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Rambling and Random bullshittery

JF_Fanai
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chs / week
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NOT RATINGS
16.9k
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Synopsis
This be your most daring story; A rambling if you must, Of language most foul, of unexplored ways to curse. Of bullshit in every turn, in every twist, in every twists of tongues. As told by thine ol'hands and masterminded by the crude tongue, with all my tics and antics. Do-told tale of a vegetable who limbs and stumbled on a new realm of where creation was pierced in it's boundaries. Of a connoisseur who learns of ways of an unshackled breathing body, the occasional doggie styles and the utmost high of all forms of unequaled shag-getry, wooing tarts and thots and hoes, all manners of terms modern and old to name all wenches of all- the ripened titties; "Thine taste ranges from nymphs of florescent pure to flooded lips which hangs and are forgivably bonk-able with a passing thought riled up by the hard down under, Which in short means all!" Heinously wholesome in ways of the vile tongue which grew most crude, terribly heinous with every breaths more lived- after to after and then more, much much more. A rambling- to what he sees, to what he does. This is a story of a living, in a world of pixels; of new universe where a man could swim in lava, a world where such and such is deemed mundane. An epic where a naked fledgling dove in the heat of an avian war, baby-steps towards a destiny-, etched in the root webs of two worlds with only a goal; To be the Pirate Ki- nevermind! To live most free. Rejuvenation; maketh man a new being, now what would be his tale when all he knew of living was blinking a set of dead little eyes, what would such a virgin of a human ways do in a surreal world that explodes magics and bullshits. I'll tell ye all! Just listen to the ramble. (Stay with me, I won't ever drop this.) [Warning:] 1. Not for the faint of heart. 1½. Smut will be there but it will be extremely rare. 2. The english dictionary would require a thorough update after I'm done with this epic. 3. Fuckery most heinous most foul. (By decree of a certain fool) 4. Don't tell your mums you learnt (curses) from me. 5. No other warning just enjoy, If ye dares. Cover art not mine, thank you for letting me use it and sorry but pray tell if you ordered it removed. Will use it until I could afford a more authentic cover art or until boss wants it removed.
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Chapter 1 - The Fuckening

"In this tale of where creations meets reality.

I tasked myself to tell a tale of epic insanity.

Cast me all ears.. Oh! Audience of the many.

Listen all ye!

All cunts do moan, I present thee;"

As it were, told and sold, before me as I remember still was an empty wall, plain and white.

I could've not imagined it at all then that this day would marked the first of my days spent living.

This plastic place, I remember the moment.

It was so breathable, so calm.

It still to this day remains a wonder; A whole reality be a sole property of one man under the same sky where I breathe-in misery despite its warned toxicity.

To marvel at his creation was what people like me owed, not solely me but all.

For all the hows and all was known by only he and all the vastness of that universe was comprehensible, all its meticulous glory laid out for the eyes to wonder and all its lands left solely for the feet to fly about, to wander.

An incarnation where you are granted what you are owed; what the cruel world robbed you of.

It was man-made heaven for all.

All and more through a single white helmet.

Marvelous!

Six weeks late until I finally saw my Waypoint Helmet. I was already versed with what those eager folks before me had deafeningly blurted their asses off.

Critique born of royalties I dubbed them, then comes ones too unseemly thorough on how this world did breathe and I said this in confidence, just take a look at some of the quick dumbed down reviews below;

Blind guy jerking off to a nudie, arm-less sad baldy jerking both arms to a porn, deaf guy hearing moans, leg-less guy working his shagging thighs in a porn, toothless Sob eating corn while watching porn. Foghorn Leghorn on a wall-torned-shed porn on top of corns.

Reviews were a set of perverted miracles bravely shout-out to the whole world.

This game might've been a simple see and do done in the mind and that I would easily believe but these fucktards claimed that you could feel the shockwave in both cheeks after a massive thundering fart trumpeting inside the game.

