Izaak's right hand was on my waist and my hands were on his chest, anyone who saw this thought of us as something. I tried to push him away but his grip was stronger than I thought.
'' Tia, what's this?'' Vivian asked me furiously. I let out a nervous chuckle while trying to shake him off. '' It's been a while sister,'' I said. Vivian eyed on Izaak who acted as if he didn't do anything wrong. '' Your Highness, your action will ruin my sister's image,'' Vivian said coldly. She didn't look for anything nearby the Vivian I used to know.
'' What about my action, Lady Vivian? I am just doing what I am supposed to do.'' Izaak said while smiling. I glanced at them, It was like a fox was standing against the crazy white wolf. I sighed and whispered to Izaak, '' You should stop being jealous Your Highness.'' Izaak's eyes widen and he let go of my waist, '' I am Not!'' I shook my head and grabbed Vivian's hand to leave him alone. I stole a glance at Izaak by turning my head a little just to find him standing like an abandoned cat. I chuckled at his cuteness. I don't want to admit it but somewhere inside my heart, I wished that if things could end up a little differently between us then better be together than walking on different paths. What a luxurious wish!
I went inside the resting room for women with Vivian. Fortunately, someone wasn't there. Closing the door behind us Vivian hugged me tightly.
'' I missed you so much, Tia! I almost sneaked out to meet you,'' She said with an enthusiastic expression. Ha! What a joke! Just a while ago I was feeling victorious but suddenly I'm feeling overwhelmed remembering my father's cruel words. I know if I want then I can choose to disobey but Do I want to disobey and what's the point of disobeying? If Father tells her directly then she won't go against his words and act as if I don't even exist just like Waren. I gathered my guts and pushed her away.
'' Tia?'' Vivian looked at me confused. '' Vivian, don't get close to me,'' I told her. Vivian's eyes widen, '' W- what are you saying? And why are you calling me Vivian not sister?'' Turning my back on her I managed to utter those words, '' We aren't sisters. You are the daughter of the Grand Duke and Grand Duchess while I am just a child born out of wedlock. So, it's self-evident that we aren't supposed to get close.'' '' That doesn't change anything. We are still sisters, Tia.'' Vivian raised her voice. I chuckled bitterly hearing her. Hopefully, none would see my bitter-sweet expression.
'' Grand Duke told me himself that I can't be family with you all,'' I said.
'' What?''
'' Vivian, I appreciate your kind gesture toward me but the Grand Duke himself doesn't want me to become a part of your family. Also, you have joined the Knightage of Erars and I will be gone to Dhakun at the end of this month. It will better this way.'' I replied.
'' Father can never say that. He is kinder than anyone else Tia. You must've misunderstood his words.'' Vivian denied it firmly. Kinder than anyone else? I clenched my fist and turned around to face her, '' He is father to you but A Grand Duke to me, someone who I must obey. Don't make things harder for me.'' Vivian shook her head and held my hands, she looked at me with desperate eyes, '' Tia, Let's sort things out calmly okay? I will talk to Father, there must be some misunderstanding-'' '' She is right Vivi. Valentiara can't be a family with us.'' Waren's voice gained our attention. He was standing at the doorframe. My heart sank looking at his cold expression. Our eyes met and there wasn't an inch of warmth in them while looking at me. Vivian let go of my hand and walked toward Waren, '' What do you mean brother? Tia is our youngest sibling.'' Waren's eyes soften when he looked at Vivian, the real eyes of warmth and care were directed at Vivian, not to me. I guess he already talked with Father and decided to follow his will.
'' Vivi, In house De Casnover, no illegitimate child can be part of the family. Father is kind enough to let her stay in the house and enjoy the life of a normal member of Casvoner but making her our family won't be possible. We have to follow our father's will. '' Waren said those hurtful words casually but enough to take away the last ray of hope in my heart. Vivian looked at me with eyes filled with pity. I watched them and realization came to me looking at Waren's hands secured around her shoulder, I was never part of them from the start. Even though they showed me kindness that was just part of their nature, nothing special just for me.
