Kit:
He had left marks… Kit thought to himself as he traced the patch of red on his shoulder before lowering his hand to another spot on his chest.
Thanks to him being fair skinned, the marks stood out more prominently, almost like bruises all over his body. They didn’t hurt or sting…but somehow, when he was tracing his fingers over the hickeys, he could feel the lingering sensation of P’Kimhan’s fingers on his body, the way he had branded every inch of his skin with his lips, lapping at him with his tongue...
Moreover, he was still sore from the encounter. Before last night, he had had no idea what sex between two men was supposed to be like, if it was even going to feel good or not…but now he didn’t have a single doubt in his mind. He had never lost control of himself the way he had last night and he vividly remembered that they had continued to make love well after the effects of the drug had worn off, until the sun was about to rise in the horizon.
Shaking his head, Kit splashed more water onto his face to stop himself from thinking about it again and again. He needed to stop. Kit was starting to worry that the more he thought, the more the guilt would start to show on his face and his sister would know something was wrong.
It was over and done with and that’s how it should stay, he reminded himself.
But despite the continuous reminders, there was no way to stop him from remembering his first time over and over again. At that instant, it wasn’t about his sexuality or the fact that he had sex with a man that bothered him…what did bother him was if he had done the right thing by imposing himself onto P’Kimhan, without knowing anything about him.
After a quick shower, Kit dressed up in long sleeved T-shirt with a high neck to cover up the redness from his hickeys before he went into the sitting area to have breakfast with his sister. To say that he was nervous would be an understatement. He had no clue as to what his sister was about to tell him, but he had a feeling that whatever it was…he wasn’t going to like it one bit.
“Here,” P’Kanya pushed his bowl of porridge towards his side of the table. “I reheated it for you.”
Frowning, Kit sat down to dig into his food. He was hungry and he preferred to get some food into his system before he lost his appetite.
“Have some more pork,” Kanya gave him her best smile, pushing back a strand of dark hair that fell onto her face. “Would you like another egg?”
“Alright,” Kit put down his cutlery. “What is it? Tell me already.”
P’Kanya let out a huge sigh, avoiding eye contact with him as she blurted out the truth. “I’ve decided to be a surrogate.”
“…”
She opened one eye to look at her younger brother, worried by her lack of response. “Kit?”
He was sitting motionlessly, staring at her like he wasn’t really seeing her. It worried her a little to see him like this.
Kit didn’t know what to say. In all honesty, out of everything that he had been hoping his sister would tell him…this had not been on the list.
Surrogate?
What on earth was she even thinking? Especially since he hadn't even seen her date anyone in all her twenty eight years of life!
“Are you pregnant?” He asked, wondering if she was trying to disguise her pregnancy by calling it surrogacy. “Do you have a boyfriend now?”
“What? No!” P’Kanya shook her head immediately, waving her hands in front of her. “It’s not like that!”
“Then what is it exactly?” Kit asked her, still confused. “You know it’s not…”
“I know, I know.” P’Kanya told him immediately. “I…look, Kit. It’s difficult for me to explain to you right now why I’m doing this…but it’s safe and we won’t have to worry about the debt anymore.”
“I don’t care how hard it is for you to explain na, Phi! But why on earth do you have to sell your womb to pay off the debt that the bastard left us?”
Kaya winced at Kit’s words. She understood now that her choice of words weren’t the best…but how was she going to tell her brother about what she really felt? How could she make him understand that she was asexual…unable to form a physical relationship with anyone? No matter how much the society had advanced, she still found it difficult to discuss sex and sexuality with her brother so openly since they were far out of her comfort zone.
“I’m not selling my womb,” she said finally, hoping to calm down her brother and make him understand as much as possible. “A friend of mine asked me to have his baby since his family is pressuring him to have children.”
“So…is he going to marry you?” The more Phi spoke, the more Kit felt like his head was sinking underwater.
What on earth was even happening? He shook his head, hoping that his sister would actually start making sense. He knew she was more of a reserved person who never spoke of her personal life to anyone…but every word coming out of her mouth at that instant felt alien.
“NO!” P’Kanya’s eyes were wide as she shook her head vigorously. “I’m not marrying Kim!”
“Kim?” Kit’s eyes widened as he heard his sister call out the name of the man that he had been with last night. “Who’s that?”
“You remember Kim, don’t you?” P’Kanya frowned. “He used to be my friend during college. He came over during Christmas and brought us so many gifts!”
P’Kim? Kit frowned. Even though there were hundreds of people in Thailand with the same name, he still felt an uneasy feeling in the pit of his stomach at the mention of that name. That was until he remembered exactly who his sister was talking about!
“P’Kim!” He looked at her with wide eyes. “Didn’t the two of you used to date in Uni?”
He vaguely remembered a tall, dark-haired man who used to bring his Phi home from time to time. Kit used to be a shy boy at that time so he had hardly ever been around P’Kim when he came over, but he could remember that their mother had been very fond of him, even going as far as joking that she should arrange a wedding for them already.
P’Kanya had never protested at that time, but she hadn't seemed opposed to the idea either. Then why was she suddenly denying a wedding? Was P’Kim already married? Was he using his sister to have a child in exchange for money?
“Kit…Kim and I never dated.” P’Kanya reassured him. “We were best of friends and we still are, but we didn’t love each other that way.”
“Why?” He frowned. “Is he already married? Because I remember you being very fond of him. You didn’t even date anyone after college.”
“Kit, some people are just meant to be friends. Not all relationships between a boy and a girl need to end up in marriage.” Phi shook her head. “I think I should let Kim explain the rest to you. He is so much better at this and I think having a man explain the rest would be better.”
“I think so too.”
Kit didn’t say anything else to his sister as he finished his meal silently. Not only was his mind going completely blank at what his sister had just suggested, but he was also utterly confused about the relationship between her and P’Kim, the man who she was always seen with in college.
If only Kit could get the answers right away…he wouldn’t feel like his head was about to explode. However, there was another issue that seemed to be bothering him, even though it was just a mere coincidence.
There seemed to be an unexplained connections between P’Kimhan and P’Kim…he could almost feel it in his gut.
“Kim is sending his car over.” P’Kanya announced only ten minutes later. “He asked us to spend the weekend at his house before making a decision. I’m hoping that he can help explain this better to you that I did. I’m sorry for all the mess.”
Kit could only nod his head as he went off to wash the dishes and pack some clothes into an overnight bag to spend the weekend with Phi’s old friend.
However, he couldn’t help but feel a sense of dread as he and his sister got into a shiny black Sedan that afternoon and were on their way to meet P’Kim. Kit could only hope that he was finally going to get the answers he was asking for.