Not exactly their words but you get the gist.

So skeptical tis I! Only The Fuckening can set me free!

But oh no!-,

I ate a dick as soon as my earthly saintly graces put that bland ass boring helmet on me.

As soon as I was booted in, I saw and felt nothing but night dark blackness oozing its nothingness all around my body, a body which has yet to feel and feel it still did not, "Deaf guy hearing moans! Pfft!" with a scoff I voiced my disbelief.

With thoughts of thine only sly remarks much crude to exist being my only means of communication, I would not want anyone to hear me spit my contempt, No! not even me.

But then, suddenly the numbing dark fades and I was left with only but awe as darkness fades making way for four empty walls of white but it was not that that really awes yours truly, it was physical.

I wasn't warned of the matter of realism to be this rejuvenating, "Shit~ The Fuckening!" like half a crescent moon and unbeknownst but happened; I cracked me the first of my many a panty felling smile.

In an instance before I could moan on the fact that my body was now perpendicular on it's own strength; I suddenly felt as I remember-,

Warmth and the feet feeling, itching? Living? I didn't knew then but these lifelong appendages of mine were now blood surging limbs and my heels all up to my toes, the cold whatever floor or whatever this white walls be, I felt them?

These keepsakes from whoever was at fault for bringing me here to live in distraught, these poor imitations of arms are now moving to my will, firm, obedient and fit, magical and working.

Then comes the fingers as I gasped, my jaws fell limb and hanging as I scanned unblinking.

The veins, rooting a line faintly under the skin, I saw them; from my biceps all the way near to the tip of my fingers; there, my blood-pipes then hid out of sight under the skin of my tingling palm and the fingers all ten of the lot now wriggle with my every whimsical command.

My doubts prior to this sorcery I was then under were ironically with a quick simple wave of a simpleton's wand; was done and made off with in a pitiful cloud of smoke.

Are these real? I wouldn't had known then because it was alien to me, not just the white blank walls surrounding me in a box but the authority over the body, that was new and foreign.

I was as you could tell ecstatic, deeply impressed I didn't took a hint that my butt-cheeks clenched together nearly suffocating the bin in between. I was not warned forego ago that the down unders could function as so.

Barely capable to utter I finally exclaimed, "HA-HA! Motherfucker!" with short hysterical breaths hystericking?! See just how bad of a shape I was in? My condition went as far as to even affect my linguistics.

I was new to this arm moving thing and the word `noob` somehow rang itself on me.

I was also shy, I always had this nonsensical notion that someone is always there keeping a keen eye on me, from some fucking where, The Prick!

I stood a new being in that floating box, questionably aroused was my drooling face, which possibly puts off a smell of a bohemian connoisseur with expertise on erotic arms and petite curvy fingers, drooling to his fetish of arm moving but I digress; putting enough thought into this matter, I came to somehow now realized that all men are like that weirdo.

I now digress for the second, and all men had sex with their hands and ill leave it at that.

Forgettable thoughts like those always sprung up in the mind when you cant do anything else but occasionally blink my dead sad little eyes.

Though now;

"A vegetable no more!" would be what these beautiful blue eyes would scream but they too were busy capturing every minute of my arms arming?

See? I told you it affects my writing.

Be this fake, an art of illusions, Loki's trickery, I did not care for even the tiniest of bits. It was all but fulfilling was the moment.

It was immediately now my truth and I refuse to accept any other reality.

Tears didn't fell, I didn't knew then that they could, I'd only ever seen them flowing a funny line on people's cheeks in their pity of me.

Overflowing with whatever makes that penguin's feet happy, I myself forgot I had two pair which themselves forgot that they even existed but I didn't blame them at all, they were usually just two cushions, the uncomfortable kind of horrific designs.

Humor aside; just in that one, in that taste on tips of tongues, that sole instance was enough to make me become one with this world, in love and unwilling to be parted.

