It hurts. The feeling of betrayal is the worse. Especially when you yourself is the
betrayer. It was never in my control. The boss told me that if I ever told anyone about
the job that I'm in, I would risk the agency being exposed, he would kill whoever I
told. I couldn't risk that.
But I don't think that was the only reason I didn't tell him. Looking at him, thinking
about him, brings me all the pain that I went through in my life as a regular young adult.
Being an agent enabled me to start over and be the cold heartless girl that I would
rather be.
Being weak, vulnerable I should say, putting my trust in someone, loving them
genuinely, and then having my heart broken in pieces is quite draining.
Seeing that my best friend, Ryan, had helped me throughout my past relationships
that broke me, he fixed me. He was the only one that could and if I even allowed him
back into my life, he would do just that and I'm extremely afraid to even feel again.
