My thoughts about the princess seemed to just not let me quite concentrate on anything. It had still been almost a week since that day, and I still felt the same speech and talk as if it happened yesterday or today. It was as if something in me, a piece or sort of that kind of thing, was missing; it was, of course, missing. I could not concentrate on the piano as much; I just needed time alone, and it seems Amir respected that too, for he did not tease me again about the princess or tell me anything about it.
Princess Hasmine knew nothing of what was happening, and I could not just tell her about my worse feelings being caused by another lady; it was something that I wanted to ache for myself and myself alone. I felt I wanted to go back to the British; maybe I should; maybe I should now make the end deal; maybe I should accept the things the princess wanted with me; maybe I should now be serious about life and things; maybe it is the right time; maybe I should take a step about my wants and likes.
"Amir, can I have a minute?" I stated this to Amir as he was speaking to one of the princes, which he accepted immediately.
"What is it?" He asked.
"A lot troubles me, and I sure want to have a say in my life. You have given me a home to live in and treated me with the utmost respect. How should I pay?"
"Why, how do you wish to pay?"
"I yearn to have a touch and say, but I am a bastard; what is it I am to do? I am not quite sure." I was not sure what I was stating, but a lot troubled me; I felt hurt in some ways, and I needed someone to give me a heads up on what I should do.
"I shall talk with Father about this." Amir stated, and all I had to do was nod. But what was he to say to his father about everything that troubled me? I had quite no understanding. Either way, I did not intercede or anything; maybe his father would give me some money or maybe give me some of his land; that's a bad thought. But really, I knew I needed some help; I just could not stay in hiding playing pianos without really figuring my life out. I sometimes wondered how old my brother Charles had grown. I wondered if my father remembered me. I just really thought about a lot of things.
After my conversations with Amir, I headed inside when I saw Princess Hasmine and her sister, whose name I came to learn was Shahid. So, I just approached them, for in one way or another, I needed to just clear my thoughts and everything about me, or everything my mind was having a reflection or introspection about.
"What are you playing, dearest princesses?" I asked. It was never some sentence I used to use; calling them dearest just seemed really weird. One deserved to call them royal highnesses, maybe princesses. Just beautiful names. Princess Hasmine just did not say a word but made a space for me to sit.
"We are trying to knit for our brother's son. Her wife is yet to have a baby." I knew there were other princes, but I used to think Amir was the elder. It seems the king really had many children, although the funny thing was that he had children who were quite or almost the same age as each other. To think of it, it is quite hard for a woman to have right-on follow-up pregnancies, and if she did, she was quite a strong one right there.
"Oooh, in our homeland, it was my sisters who were only taught how to knit." I stated that, trying to engage in the conversation. Since my stay, they have never asked me about our traditions or why I was here; they never really did.
"Oooh, how many sisters do you have, Willock?" Princess Shahid, Hasmin's sister, asked. She never really engaged much in conversations, except when she really wanted a real answer. I somehow liked those sorts of people—people who are just cool, calm, and collected and speak just when they feel the need to chime in.
"I have two for now, those I know." I stated, and she laughed. "My life is quite complicated." I added, and then she realized I wasn't really being funny. I was just disturbed; my family was the Duke's, but when you really think about everything, like my mom, my real mom, whom I hear was Lady Isla, you somehow have a feeling of just wanting to know who she was. I used to ask myself that question. Since I came to know about her, maybe I should have really known this woman; maybe I should have really; maybe the world would have given her an opportunity to live. When you realize all your life was a lie in the name of protecting you, you just question everything in your life, you just wonder what it really is, and you just find yourself more distant. But honestly speaking, my mom, the Vikings wife, was the best mom I would ever wish for. She showed me real love and affection, just like any parent would. She gave me advice about life and never treated me like an outsider or anything, but when I left for the Viscount, that was where I really came to realize that whatever she did to me was something not many would do. The vicountess was just never right for me. She just saw me as a competitor with his stupid son. I never even really wanted any competition with that William; it just even became more crazy when I realized the people who really wanted bad for me were the real family I had, while those who just treated me best were literally not even some kind of blood to me. A father who loses friendship with the viscount just for me, but he was a Duke, a very great place in deed. I wasn't really sure of the relationship between the ather and the king, but they seemed to have a certain bond, which seemed to be from somewhere far away.
"You don't speak much about your life." Princess Hasmin asked.
"My life is just this; I don't know, am just; this is what I guess my life is."
"Why?" She continued, which really made me remove my cap and a little fix my hair, trying to think of how to really answer her.
"Troubled life." I stated that. I just, honestly, wasn't really feeling the conversation. I did not know; I had actually never spoken about my past to anyone else, except Ezron, and some part of my love life to Amir. The rest I placed somewhere at the back of my mind, hoping that one day maybe it would just never pop up in my mind. If I just found someone who could erase all this, "Why don't you tell me about the knitting?" I stated. I was trying to change the subject.
"You like getting away with topics." Princess Hasmin chimed
"All boys do that." The sister added, and they both laughed. I wish they knew that was not the case. I hated being generalized into the club of all boys because, in a real sense, I was a man, with whom I lived a different life.
"It's not that; it's really a long story." I stated as much as possible, trying to make them understand that maybe the timing is hard.
"We have time; by the time we knit here, we will finish listening to your story." Princess Hasmin stated:
"Do you like my sister?" Suddenly Shahid stated, out of nowhere, looking at her sister with a certain naïve smile, that maybe they had already spoken about it.
"Sister,,." Princess Hasmine stated, I did not know what to say. Why would she? What does she even know about love and liking? She is like sixteen or something. Okay, sixteen ladies in England are usually supposed to be on the list of those who deserve to start their search for eligible bachelors for marriage, but here, the king or older brother is the one suggested to just do that, to find their daughters or sisters suitors, in case they have reached the age of marriage.
"You would look good together." Princess Shahid added This was something maybe the two girls had discussed in the chambers. Maybe they just sat down and talked about life, then they started discussing who would likely marry the other, and somehow Willock from an unknown land pops up in the conversation, and of course maybe he is handsome and has nice eyes; that's how my sister was used to describing me. That man is really tall; I would love to be married by such; I would here tell my brother, which just made me stare and just shake my head, or sometimes chime in and state that she should focus on herself and not men. She did not like engaging much in conversation with me; I am not sure what father said to her about me after that time I was found starting to play around with the baron's daughter; she started to be quite distant from me since and would speak to me briefly. The only sister I would say did talk to me much was Alice; it was just that our worlds were already far apart, and our age gaps would never make us bond. Maybe the Viscount's daughter would make the perfect sister.
"How good?" I continued the subject, and I caught Princess Hasmine making a sly smile. I sometimes liked when she made that kind of smile; it just really, I just admired it.
"You have a nice height and cute blue eyes." Princess Shahid stated: She was never shy, I guess, stating her thoughts out. I feel she was the sort of person who just waited until they knew the person and then started having conversations with them. That really made me smile; at least the princess had also noticed my eyes.
"What about my hair? Was it good-cut or longer?" I asked, suddenly waiting for Princess Shahid's response. It really somehow hurt me when Hasmin stated that I looked much better with long hair.
"I think short is not bad. Sister likes long hair." That made me really nod, and just observe Princess Hasmine; she was trying her best to keep her composure in all this conversation. She was beautiful, though. I knew I had a liking for her; at least I knew, but I don't know about my feelings.