response.
"Ha! You think we'll surrender to a fat knight like you?" one of Bartrem's men asks.
"Hmm it seems none of you know who I am. I AM IMPERIAL KNIGHT LUTHER! I HAVE 10 GIRLFRIENDS! ALL LIKE SEX!" Luther boasts.
How does he keep getting girlfriends!? He was with us the whole time! No time to think about that now though.
"Now my friends! Attack!" Luther orders.
"Take this you bitches!" Nerva yells, throwing one flashbang after the other.
"I'm sorry about this!" Adam apologizes, doing the same thing.
Warren doesn't say anything when he throws his. I, on the other hand, am channeling my inner Viet Cong.
"Remember the Alamo!" I scream, throwing my flashbangs.
The battle cry makes no sense in this context but I've always wanted to yell that.
The whole path becomes enveloped in loud bangs and screaming.
With the flashbangs going off, I stare at the ground while I throw the rest. By the sound of the screaming I can tell it's working. After we threw all the flashbangs and I made sure I didn't hear anymore go off, I leap onto the path from my hiding spot. Bartrem's men are walking about like zombies. They have their arms raised trying to find something to grab onto, calling out to each other.
Nerva, Adam, and Warren leap onto the path as well and we begin our attack. I run to a pair of soldiers, punching one in the stomach making him fly down the path. I give a jab to the other followed by a right hook to the face making him go down.
Meanwhile Nerva became a human flamethrower, shooting a stream of fire at another pair of goons. They scream in and jump into some nearby water. They emerge only for Nerva to burn them with so much fire that the water dissipates.
"Wooo I'm bad! Who's a bad bitch? I'm a bad bitch!" Nerva cheers.
I keep forgetting Nerva is a straight up pyromaniac. Adam stands behind her looking horrified. I check up on Warren.
He has his machete impaled through one goon while another charges at him, looking sluggish. Warren quickly lets go of his machete, unsheathes one of his knives and throws it at the charging man. Surprisingly the goon ducks under it and continues forward.
Warren grabs the impaled man, using him as a human shield as the other goon attacks with his sword. The attacker's sword becomes stuck in his friend's body and using that moment to his advantage, Warren takes his machete out of the first goon and quickly cuts off the head of the second.
That was easier than I expected. I took out two, Nerva burnt two to a crisp, and Warren handled two more. Wait a minute, that's only six. I'm sure I counted eight. Also where's Bartrem? Where's Luther for that matter? As soon as I think about it I feel a kick to the side of my head making me smash into a nearby tree.
I quickly get up, witnessing two soldiers attacking the rest of my party. I try to rush in to help but I feel a sharp pain in my left thigh making me kneel on the ground, clutching it. It's a large stab wound. Batrem stands before me, glowering.
"You guerillas planned a decent ambush. I was only able to prevent two of my men from being blinded but I saw it coming. Elves did the same thing to my platoon back in the war. I survived back then and I'll survive now. Already took out the big tango. You will join him shortly. I don't take P.O.Ws," Bartem tells me.
"What did you do to Luther you asshole?" I question trying to get up.
The pain is too great. I fall again.
"He's been neutralized. And you will be too."
Anger swells within me and I spring up, ignoring the pain in my leg. I attempt to punch Bartrem but he sinks into the ground as if it were water. My party's been having a tough time dealing with the two soldiers. They're a lot harder to fight when they aren't blinded by flashbangs. One of them is taking on Nerva and Adam while one is taking on Warren.
I attempt to rush over but the pain in my leg makes me limp. A soldier dodges all of Nerva's fire blasts, trying to strike her with his sword but Adam prevents him by putting up shields. The goon turns his attention to the quivering magician.
"Wait, stop! We can talk this out!" Adam begs.
The goon ignores Adam's pleas.. That's it, I gotta do something. I pick up a nearby rock (which is becoming a common strategy for me at this point) and hurl it at the guy's head. He catches it and quickly throws it right back at me.
It hits me in the forehead. It stings; it stings a lot. I feel there's a little bit of blood trickling down. Good thing my aura prevented any serious damage. It serves as a good distraction, letting Nerva shoot a fireball at the guy. He quickly rolls on the ground extinguishing the flame.
