“Papa don’t go! Don’t leave me! I’ll be good, so please don’t leave me here. Papa!”
Nadia wakes up abruptly, her eyes wet with tears. She prefers sleeping with her sheets wrapped around her snuggly, but she feels constricted by something warm instead. She looks up to find a modest chest, the owner’s blouse stained with her tears. Her embrace is gentle and comforting.
“Katia....” She relaxes her guard and tugs gently at her blouse, burying her face in further.
“You were crying out in your sleep, so I thought I’d comfort you. Do you mind?”
“Of course not, silly. How many times do I need to tell you?” She wraps her arms around Katia and pulls her closer, as though to prove the point. “Thank you Katia, I’d be so lost without you.”
They lie together silently for a while, before Katia finally says, “It’s been a long time, since you’ve dreamt of him. Are you nervous about today’s visit? It’s been a while, hasn’t it?”
“Nervous? No way. Annoyed is more like it. I told him he didn’t have to come, but as always he does whatever the hell he wants! He doesn’t care about what I say at all. It’s whatever.”
“You sound bitter though, or am I imagining it? You say you don’t care, yet you’re annoyed.”
“Katia, you know how I feel about that man, please don’t bully me. I’m the victim here.”
“I’m not bullying you, Nadia. I’m just trying to be your voice of reason. These bitter feelings will only bring you down. I think it’s time you learn to give a little and try to mend the bridge.”
“Are you seriously defending him? He left his child in a strange place with people she didn’t know and with no guarantee to save me, then went off and started a new family. He abandoned me and started over like it was no biggie, but I need to give a little? Screw you! If you’re not going to support me, then leave!” She pushes her away in anger and turns her back to her.
She can feel fresh tears pooling, so she buries her face in the sheets to hide them. She feels the soft caress of Katia’s hand against her arm and the warmth of her lips on the back of her head. She feels like she’s a little girl again, being consoled by Katia in the same gentle way. In many ways Katia is like a mother to her, but also something a bit deeper she will never say out loud.
“You can be as angry with me as you’d like if it means you’ll hear what needs to be said. I’m not telling you to forgive him, but you need to move past the bitterness, or it will consume your life and hurt you instead of him in the end. He’s not perfect and has made mistakes. We all have. This is the nature of intelligent creatures such us or even humans. We can only do our best.”
She clenches her sheets in frustration. Somehow Katia is always right, and she always knows how to disengage her from exploding. No one understands her like Katia does, and that fact reinforces her feelings every time. Feeling overwhelmed by them, she turns back and embraces Katia more intimately, allowing her bitterness to be replaced with sweetness and love.
Katia is an unusual vampire, allowing her to affect other vampires in ways unique to her and those who share her abilities. Nadia only learned about her special abilities in recent years, but she quickly understood that she needed Katia more than ever. If she hadn’t had Katia, she’d have surely become something shameful and maybe even dangerous. Katia truly is her tether to sanity.
They remain silent for a while, until finally Nadia asks, “Do you think I was too harsh on Kei?”
“Do you feel that you were too harsh on her?” She reverses the question back to her.
“No fair. You can’t answer a question with another question. I wouldn’t have asked if I knew.”
“Well, what does your heart tell you? Or rather, is the way you responded to her weighing heavily on your mind? Do you think there was a way you could’ve better expressed yourself?”
Nadia doesn’t answer immediately. She must think of her answer properly, or Katia won’t accept it. After nearly a minute, Nadia replies, “I don’t think it was right to snap at her like I did. But I also don’t feel I was wrong in what I said. I felt like she wasn’t being considerate of my needs.”
“That’s understandable and fair. However, I’ll ask, do you think you were considerate of hers?”
Nadia cannot reply immediately, having been bluntly countered. “I…suppose I wasn’t,” she says after a while. “I guess I should’ve considered her situation better. It’s hard for me because of reasons I can’t control, but neither can she, so it isn’t fair to hold it against her. Also, she’s alone in this foreign land where she could be killed at any time. I can’t just leave her alone. I won’t.”
“Then, I believe you’ve found your answer,” Katia says proudly. “Be sure to make amends.”
“Yes I have. I’ll apologize properly. But these feelings…I think I’ll keep them, just a bit longer.”