Rain was pouring outside. Alpha was resting on Michaelson's bed.
I sat on the window seal and gawked outside at the blank dark sky with no stars. It was oddly lovely. The night breeze felt nice on my skin. It helped to put aside my problems. I let out a long breath and scooted closer to the edge. The faint sound of the rustling leaves filled my mind. It was calming every cell in my body.
Where am I exactly?
I let my legs hang over the height, swinging them over the edge. This height could no doubt lead to my demise. But heights always seemed to fascinate me. I love heights. What if he didn't grant me my wish? I mulled that thought over for some seconds. I know he can find Anse if he wanted to. How do I convince him? I've been hoping my death wouldn't be as dreadful and gruesome as I knew of those who went against Ive. Honestly, I've been alive here longer than I had initially thought that I would.
My fingers splayed out in the air as I felt the rain droplets against my skin. Was it even my luck that I'm still breathing? If it wasn't, what else would it be? I started to shiver. The temperature dropped more than last time I was out. My arm fell back to my side. It was cold since it was winter. It would snow. It was until the last day it snowed, Anse and I broke up over a simple text. So much time has passed since then. It was time like this that I missed him. I find him a memory.
I can't help but wonder where we would be if you weren't gone? I saw so much going for us. I wanted our future. We build everything together. But I guess you didn't want that anymore. I want you to hug me right at this moment and tell me you love me. Is that too much to ask? I know that probably makes me sound crazy. I should just let you go. But I can't just drop everything I knew about you. I want to pretend like we never even happened and move on. I tried. But I can't. I can't pretend to not love you.
I thought I knew you, like on the back of my hand and I would be able to spit facts about you on the spot. Put yourself in my shoes, how would you just shut off your emotions at once? Was it because I meant nothing to you? If that's not true, then tell me how it's not true! I want to know. Something like what we had, how we connected won't just crumble down just like that. That's what it was. Fake.
What would he be doing at the moment? Was he feeling this rain as well? All I know is we are under the same sky. Does he ever wonder about me like the way I wonder about him? Would he ever want to see me again? I don't think so, he clearly said 'don't look for me'. While I asked Michaelson to look for him.
His parents wouldn't even share a word with me. I remember each word of that particular paragraph. He really loved the rain... Late night rain. I never thought I would suffer a heartbreak at the hands of Anse. A man with upright ideals who wouldn't compromise with his principles. The digital clock resting on the bedside table flipped ten o'clock at night.
How was it again our first official date?
♡♡♡
There was passion and fervor ignited in those eyes as they knocked upon my gaze and stayed glued as I descended the stairs. I unconsciously slowed down, suddenly thinking that this moment was so quiet and still that I feared he was listening and enjoying my spiking heartbeats. The background and every significant being were blurred with mosaics from my vision so only his face could be set in high definition and resolution. His white shirt had two buttons on the collar unbuttoned which revealed a part of his collarbone including his necklace where his name was written in calligraphy beautifully and the sleeves rolled up to show the elbows. He had his black sophisticated watch on his left hand while the other wrist had a silver bracelet.
Every gesture of his pulled me into a trance, full of allure.
He took my hand in his as he joined me at the end of the stairs.
"Sef let's eat some fresh breeze outside then we'll grab something on the way" he grinned.
"Where is your car?"
"We won't be needing one"
Seeing the bicycle in front of me, I had some doubts. What if it rains? We had no spare clothes and an umbrella with us. Though I naturally had no objections.
"Do you trust me Sef?"
He had intentionally opened his eyes wide at me. I could clearly see myself in them, giving me a sweet illusion of his dedication towards me. For a moment, I was absentminded but recovered quickly.
"I'll ride us"
"Sure but I'll ride on our way back"
I nodded.
But safety comes first. I crouched down and examined the state of the bicycle. The tires were pumped and the body was cleaned. I tried the pedal and pinched the wheel tires.
"All good?" He raised an eyebrow.
"Ready to set off"
"Try sitting on Daisy"
"Why Daisy?"
"I wish to name my daughter Daisy"
I raised my eyebrows slightly, surprised.
"Well sit"I tapped the back seat lightly.
I relished the sight of the handsome man sitting obediently at the back and leaning to watch me with a tender smile. I chuckled, sitting on the front seat. I pedaled thrice and relaxed since I felt the tires' elasticity were in good condition. He rested his hands on my waist on either side.
He poked my back once and twice.
"Are you courting death?"
"Why are you being so serious?"
"It's the most dangerous mode of transport. We are exposed from everywhere" I stated the obvious as he chuckled.
"It's just a bicycle bro and we are even riding it on the pavement"
"There are cars on the road. Luckily there are no people walking around"
"Look"
"What? Where?"
"On our left side, Mr tortoise is speeding up and… he won the race"
"That was so funny"
"Sure you are never scared to race a car down the hill but you feel goosebumps riding a bicycle. Do you not like bikes also?"
"I love bikes"
I was just buying some time. To relish this and enjoy this, our moment together.
Anse poked me again.
He dramatically sighed.
"Fine. I'm speeding up"
"I really don't mind spending more time with you so keep on with the tortoise speed"
"You got me"
He laughed. He was a true psychiatrist.
"Sure I did. I can read minds, remember?"
♡♡♡
Tears no longer appeared every time he invaded my thoughts. Nevertheless, that pain tugged my heart at times. I rubbed my hands to warm up. I was not feeling asleep. A strange uneasiness in my stomach. I didn't see Michaelson once after he dashed out angrily. Ortega and Noah were also out of sight. Whatever, it was good for me. Arnold cooked good food. He was a professional cook. He never bothered to answer when I talked to him. Everybody got an attitude problem here. I wouldn't be surprised if Noah acted like a jerk.
