Early moning.
After a brief stretch in the room, I changed into my training clothes.
Then, pass through the dark living room and exit the front door.
The first thing I do when I wake up in the morning.
It's just jogging.
Run through the Han River Park where the sun never rises.
The morning dew is cool.
The course is about 7 km.
It takes approximately 40-50 minutes.
Just the right distance to warm up in the morning.
"excuse me! hey!"
As I was running against the strong wind, I heard someone calling.
I thought it had nothing to do with me and kept running.
"hello!"
But he came right next to me and said hello.
Young woman in sportswear.
It was someone I didn't know.
"yes? Me?"
I answered as I continued running.
"yes. You must always exercise at this time. I saw you last time."
"Ah yes."
The other day?
I don't remember.
But the woman continued to talk by running side by side with me.
"Don't you remember me? The other day, my dog ran into it over there."
"ah. puppy. I remember."
Actually, I remembered the puppy, but not the owner.
The puppy was a Maltese, a small dog.
"I'm sorry about that. Our Shumi suddenly rushed in."
As I was talking while running, the woman's breath was gradually getting worse.
"no. are you okay."
I was wearing a leash.
But the owner must have missed it, and the puppy ran towards me.
It would have been a problem if it was a big dog, but it was a small dog, and even when it came running, it was just playing tricks.
The owner apologized then, so there's no need to come back and apologize again.
"You work out very early. Where do you live? I'm buying a new apartment right in front of you."
"I am sorry. I have to go quickly."
It was honestly uncomfortable.
Although it has improved a lot, the symptoms of social avoidance have not completely disappeared.
The only people I can talk to face-to-face with are my family and friends.
When you're dealing with someone you don't know, even the kindest person gets stressed out.
"Ah yes. I'm sorry for holding you back. take care."
As if disappointed, the woman slowed down and fell backwards.
I nodded and apologized again.
"oh! bachelor. I am eager since morning."
As I continued running, the person running ahead of me started talking to me again.
Again, someone I don't know.
It was an older woman.
"hello."
When I said hello, the lady smiled broadly and said.
"Eat one of these. cheer up! Go for it!"
"Ah, yes, thank you."
While running, I received the yogurt thrown by the lady.
Did you consider yourself an athlete?
Received a mysterious cheer, I keep running.
The aunt seemed to have more to say, but I hurriedly left the place.
Because once you start talking like this, there is no end to it.
"haha."
I speed up a little more in case someone else catches me.
These days, the percentage of people I don't know has increased.
Should I get up earlier and run? … I'm tired too.
* * *
"Whoa… … ."
I just got home from jogging.
I take off my sweaty sweatshirt and put it in the laundry basket.
I went into the fitness room with my shirt off.
My favorite piece of equipment in the fitness room is the iron bar.
I put on my prepared gloves and clung to the bar.
"Heh… … !"
Tighten your back muscles and lift your body up.
one-
two-
three-... …
chin blow.
It looks easy at first glance, but surprisingly difficult to do it right.
I couldn't even do one until I was in middle school.
But with hard work, I was able to do up to 10 in high school.
And now it has increased to 20.
… … eighteen-
nineteen-
Twenty-!
After only 20 fills, I fell to the floor.
"Huh, huh, huh… … ."
My arms and back trembled.
Sweat was pouring down like rain.
Is it because I made my morning jog tight?
It felt harder than usual.
Today's squat is just pass... … Can't we?
"… … Let's do just 30."
I did 3 sets of 30 squats.
* * *
After taking a shower, I go out and eat breakfast.
Meals are served by my mother when she is at home and by my aunt, the housekeeper, when she is not.
"thank you for this food."
Today's menu was normal Korean food.
Fried eggs in soybean paste soup, seaweed in kimchi, and sausages.
When I was little, my mother asked me what food I would most like to eat.
I answered 'sausage', and since then, there has been no sausage left in our refrigerator.
I should have talked about more expensive food.
As an ignorant child, I thought sausages were the most delicious food.
My mother's menu, unlike mine, was simple oatmeal.
But my mom just stared at me while holding a spoon.
"? Mom, why?"
"just."
just laugh
My mom seems happy just watching me eat.
As I finish eating breakfast and try to wake up, my mother says.
"Seonhoo, mom will wash the dishes, so can you wake me up a little before I leave? I don't think he'll wake up."
"huh. I really enjoyed the meal."
I put the empty bowl in the sink and headed for the smile room.
"Smile. go in."
There was no answer when I knocked, so I opened the door and went inside.
Smile rolled up the blanket and slept like a caterpillar.
"Gin Miso. The sun has risen in the middle of the sky Get up quickly."