'' I will take my leave. First Aster must be waiting for me, Enjoy the ball Young Duke and First Lady Casvoner,'' I bowed a little and walked toward the door where they were standing. I glanced at Waren who was also looking at me.
'' It's for the greater good.'' He said. I nodded, '' Indeed for the greater good of you all.'' Saying that I walked past them wondering if any of them will call my name and disobey the Grand Duke's words. But none did and I knew,
It was over among us.
My heart felt so heavy that I thought if it always hurt like this. Tears were on the verge of flowing from my eyes but I can't let anyone see this. There is still time left for the dance to start. I need to go somewhere no one will see me and nothing is better than 'That' place to hide from everyone's eyes.
I am familiar with the map of the Imperial Palace better than anyone. I walked to the South side of the hallway and went down using the last stairs at the end of the hallway and went to the opposite side. A large door that looked like none opened for hundreds of years was there. A sun and half moon were designed on it. A smile appeared on my lips as I stroke the door softly.
'' Sun gave moon its light when the moon shines brightly, Sun is happy to be forgotten by leaving his traces on her.''
The door opened immediately. I walked inside and my eyes widen watching the screen in front of me.
A weeping cherry tree standing in the middle and thousands of flowers were blooming surrounding it. A beautiful lake whose water looked like crystal flowing beside that and the fireflies who worked as a source of light.
'' It's just like before,'' Tears started beaming in my eyes. I walked toward the weeping cherry tree which was full of its bloom and sat under it. The sound of water flowing made my mind calm at the same time I couldn't hold my tears back.
I hugged my legs and let my tears flow.
'' It hurts, It hurts God. I just don't know how to bear this pain. I would be lying if I say I don't care whether we are family or not, I would be lying if I say I am not greedy even now, I would be lying if I say I am not jealous of them being there for each other when I just have myself.'' My breathing got heavier as I sobbed as loud as I could not caring about anything, none will know about it.
'' God, I am not that bad, I am not the kindest heart here but do I really to be treated like this? I know I am sent back because you want me to free myself from my biggest regret and redo my mistakes. But I keep getting greedy as always.'' I closed my eyes and mumbled, '' I want someone to hold me tight and tell me that I am not alone, I am not wrong and will be by my side even after seeing my monstrous side. But that's impossible right?''
I chuckled at my silly thoughts and rested my head over my knees. The calming sound of water flowing and the sweet fragrance of flowers made me wonder how comes none ever knew about this place. I was engaged in my thought when I suddenly heard Izaak calling my name, am I hallucinating? How can he be here? He mightn't even know that I am gone. The voice kept getting louder and I tilted my head to see if I am hallucinating but what I saw next was beyond my expectation.
A desperate Izaak with messy hair as if he was running around for, his neat clothes weren't neat any longer, his necktie was loosened and his eyes were anxious than ever when they met mine. He ran toward me so fast that I couldn't even proceed and in a moment he was kneeling, hugging me. My eyes were widen feeling his warmth, it's not a hallucination. He was trembling as he said, '' You are the worst kind of person, Princess. Always scaring me.''
His heavy breathing and fast heartbeat made me snap back from my thoughts. I blinked a few times and took a deep breath before speaking calmly, '' Why were you scared? None would dare to touch me.'' '' Atticus is crazy, what if he used black magic to do something to you?'' His trembling voice made me chuckle softly, I patted his back and joked, '' Didn't you say you will make darkness chase him even in his dream?'' Izaak broke the hug and cupped my cheeks, his sincere eyes and deep voice gave me peace and forget about every pain in my life just like magic,
'' Princess, if I hadn't found you, I would've engulfed this whole palace with darkness.''
I gulped in shock seeing this side of Izaak. Engulfing this whole palace? Is he joking? Nope, seeing his serious face I was sure he would have done that if he hadn't found me here. I smiled softly and closed my eyes enjoying those warm hands, '' Then everyone out there should thank me, I saved them from going crazy.''
Izaak didn't say anything and I was too tired to utter a word. I don't know how long we stayed like this, Izaak kneeling and me resting my face over his palms. Everything about the National Ball was tedious. I felt myself losing control over my consciousness and maybe that's why I mumbled those words which eventually became my destiny in the future,
'' I want a warm family.''