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Sorry the new update too so long
I Had this massive writers block to deal with
But chapter 6, here you have it.
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Playlist of the chapter: life, im over you
Song by Zevia & Rnla
Read and enjoy.
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It's been two weeks since I gained admissions. And the preparation has been hell, I mean yeah its been nice cos I have bought so many things but I have been packing and shopping.
Damn!
All I wanna do is crawl in a hole and hide, but I have been waking up early too much lately and it's hell,
Fyi, I am so not a morning person
Waking up to a sharp pain in my lower abdomen, I hissed pushing myself off the bed, "God please no, not today" I know what this pain is, I dread the pain.
"I don't want to be on my period yet, please not today" I was begging no one in particular, probably the God of period cramps and hormonal break downs, taking off the clothes I slept in. I sank back on the toilet seat, I could feel my ragged breaths escaping my lips after each groan.
I have to make my first appearance in school today, we are starting verification process and classes would be starting in the earliest weeks.
Pulling my self up using the sink as a support item, walking back out I glaced at the wall clock, it was 3 Am, "Now I won't be getting any sleep" moving back to my cabinet, I pulled out my box of sanity care.
I can already fell my emotions darkening, my periods crams are an emotional killer.
I would be so unapproachable in school, way to go ruining my first time in a new environment.
Yay me!
Pulling out a few tampons, and sanity pad, I pulled out a fair deal of pain killers, Taking two tablets of aspirin, Picking up my pill of clothes, and cleaning up the mess I made and finally changing into my blue over sized hoodie.
I grabbed the pills, It was now 3:32Am, Sighing, I walked out to my bed sighing, the ache in my stomach right now is killing me.
It was really dark, Switching on the light of my phone, I guilded my way to the dinning room, Picking up a bottle of water I sat on the kitchen island.
My stomach was churning really bad, I could feel the pain build up, I hate period cramps so badly, Taking a gulp of my pills, I jumped off the counter.
"Ow fucking hell" I curse so easily, "That's a ton of curse words don't you think" A small scream escaped from my lips as my step Dad flashed the beam of his light at me.
"God you scared me" I released a breath I had no idea I held, which led to a little bit of gasping for more air,"Sorry kiddo, I needed to switch over to the generator, Want to come with me?"
"Uhm, Okay sure" My step Dad and I are pretty close it took years to get there though, but eventually I learnt to accept him as my Dad.
It's a sob sorry for another day, Walking behind him it was akward cos it's midnight and the pain was making my vision waver.
But then I can't say no right?
We were done with the task at hand in a few minutes and I was back to using the lights in the house for sight, Walking back up to my room, we both 3lwalked up in silence.
"Pops if you want to say something you can, you are actually shy" I had a mocking edge to my voice, He smiled stopping in front of my room.
I turned back to him, " Well you know.me, I know you have been through so much Kiddo but I want you to start the pages of your being 18 without the hate" He started.
I knew it was a touchy topic, that 2as why he was having trouble talking, "You should have fun in school, Meet people don't just lick your self up like you do here, And also be careful of boy, I love you, as my own daughter and I would miss your sacarsm and all of you but I want you to be happy without..."
He paused Hoping I get the rest of what he had to say, I did, a small smile crept to my face, "I am not a hugger, we all know.that, but I'll give you one tonight, and of course I can't promise, but then I'll have roommates so hopefully I won't be so lonely, I love you pops"
His body warmth engulfed me into a warm hug, I had to pull away a lil too fast but he understood, "I will send your allowance to you before you leave, and we most likely might not see each till you return back from school Soo Goodnight"
I nodded ," Oh you have to leave work early tomorrow?" He nodded turning towards the direction of his room, "Good night pops"
Turning into my room, I walked straight to my bed, I slowly climed.on my bed, the pain in my stomach was beginning to subside and I have been sleeping without nightmares for months now.
That's something to be grateful for.
From the loud crashing sounds of the brewing thunderstorm, I was pulled out of my sleep, The wind banged against my window as I got up to pull the curtain.
My whole body froze, My accelerated heartbeat, I hate thunderstorms they bring back memories, with shaky finger and ragged breaths, I closed my windows.
Grabbing onto my wardrobe for support, the tears pulled at my eyes, my back collided with the cold wall,
"I'm 18 already it's been two years, why won't the anxiety attacks just fucking stop" My breaths came out in pauses, as I tried to catch my breath, "1, 2 3 4 5 6... 6...."
I stopped counting, it wasn't working pulling my self up, I refused to give in to the pain, Walking it my bathroom and under the shower, I slid down to the floor under the cold shower as the water came in contact with my clothes.
The flashbacks were vivid it was like a horror movies that played in my head, my screaming, passing out in a pool of my own blood. The rape scenes, I shudders as I felt the water turn warm against my wet clothes.
I could feel my breaths calming, the attacks was over, that was just a little fragment of the scars my dad left me with, his face was the last thing I saw before I got consumed in the dark.
Walking up under a cold shower running over your head and wet clothes with blood dripping down is not an ideal way for a girl to wake up.
But then I am a an abused and depressed 18 year old so we have to make some exceptions.
Oh and FYI the blood was from my uhmm period predicament.
I slipped a little getting up was quiet hard as I kept slipping back down, damn tiles won't give me a break. Finally winning the war of rising to my feet I took off my clothe.
I heard my alarm go off on my bed,
Damn! Stupid alarm clocks,
Taking my bath under the cold shower, I was going to have a fever no doubt after this, " But really who blacks out under a shower?"
I asked my self with soap lather from my toothbrush dripping down to the sink, I sighed , I felt so much better now.
"Add thunderstorms to the top list of Triggers I have" I made a mental note, Walking into my room, I Opened up my wardrobe and it was almost empty.
Well I have packed up almost all my clothes for school so it's totally expected, picking out the outfit I set aside for today, I got prepared for my first day at my new home.
I mean it's gonna be my home for four years so I might as well just call it my new home.
LoL right.
Looking down at my Blue sweat shirt and my black joggers, i paired my out fit with the only shoe left a Black converse and my big sister gold necklace.
Yes no one would hear the end of my necklace.
I smiled picking up my phone, my purse my lip gloss, nose mask and my headset. I was ready for a 3 hours journey. I heard a slight knock on my door as I cleaned up my room.
"Come in it's opened" My step mum strolled in with puffy eyes, I stopped packing up.my clothes, " what's wrong are you okay?"
I hated seeing people cry, she sniffed smiling, " Yes love I was just thinking of how much you have grown, and how far you have come and now you are off to University"
I sighed.
Seriously she scared me
"Seriously Momma, you scared me and there I was thinking something bad happened, She pulled me into a hug.
"Honey, please be careful, and I didn't want to say this but I have to, No pills, no drugs, no cuts call me if you feel even a tiny bit of depression, or anxiety attack"
My mind flashed back to.last night
"Yeah, no pills, no drugs I get the gist momma, and I'll be fine, I promise am a grown up now" she smiled nodding, "it's 6 Am, you should see Anu and then get going"