"Damn it, just burn!" Nerva curses.
The guy runs up to her and slices her. Nerva puts her arms up in defense, blocking the blow. Her forearms drip with blood. She curses, throwing another fireball. He leaps back, dodging it.
I gotta get back in the fight. Me throwing rocks isn't going to be of much help.
"Adam get your ass over here and heal me! Nerva just hold out!" I order.
"Ugh r-right," Adam says, running to me.
As he was about to reach me he started to slow down dramatically like he's been caught in quicksand.
"Oh no the ground's melting! It's really hard to move!" Adam states.
That's not what's happening but he's close. I remember now. Elisa said Bartrem can manipulate the Earth. Well this is awful.
"Throw me a potion!" I yell.
He takes one out of his pocket and throws it to me. Well, he tried. It falls about 2 feet ahead of me. Dang it Adam. I limp forward, pick it up, and consume it. The wound is still there but it's a lot smaller now and I can at least move.
I join Nerva who's been trying to hit her target but he's been dancing around her, slicing her repeatedly. Adam had put up a few shields but the guy simply went around them. As he's about to strike again I sneak up from behind, putting him in a full nelson hold.
"Now!" I yell.
Smiling, Nerva runs up and puts her hand on the goon's chest. Her hand erupts in flames, burning the man's chest. He wails in pain.
Nerva keeps driving her hand further and further into the goon until he stops. She stops short of going through his body and burning me. I release the man from the hold and he falls to the ground.
Nerva, Adam, and I immediately turn to see how Warren's been faring. He's been in a sword fight with the other goon and has quite a few scratches on him. Adam sees this and puts a shield in front of Warren. The goon's sword hits it and the shield coming out of nowhere must have surprised him as he hesitates.
Warren uses the opening to spin around the shield and slice him across the stomach. The goon holds onto his stomach in an attempt to prevent his insides from falling out. Warren slices down vertically with his machete onto the goon's head killing him instantly.
"Thanks for the help Adam," Warren says.
"Ugh yeah no problem. Now can everyone help me? I still can't move," Adam points out.
We regroup near Adam and make a circle, on the lookout for Bartrem. He hasn't attacked us for a while which is concerning. I highly doubt he killed Luther but he made him disappear and stabbed me in the leg so this guy is no push over.
Surprisingly, only Adam is stuck so maybe this guy can't manipulate the Earth as much as I thought. Must be just a very small area. Otherwise none of us should be able to move right now.
"Adam, can you not move at all?" Warren asks.
"No, not really," he replies.
"Alright let me burn the fucking ground that'll loosen you up," Nerva proposes.
"N-No that'll burn my feet," Adam mentions.
"Ugh you're such a fucking baby sometimes."
"Quincy, pull him out," Warren orders.
"Yeah ok," I say as I attempt to get near Adam.
As I was about to touch him, Adam is pulled into the Earth like he fell into a hole.
"Whelp we lost Adam," I announce.
"Everyone get in a tree!" Warren quickly commands.
The three of us dash off in different directions and each climb up a different tree.
Bartrem comes up from the ground as if he was raised from the dead.
"Two tangos down. Three to go. You all thought you could attack me in Lima but the thing is, I'm always in Alpha. I live for this shit! I live for the battlefield! We're all a bunch of fucking animals and I'm in my habitat!" Bartrem exclaims.
"What the fuck are you saying!?" Nerva questions from her tree.
"I'm saying I don't need reinforcements. I don't care if you took out my men, I'll take you all on!" Bartrem brags.
Warren unsheathes another one of his knives and throws it at Bartrem. He snatches it out of the air. Nerva shoots a fireball and Batrem throws the knife at it. It goes through the fireball, continuing on until it pierces Nerva's shoulder. She screams in pain and falls out of the tree. I jump out of my tree and rush towards Bartrem.
I throw a jab but he quickly sidesteps and disappears into the ground. He comes up again from behind but I quickly turn round, giving him a hook to the body. I'm faster. That's good. Warren jumps down and starts swinging his machete at Bartrem while he is recovering from the punch.
