They say that teenagers are cruel assholes and for once, the adults are 100 percent right. Why, I didn't know. Maybe it has something to do with underdeveloped brains leading to a withered and malformed empathy gland. Maybe kids were just savages who hadn't been fully inducted into the mass delusion of civility in which adults live. What were teenagers but human beings in their primal form? They were selfish, megalomaniacal, and fed on the suffering of others. They only changed as they grew, because as they grew, they became more and more indoctrinated into a socially acceptable mold. They learned, rather than instinctively felt, empathy and selflessness. Basically, they were peer pressured into being a certain way. Maybe that sounded edgy or something, but at its core, i believed it to be a possibility. All of the virtues society holds up are passed down from one person to another like a family heirloom. If you don't pass them on, what do you get? A complete savage who doesn't give a single care about anyone else. Someone who's rude, selfish, insensitive, and brutish.
Someone like Rocco's sister Sofia.
I wasn't sure what Rocco had told her, but it was enough for her to start appearing at my school. What was it that made her want to start to bully me? I didn't know and honestly, after a lot of soul searching and self-doubts, I didn't really care. Make no mistake about it, on sight, I could tell that she was exactly like her brother, but for some perverse reason, I became her target although I didn't know her. With her, it went beyond verbal taunts and insults and verged on outright abuse. She would pop up around school randomly, when Ashton wasn't around, and slap the back of my neck, and pulled other evil pranks on me. She stuck a sandwich down the back of my pants, poured White-Out in my drink at lunch, and shot me with rubber band guns that hurt ten times worse than the real thing. She stuck out her foot and tripped me, slapped a KICK ME sign on my back, and yanked down my shorts down in gym class(which made me wonder how the fuck she even got onto school property); luckily I wore plain briefs. If I had boxers on, they would have come down too. When i was certain nothing bad could possibly happen to me, I opened up my locker to fetch his stuff, only for a whole pile of rotting garbage to fall out of my locker and practically crush me beneath it. I almost threw up from the horrendous smell alone. And, like always, I could hear everyone else in the hallway laughing at me and snapping photos of my embarrassment, likely to post it on whatever social media they used.
The only thing I could wonder was why the fuck she wasn't attending her own school?
In a matter of three days, Sofia had turned me into a twitching, paranoid mess from her constantly popping up. What's worse is that I couldn't let Ashton or Sam find out about the disturbance because, honestly, i was ashamed of myself for being bullied again...especially by a girl.
Look, i respected women and all, my shame didn't come from the fact that I thought girls were lesser or not capable of being giant bullies or anything, it came from the fact that other people thought that sort of thing. They would think less of me for being bullied by a girl, or they wouldn't take it seriously because "oh, she's a girl, it's not a big deal." Sexism comes from both sides and I think I would wind up caught in the crossfire if I told. Some people would question my masculinity and others would pull the "you're a cis-white male, it's not a big deal if a girl bullies you, you're being dramatic and trying to play the victim." It wasn't fair - was probably legally discriminatory - but they assumed that I was the aggressor because I am a boy. It was messed up, but that's just the way it was, i'd just have to tough it out.
I know this! I've tried to report Vincenzo's fan girls before!
Hate was such a strong word but you need strong words to express strong emotions, and my emotions toward her and her brother were stronger than the deathgrip Uncle Mickey put on his pretty young workers. I was so disturbed that I actually envisioned myself hitting her with a good sturdy uppercut and knocking some teeth out.
And it disgusted me!
Taking a deep breath, I forced those thoughts away and centered myself just like Ashton had taught me. It was a yoga trick but it actually worked. When i was calmer, I left the bathroom stall and went to the sink. My eyes went to the mirror...and to the pink wad of gum in my hair. I had been so focused on keeping myself cool, calm and collected that i completely forgot about the gum.
Gum, i had always heard, was almost impossible to get out of your hair. I found out years ago that that wasn't hyperbole, it was the truth. I tried pulling, tugging, digging, and yanking.
Nothing happened. It was pretty matted in there. It just made me wonder how the hell she convinced other girls at this school to help her.
