I woke in a hurry. I needed to head to the Lake of Tigris, as some shipments from Germany were coming. Father was always confident in my works, especially when it came to anything relating to the Lake. I guess he shall give me that side of the land, but about the King's offer, I just found it intimidating. However, it is wrong to say no to the king, especially knowing that I wanted something greater from him than just some piece of land.
I believe it is time I should be open about my feelings to the princess, at least to you, dearest readers, and maybe to myself. At first, when I saw her in the river, I really did not feel much. I was just surprised that a lady was in there alone, and I felt scared on her behalf. I was not sure she would be the princess; I was not sure. Of course, you see, I was not much aware of London and the King's family; it was almost all new to me. However, when I met her in person and asked her for the dance, I felt really intimidated. The fact that William and some other men had a liking for her made me want her even more. Don't get me wrong; of course, I... I hate competition, but there is nothing that improves a man's ego and self-esteem more than realizing he has won the race for one woman. I was just really drawn more to her.
Leading to the various fights, I hope she never knows we really ever fought for her, but it was never my intention to fight. I just wanted to feel the pain that night. William was being childish and manly at the same time. I felt I had torn his ego and his masculinity, in addition to the way he perceives himself to be viewed by women. So, I believed I earned the fight, but when I think of it today, I laugh since, at least I caused chaos. It is nice to cause chaos sometimes.
Okay, I... um, we went apart for a long time, almost like two years or something smaller, but it was really long. I felt bad; I felt really bad. I always thought of her; I just don't know why. It always happened that when I saw a pen, I would just imagine her maybe writing. When I saw women in stockings, I would just remember her. I sometimes felt like a creep. Like, why am I in feels this much? I am no Shakespeare anyway, but what is love without the pain? I sometimes wonder what she feels towards me.
I feel I should write her something beautiful or maybe draw some art of her. I hate this, but yes, I was never in conflict with what I felt for her, even when the Iraq princesses came into the picture. No, they just could not. I think if she got married, I would be really torn or just happy for her. Of course, I would be torn. I am not sometimes the man who acts out, stating I would be happy for her. I would be mad, sad, angry at myself, and just go and visit her one last time to really make sure she is happy. But I am happy I got to really have time given to me so that I can have her.
I just felt I had lost a lot of time in Iraq. I thought if she had found someone, I would just head and seek Princess Hasmine's hand. Selfish? Yeah, I know. But at least I would develop my feelings for her as we are married, maybe fall in love with her when we have like two children or three. Sometimes I hope my first child will be a boy. I don't know. Of course, culture... culture impacts us. Anyway, I really do not care about the gender of a child; they are all sure to be a blessing in their own distinct ways.
Anyway, as for the Tailor, I am genuinely sorry, dear reader. It haunts me, and I don't even know why I'm apologizing, but I am. I just did not realize I had all these emotions bottled inside; they just needed a release. Women never make the first moves, really, and she did—the first, other than the flower sellers. Anyway, I just hope I shall have the courage to tell Princess Diana one day, but not anytime soon. I don't want her to ruin anything. I know I'm selfish, but I have to protect what we have, regardless of what happens. Even if someone calls me a bastard this time, I will stand my ground; I have to fight.
Thinking all this, I am on my way to the King's place. He had asked me to join him for lunch as he takes me to Wales so that I can see the palace. I don't really find refuge in palaces, but he feels I should be under his wing then, so be it. Maybe I will be the Duke of Wales; is there? Never heard. Wales is full of Barons only, fighting over territory and food. Maybe I will look for Ezron; I guess he shall be my right-hand man in the palace, and her mother taken care of. I am already getting ahead of myself. I hate doing that; it just gets so much in my head to the extent it never happens. Other than the princess's, I am imagining a lot of things I shall do to her. I wonder what she likes. Imagine I have never asked her what she likes. She is always the one asking me questions, like about Iraq. I am just really nervous around her. All I can ask is about her family. Anything about her really makes me nervous and stresses me out, especially that time I wanted to tell her if she was okay for me to experience other women so that I do not disappoint her. I just felt it was wrong; I questioned myself and felt I would never allow any man to touch her. Truly and honestly, no one.
"Hello, your majesty," I stated. We had arrived, and I was directly sent to his majesty. He seems not to be really busy, not like father who is always in his business when there are no parliamentary proceedings.
"Eat up," he stated, as I heard horses neigh. I guess it would be a long journey. As much as I wanted to eat, I wanted to see the princess. I wanted to really see her. Damn, I was really working myself up when it came to her. I wanted to see her, I guess, more than she wanted to see me. But I feel that is how it works. I wonder if someday people would place charms in these ballroom dances; I guess it would be steamy. I will surely do that for my children. I now want girls. I feel women are not won over well enough, but one can never really know what a woman likes and what she does not. For the princess, I would use the piano first, then paint her, then write her some letters, then maybe sneak around her room. I don't know; I wonder how I keep this straight face when eating, and all I'm thinking about is her. I think she thinks that I am not in liking of her, but I do tell her every time we meet.
"Before we leave, I wish a word with the princess."
"What kind of word?" His majesty stated, as if he wanted to scold me for wanting a small time with her. Other men get that time. Of course, they get to talk to her one by one. I was the only one who was always away. I wish I had enough timing.
"I just... um," Oh Jesus, his majesty was intimidating, his eyes fixed on me as I scratched my small shaved head. It was hard to say what I wanted to say. Not goodbyes, not 'I love you.'
"Seems you have nothing of a statement to her; shall we leave then?" His majesty stated, and I found myself inhaling no air, jokes. I just felt colluded, heartbroken. But of course, he was her father; he had reasons to show me that I could not access her daughter easily as I thought. Well, I thought I had him wrapped around my finger, but well, I guess we have something in common. We never easily let people get into our heads. Maybe that is why he is the King; he has had to deal with many types of people and humans, and the parliament is not that easy, I'm sure, especially with father and the viscount being there. As I thought, I was already following him like some puppy, and my thoughts of the princess already shifted as I entered the royal carriage. It was always snow white with white, strong male horses—how beautiful. I knew the journey would be long. Maybe we would arrive the next day, or we will... it was up to him; it was up to him.