The Munkie Kang leaped out of his hammock inside of a large jungle hut, and standing around 6 feet and 9 inches, he drums his large pectorals with huge, hairy ape man hands while letting out a primal roar that shook the swamp jungle. This roar called forth at least thirty monkeys from all over the swamp village, all much smaller than he, so answer his roars they did.
"I smell bananers!" The Munkie Kang booms. All the little monkeys screech and cheer in excitement. It has been quite awhile since they have all had the pleasure of enjoying some fresh, tasty bananers. The Munkie Kang sniffs the air loudly, vacuuming the aroma of bananers up his thick nose. The monkeys did the same as the smell grew stronger throughout the swamp jungle.
Back on the highway, Andrew glides the truck down the hill, the engine brake roaring like a proud dragon of the roads, and the vents of the trailer releasing the aroma of fresh bananas for the entire swamp jungle to smell behind them. But unknown to Andrew and Jay, they had awoken the king of the swamp jungle. That king and all his monkey minions were dashing through the swamp with a vicious craving for the banana freight, right towards Andrew and Jay.
At the bottom of the hill, Andrew flips the engine brake back up and continues down the highway at the normal speed of 65mph. Jay notices Andrew's ELD clock which only had nine minutes left on his drive time before violation.
"Alright little fella", Jay says, "bout time you took a thirty minute break."
"Hey, you know, we're only fifteen minutes away and the appointments not for another forty five minutes, you think it would be that big a deal to drive in violation for a few minutes until we get to the customer? Just to get there early?" Andrew asks.
"Well, do you think it would be a big deal to be pulled into a weight station, inspected, your logs looked at, discovered that your driving passed your drive time- which is an HOS violation, get a big, fat fuckin ticket slapped on your ass and patted on gently, git points on your CSA score which looks bad on the company which could make them bitch at ya and maybe even boot you out on your ass to spend who knows how long to look for another company that'll take you with an HOS violation on your record- which a lot of them won't- while the price of that fine keeps going up and farther up your ass for every day you don't pay it? Go right ahead little fella, drive on."
"Uhhh, never-mind." Andrew takes the exit ramp and finds a nice little dirt spot to park on, then clocks himself off duty for his thirty minute break. Jay yawns.
"Holy cow, am I hungry", Jay says rubbing his belly.
"Oh yeah, check this out." Andrew hurries into the bunk and comes back out with two cases of something in his hands, sitting back down in the driver seat.
"It sure was nice of them to give us some free banana nut bread back at the shipper." Andrew says, opening the cases of bread.
"Oh that's just what I needed!" Jay says grabbing his plate of bread, immediately plucking chunks of it with his fingers and stuffing it in his mouth.
"You know it comes with a fork right?" Andrew says using his fork to shovel a chunk of bread into his own mouth. Jay just grumbles in response and continues eating with his hands.
That banana nut bread was so delicious that the two hardly noticed the large gang of apes running across the highway and towards the back of their trailer.
The Munkie Kang sniffed around the trailer as did the other monkeys following suit. He then turned to one of the monkey's by his side.
"Go keep the driver occupied", Munkie Kang orders, "you know how we do it."
The tiny monkey salutes his king then runs off towards the truck cab where Andrew and Jay shoveled the banana nut deliciousness into their mouths.
"This is pretty good", Andrew says with a mouth half full, "still nowhere near as good as how my nana used to make em, though."
Jay grumbled in the background.
Suddenly, something jumps onto the hood of the truck, scaring the shit out of the two of them.
"What the fuck is that?!" Andrew yells. The monkey peered at them through the windshield.
"Go on! Scat! You little darned monkey man!" Jay growls, but the monkey didn't move. Instead, he reaches behind him, his tail fluttering in the air before straightening.
"What's he doing?" Andrew asks. The monkey's face turns strained as he leans over a bit, pulling something out of his butt. The monkey lets out a short screech then holds out his tiny hand. Andrew and Jay feast their eyes on the small pile of monkey poo in the palm of his hand. The clump of feces was the same color as the banana nut bread in both Jay and Andrews hands, it even had little pieces of peanuts or something jutting out of it.
"Ohh! What the hell?!" Andrew shouts in disgust.
"Looks like he made his own banana nut bread." Jay says. The monkey blankly throws the monkey poo at the windshield.
"You little fuckin turd! Get outta here!" Andrew yells. The monkey turns around, spreads his cheeks and spanks himself repeatedly, mocking and laughing at Andrew and Jay.
