"The party was beautiful," I told myself before lying in this bed. Yes, we had already arrived. When it is family, Father never wanted any sleepovers; he just preferred traveling, even though it meant that we could arrive the next morning. He just was never a fan of the same. My thoughts swayed from the whole party to the princess. I was glad she was thinking of marriage, as much as I did. I really did think about it, like how our first night would be. That was the thing disturbing my brain, and as I shifted myself, I heard someone calling me from my window; it was my brother. I was upstairs. What if he falls? I then opened the window and let him in.
"What's wrong with you? Aren't you tired?" I asked him as I wore some robe, since I was used to sleeping topless.
"Brother, we had an agreement, and I got the perfect match. Come," he told me as he started walking through my window again. I have never left through the window in Father's house; it was just in the viscount where I found myself leaving through windows.
"Are you serious?" I asked him after realizing the stones surrounding the house. What if we fall?
"Just trust me, brother. I've done this more than you." I just stated okay, disregarding my doubts, and followed him as he used some pipe to climb down. This boy is smart; I found myself sighing. We had never really engaged with each other; it was at these moments we had started really bonding. Most times I was just the older brother, and he the younger. All I did was command, reprimand, and ask him to follow my rules; it was always that, but I understand our distance. It was not that I stayed in Bavdon for long; I had so many educational trips, in addition to Father seeking that I leave for the Lake of Tigris to check his businesses there. So, most times I was just busy, and when I was at home, I would be very exhausted to have time to speak. The only person I spoke to much was Father, and with Mother, it was just one or two words. When I realized Father refuses to give her money, and yet his banks have lots, I would just steal and give her; she was the woman who brought me up, after all. There is no better way to thank her than that.
We escaped the guards at the gates and left. I had never walked from our big house to the marketplace of Bavdon; I sure felt that it would be a hell of a journey.
"Brother, is it a long journey?" I asked him.
"No, you've gone longer than this," he stated, and I just sighed because he sure said the truth there. I was actually skeptical of what Charles was asking me to do; I was really doubtful. But I would really do anything to get and have some experience of what I should do to her. I don't wish the princess to feel underperformed when all along maybe she expects much more than that from me. I wonder what she knows about being intimate with a man, but I feel she knows quite a bit, from maybe the books that men write. Women never wrote books, as they could not read; that's how crazy of a society we had. Sometimes I was just simply in wonder of the same. How is a man to know the woman's body as if he were she? It was a question I found myself just really weirded by. I feel we men think we know women, but in real sense, it takes a woman's statement to really state we know them. Most men used to say in my higher studies that women are stupid and cannot really understand what education means, the reason behind why they are mandated to stay at home and in the kitchens. But is it really true? Anyway, my brother was taking me to a woman who would showcase me some skills, but I just was not feeling the moment. I am sure I might disappoint the girl.
"Hello, I wish to see Julie," Charles told one of the men in the club he always revolves around. "Upstairs, she's waiting," he stated. "Okay." And we left for upstairs. "Go on in," he told me. "Me?" "Yes, you heard right, she's waiting for you." "No, I am not going in." "C'mon brother, what is it to be wrong? I have paid a lot of money to have her with you this whole night alone." Hearing that, I realized I had no choice, and so I just walked in and locked the door. I had changed from the robe to what I was wearing at the party. As I locked the door, I heard her make a little laugh from behind. I was not sure I would do it; I was not scared..., saying scared would be overrated. I just did not feel the act was right. The timing was wrong; I just felt it was, as I was to be engaged.
"Hello," I stated, making myself comfortable, as there were some cigarettes on the table. I was good with smoking; it was something Father taught me in addition to drinking beer. "You prefer smoking, dear," she started, and I just looked at her. "Do you mind a smoke?" I offered, staring deep into her eyes. Someone might think I now have the most experience with women. She was, yes, beautiful; I liked her eyes, but I was not feeling this. Maybe that is why I was smoking. She came and sat next to me, took the cigar in my hand, and started smoking as she reached for my shirt's collars. I really had not much to do, I guess, as she blew the smoke onto my face, making some sexy face right there. Hell, this is not me; she was good, I can say. "How do you like it?" She asked, and this was where I was always clueless. I like it weird, this, that, I don't know. "Let's chat," I stated, nearly whispering. My voice was always bass-boosted when it was some whisper. I somehow felt I was controlling the air, when all along, she was to control me. I poured some glasses of wine into hers and mine, I mean glasses, and then we started speaking as I lit another cigar. "I am to be married, I mean engaged." "Quite aware," she stated, which made me raise my eyebrow and just continue. "The princess… she, she does not deserve no pleasures during her first night, you see," I started. "She deserves the feeling, the touching, yeah."
"Jules, Julie, they call you, yeah… I am not liking this. I feel like just smoking all these cigars until none are left, drinking all these wines until none is left," I finished, to which she just nodded. "How much did my brother promise?" I asked her now.
"Would you pay that?"
"Yeah, I would if you don't tell him what happens here."
"What do you mean? I don't really tell my business."
"What I mean is, I am doing nothing to you. You are beautiful, perfect body, perfect legs, perfect face. I am fond of your smile, but when it is planned, I lack the yearning for it. I barely feel the yearning."
"Why?" She asked.
"I just… it's just not me. I shall leave the money here for you, leave through that window, and I wish you well." She just seemed a little disappointed, but I did not feel anything. Sometimes when I smoke cigars, I find myself really saying things that can even hurt someone. I had carried some large money; I am sure it would be enough for her. I left it all; she helped me out, and I just left, stealing the four cigars left on the table and the lighter. I needed fresh air, so I went and sat down in the Bavdon town park. It was a park Father had established for people to hold public meetings, disregarding those that can be used to mock the leaders. I just sat on one of the chairs and started smoking. I am sure it was some time towards morning, as roosters were already crowing. It sure was a town, but people still farmed.
I smoked one cigar as I thought, 'oh, Willock, it's always hard. It is always hard with women.' Why was it always hard to just do it with a woman? Maybe the fact that I was a bastard had really impacted me. I feared having a bastard son; I would kill myself for it. Maybe that is why I just could never do it. I just could not. Like that woman back in my encounters when I was with Amir, she sure was mad when I just could not do it. It was like she anticipated; this one just accepted the money. Of course, it was the money she wanted. I smoked the cigars, thinking about my life, the princess, and I realized I needed to know more about Wales. I had not told the king I sought to go there, but that's better. Maybe I shall leave and see how Ezron's mother was doing. I sure would have died that day if it was not for her, and Ezron, I wonder if he came back after our bad leaving. I really was mad at him, but I understood his situation. I really did. Money can make a man do lots, even against his wills.