Every little plan she made or a small flicker of hope could be destroyed just by having her willpower to do anything crushed.
Whatever grand plans that she had would seem pointless and not worth the effort.
The most mundane of tasks would require all of her efforts to get them done.
The slightest setback could cause her to question whether it was all worth it and if it was easier to just give up.
Self-loathing usually came after that or during other times as she would blame herself and punish herself for things she had no control over.
Sometimes, her greatest enemy could be herself whether it was her mind eating away at her with negative thoughts or being unable to find a source of hope to continue onward.
What made it harder was that she had nobody to rely on during such times and nobody to talk about it when it was the most difficult.
There was nobody to unload her feelings upon and nobody that she could trust to be able to do so.