The bell rang and i was forced to give up and let Ashton cut out a chunk of my hair. For the rest of the day, when Ashton wasn't around me, students and teachers alike commented on my "new hairdo" and my face burned with shame. At one point, i crossed paths with Sofia in the pavilion and she grinned at me maliciously. "Nice spot," she said. She then punched me so hard in the shoulder that I was sure she had left a bruise.
"I'm just going to flip my shit on her," I told Sam my plan. "And worse comes to worse, I'll call Mickey."
"Not a good idea, buddy. You should just leave it alone."
"I can't," I said. "I can't stand this anymore. I don't want this shit to start up again and it's driving me crazy. I just don't want to be sick again, so I have to handle her."
"Just tell Ashton," Sam pleaded.
"Why should I do-" I felt a force crash into my eye and dazzling white light burst across my vision. My knees turned to water and I spilled to the ground before Sam could catch me. Sofia stood over us with her hands balled into fists and her shoulders rising and falling. "You fucking piece of shit! Stay away from Vincenzo!" She reared back her leg and kicked me in the sternum, knocking the wind from my lungs. I gasped and sucked in a sharp intake of air.
"WHAT THE FUCK?!!!" Sam got over his initial shock and kneeled down to help me. Shoving her hands into her pockets, Sofia spun on her heels in an angry swish of a red brown ponytail and stalked off. I lay crumpled on the ground like a worm, sucking great gulps of air, then I got weakly to my hands and knees. Fire swept through my midsection and my head swam; I felt like I was going to pass out, but instead i opened my mouth and issued a long, acidic string of stomach bile. Tears welled in my eyes and for a second I thought I was going to shit myself.
"I'm going to kill her," I grunted. The humiliation was becoming too much! "Where is Vincenzo?"
"He went to go pick up Rocco from school," Sam told me.
So he can't even be the substitute for a beat down at the moment? This is why I should've just let the friendship die completely, because every time that mother fucker gets in a relationship, it's me that pays for it.
"Is Soyoung free? I can't hit a girl, but she definitely can," I said.
"Don't make her fight a random, Dan!" Sam pleaded. "You shouldn't bring her into outside situations!"
"Too late!" I already pressed on Soyoung's contact and my phone was connecting to hers via FaceTime. After a few rings, she picked up and I saw her beautifully made up face on my screen.
""Hel-DANNY!"" she yelled loudly, almost jumping to her feet in shock. ""What happened to you?!"" Soyoung stared at the injury in terror, with me unable to do anything but smile nervously.
"Uh, sooo..." I said, rubbing the back of my neck and looking anywhere but his mother. "You know Sofia, that girl I was worried about?"
""You mean the sister of that stupid bitch Rocco?"" She asked, still quite shocked. ""Are you ok?""
I nodded. ""It still hurts, but it was all she did to me. Physically at least.""
Soyoung scowled. ""Oh, I am going to teach that girl a lesson!""
"Why not just tell Vincenzo? I can call him right now!" Sam said. "Baby, you just got your nails done, don't mess them up on a person like that!"
""Shut up, Sam! I didn't do all those years of Taekkyon to see my friend like this! And you can't hit her, so I will! Let's go find that bitch!"" Soyoung ranted. Now this is what I wanted to hear! This girl was amazing!
"Yeah, let's get that bitch!"
"What bitch?" A voice sounded from behind Sam and I. Without thinking, we both turned to face Ashton, who's confused face quickly turned angry.
""Is that Ashton?! Tell him I'll beat that bitch up!"" Soyoung insisted. ""I'm going to my car right now! I'll be there in a bit!""
Soyoung ended the call and left me to face Ashton. He was just staring at me, eyes wide with wonder and shock, and appeared to be studying my face quite intensely. It made me feel uncomfortably like a dead body in a morgue, but there was something else, some other expression on Ashton's face and I wasn't sure I had ever seen it before.
We both stood there for a few more moments, Ashton looking at me as though i was a particularly interesting alien, me trying to identify the look on his face.
At first when Ashton raised his hand, I flinched a bit. The hand stopped for a moment, then continued moving, until it brushed, ever so faintly, across my developing bruise. I realized that must be why he was studying me so intently, although I had no idea what was so fascinating about a black eye. Ashton's lips parted ever so slightly, and he inhaled audibly.
