"Dream..."
"Yuya, what are you talking about!"
...
When I came to my consciousness and unintentionally opened my eyes, I saw myself lying in my bed with the girl from my class sitting next to me looking at her phone.
"Are you finally awake?" she asked in an agitated voice, to which I gave no answer.
It must have been one of the girls who liked to be grabbed by the boys in the hall.
"Hey! I saved you! At least answer me!"
I refused to talk to her at first, but then I thanked her.
"I'm going to go now, if you need anything you can ask me at school or call me," she said while writing something down on a piece of paper, "Here's my number. You can contact me that way too."
When she got up and tried to leave, I took her by the arm.
"Hey, what's wrong?" she asked, but I couldn't answer.
"Hey! Talk!", it felt like I couldn't get a word out for some reason.
She tried to untie herself from my arm, "Hey, you fucking creep! Let go of me!"
"P- Please stay with me a little longer," I said in a weak voice. I felt a kind of relief at her presence, she had to stay.
"Why couldn't you say it sooner? Phew, I really thought you were going to try and do something naughty to me. Stupid Yuya."
"Sorry."
"Oh my, whatever." she said as she sat back down next to my bed, "Hey, your patches look bad already. Do you want me to change them?"
How nice. She's probably like that with the guys who harass her like that too.
"Sure."
Talking to her suddenly felt easier, so I could get every word out without pressure.
She went into the bathroom without asking where my first aid kit was and came back with it after a while. She had probably been looking for it for a long time. She took my hand carefully and put it on her thigh. Was this an act to get me to grope her too?
"Okay, this might hurt a little," she warned. "And here! That's it."
I hope she won't question how these wounds came about.
"Yuya, can I ask you something?"
"Sure."
Is she about to ask it now?
"Well, I've been wondering all this time why I have to take care of you. What's wrong with your girlfrien-?"
"DON'T!", I screamed at her while slamming my left hand against the wall. She looked at me with shocked eyes while all the blood spread at her face and clothes.
"Don't...", I started crying. The moment she talked about it destoryed me. I could no longer hide it, I could no longer stand it. I broke down.
Without once screaming over the blood, she comforted me, "Oh no, sorry, I didn't mean to... I'm so sorry, please lie down."
I lay down and the feeling in my heart came back. Every breath stabbed into my heart again. The room started to darken and the air became hard to breathe.
She was still there. She sat next to me while I continued to cry without stopping.
"Yuya, talk to me, please!"
...Isn't that what she meant? Talking about my problems?
I didn't answer and she stayed there anyway.
"I can't help you if-.", while she tried to continue speaking, I opened up.
"Dream...", I said as the tears rolled down my cheeks. "She left me after she had intimacy with me. The day I felt betrayed and hoped for a better day by going to sleep," the thought made my tears stronger.
"Yuya-...", I interrupted her again.
"That night I dreamt of her. I dreamt that she was with me, comforting me. She explained to me why she had blocked me and left me. I was so overjoyed at that moment. She went into the kitchen and I went to wash my face," my heart started beating loudly again. "I washed my face and went into the kitchen to apologise to her for my mistakes, but by the time I got there she was gone. At that moment I knew it was a dream. A dream where she was still by my side."
I heard no reply.
"I started to take blood from myself by cutting my hand to fall into a coma with the hope that she will exist there for a long time. But no matter how broken I was. Nothing happened."
While I stopped crying, I still didn't hear an answer. As I began to wipe away my tears, I looked into her eyes.
What?!
"Why are you crying?" I asked her, confused. She looked ahead with tunnel vision while endless tears streamed down her face.
She jumped on me without me being able to react and hugged me. She hugged me so tightly that I placed my injured arm behind her back.
She is probably a very senitmental woman. That will do it.
I took her left arm away from me so that our faces were opposite each other.
"But now you are here, with me. I feel much better in your presence," I said as I tasted the tears on her cheeks with my tongue.
She looked at my lips and brought hers close to mine.
"I will contact you. Thank you," I said as I stopped her lips from kissing mine.
She left with her last words, "I knew it, since I entered your bathroom full of blood. Im not going to call the ambulance since you said that nothing happend, but please don't do it anymore. I don't know you to say something that personal but... I'm here for you."
"Whats your name again?"
"Yuya, it's Suzu."
"Thank you, Suzu."
She smiled and left my room.
what an exhausting girl, yet i am partly grateful to her. I hope this was the last encounter we will have. But my arm hurts more than usual now because of my blow against the wall. But did she really think she could stop me from hurting myself? Ridiculous. But I don't have time to pity her foolishness. I will try to see her for real tonight. I don't care if her father is there or not. Ah, the father. Maybe it really was him. Maybe he has a correlation to this whole thing.
I waited a few minutes until I was sure Suzu was out of my neighbourhood and then got dressed right away. It was already 10 o'clock at night. Actually, it was already time to destroy my body, but I couldn't do it right now.
The weather was windy and no stars were shining. I could hear the wind clearly as I walked through the dark streets full of junkies. The ground was not visible, yet you could tell where you were by the drug-seeking moans of the junkies, and the blocks that formed all the alleys had windows that were often still lit.
Their block was very far from where I was standing. It was 4 other alleys away to be exact, yet it was worth it. My biggest fear at the time was that junkies would mug me or inject me. After a long time of walking, I arrived. The wind was getting stronger and louder. It started to thunder and rain, but that didn't matter because I was already covered with several layers.
I took a deep breath before ringing the bell at her flat. She lived on the seventh floor. My hopes were high when she opened the door. Was it all for nothing now? All that pain?
I ran up the stairs of her apartment block. With the help of my mobile phone light, I could still see something, but everything was pitch dark. My heart began to beat strongly again, so that it was no longer normal nervousness. Her flat was at the back of the corridor.
Every step was overwhelming.
Wait-? Is this another dream? Have I been asleep for a long time? No, no! Please don't.
But my chances of finding out are still slim. I started pinching myself and slapping my cobbled hand against my other hand to feel pain. But even though it hurt, I was still unsure. There's no point, is there? I will try, I will see her, even if it is to be a dream, it would be enough for me.
"Ring, ring!"
Why doesn't anyone answer?
"Ring, Ring!"
Still no one?
"Ring, Ri-"
The door started to open.
"Gulp!"
I shallowed a whole liter of my spit, before I could see the person and-
...
"Ugh, who are you?"