"Ugh~. Wake me up."
When I tapped the duvet, a smile stretched out with only a hand out of the duvet.
I pull her hand and lift her up.
As the blanket came off, Miso's body was revealed with only a piece of pure white underwear.
And the smile came straight to me.
"Hug me for today."
"… … okay. Get up instead."
"lol. okay. I will wake up."
Smile puts her arms around my neck and hugs me.
I also hugged her tightly.
Miso's body is warm, so I feel better when I hold her.
But today there is no time for this.
"… … okay? 1 min."
"One more minute~♡"
"no. Now I have to brush my teeth and leave. I'll do it after school."
"Ah~♡"
I let go of the clinging smile and left the room.
It's like that for me, but I'm a child with a sense of responsibility.
I woke you up, so when it's time to wake up, you'll wake up on your own.
"I'm coming."
"Have a safe trip."
I kiss my mom on the cheek who sees me off at the front door and leave the house.
Today is the day I go to college.
* * *
I was about to take the elevator, but when the door opened, there was a person inside.
It was a 4-year-old girl and her mother.
The elevator is a dangerous space for me.
I get anxious because it's cramped, and the anxiety gets worse when there are other people around.
It gets even worse when that person talks to me.
"student. Get on quickly."
"ah. yes."
I thought about waiting for the next elevator, but my body moved on its own at the mother's urging.
The door closed and the elevator started going down.
The child holding the mother's hand was staring up at my face.
"Seo Young-ah. 'Hello Brother.' should I?"
"brother. Hello."
"huh. hi."
I hid my anxiety and greeted the child with a smile.
My heart was slowly tightening.
"Are you a college student? Our Seoyoung is going to daycare."
"Ah yes."
"What is the name of the daycare center Seoyoung goes to?"
"Hanbit Nursery!"
"That's right~ I know our Seoyoung well~."
Kids don't hurt me
So is the mother.
It just teaches the child to be friendly with people.
But even though I knew it in my head, the anxiety did not stop.
The child and the mother go on and on in a nutritious story.
None of the content of the story entered my mind.
I sighed and waited for the elevator to stop.
And finally the elevator reached the underground parking lot.
"Seo Young-ah. Should I say good-bye to my brother?"
"Hello brother, how are you?"
"That's right~ Our Seoyoung is doing well~."
I return my greetings to the smiling mother and daughter.
Am I smiling right now?
After getting off the elevator, I was able to breathe properly.
* * *
School life is rather comfortable.
There is no narrow space, and there are not many people to talk to.
And if you listen to the lecture without hesitation, you have no time to think about anything else.
Because I'm not good at brain, I have to work hard to follow the lecture.
After the morning lecture, it was lunch time.
I ate Korean food for breakfast, so should I eat Western food for lunch today?
I ordered cream spaghetti from the student cafeteria.
The food came out quickly and we found an empty table and sat down.
And when I was about to take a bite.
A female student with food came to talk.
"Excuse me, can I join you?"
"Ah yes. Please."
It's a table for four, so it's natural to sit with others.
I pulled the chair a little and prepared a seat.
Then, three female students piled up and sat down at the rest of the table where I was sitting.
"Thank you."
The girl sitting next to me smiled and said hello.
I nodded my head and resumed eating.
Stress builds up just by having someone you don't know sitting nearby.
I feel like these people are looking at me, and I have a sense of victimization.
I swallowed the unpleasant pounding and tried to focus on my meal.
It's a problem that I have to adapt to have a proper social life.
After eating, I bought bottled water from the vending machine.
I was about to open the lid and take a sip, but someone else called me next to me.
"I-here."
"… … yes."
I almost choked on the water, but I managed to swallow it and answered.
Originally, school doesn't talk to me like this, but today was a strange day for some reason.
It's not like he's trying to help me quickly adapt to society.
The female student in front of me hesitated for some reason and opened her mouth with difficulty.
"Hey, if it's okay with you… … ?!"
A female student with difficulty opening her mouth to say something.
However, the mouth was physically blocked by another group of female students who appeared out of nowhere.
"Ah~ I'm sorry. He's still in first grade, so I don't know him well."
"Sorry Sorry. Sorry seniors."
"We will take care of it. sorry. sorry."
The female students who suddenly appeared apologized to me and apologized to the people around me.
And the girl with her mouth shut was taken away by them with her eyes wide open.
I couldn't help but be embarrassed by the strange sight as well.
… … But is it okay, that one?
It's okay because it's with female students, right? It was like an acquaintance.
… Even taking care of myself was daunting, so I decided not to care.
Since then, no one has spoken to me.
Thanks to that, I was able to safely finish the afternoon lecture.