"Who did it?" He demanded.
"Rocco's sister, Sofia," Sam told.
Ashton looked as if he were trying to keep himself calm. I just nodded. "Still think it's not a big deal just because it's a girl? Why is she even messing with you like this when we have nothing to do with her? I knew I should've just called the police when we kept seeing her pop up around school! And look at you, getting lethargic again! I don't like seeing you like this! Maybe I can just get this entire family deported and we won't ever have to-"
"Ashton!" I cut off his thoughtless rant. "It's ok, Soyoung said she'll beat her up!"
"Why is she even doing this to you?" He pulled me into a warm hug.
"I wish I knew."
"She said 'stay away from Vincenzo' before she left. So it might be because of Rocco," Sam interjected. "Well most likely it is because of him."
"Just call Vincenzo here now. Send a car if you must," Ashton sighed in frustration. "Make sure he brings that little shit with him."
"I wanna see Soyoung beat the shit of Sofia though!" I said.
Ashton shot me a look and just shook his head. "Pigheaded."
I frowned. "I am not pigheaded."
"That is a lie and we both know it, lovebug. You just want to see a fight happen." Ashton said. "I let you take a crack at handling things without an argument, so as of now, I'm going to finish this."
"Hm, just what I'd expect from my man," I smiled sarcastically. Ashton hugged me a bit tighter as it seemed I had accidentally stroked his ego. He was so simple it was cute.
"I'm not kicking any ass...if it's not needed, but you will be compensated somehow for the black eye, I'll make sure of it," Ashton said.
"I think Soyoung beating her up is compensation enough," I pointed out.
"And if she doesn't come back here?"
"We can find her, then I'll be satisfied. Ah, I think I can feel my eye swelling," I groaned. The sinking feeling in my stomach made me feel sick, reminding me of another bully from a few years ago that used to be cool with Vincenzo and Martin.
Nobody knows exactly where Andy came from, some say he was raised by a family of bigfoot sasquatches, others say he crawled out of the most polluted depths of a polluted Lake. All anyone did know is ever since the first day of middle school, he had asserted himself as the toughest, meanest, and most undesirable kid to be around. And at the time, he had his sights set on me.
To say I had bad luck with bullies was a slight exaggeration. I was not cursed, but it was a rare day something would not go awry for me. Whether it be a plan of mine backfiring, or him trying to steal one of the many medications I used to be on, I was almost always in some kind of predicament. That predicament however, was worse than most others.
I had been Andy's number one target for weeks at that point, and for the longest time I had just tried to ignore him in the hope that he would eventually pick on someone else. It worked for a while, but eventually my patience wore thin. So I decided to do the only thing i could, tell an adult. Yes, snitching was low and Mickey advised against it, but desperate times call for desperate measures, and it wasn't like Vincenzo was going to help me. So I stayed late after class and informed a teacher, Mrs. Johnston, of what had been happening. She assured me the situation would be taken very seriously and that I had nothing to worry about.
But it was such a lie.
When Andy had been approached by Mrs. Johnston about the bullying, he at first denied the allegations. But when this proved to be futile, he tried to frame himself as the victim, which was even more unbelievable. After a long back and forth between the teacher and the bully, Andy was given a week of after school detention. As to be expected, Andy was not happy about this, and swore the next time he saw me, he would make me wish that I was never born.
Ultimately no fight ended up happening, because I was just humiliated publicly by the invention of the nickname Hospice Boy and Vincenzo had threatened me into apologizing to Andy in front of people instead of helping me. The feeling of disappointment and anger at my inability to fight back physically destroyed the last bit of confidence I had at that time.
"Why the fuck was I friends with this guy? Did I really become that much of a pushover?" I mumbled.
"Baby?" Ashton asked. I looked gratefully at him with overwhelming admiration as no one had insisted on getting compensation for me before.