"Here, whack em with this", Jay hands Andrew the tire thumper who takes it, rolls down the window then leans out and attempts to bonk the little monkey upside his head. Instead, the monkey uses the opportunity to jump inside the truck! The monkey screeched and jumped all around, beating Andrew in the face with poo stained hands, then jumping over to Jay and rubbing his dirty butt on his shoulder and the side of his head.
"Come on! Whack the motherfucker!" Jay yells at Andrew as he swatted at the monkey who avoided every critical hit with wild agility. Andrew leans over to whack the monkey but ends up bonking Jay over the head instead. While this is happening, outside at the back of the trailer, the Munkie Kang rips the trailer doors open with tremendous ape strength! Cool air rushes out of the trailer as they all feast their eyes on wooden crates of golden ripe bananas.
"Ooh baby! We hit it big wit this one! Goddamn!" Munkie Kang says as all the other monkeys cheer. One by one the Munkie Kang and his monkey minions hop into the trailer.
Back in the truck cab, Andrew was barely able to rip the monkey off of his face, a glob of some white milky substance was blotted on his cheek and chin. Jay snatches the monkey by the tail and smashes the little fucker all over the truck. He smashes him on the dashboard, smashes em against the passenger window, bangs em on the floor, then throws him with all his might at the windshield. The monkey was dazed a bit but snaps out of it quickly and immediately grabs Andrews banana nut bread before jumping out of the driver window.
"Hey! He's got my fuckin banana bread!" Andrew hollers, wiping the white stuff off his face with a rag. Andrew pushes the door open and jumps out after the monkey who was scramming towards the back of the trailer.
"Get back here with my bread!" Andrew calls after him as he disappeared behind the trailer. Andrew emerges by the end of the trailer and is shocked to see that the doors had been ripped open.
"What the hell?" Andrew mutters. He peers into the trailer and is horrified at what he sees. Inside the trailer, a large ape, surrounded by a bunch of smaller apes and monkey's, sitting on a throne of banana crates. He was stuffing his face with banana after banana and throwing the peels outside, one of them nearly hitting Andrew in the face.
"What the hell do you think you're doing in there!?" Andrew yells, "Get out of there now!"
"Shut yo little bitch ass up. These MY bananers." The Munkie Kang says.
"We gotta deliver those in like fifteen minutes or we won't get paid!" Andrew pleads.
"Damn, I don't know what to tell you ma man."
"You don't need to tell me anything, you need to get out of there!" Andrew says.
"I'm bout to go out there in beat your ass, boy." The Munkie Kang says stomping his foot.
"Come on, we need this freight." Andrew says. "You can take ONE crate with you."
"Nah, Imma take all of it though." Munkie Kang says, "come on yaw, start getting these crates outside."
"No! Leave them there!" Andrew yells but the monkey's ignored him and began carrying the crates out the trailer. The Munkie Kang watched Andrew's response as the monkeys hopped out of the trailer one by one while Andrew stood by watching.
"Come on, man, we need this freight." Andrew begs but the Munkie Kang leaped out of the trailer and ignored him, following the others with all the crates.
"You know what!" Andrew tries to take one of the crates from one of the monkey's but ends up slipping on a banana peel. The monkey hurries off with the crate. While still on the ground, Andrew takes out his phone and starts recording them making off with the freight.
"Haha, at least I got video evidence!" Andrew yells but one of the monkey's jumps on him, snatches his phone out of his hand, then slaps the shit out of him.
Andrew gets up angrily but the Munkie Kang was standing over him. He puts his heavy hand on Andrews shoulder, weighing him down and keeping him from standing all the way up.
"What you finna do?" The Munkie Kang says. Andrew lets his stupid inner tough guy take over and he balls his fist, ready to punch the Munkie Kang in the gut, but the Munkie Kang peeped the subtle movement. The large ape turns Andrew over, reaches into the back of his pants to grab his underwear but only feels his bare ass cheeks.
"Haha! I don't wear underwear you stupid monkey!" Andrew laughs. The Munkie Kang pulls Andrews pants all the way down, then takes one of the bananas and shoves it all the way up Andrews scrawny little ass. Andrew yelled before his face went blank as he stared into the sky, at the clouds, the birds, and the airplanes above as the banana was driven into his rump canal with one strong shove. The Munkie Kang lets Andrew fall to the ground, his ass in the air and drool pooling out of his mouth. One of the monkeys hurries over to Andrew, squats over his back and lays a good piece of poop on his back. Other monkeys did the same all over Andrew.
"Come on yaw." The Munkie Kang says and they all disappear into the swamp jungle with all the freight, leaving Andrew stunned and traumatized. All he could think in his head was getting out of there and never coming back. But what about their freight? What's he and Jay gonna tell the customer? Would they believe them?