"I sat there with pills in my hand and a blade beside me watching as Yuhwen, my daughter slept peacefully.
A glass of water dangled on the stool in front of me as I could see my shadow in it staring back.
....2 midnight, all hell graced the terrain to ease I and my daughter journey to the world beyond where our agonies would continue without end.
But I was Ignorant - I wanted peace - peace eternal, that bliss of calmness and serenity, far away from the agonies and torture that life brought me.
The moon light permeated my self-contain apartment. I could hear the hooting sounds of owl and the croaking of frogs in the vicinity - such sounds were a perfect match for me to journey the world beyond.
My daughter's name 'Yuhwen' meant sorrow, the opposite of the name Joy.
I named her so because her coming into the world brought untold pains to my soul, yet she was innocent.
I loved her dearly but only got reminded of the circumstances that ushered her birth. Such were agonizing to my soul.
Looking at her reminded me of the foundation to where I had found myself. Painful of all was her strike resemblance of Tony, my ex lover who deceived me until he had sucked every Living life in my womanhood - his game came after my molestation by robbers, a story I never wish to tell.
But Okafor's Law was at work in me, whenever he was around, the beast in me would awakened, I wouldn't know of it until he was done using me, then he would be gone.
He came the previous day and the same thing which had become much of like an impossible event for it reoccurrence happened yet again.
I was pained after that, to why a ghost father of my daughter would appear to use me anytime he wishes and abandon me until there is no prostitute on the highways again for me to be considered last option.
Or was it that my food was more special to be eaten on rare occasions. I couldn't figure it out.
I resulted to smoking, drinking and consuming much time watching vulgar contents that pollute the soul.
Pornography and masturbation was eating me up and making me turn insane. I had fought it but each time the spirit came upon me, I would be overcomed with no strength left in me to fight.
All these - the webs that entangled my spirit body and soul. I was tired and wanted to end it. I couldn't take it anymore.
I had lost my family, lost my education, lost my passion for the things I ever wanted doing.
My relationship with God had been bastardized and ruined - I couldn't even go to him on my knees to ask for pardon.
The devil already made me believe that I was already dead and rotten. The world had no need of me. Instead of staying and fending from hand to mouth to take care of myself and Yuhwen, it was better to put an end to it all - I resulted.
Haven been drunk to torpor with the wine Lucifer offered me that night, this would be the seventh attempt, but I was going to do it this time around.
I was going to make it a quick one for I and my daughter. We will be out of this world in matter of seconds and after that, we shall see nothing but blue heavens filled with joy and laughter.
So was it - the moon beamed with its glory - darkness spread her hands to Welcome us home.
Red, black, yellow, white, purple and orange, such were the colors of the pills in my hand.
Taking no further thoughts, I gulped them in and forced them into my stomach.
Quickly, I picked the blade on the table and went over to my daughter, knelt beside her and closed my eyes with my left hand pampering her hair.
I was ready - the time was ripe for I and her to an eternal rest from all the troubles and the endless tears of single parenting.
Shutting my eyes, I took a deep breath and exhaled.
Opening them, I saw a great and massive light permeated the entire vicinity.
The force of the light pushed me back slightly and a gentle wind flushed out into my soul.
The feeling at that moment was heavenly. I felt sharp pains on my heart as if it was been pulled out.
An operation was done on me quickly and after that it seemed like I was a whole new person.
Then the beaming light deceded and I could envision a glory in form of a man whose countenance words cannot describe.
Of all that I saw, the beaming smile from his face was healing balms from Gileth.
I could see him walking into my life yet at the same time standing at a position.
He planted his kingdom within me and made me a new person yet there was no verbal expression between us.
I had a natural knowing for that which he was communicating with me through light.
As I beheld, I saw his arms stretched out to me - full of peace and benevolence.
The cool of air around me ushered in his voice with calm and tenderness.
For the first time in my life, I was loved - I could see it, feel it and touch it.
"Tabitha!" He echoed a name meant for me.
"No Lord! My name is Kpadoo!" I answered him but he only smiled and enlightened;
"You were Kpadoo before but now you shall be called Tabitha. I have chosen you to gather to me my daughters. I have a meeting with them." He responded.
"A meeting?
What Meeting Lord? I asked but he only smiled and handed me a large book on which it was boldly written; "Single Moms".
He instructed me to open the first page and when I did, I found myself in a garden, one such that there is none match to it beauty on earth.
It flooded with three crystal clear rivers of still waters, the chirping of the birds and pets. The colors of it could end one's sorrow and instill joy and happiness.
Then I felt his hand and he led me to a banquet arena where I saw angelic waiters standing round the table to serve the unknown guests.
"Where is this my Lord?" I asked him.
He looked at me and smiled;
"I have prepared a banquet for my daughters whom the sons of men call single moms. I have a meeting with them.
Go and tell them to come to the banquet. My angels have dressed it for them." He said showing me around with his hands.
"Use this book and guide them to the place of rest. I have seen their tears and lonesomeness. Now I want them to come to the banquet."
As the Lord spoke to me, suddenly his voice deceded and I watched him descended upon the throne that stood at the far end of the table.
He sat waiting for all to gather.
After this, I found myself traveling back to my room , on the same position I had been.
I beheld my daughter Yuhwen this time around and I could see her glowing in such a way I could not explain. Her countenance was radiant and beautiful.
My heart floated on the templates of love for her - I could not just explain how I felt.
"She has been that way ever since she came to you." I had a voice behind me. When I turned, I saw an angel of the Lord.
"Go Tabitha! Bring all the daughters of the Lord to the banquet, for the righteous one has a meeting with them." The angel resounded the words of the Lord and the vision gradually faded.
When I returned to my normal self, my stomach began to ache terribly. I started vomiting blood and I passed out .