"It's like that asshole is still making fun of me through someone else," I vocalized my inner thoughts about Rocco. "After all, crazy is as crazy does. I don't get why I'm feeling like shit right now. I can stand up for myself very well so-"
"You're more gentle towards women, babe. It's just how you were raised to be and you stick to your principles better than anyone I know. This is just one of those times when your principle is getting tested." Ashton assured me.
"Plus Soyoung's ready to kick her ass," Sam added. "I don't think Vincenzo has much to do with this happening. I've been keeping an eye on him and he doesn't even think about you anymore. Plus Vincenzo and Rocco just got in a car I sent over, they should be here shortly."
"What do you know about Rocco?" I asked Sam.
"Nothing, and I'd prefer to keep it that way. I was listening to you tell Soyoung how much of a bitch he is and he just sounds like someone who likes trouble and those people are dangerous. Kind of like you, but way more extreme," he shook his head. "She said it's his karma, but even if she's right, Rocco still needs a reality check though."
"Ain't that the truth."
"Especially after he was the reason Vincenzo almost got frostbite." Sam added.
"What do you mean about that?" Ashton asked.
"Rocco told Vincenzo to meet him at his school a few days ago when it snowed. Vincenzo said it was just a misunderstanding but I think he was made to wait on purpose. Probably as a joke or something."
"I also think Rocco is messing with him," Ashton agreed, "he was pretty shaken after lunch the other day. Martin even got in touch and said that he's worried about Vincenzo as well. In my opinion it's better if they separate."
When I suggested things like this in the past, it never ended well for me! And if Rocco was anything like Minnie Thompson, I'd be in for more torture because he seemed to have to ability.
I remember when Vincenzo first started dating her freshman year, I really couldn't care less. Even though I loved him and it hurt, the only thing that mattered to me was he seemed to be happy and didn't bully me as much, but for some reason, Minnie had hated my guts. I was the first to admit that at times he could be a bit of a nerd, after all I had skipped gotten into school on a full scholarship and Calculus was one of my favorite subjects. Because of this people (mostly the teachers) had assumed that that meant I loved school, and those same people would often ask if I could stay back after the day had ended and help while all my other classmates left. Not everyone was pleasant, in fact some were downright creepy. Now most of the time i didn't mind staying back and aiding them, but by the time i got out of the classrooms most of the students were gone except for Vincenzo and very a annoyed Minnie.
It had been one of those bad days medically for me and so i remember quickly making my way from the physics classroom to my locker at the other end of the hall. Reaching it i twisted the worn combination lock from home until it popped open with a small click, pulling the books I would need for homework out I quickly swapped them out with the one's already in my book bag. Pulling down the zipper of my bag I let my mind wander to thoughts of the takeout dad was going to get tonight, I especially hopped that the food would be as good as I was anticipating since it was a new place that just opened up. I was so emerged in my thoughts that I didn't notice Martin's friend, Spencer, a Senior on the Football team and his gang of jocks come my way until said jock pushed me roughly into my locker, making the already heavy books in my hands fall to the ground with a soft thump.
"Hey Hospice Boy," Came his normal greeting he had learned from Martin. Stifling a sigh I glared briefly at the boy before scooping down to grab my fallen books and hurriedly threw them into my locker so I could get away faster.
"Whatever you want Spencer, it's going to have to happen tomorrow I have places to be and people who aren't you to see," A rough callused hand gripped my shoulder and turned me forcefully around banging me harshly into my now closed locker door. Spencer furrowed his eye brows and shook his head disappointingly at me.
"Now, now, Hospice Boy, is that anyway to speak to your seniors?" I couldn't help but let out a snort at his audacity and proceeded to roll my eyes and throw the hand off my shoulder. Because I didn't perceive him as a threat.
"Hope you don't mean yourself, jackass," A snarl came from me and he brought his hand to my shoulder to push me back to where he wanted. I knew he had it in for me since I had rejected his advances a while ago, I was just confused as to why he was retaliating now. His gang quickly moved around us blocking us from the few, if any, teachers that might look down the hall. Spencer pushed me again and the impact caused me to loose balance, sending me to the ground.
"What the hell do you want?" I snapped at them.
