"Wait, please listen to me! At least give me a second!" I hear Sam yelling while following me all the way to the emergency stairs of his building. But I can't stop, I won't. How dare he...how could he ask me out? How could he confess...without knowing everything...anything!
"Please! You will fall, be careful, for God's sake! KAY STOP!" I don't.
"LIENNA!"
My next step halts the second he says that name. My right foot pauses in mid-air and the left remains on the precedent step as half of my body is leaning forward while half is awkwardly hanging in the middle. My hands fall on my sides, and I completely proceed to the next step as I sit down with a thump on it. My brain refuses to take any further steps after hearing that name from him. He catches up to me and comes to my front as he bends down to my level and looks at my covered face.
"I know who you are. Stop hiding behind that mask. I am sorry....for everything I did back then. I shouldn't have left. I know what I did was selfish, but I had to be selfish to protect you, to protect us. I have missed you so bad and I tried so hard to look for you, to contact you but you.... were out of reach. L-Lienna I swear I have got my eyes only for you. No one has been able to steal my heart but you. Even after being in this industry, and working with multiple famous female singers, none have captured my attention but you. I only love you. I have only loved you, Lienna."
My tears drop one by one from my eyes before they start to flow like an endless river. It's hard for me to speak, my throat hurts and my heart hurts even more. Hearing all this, hearing all this from him makes me so guilty that I wish to die right here. I regret coming to this party to celebrate our success. Everyone is enjoying right now but a storm is going to destroy everything here.
"Say something please." His desperate plea makes me come out from my guilt as with a big lump in my throat I manage to say,
"I-I am not h-her."
"Huh?" The confusion he shows clearly crushes everything in me. How did I get myself into this? I don't want this to happen. Somehow, with my shaking legs, I stand up with the support of the railing beside me. He tries to help me but I back away, not letting him touch me.
"I am not h-her. I am n-not Lienna."
"What..." His voice is barely audible, but I doubt mine is any better. Gulping all my tears and my sadness and my guilt, I take my shivering hands to my mask and take it off as he watches in surprise and confusion. My heart beats rapidly as I remove my cap. My mind is screaming NO! NO! NO! But right now, for the first time in a long time, I am going to listen to my heart as I reveal myself to him.
"I am Mia," I say with a trembling whisper as Sam looks at me with wide eyes showing utter confusion which turns into disbelief and then into hurt, and finally into something that breaks me completely and I start to cry with sobs, betrayal.
"M-mia..? B-but....I....ho..." He is at a complete loss of words. I know, I can understand. But it's not even the start. How will he react after knowing about.... about the actual reason I am standing here and not Lienna. He knows it's not Lienna but me right here. Lienna had gorgeous emerald, green eyes and smooth long dark brown hairs. He definitely knows her better than she knew herself. I don't blame him for mistaking me for her though. It's been more than 5 years. The song we sang was written by her, the lyrics were meant for him, and especially that one word, that one nickname that only Lienna could call him with was there. Of course, he thought it was her. His fists clench, and he looks down as his bangs cover half of his face. I bite my lips and control myself from breaking down more in front of him, but it all goes in vain hearing his painful words.
"And I thought I would know if it's Lienna. I promised her I would always recognize her. And here, I confessed to her own best friend thinking it's h-her."
"N-no. It's not y-your fault. I know it was the song..."
"Yes, yes it was! How can you have her song?!! What the hell is even going on?! Where is Lien?!" I gulp and close my eyes to stop my tears but it's as if now they don't want to. Like they are tired of being kept in for the last 5 years. So now I don't try to conceal my tears anymore and show my real self; broken.
"Sam, I swear I didn't do any of this on purpose. I had a reason. I had a purpose." The look he gives me while looking straight into my blue eyes gives me shivers and it breaks me at the same time.
"Why Mia? Why did you...why did you hurt me this bad? I... know I hurt her, but I didn't do it on purpose. Hurting her hurt me more. I was broken that day too. But I have been waiting for her since. She is the reason that I didn't give up. I wanted to succeed for her. I wanted to show her I didn't fail, that now I can keep her safe. Now I can stand in front of my parents for her. That we can be happy, without any fears. I swear I never laid my eyes on anyone else than her. If that's what you wanted to know, you could have just--"
"No, no... Sam... please...you.... need to know something very important about...L-Lienna." He frowns and I feel my heart crushing seeing his hazel eyes that are glittering due to the tears he is keeping inside them.
"Lienna...." I take a deep breath and wipe my tears. Gulping I look at his eyes and start to explain everything. I reveal the truth.
"After you left, Lienna was devastated. She didn't eat properly and didn't get out of her room all day. She didn't even talk to me. She missed you so bad. And I know you did too. She felt bad for not understanding you. I made her understand your reasons like you asked me to. I explained to her calmly what you wanted to. And she listened. Because by then, she was just too drained and hurt and alone. So, she listened and understood. She wanted to call you and make up, but you changed your number, and she couldn't contact you anymore. We know how beautiful her voice was. So, I suggested a plan. I asked her to audition in the music industry and surprise you. Since she wrote songs every day, every minute, whenever she remembered you, she wanted to audition to express all that. She wrote at least 100 songs in those 2 years. All of your sad, happy, memorable moments, she beautifully and emotionally captured them in her words. She badly wanted to tell you all this through her songs. She badly wanted to tell you that she is sorry for acting immature and not understanding you. She wanted to tell you how much she misses you, how much she loves you, how much you matter to her. After 2 years of completing college and preparing herself for the audition, she finally went there. But...that day...the building was burnt down. And so was....so was...Lienna." If words could crush down a person's mind, soul, heart, and body all at once, my words just crushed Sam's everything. Sam's face explains the amount of pain he is feeling right now. His endlessly flowing tears and his legs giving up as he falls to the ground, everything expresses extreme agony.
"No...no...no...." He continuously shakes his head as he repeats 'no' lowly but then his body starts to tremble viciously, and he yells making me flinch.
"NO! NO! NO! NO! NO! NO!! PLEASE!! SAY SHE IS HERE! SAY SHE IS ALIVE! SAY ITS NOT TRUE!!! SH-SHE CAN'T!! SHE CAN'T LEAVE ME....SHE C-CANT... she can't..."
He cries out loudly in pain as I scoot down to him crying with him and keep my hand on his shoulder, but he flinches badly and moves away from me as if I am some disease. It hurts me to see him like this, but I can't do anything. I know how it feels, or perhaps what he feels right now is nothing compared to what I feel. His pain is much more, his guilt is much more, and his regret is much more.
"Lienna can't...d-die....no! no....she is.... she is alive.... stop fucking lying!" He yells still trembling and crying tears of despair, but I can't do anything other than look at his pitiful state with regret in my eyes. I didn't want to tell him. I knew it would be too much, but I couldn't afford him loving me thinking as her. I couldn't afford him to take me as a replacement. Though I know Lienna would have wanted this to always be a secret, I just couldn't let myself be considered her replacement. I know this is selfish of me but...though I tried really hard...I fell in love.... with my best friend's ex and forever lover.
....