"...I'm sorry I didn't answer. There was a lot going on because my father had a bit too much to drink again, but don't worry. I'm back with you now."
Am I crying right now?
"I know how you feel about being alone, but why did you think about it when I wasn't there? Why did you think you were alone? It wasn't even an hour, why do you always worry so much? You never talk to me when it comes to your personal feelings, but the feelings you have for me you reveal without asking. It would be enough if you could turn your inner monologues into a dialogue, you know," she says with tears that I could feel on my skin.
"But that should be enough, I haven't lost my hopes, things can still work out between us.
With these words she went into the kitchen. I think she wants to make me breakfast.
I was so wrong, I thought I would be good as her boyfriend but it seems to be completely different. How could I have given her those thoughts?
" Damn it!"
Well, I should go to the kitchen and apologise to her and maybe hug her aswell.
While I was walking there, I looked in my mirror and my hair was all messed up, so I went to the bathroom.
I turned on the tap. Water was running. I took a handful of water. I washed my hair with it. Washed my face.
In the midst of the silence, a powerful throb echoes, as if from the depths of my chest. Each beat seems to pierce the room as if demanding expression. When I dare to look in the mirror, my own reflection becomes a riddle that confuses my thoughts. As my hand glides slowly over my skin, I feel a pleasant warmth flow through my body. It envelops me like a blanket of soft light, and yet a certain ambiguity remains - is it feverish heat or something else entirely?
On the way to the kitchen, my heart beat louder and louder. I could no longer hear anything except the beat of my heart. I don't know why, but I could feel a reason for the beating of my heart, that I wasn't aware of. Every step felt like a way towards despair, and every breath pierced my heart.
It felt wrong, yet when I reached the kitchen door, I dared to open it with a broken voice looking for help.
"Aghh, I can't walk anymore. Help m-."
What?! But you are supposed to be right-
"AAGHHHHHHHHH!"
-
"Hey, Masa, take a look at Yuya's left hand."
"What about it?"
"It's full of patches that he tries to hide under his sleeve."
"So? He probably hurt himself or something."
"You think? His posture is weaker than usual and he's looking nowhere but down, and besides, where's his girlfriend gone?"
"Good question. Didn't she walk him to school every day?"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she did."
"Wait, Masa, look at those bags under his eyes."
"Oh Suzu, why do you bother me with Yuya, I'm not interested in him."
Why does she talk like I'm addicted to talking to her?
"Okay, I have to go now, my class is starting. See you, Masa."
"Yeah yeah, bye."
Hmmpfh.
-
I walk to my classroom without thinking and have to face disgusted and lustful looks from the boys, but not even in the room I hear a loud laugh from the other class. Curiously, I put my head against the door to listen to their conversation.
"Yeah, Suzu is annoying and thinks she belongs to us, hahahaha"
"I don't like her either, I mean okay she looks good but nothing else."
"Now that we are talking about her looks, there are videos going around where she is supposedly making out with a boy."
Another conversation like that, how annoying.
I went into the room and saw their shocked faces, as if they regretted this blasphemy right away.
"Hello Onishi, what are you talking about?" I asked cluelessly.
"About another youtube video about a hot boy!"
"Ah, I'd like to see that boy too."
"Ehrm, I'll show you later, okay?" another girl said from the side.
"Okay, thank you very much."
So I stormed out of our art room without saying goodbye and went straight to my classroom.
"TOO LATE!"
"I'm so sorry, I overslept."
"Whatever, sit down."
Phew. I walked to my seat and sat down. By coincidence, Yuya is sitting next to me. But he looks different, like he's having a bad nightmare.
"Open to page 234 and copy the part on the left."
Always copying without thinking, I hate that.
"You there, what's your name?" a person whispered in a deep voice.
"I'm your classmate, you should know that," I said without realising who it was.
I followed the voice and saw that it was Yuya.
"Anyway, can I have a pen?"
I was surprised that he would ever ask me for anything or communicate with me at all, but I quickly looked for a clean pen and gave it to him without a thank you.
-
"Well, everyone should be ready by now," the teacher said after a few minutes.
Barely. If I wasn't ready, he'd kill me for being late.
[22:26]
Something poked me in the back and it was Yuya. I looked back and he was trying to give me my pencil back without saying a word.
I took it carefully and had to look at his cobbled hands again. Disgusting.
Wait, what...
The recently clean pen was suddenly covered in red and sticky paint where fingers should be.
Is that Yuya's b-blood?
Wait? How bad must his scars have been? Why is he still at school? Is that why he hasn't been to school for the last three days?
"Our topic is finished for today. See you tomorrow."
How I love this noise. It makes this room and this school so alive. It automatically makes me happy, because .... our own happiness is closely linked to the happiness of others, we can only be truly happy if we value the joy and well-being of those around us as much as our own.
I wish many people would see it that way, but well, everyone has to philosophise about these things for themselves.
Besides, I never see Yuya happy when class is over. It would be completely wrong to think that he likes school, because he often doesn't come, but then what's the point? He's the only one I don't have a clear picture of. He seems to think paradoxically. But well, I think he is just generally quiet.
But I have to go. I don't have time to worry about a person who doesn't know my name.
I went straight to the back door, which was not locked.
"It's locked. Why won't it open?"
I guess I have no choice but to take the hall. The bloody corridor, where those disgusting people touch me. These harmless bastards think I won't notice, but the tears I shed at home because of this humiliation speak for their actions. The dirt on their filthy hands doesn't come off even after 5 showers. I wish they never existed because these disgusting creatures have it in their blood. They are so horny by nature. Yuya is probably like that too. Their actions go against my ideology. How can I be happy if they are happy through sexual harassment?
"Huh? What?!"
When the tunnel vision on the floor went away, I saw that no one was there.
I was shocked and overjoyed at the same time. I love my life.
-
When I got out of school, I went straight to my house. This day has its mood swings. First I'm unlucky with the back exit and then I'm lucky that the hallway is empty. Is this a dream, if so, I want to experience it again, because the conclusion is perfect as you can see by me.
Wait, isn't that Yuya in the front again? What is that idiot doing in this area full of dogs again?
Oh-
"YUYA, BEHIND YOU!", I screamed.
But it was already too late. The dog was already biting his wounded hand.
I ran to him while all the street dogs ran away barking.
"Y-Yuya, please talk."
He didn't answer and didn't make any sound. I took him in my arms out of reflex and screamed for help.
"Dream," he whispered in my ears.
"Dream... Dream... Dream.", he replied with it again and again.
"What are you talking about."
"I need to Drea-...", he said as his voice fainted away.