“‘I was an idiot. I’m sorry!’ No, I don’t want to admit that. ‘I’m sorry for saying something so stupid!’ No, that’s basically the same thing. Um... ‘Please forgive me for speaking out of line!’ That sounds kind of good. Maybe I should go with that? Or maybe-.” Kei is so busy practicing her speech, she doesn’t notice Katia staring at her from the door with a teasing smile.
“I see you’re putting quite a lot of thought into it. Very good, I’m proud of you.” She says.
“Oh Katia! I, I didn’t see you there....” Kei suddenly feels flustered and quite embarrassed.
With a small laugh she replies, “I imagine you didn’t.” She can see Kei’s face become flushed from her embarrassment. “I’d probably go with the third option. It’s the sincerest in my opinion.”
“Ugh, you heard me, huh?” She becomes extremely bashful. “Now I want to go hide in a hole.”
“That would’ve been hard to miss, considering you were standing right in front of her door. No need to be ashamed though. Learning to apologize is vital. She’s showering now, so she didn’t hear. I’d just been preparing her clothes. I’m sure it’ll be fine for you to wait for her inside.”
“No, I can just come back later. I don’t want to bother her.” Kei shifts awkwardly, looking away.
“Goodness, it’s a wonder how you young ones manage in this world being so stuck in your heads!” She appears behind in just a blink and nudges her into the room. “Say what you need to say and move past it. Obstinance will only hinder you. I’ll be taking care of other things in the meantime.” She leaves, closing the door behind her and metaphorically locking her inside.
Kei stands by the door awkwardly, as though she’s unsure what she should do next. She can hear the sounds of the shower running and Nadia’s light humming from behind the door. She always believed her to be an excellent singer, but Nadia never agrees, feeling too self-conscious. So catching her at unsuspecting times like these is her only chance to hear her sing like an angel.
Realizing there’s no reason for her to keep standing there, she finally walks over to her bed. It’s perfectly made, as expected if Katia had anything to do with it, but still inviting simply because it’s where Nadia sleeps each day. Kei used to sleep there too for a time, but then they stopped. Nadia told her she wanted to give her some privacy, but Kei never asked for it. She wanted it.
With hesitation, Kei looks towards the bathroom door, confirming the shower is still running. Certain Nadia won’t be coming out so soon, she carefully crawls on to the bed and lies against Nadia’s pillow. She sleeps on the right side, always. Kei can tell she still does, as the scent of lavender heavily permeates the pillow, even if the sheets have been washed many times. Kei clutches the pillow against her, inhaling deeply. She tries to imagine Nadia’s truly there beside her with her mind, but it works a bit too well. Her desire grows quickly, as does her pain.
Kei doesn’t consider herself overly smart, but even she could understand that Nadia wanted her privacy and space without wanting to say it outright, so she didn’t fight against it. It was inevitable they’d grow apart one day. Kei has always known it. The more Nadia grows into her confidence and her beauty, the easier she’ll draw others in. Yesterday, she was pushed out of her bed. Tomorrow, she’ll be pushed out of her life. When that happens, what will become of Keiko?
“Katia, I’m almost out of soap. Could you or-.” Nadia freezes when she sees Kei unexpectedly.
Kei stares like a deer in headlights when her eyes settle on Nadia’s nude figure, with nothing but a towel draped across her shoulders. Kei jumps up from the bed and turns away abruptly, as she attempts to explain herself. “I, I’m sorry! Katia said it’d be fine to wait inside. I didn’t mean to-.”
“Chill out Kei. I’m not mad. We’re both women here, aren’t we? Besides, we’ve seen each other in the bath once or twice when we were younger. Not that much has changed, has it?”
Are you crazy? Quite a bit has changed on your body since then! Is what she wants to say, but she replies instead, “I guess not. Even so, I’m sorry.” Her face is on fire. She’s careful to keep her back to Nadia now, feeling scandalous as a peeper. It may have only been a moment, but her eyes still got a full view of everything, and the image will be burned into her memory forever.
“So?”
“So? What do you mean?”
“What did you want? You must have a reason. Or was your goal to see me naked after all?”
“No way! I just wanted to apologize! For earlier. I’m sorry for talking out of line.”
“Oh, that. Honestly, I overreacted. I knew you didn’t mean any harm by it and were just trying to help. I think I was more pissed at Lowell and his disregard for what I wanted. So, I’m sorry too.”
“No, it’s fine. You don’t have to apologize. Your anger was understandable. I know I’m just an annoying pest. A shackle you’re bound to and that keeps you grounded. I’m sorry you can never truly be free from me.” She laughs, but it comes out in a depressed manner, which makes her feel worse. She hadn’t meant to be so candid, but now that she’s said it out loud, she feels like crying.
She unexpectedly feels herself being embraced from behind and can smell fresh chamomile on the arms around her shoulders. “Idiot.” Nadia grips her snuggly from behind, trapping Kei in an intimate bear hug. Kei feels incredibly warm, and her tears start to fall. “Only I get to decide when you’ve become a nuisance to me. Until the day comes that I say so, just stay by my side.”
If it were possible, Kei would’ve been happy to have her take her into her body right then and wrap around her like a cocoon of warmth and protection. While that of course wouldn’t happen, it feels as though they could stay this way for eternity, and Kei would be more than content to do so. However, in reality, they stay that way for about a minute, then the dream comes to an end.
There’s a knock on the door. “Nadia, sorry if I’m interrupting, but the Chancellor has arrived and is waiting in the study.” Katia speaks through the door to announce the news but remains outside.
All too soon, Nadia releases her and returns to dressing herself as she calls back to Katia. “I’ll be there in about five minutes. Please entertain him until then.” She’s silent for a lingering moment.
She then speaks to Kei. “Oh, I probably forgot to mention it, but my father is here for his bi-annual visit. Would you like to join us this time? Though I’m sure it’ll be of little interest.”
“Really? You always said that you wanted to meet with him alone all the other times.”
“Can I not change my mind? Or would you rather not? It’s fine, I’d completely understand.”
“I would! I mean, I’d be honored to meet him if you’re okay with it. I should go change-.”
“Leave it. What you’re wearing is fine.” She speaks with certainty. “I’m the one who feels out of place. I much prefer more casual dress, you know?” She steps forward, revealing black slacks, a white button-up shirt, a sleeveless vest, and casual shoes. Her short curls are loose because of the dampness, but also have a slight sheen. “While I don’t mind keeping him waiting, shall we go?”
Nadia holds out her hand to Kei so cooly, without having a clue how it’s affecting her. Kei takes it and loops her arm with Nadia’s, doing her best to control herself. “Yes, I’d be delighted.”