"I think we need to teach this little dying bitch a lesson in respect," I felt a foot roughly kick me in the stomach at the words. It came as a shock, because even though I had gotten bullied frequently, no one had ever hit me. "What do you think guys should we give the patient a few new bruises?"
"Vincenzo-"
"Who cares what a freshman has to say?" Jeers and sneers of agreement exploded from the group as they laughed and snickered down at my helpless figure on the ground, i slowly tried to get up but another kick stopped my movements.
"Ah, ah, ah, not so fast Hospice boy we're not done here." More limbs began hitting him from all sides as the other boys joined in with the beatings. Without being able to reach my phone or fight back since I was physically incapable, I did the only thing I could and curled up into a ball trying to protect my ribs and chest from the kicking like I was taught.
Compared to Martin's beating, it didn't bother me or hurt nearly as much. I wasn't even scared because they all seemed to be pulling back on strength every time they made contact. Like they were being super careful. I wasn't really sure how long they sat there pounding on me but eventually the boys grew tired of me and ceased their attacks. A few stopped to throw another insult or two as they filed out of the hall but after a moment of silence I figured it was safe to finally sit back up.
I had grown to used to thinking that no one would touch me because they were afraid of me dying. With a groan i heaved myself from the spot lying on the floor and leaned heavily against the wall behind me while I took stock of my injuries.
Strategically they had avoided hitting places that couldn't be covered up, so that unless I told on them, it wouldn't be discovered. It didn't appear as though anything was broken but I knew at least half my ribs were bruised beyond belief and that my wrist had to be sprained for it had already begun swelling. Pulling up my shirt I looked down and saw a large bruise beginning to form across my abdomen, with a sigh I pulled the shirt back down. I didn't even want to know what the rest of me looked like.
But I still took it like a man. What doesn't kill me made me stronger.
Letting my head fall back softly onto the wall I had debated on what i should do next. If I told Vincenzo what happened, he'd just find a way to blame it me and make me feel worse than I already did. Once my dad saw it, he would ask him to many questions and he was stressed out enough from work. The house would be empty for another few hours so I would be able to patch myself up before dad came home and blame my lethargy on the school workload again. After a moment of thought I decided on just ignoring the pain and going home which seemed like the smartest decision, but while getting up from the ground, I felt my entire body ache and i swayed violently before leaning on the wall for support.
"Maybe that'll teach you to stay away from Vincenzo," Minnie appeared from behind me. She must've been eager to make it known that she was behind the random attack. As for the reason she might've planned this....I didn't know. "I know you told him to dump me, you stupid faggot!"
I did suggest it when Vincenzo was pissed because of her, and ever since then, my bullies had gotten twice as bad. It turns out she was the cause of this because Vincenzo probably threw me under the bus when he tried dumping her. "So what? You slept with Spencer and I told him then said he should break up with you."
I didn't cry in front of her or apologize that day, but it turned out to be a huge mistake. Minnie felt that I hadn't received her message enough.
The next day, the main hallway was normal. It was the most crowded hallway in school whenever classes let out, because it was the best way of getting just about anywhere, and over a hundred kids had lockers along this hall. Normally, though, the crowds were moving, for the most part. Traffic flowed in two directions, just like with cars on a street. There was nothing like that here today. Instead a huge crowd had gathered halfway down the hall, gathered around a single locker.
"Damn. You see that?" a boy said to his friend.
"Holy shit."
"Who's locker is that? Somebody must really hate that kid."
"No way are they gonna get this off."
"Not unless they repaint the whole locker."
"And the two next to it. Some of the paint got on the ones next to it."
"No shit, genius."
"That's so messed up, bro."
"Yeah, well, it ain't my locker got sprayed."
I got a deep feeling of dread in my stomach as i approached the crowd. My locker was in this direction. In fact, it was right where the crowd was gathered. It might've been hard and painful to push my way to the front of the crowd with so many kids standing around, but I was a small, quiet boy, easily ignored. If I wasn't being actively mocked, I was being actively dismissed. I'd heard things that students would've never allowed me to hear, but more than once, a conversation had been held with me nearby, and the participants talked as if I were not even there. They didn't even notice me. So I slipped through the crowd and got up front pretty easily. I knew what I should expect. Something awful. I knew it was my locker. But what I saw when i made it through to the front of the crowd and the vandalized locker came into full view shocked me to the bone.