However Bartrem dodges each swing and gives Warren an elbow to the face. I lurch forward, grabbing Bartrem's arm. I squeeze as hard as I can until bones crack. Bartrem doesn't react but headbutts me, making me stagger backwards. He sinks into the ground again.
"Ugh that hurt. You ok Warren?" I ask as Warren gets up.
"Don't worry about me, where's Bartrem?"
If he's not near us, then that means he's going after Nerva. Warren and I quickly run to Nerva's position to find he's about to thrust his short sword into her. She attempts to shoot fire at him but he drops his sword, grabs her hand, and squeezes so hard that it breaks.
Nerva spouts what has to be every curse in the Westphalian language.
"Don't worry guerilla. I'm giving you a warrior's death," Bartrem assures.
Warren and I try to get to them when the ground starts to shake, making us fall over and Bartrem staggers.
"What? You guerillas got a W.M.D you've been hiding until now?" Bartrem asks.
Suddenly the ground in front of Warren and I erupts as a black shape flies out of it.
"Hiyaaa!" the voice screams.
It lands in front of us. It's Luther! Rejoice! He has Adam in his arms.
"My fair maiden, let me finish this fight. You must rest," Luther says to Adam, gently putting him down.
"Ughhhhhhhh," is all Adam says.
"What!? I put you 20 feet in the ground! You should have been squashed by the Earth!" Bartrem yells in disbelief.
"You fool. No mere ground can stop me! Getting myself free and saving this fair maiden was as easy as swimming through the entire ocean! Now fiend, you shall face the power of a true gentleman!" Luther explains, unsheathing his sword.
"Demon blade! Third configuration!"
With sword aflame, he dashes so quickly Bartrem could barely react. Luther slices him diagonally across the chest. It wasn't a fatal blow however as Bartrem leaps back making the slice only cut the surface of the skin. Bartrem attempts to sink into the ground but Luther grabs his head and yanks him out, making him fly about 15 feet into the air.
Luther jumps up and chops him down on the head making Bartrem fly straight down with a loud thud. Bartrem gets up only for Luther to body slam him with an elbow drop. Luther stands atop of an unconscious Bartrem looking triumphant. He does another kawaii anime pose and sparkles some more. Luther is my favorite thing to ever exist.
Warren, Adam, and I slowly get up. My body hurts. A lot. I was about to tell Adam to heal me but he runs over to Nerva upon seeing the condition she's in. She's in more pain than I am so I'll let it slide.
"Nerva! Are you ok! What happened?" Adam asks as he kneels over her.
He begins to cast his healing magic.
"I got fucked up what you think happened!" Nerva yells.
"Ugh yeah you're right ok sorry. Just don't die."
"I wasn't planning on it. Ah fuck!" she says, yanking the knife out of her shoulder.
Warren and I regroup with Luther.
"My friends, I'm sorry I was not around for the fight. This fiend here dragged me into the Earth and I had to punch my way out. On my way I found the fair maiden. You all did very well, you should be proud," Luther explains.
"It's fine. I'm going to interrogate Bartrem right now so everyone else should get healed up. Also Quincy, can you do that thing? I need to set up the interrogation," Warren orders.
What's he talking about? What thing? Wait ohhh I know what he's talking about. I hope Luther won't lose his mind for what I'm about to do. I walk over to Adam and Nerva and after making sure he finished healing Nerva, I give him a quick jab to the head knocking him out.
"Quincy! Why would you hurt a fair maiden!" Luther calls out angrily.
Oh no Luther please don't hate me. I had to do this.
"Sorry Luther but I told him to do it. Adam wouldn't appreciate what I'm about to do to Bartrem. What's about to happen is not what a fair maiden should see," Warren says in the distance as he ties Bartrem to a nearby tree.
"Hmmm you plan on being quite violent. I do not like what's happened but I understand," Luther acquiesces.
"I'm sorry Luther! I promise I'll do whatever you want to make it up to you," I say to him.
"Hmm you might have to fulfill that promise sooner rather than later," Luther hints.
Oh no, why do I have a feeling I won't like what he has in mind? I don't want Luther to be mad at me so I guess I'll just have to do it. After a few minutes Warren has Bartrem completely tied up to a tree and has all of his knives back. I guess it's torture time.