I need not now believed in grey words, such as divorce.

Yes! Maybe it was an extension of life all packed in a single white helmet or as the genius who made it proclaimed, I wouldn't know, my facile shrugs to the ways of my earth were pitifully moronic, uncaring of the world which cared not for me.

Harsh or harsher words it maybe but bluntly I know myself, he was my favorite company after all but even in all my nights of dreaming, this feeling I now had, this upgrade had never once even flew past my roaming mind, it was nigh impossible to say it was an invention of a man.

My jealousy of control people had always mastered over their body was immediately quenched.

A simple priceless yearning wish granted-,

I was in all my life, the happiest I had ever been.

This is pure joy! And it is making me throb wildly.

To quote from the official website review, "This game be the realest yo!"

It was only after a while have I took noticed.

My eyes, their innocence in their hue of blue-, I had not prepared them enough to captivate what now surrounds me.

The bland, blank canvas of white was now as I noticed painted.

Then in a single span of a blur I was bombarded with a mixture of colors and their breathable awe.

Blue skies and cotton clouds, I smelt them.

Green grounds, running streams, I heard them.

Serene nature was singing with the winds as I float above and among them, mighty awed I breathe a deep blow out proclaiming, "This feels like Heaven!"

To what I saw and all that I knew, this place finally sets me free.

The once bleak concrete sky, flat and dull of which I came to bear as my blue and cloudy sky, as I breathed out, setting free my suffocating lungs, I was gladdened that I had finally fucked-off of that place.

I need not mind it, be this a temporary escape.

I'll treasure it.

Floating seemingly aimlessly I cannot tell even the joy arousing from a captivating spell of a working body was halted, for my eyes and my all, senses only took hold of the biome of which I was enthralled by.

I had only dreamt of these cracks and caves underneath waterfalls, also waterfalls, these green feet long grasses, trees and fucking beasts of all animals--- who were mating, Nah! But really, it'd be cool! Doggy in the wild and cool shiny monsters too;

I saw them all in a blur; Them mating too.

I remember crackling out with excitement when I floated past these colonies of unbelievable floating islands not the matings, arcane towers of purple with surging flow of whatever energy that bluish purple surge is.

"I'm alive…" my neck did not stretched towards the matings as we flew on by.

Bursting out laughs within a realization, touched by that prostitute named Pure joy; I yowled a song full of laughter with a chorus of an eye yearning for more matings, "They were funny!" it claimed.

When suddenly from behind I then heard a voice, child like, "Hey there!" the voice casually yelped out and as I heard, it sounded gleefully free.

I was not spooked but twas a tit and a tad jumbled as you'd might say.

I was rather impressed with myself, rather speaking and that was on account of my body turning, with my neck doing a ten out of ten job but I was not made ready for any interactions to any of the kind with the habits of the lips muttering to responses kind.

I was not very fond of talking to another soul and that voice felt as if it had a soul.

Nervous half smiles and flat lined lips wrinkled my face as I turned, so called expressions I tried so as to look more conversable.

I completely forgot of what I knew awaited me in the very start of my journey as I saw to what I was sure was a flickering blue, soft and shiny wisp, a little round body with an all-round coat made of many mute tiny flies glued together, flapping their wings in a massive riot so they shine like so. Assuming if wisps were clothes.

As it turned out, I as they said would forgot for the second that I was in a game.

Snapping back to reality, I then knew immediately of the wisp and its said purpose.

It was rather famous as all players had seen the wisp in their introduction.

"Hey-yoo?" as do the cows, I indeed mooed awkwardly.

A near droplet of sweat fell from the brow, after-all this was my first interaction with anything else other than the hands who fed me soggy soup and them crowd of zoo-goers; came to shed their sad cunt-faces of pity at me.

It's funny thinking back, all in that moment.

I wouldn't knew nor do I till this day.

I mean, what are the chances for this to be the start of a legend who shook two worlds of new and old to its core?