It was indeed my locker, 327. Somebody had trashed it. The lock was intact, but its metal, gray-painted door had been turned mostly black and red. A skull had been crudely sprayed up top in black paint, and beneath it was a pointed message in black and red, alternating between lines:
GO
AND DIE
IN THE
HOSPICE
WARD
"Ha! They mean that kid!" a boy pointed and laughed, and he got the giggles he was looking for. More did as I walked forward- slowly, as if in a daze- and for the first time noticed the pool of liquid on the floor in front of his locker. I reached down, touched it. It was syrup, the cheap kind Dad loved having with his pancakes.
I fumbled with the Master Lock fixed to my locker and at first I could not open it. I couldn't remember the combination. The back of my neck felt like it was burning, behind me, I could hear kids whispering and snickering at my situation.
I got the door open just as somebody threw an apple at me. It was fresh, so it felt like a damn rock when it smacked into me between his shoulder blades. "Go die!" a boy shouted. Several girls and girls laughed or snickered.
I spun around; a whole hallway of students stared back at me. I scanned the faces, searching for the guilty one. I couldn't tell who it was. Maybe it was Martin, but as much as he'd been after me today, he was far from the only one who went out of his way to make things difficult for me. Any number of kids could've done this.
Some students looked amused, even with me staring at them. A number of them had their phones out now, and plenty already had them out when I showed up. They were taking pictures of the locker. Others looked more shocked than amused; many had doubtless never seen it go this far before. A few kids looked sympathetic. Most just stood there, like they weren't sure what else to do.
No one came forward and said, "Dude, this is fucked up." Nobody said, "Danny, I don't know who did this, but the rest of us aren't stuck in 1934." Not one student came up to me and said, "I feel bad for you. Really. This was wrong."
No one did anything.
Then a small 6th grader with messy red hair pointed past me and said, "Dude, look in your locker, man!"
I spun around, and actually saw the inside of my locker for the first time since the vandalism had been done to it. The papers, books, binders, notebooks, and supplies were all where i'd left them. They hadn't gotten into the locker; nothing had been disturbed. But a whole bottle of syrup looked to have been poured inside through the vents. So much, in fact, that it had pooled at the bottom and leaked out of the space between the frame and the bottom of the locker door.
Everything in this damn locker was ruined. And the guys who did this knew that was gonna happen. That was the whole point. Anger pulsed in me. I could feel nothing but hate. I wanted to scream or cry. The syrup was on everything, in everything. Whoever had done this, probably Minnie, was really not messing around. They'd had some hate in their hearts, too.
The textbook and notebook I needed for class were covered in the damn syrup, but they were replaceable. They weren't even what I was looking at.
To prevent Vincenzo from stealing my sketchbooks, I kept them at school. But even here they had stopped being safe. I remember thinking that there must be some kind of higher power that needs to stop drawing.
I wished that I could've saved it, but I knew there was nothing I could do.
I felt that I was dead.
I spun around, eyes flashing, once again searching for the culprit. I was pissed off now, and finally, I felt like I could take on whoever was up for it in a fight, even if I died. Vincenzo was the one i hoped i'd see in the crowd. I knew one of his friends had done this. The kids around me all stared back, wary of what might happen next, eying me as if I was dangerous. An animal that would bite if you didn't keep your distance.
"Who the fuck did that?" I heard Vincenzo behind me. "You must've really pissed someone off."
"Yeah, so I'll just call Mickeys guys," I mumbled. "I'll just let them handle it."
"Calm down, Hospice Boy," Martin laughed at me.
"Yeah, seriously, dude. It's just a locker," Vincenzo added.
"There was nothing in there that was important anyway?"
"Just let it go," another boy called out. "They're never gonna find who did this anyway."
"Yeah, Hospice Boy! Learn to take a joke!"
"Don't cause more trouble for people because someone got you. If you didn't piss people off so much, this wouldn't happen to you," Vincenzo acted as though he was the wisest mother fucker around.
