Escaping reality is what I want to do now. I just went along with what all my teammates said. I am now ready to discuss this decision with my English teacher. I hope my English teacher approves of my decision. I let out a slow sigh.
I took a deep breath, walked over to my English teacher and before I could open my mouth - , "Okay, students, line up now. We need to start practicing." My English teacher says loudly. I stand alone in front of my teammates, look at them with a smile on my face and start practicing. 'I want to take my Polaroid camera and take a picture of them, write on the back of the Polaroid, - our last practice - .' I said in my mind.
After around 45 minutes, the room fell silent, with only the sound of our breath to be heard. Until I heard my voice say, "Teacher, we have decided to withdraw from this competition. They all agreed." I clench my fist to hide the trembling. Having my English teacher remain silence adds to the gloomy and melancholy atmosphere in the rooms. I feel like my life is in threat, forgetting what I was doing here in the first place.
The silence begins to fully erupt with the English teacher's voice blaming me, "Did you just say, you all want to quit the team? Elly, I believe you were not able to properly lead them. Your soft technique is causing them to perform poorly right now. What exactly are your problems, Elly? Did you plan on abandoning this team? Look, the competition is getting closer, and you just told me you want to quit? Did you plan on rubbing shame into my face?
I answer timidly, "No teacher."
My English teacher sighs and says, "All of you youngsters are dismissed, except YOU Elly," The sound of footsteps leaving the room continues to fade until I am left with only my shadow and my English teacher in this room.
My teammates leaving does not make me happy with this scolding. My heart is pounding, sweat is dripping down, leaving the wet stains decorating my back, and my eyes flooding with the tears that I keep restrain from showering on my face.
I'd like to go back in time to when we decided to quit this competition. I should firmly disagree with what they suggest and instead reassure them with advice that will make them unwelling to quit. Most of the time when I stand in front of my English teacher, I don't hear any of her voices because I'm concentrating on blaming myself repeatedly.
Until I heard my English teacher say, "You may leave now, Elly, but keep in mind that we still have practice tomorrow. As a conclusion, ensure that the performance is better than it is today."
I answer stiffly while grabbing my bag, "Okay, teacher."
Why am I still alive and fighting with being friends with them? I imagined I could feel the numerous warm hugs on me, as I walked away from the scolding, but all I found were the winds stroking my body softly to soothe me, alone in the middle of the hallway.
Crying is not my usual list, but not today. Tears keep flowing every time I wipe my tears. I glance up at the sky, feeling so blue, yet warm from the sunshine caressing my face. Whatever happens today, I must be positive and look forward more to tomorrow. I smile softly while sniffling.
I stepped away from the hallway, needing to come back home. The sound of a busy vehicle surrounding my ears helps to relieve me from overthinking and crying. I look left and right, hoping that one of my friends or teammates is waiting for me. But people have warned me before, 'Don't get your hopes up too high for something that's going to break us.' That's right. I exhaled deeply and continued walking.
"I'm back." I informed my mom.
My house is neither too big nor too modest. As long as our family remains properly warm. I dropped my bag in the room I share with my mother. I close my eyes and lay down on the bed. Feeling out of space. Today's events have helped me to realize that the friends we are comfortable with being beside us are not going to continue to keep us warm forever.
This is a smart way of thinking, though it seems a little sad. I know because once I try to be nice to people, they accept my kindness and then dump me behind. This is not a fairytale, that true friendship helps each other whether we are in a happy or bad mood. This is the reality that we must accept, even if it is bitter.
After I showered, my mother reminded me that dinner is ready. I'd like to inform you that my mother's cooking is indeed very delicious. I'm quite certain every mother's cooking is outstanding.
My mother has beautiful eyes, and no matter how she is tired of doing chores, I can always see the lights that have always been there. She enjoys cooking and is naturally gifted at tailoring. I'd rather have my mother sew my ripped shirt than go to a tailor shop. My mother sews more tidily and neatly than a tailor shop.
Our family doesn't often eat dinner together since we prefer to eat separately. I'm not certain why, but it's not because we have an argument with each other. I guess it's just more comfortable.
We ate while having a conversation about our ordinary routine. I'm not planning on telling my mother about what happened today because I'm not one of those people that share everything with our family members. I'm the type of person who always keeps things locked in my heart.
After dinner, I sit on the bed and prepare to sleep. "Good night, mother." I sleepily yawn. "Good night, Elly. Have a good sleep." My mother says.
Poetic feels:
Sharp word,
She is bleeding.
Crystal drop,
She is hurting.
Growing from the pains,
She is alive.
Poem by: shinxdaisy