Chapter 9 - Chapter 9: Hemrockhever

Entering the house, the house that received the least damage, the dwarf saw Richten copulating with Ulrihelga.

"Ah, that's what you're doing!" the tonnebeard said.

Ulrihelga moaned slightly. Hemrockhever did not look at it, but simply took the jug and poured himself a drink.

"Yack!" Hemrockhever grimaced. "Itrasemjor again, how do you northerners drink it?"

Itrasemjor was a strong drink of the snunorfs with a rather bitter taste.

"We, northerners, proud that you tonnebeards, oh," Richten said, continuing to copulate, "we proud, that you made your tenliash, it's really… Oh, how good, that's it, yes, yes... Tenliash is really better!"

"Enough blabbering!" Ulrihelga shouted.

"I'll go outside," Hemrockhever said and taking the jug, he left the house.

It was snowing. They were in Ottosdal. They were able to get out of Frosholden alive when dragons attacked the city. Hemrockhever remembered that the vaunted astvatska of the snunorfs didn't help much. Yes, ballistae smeared with liquid did not succumb to destruction from the fiery attacks of dragons, but the ermirians... Tonnebeard again approached the inscription carved with a dagger on a wooden board. "The ashes of Lala Freethieldson are scattered here. She was about 10 years old. She died after falling from the karkhash."

Suddenly he heard a flapping of wings and a scream. The dwarf was about to run away but realized that it was the argiphones. Richten ran out putting on his pants, and then returned to the house quickly.

Two argiphones with arqilunians saw them and sent the birds to attack.

"Hey, what are you doing ?!" Hemrockhever shouted and ran into the house, and before the dwarf reached the door, Richten came up, holding an axe and a sword in his hands, and he threw the axe to the dwarf.

The argiphones were huge and wanted to grab the dwarf with their claws, but he waved the axe with such force that he cut off part of the bird's claw, the argiphone made a shrill sound and flew to gain altitude. The second argiphone headed towards Richten. Ulrihelga ran out with two swords. Hemrockhever cast an illusion spell and his image took on a bizarre shape and become partially doubled.

Argiphone knocked Richten down and wanted to peck him, but then Ulrihelga ran at him with a scream. Argiphone turned, giving Richten time to get up, and the snunorf drove the sword into argiphone stomach. Arqilunian got off the bird with lightning speed.

"Skeshdaks!" the elf shouted to them, "vile dwarf and northerners! You will die!"

Richten's sword got stuck in the argiphone, and the bird tried to pull it out, Richten ran back a little, and Ulrihelga ran to him and threw him her second sword, Richten caught it.

"Why did you attack?" Richten shouted to the arqilunians, "We have an alliance with Eileenelia!"

"We are the cleaners! We're just cleaning Ermir!" the elf answered him, "Kiyal Farus Fiyas Dracal," and Richten barely dodged a rapidly flying fireball.

At this time, the translucent image of Hemrockhever tried to fight with the argiphone, but the bird picked up his axe with its giant beak and swallowed it, throwing the dwarf back with its beak.

"My favourite axe!" Hemrockhever shouted, getting up, and ran straight at the bird, pulling out a small dagger. Argiphone tried to grab him, but it hit the illusion shell and Hemrockhever was able to slip through the wet snowy soil right under the belly of the bird and tried to rip it open with a dagger. But there was such a massive plumage that the argiphone felt nothing and took off.

"Get back my axe!" the dwarf shouted and ran into the house.

The arqilunian could not cope with the tactics of the snunorf, who surrounded him on two sides, evading his magic. And when Ulrihelga ran at him, Richten also ran and the arqilunian just wanted to draw his sword, and, despite the advantage in speed, he didn't have time to react, and Ulrihelga's sword went straight into his neck. Richten, not waiting for the death of the elf, ran to the house. Ulrihelga paused to draw her sword, then looked at the dead elf and said,

"You are a bad cleaner," and then she also ran into the house.

As soon as Richten opened the door, Hemrockhever came out with a poleaxe.

"Why don't you take your sword?"

"I want my axe back!" Hemrockhever shouted in rage. The spell ceased to work, and he took on a natural shape.

The second arqilunian circled on an argiphone above them, he could not cast the spell, as he held on to the plumage of the bird. His evil gaze sparkled.

"I will avenge you!" He shouted and flew away.

"Well," said Hemrockhever regretfully, "I was left without an axe!"

"You have a poleaxe in your hands, it's almost an axe," Ulrihelga said.

"The shaft is long, and the blade is small, the balance is not the right for me."

"The shaft can be shortened," Ulrihelga said.

"The balance will still be wrong!" the dwarf insisted.

"Get taller and stronger," the woman said.

"Ha-ha," the dwarf remarked irritably.

Richten smiled.

"Be careful with him, Ulrihelga, he may be the future king of Farderland," Richten said, smiling even more.

"Why would you think that?" Hemrockhever asked. "I am not of royal blood, not an heir or a relative of Tulvarick, and besides, I believe that the king is alive!"