I didn't say anything. I turned around, slammed my locker door shut so hard the metallic bang echoed at either end of the hallway. My trembling fingers dropped the lock twice, but I got it back on and clicked it into place as the Dean started down the hallway, telling everybody to break it up, break it up.
In the corner of my eye, I could see Minnie Thompson grinning at me. "Get your girl before I do Vincenzo. She's the one who did this!"
"Then you must've done something to make her do it," he countered. "No matter what it's still your fault."
After that was said, I abruptly decided to flee without saying more. I had absolutely no desire to stay here any longer and take this bullshit. The Dean's mandatory sympathy and the inaction that would follow, the more genuine sympathy of my dad, Vincenzo making me aware that I brought it on myself- none of it would change anything at all.
I shoved my way through the crowd, rounded a corner and darted down the stairs towards the school doors to avoid my tears being seen by anyone. I never felt so fucking alone. I was out of here. I was gone. It was time to sign up for a normal school so I can be around the people who actually gave a damn. I'd seen enough of the opposite around here.
From then on, I started to quickly faze my presence out of Vincenzo's life- little by little as to not make too much of a fuss, but the bullying started to get more extreme with Minnie at the head of it all. I tried numerous times to hide in the bathroom and the nurses office, but it was never enough for me. She made my freshman year, hell.
Coincidentally, I started getting extremely sick more around this time and started to go to the hospital more often for extended periods of time. And, fortunately, it made people stop hitting me even the nasty pranks started to stop happening as a lot of people that seemed to feel weird about bullying a sick kid who couldn't defend himself. Everyone but Minnie and a few stragglers kept it up. After being pushed down the stairs a few too many times, Vincenzo finally dumped her to preserve his image of a caring guy.
Then he blamed me for their breakup as well.
When that was happening, I would look at myself in the mirror a lot and see exactly what others saw in me. I didn't see the old confident me at all, I saw a scared, pathetic, dying, short loser. Everyday, I would feel anger rise inside of me, because of how weak I had become. Everyday, I would always want to shout and break everything around me, and knowing that I couldn't without tiring myself out just made me angrier. After a couple of minutes, I'd calm down. I'd wash my face and go back to life as if nothing had happened.
It was humiliating, frustrating, and worst of all, frightening.
Shit, I never faced this demon. I've never even attempted to address all the bottled up rage I have towards.....basically everyone.
Rocco just had to pop up and bring back those painful memories of the past! Who knows how he would react if that was suggested to their faces. On top of that, I don't think Vincenzo's ego could handle it if Rocco reacted badly and he might do something stupid to me again. "Regardless of how I feel, we have no right to meddle in their relationship. Do not suggest them breaking up at all."
"Why not?" Sam said.
"At the end of the day, he's trying as hard as he can so we can't suggest anything to him about his relationship. The fact that our opinion was needed for him is probably part of the problem if you ask me. We just need to get Rocco to call off his stupid sister before Soyoung gets to her." I said.
"Why?"
"You can't ask someone to do something you wouldn't think of doing. We have no right." Why did Sam have to argue with me about this? "Plus this is between me and Rocco."
"Dude, why?"
"Why the fuck do you keep asking why?!" I snapped at him.
"Because first you want Soyoung to fight Sofia and got her all riled up! So why the fuck does it sound like you're chickening out now?" Sam snapped back at me. "The switch up is confusing!"
"I was being impulsive and calmed down!"
"Bullshit! You never calm down until you make things even!"
"Then it's because....." what the fuck should I even say to that? "I feel like I'm reliving something! I don't like it!"
"What are you reliving?" Ashton asked.
"The type of person that Vincenzo dates is the same, the only thing that's changed is the gender!" I told them. "The type of person that won't stop until they feel like they fucking win! And Vincenzo us just let letting him get away with this shot! I don't want to tucking relive Minnie Thompson again! You remember how that bitch tortured me?!"
"Freshman year?" Sam asked. "Ah, yeah you were kind of a skeleton back then. People started to look at Vincenzo weird because it looked like he supported someone that would bully sick people. It wasn't good for his reputation so they broke up."