I was satisfied with the pasta. Delicious! Lastly for dinner, I ate cornflakes. I could hear the creaking of the door, startling me since the entire room was quiet. I quickly turned my head to see the silhouette of Michaelson shutting the door behind him. Faint light shone dimly on him. He was standing at the door with his shirt off, he was not even cold the slightest. He stared at me for a moment before breaking the silence.
"Did I make your life that bad?"
I wanted to see his expression clearly as Michaelson talked almost as a whisper in that soft tone, I never knew existed, for once. However, light didn't fall enough on his face while he was looking at Alpha. Did he think I would jump from here? Actually, it isn't a bad idea. Though, I don't think anything would bring me to do that to myself. I've been shattered with a hole carved in my heart and here I was. It made me become who I am today, a mentally stronger woman. He plopped down on the couch with Alpha already seated next to him.
"Why would I plan on jumping?" I replied, slowly bringing my feet back into the room. I slid off the window seal.
A liquid fell down from the corner of his lip. He wiped his mouth with his hand, I noticed the silver ring on his index finger, reflecting in the dim lamp light. When he removed his hand, it was crimson red. Blood! Was he bleeding? I increased the brightness of the lamp. The corner of his mouth was bleeding and over his cheek, the shadow of a bruise was already forming. My mouth slightly opened as I was looking at him in disbelief. I made my way over to him. He watched me from the corner of his eyes as I advanced in his direction.
"You are beaten up?"I asked, unsure of whatever I was doing.
I had never seen him beaten up before. Sure for the very little time I've been here. Alpha was quiet and calm, sitting near the couch, rubbing her head against Ive's chest. She was used to Ive's being hurt. His knuckles were busted and bloody. I moved his hand away from his mouth and examined his busted lip which looked painful. His eyes were so haunted when he looked up at me. I felt my anger dissolving. He jerked away from me.
"Don't-" he said in between clenched teeth.
He struggled to say what he wanted to.
"Don't touch me"
I didn't move. Seriously, what is wrong with this man?
"Are you alright?"
He didn't respond to me but he stood up and walked past me. I wanted to yell at him for being such a jerk. Instead, I followed him as he went to the window and grabbed his arm. He shrugged me off. My hand itched to punch him. My anger was returning.
"Come with me" I demanded.
"Don't tell me what to do" he whispered audibly.
Duh. That was like his favorite line. 'Don't tell me what to do'
He almost smiled but the smile vanished to crown a frown as if it never showed up. He sighed and ran his hand over his hair. I grabbed his arm again and pulled him towards the couch as he allowed me to. My mind was blank.
Just for the sake of humanity, nothing more.
🖤🖤🖤🖤🖤
I had the ice cubes bag pressed against his bare chest. He had bruises all over his chest and the one on his collarbone was the biggest. The coffee burn was so faint that it seemed to not exist before. He snatched the ice cubes bag from me with an annoying look.
"Alpha, get to sleep"
She reluctantly got up and went to the door. As I opened it, she returned to sit next to Michaelson.
"I don't want to be touched"he repeated the same shit, barely audible.
Why was he whispering to me when I was the only person with him in this room? What a nutcase! Was I dying to touch him? It was only to help someone who was in pain. It would as well reduce my guilt. I won't earn him any more favor and I needed to find Anse.
Was he really gay? But he was aroused earlier. He doesn't like inviting women over or touching him, maybe that was why Noah was surprised a woman was here. But what about that room? It can't be his daughter. No wife. He doesn't have a matrimonial ring on his finger. Maybe his sibling since he couldn't hear anything about his sibling.
I soaked the small cloth in warm water. I grabbed his chin forcing him to look at me, questioning my actions in my mind. I don't know how I mustered the courage. I wasn't scared of him right now. I kept my eyes on his, refusing to show any more weakness. His eyes blazed with a medley of anger and a strange tenderness.
I dabbed his bloody lip with the cloth. The blood soaked into the white cloth. He swallowed the lump in his throat as he gazed at me while I dabbed his cheek bone. His breathing became heavy as he looked away. Why is he avoiding eye contact? I looked at the Ive carving on his neck much closer than before. It wasn't a normal tattoo. It was pierced into his skin with a blade. Why? I felt a knot in my stomach. I gulped. He could have tattooed it like the one, the 'I' on his knuckle. It was painful to look at it.
I pressed the cloth against his collarbone. Should I? Without thinking twice, I pressed the cloth with more pressure for him to flinch in pain. He sat, calm looking at Alpha. I guess Alpha knew when not to approach Michaelson judging the way he tried jerking me away some minutes ago. He wasn't feeling any pain or he was a pro having control over his expressions. Weird! Why wasn't he allowing his emotions to flow out?
"Anse Garfield?" He smiled and looked at me.
"...the someone who you need to find?"
My eyes widened in surprise, something deep within me urging caution. He was more clever than I thought. He knew everything about my life. This dark malicious smile. Those dark and yet so profoundly messed up eyes filled with cruelty. The same sickening feeling infiltrated the already thick atmosphere. This smile always sent goosebumps down my shoulder. Though, I have grown accustomed to this smile. It was a clear warning. Something bad would happen to me, something scary. Else why would he agree?
"And?"
I waited for him to reply. Every second passed like an eternity. Alpha put his two paws on Ive's thigh climbing into his lap. My heartbeat increased and I let the cloth fall. I clasped my hands beyond tight, the colour leached from my knuckles.
"Of course there's a catch aşkım"
Obviously! There was an instant of excitement in his eyes followed by pure rage. Rage as in, he failed to torture me to death previously. This time, he was set to correct his mistake. What did he want now? I couldn't understand. It was becoming more and more dangerous to be under one roof with this sick person more than being with this big cat. So much for this moment.