"If he is dead, and if all of his heirs are dead, then some warrior will have to wear a crown. We are in the war, Hemrockhever, and during the war, either the military seizes the throne or the criminals," Richten said.

They approached the dying argiphone.

"It's not your fault that your master is galfodrildak!" said Richten to the bird, and quickly ran up and pulled Ulrihelga's sword from the bird. Blood poured faster, the bird tried to peck them one last time.

"Maybe we must save the unfortunate creature from suffering?" Hemrockhever asked.

"Do you know exactly where the argiphone heart is? I thought I wounded the bird in the stomach, but it would be dead already if I was right. And if we decide to find a heart, how many times we will pierce the bird with swords, constantly causing pain? No, we'd rather let it bleed out and die in peace."

"Maybe we will eat it?" Ulrihelga suggested.

"It's dangerous to stay here while we pluck... Look at its feathers!" Richten exclaimed, surprised at the suggestion of Ulrihielga. "It's easier for us to hunt if the snow doesn't melt! While we'll butcher the argiphone, a new Iglara will rise, and several ermirian wars will have passed, some great-great-grandchildren of a bastard, who fled, will look at us and say, 'let's not kill them today they're still plucking, let our grandchildren take care of them!"

Hemrockhever and Ulrihelga laughed.

"Actually, the plumage could be set on fire," Ulrihelga said, "whatever happens to the skin and the front of the meat–"

"And it would burn, luring the dragons with its smoke and smell, right?" Richten interrupted her.

"Alright, I'm convinced, your logic is great!" Ulrihelga paused and became more serious, "Where do we go now, almertan?"

Almertan is the highest officer rank in the snunorf army, similar to an earth general. Since the king has always been the supreme commander in chief, the almertan is the second person in military affairs after the king.

"We've been in Ottosdal too long," Richten said.

"Too long moaning nights and days," the dwarf grinned.

"Ha!" Ulrihelga said, "Are you jealous, Hemrockhever?"

"I'm not, but you're the only woman here!" said Hemrockhever bluntly.

"What do we know?" Richten continues, "We know that Ganrikter II is dead, and, probably, the capital is still occupied by a gang of thugs! Tulvarick maybe died in a sea. The alliance between Norvinoria and Farderland is in question, but I think still exist. The alliance between Eileenelia and Farderland and Norvinoria under a bold question, most likely broken up! I want to stay alive, and so do you. And if we go north, if there are a lot of marauders, then we won't make it. If we go south, tonnebeards–"

"They'll welcome you like old friends!" Hemrockhever finished for him, "It's cold in the north, you don't know magic and I only can use the magic of illusion. And though the dragons flew in different directions, I think more of them flew to the north than to Farderland."

"I agree with him," Ulrihelga said, addressing Richten. "We don't know who is in alliance with whom, and who sits on the throne, but we will be safe with the tonnebeards, because of political strategy. Farderland need a loyal Norvinoria. If the war between Farderland and Eileenelia or Kaushmanashtoon begins, tonnebeards will want an alliance with the north. That's why they'll be happy to welcome the almertan of the northerners loyal to Ganrikter."

"And then what? I want to live, but I don't want to sit like a coward in a warm house while our countrymen are dying!" Richten reasoned.

"I think in my homeland, we'll learn how to defeat dragons and we'll figure out how to take control under your capital and hang all those criminal bastards! Tonnebeards will help," Hemrockhever said. "Richten, you have no army now, and death may await us in the north, besides, if you drag me north, I'll be grumbling all the time. And the tonnebeards grumbling is so unbearable that you'll have to cut off my tongue!" and he laughed.

Richten smiled.

"But Anvertarda has been burned, and we don't know if there will be any tonnebeards in other cities," Richten said.

"We won't go to the capital. In case of big danger, disaster the tonnebeards must gather in one city, in Stumbleglade, a city that is hidden in the forest. Most likely, all the surviving dwarfs and the rest of the ermirians of Farderland went there," Hemrockhever said.

"Why didn't you tell us about it earlier? Ulrihelga wondered, "Why didn't you insist on going there?"

"First, I was waiting for my king! If Tulvarick had seen Forsholden's devastation, he would have headed along the border, just as we did, to find the northerners, because our alliance is important to him. And second, I wanted you to find as many survivors as possible... But now I realize that we really waited too long. That's why I am talking about Stumbleglade now. And third, I'm tired of hearing your moans!"

"When we're on the road, you'll hear mine more than once," Ulrihelga smiled and exchanged glances with Richten, who also smiled.

Hemrockhever decided to ignore this.

"Alright," Richten suddenly agreed, "whoever ruled Stumbleglade, I hope he'll listen to you, Hemrockhever, you're a tonnebeard oberdwerg after all, I hope we'll find help there!"

"That's great," Hemrockhever rejoiced, "especially since Stumbleglade isn't so far from Ottosdal."

"Then it's decided," Richten said, "let's go to Stumbleglade!"