"So you know," I muttered. Why am I embarrassed? No, why the fuck was I even trying to still be loyal to Vincenzo? Out of everyone i had been the most loyal to Vincenzo, always there for him no matter what, even when he sought to take his frustration out on me in a mental sense, my loyalty to him hadn't wavered in the least bit. And it still hasn't for some reason! "You were right, Ashton."
"About what?" He asked.
"I should've cut him off completely! I'm just falling back into old habits again-"
"Baby, take a breath first," Ashton shook me a bit. Thanks to him, I realized that I had been holding my breath anxiously. "You're under a lot of mental stress right now, and that hit to your eye was just the cherry on top so you're ready to let the anger explode again."
Did he mean that? Or was he just trying to coax me into a calmer state. "I just want him to get beat up now. Fuck being the bigger person!"
"Tell me why baby."
"So he can have a taste of what the fuck it's like. At least an eye for an eye!" I suggested.
"Revenge? Why now? To symbolize the end of the friendship?" Ashton asked. I hated how he did that thing where he instant caught onto the root of my problems. It makes me wonder how long he's recognized the issue and kept quiet about it every time. I mean, I'd probably brush him off or get annoyed with him if he just said it before I noticed, but in the end, I always end up listening to him.
Because he always ended up being right.
"Is it that obvious?" I could feel my face heat up.
"Kind of. It's pretty childish, but if it's what's needed to let go, I'll gladly do it for you," Ashton seemed a bit too eager. "I took up boxing after I quit wrestling, so a punching bag isn't a bad idea."
"You'd just feel bad about it later," and that wouldn't make me feel any better. Ugh, this was Ashton's only defect. Why get so big and maintain all that muscle just to not use it? "Listen, while I know Vincenzo has his problems and what not, but I don't like him at all still. I can't get over what he's done, and he's still turning a blind eye to what his partner is doing."
"To be fair, he might not know about it. I haven't exactly been able to talk to him about it because you told me not to," Sam interjected.
"Oh well. I can't forget everything that happened and I need to part with everything that has to do with him," I declared. This loyalty to Vincenzo that still lingered made me feel extremely guilty. Here Ashton was giving me a hundred percent of him and letting me even doubt his intentions, while I spent time worrying about another man.
Oh god! I don't know what I would do if Ashton got tired of waiting for me to just trust him and stop thinking that he'll be exactly like Vincenzo! Just because I was used to being fucked over doesn't mean I had any reason to believe that Ashton would. Shit, he even stayed after multiple run ins with Mickey, my parents like him and his parents like me....if I said jump, he'd probably ask me how high!
"Don't cry now, I'll give him as many punches as you need me to, and I won't feel bad," Ashton quickly vowed while rubbing my arms.
"I...I need you more than you need me. I need you way more than you need me, all right? I'm sorry. Ash, I'm sorry I made you wait for this long and I'm sorry I wasn't giving you all my attention and I... I'm sorry that I'm probably the worst boyfriend in the world and ignoring that you didn't like me caring about Vincenzo, you know? I just need you to understand that I, I... I'm sorry Ashton. I'm sorry!" I couldn't stop the overflow of emotions from flooding out. I wasn't trying to cry, but the tears wouldn't stop flowing out.
I felt like my eyes had been opened wider than before. I felt happy. I felt sad. I felt clarity. I felt angry. I felt stupid. If anyone had been observing us, they'd think they'd just seen a soap opera! Ashton quickly brought me into a hug and just let my cry it out.
"Dam, Danny, you have to get a grip on your emotions!" Sam complained.
"Leave him alone, it's good he's letting it out now!" Ashton defended.
"Well then yell at me now and get it over with." I still couldn't open my eyes clearly, but I could feel Ashton rubbing my back.
"I'm not going to yell at you." Ashton said in his forgiving voice.
"Why not? You should."
"No, I shouldn't. Lovebug, thank you for apologizing. That meant a lot to me."
"Whatever!" Why was he so sweet to me?
"I accept it. I forgive you." Ashton cooed. "You know you're your own worst enemy sometimes, and I'll be by you as you fix it. Just let it out baby."
"And wipe your face because they're here," Sam added.