|Poetic Intro|
In my fatherland dwells chaos
In disguise, they dance in harmony
In reality, they wish upon themselves death.
In our riches lies regret
In our fortunes, we prepare for misfortune
For wealth, we sweat in dismay
Look what we've done.
We chose gold over folks
Lonely at the top we are
United we have fallen
In our differences lies our reality
Before us is our cross
In burden, we splurge
For our desires we shared blood
For our fortune, we lost our fortune
The cry of the innocent lives in our vain
Our ancestors are rolling in their graves
Yet we bury the innocent to escape our grieve
___________________________________
|LOLADE's RESIDENCE, LEKKI PHASE ONE|
"Bisi walks into Olamide's room"
BISI
Where are you going?
(Gazes at Olamide's traveling bag)
OLAMIDE
I will be leaving for Abuja this morning with Uncle Robert.
BISI
Why?
You have decided to go and stay with Mum?
OLAMIDE
(Turns to Bisi)
Really?
Didn't you see the news this morning?
BISI
No, I have no idea where I even dropped my phone since last night.
Alcohol is bad, I swear.
(Places both her hands on Olamide's bed as she drops her body on it)
OLAMIDE
I got a call this morning from Adaora.
Her lawyer's dead body was found in her trunk.
BISI
That's a lie!
OLAMIDE
Well, it isn't.
It's everywhere in the news, and you know what is even crazier?
It all happened in a secondary school, and Adaobi witnessed it.
BISI
No, that's bad.
But who would kill her lawyer and dump him in her trunk?
That's obviously a strong message.
OLAMIDE
A very strong one.
That's why I decided to join Uncle Robert since he's going to Abuja to see Mum.
BISI
Can I join you guys?
You know I can't stay here alone, and it will be an opportunity to check on them too.
OLAMIDE
And to see Nnamdi too, abi?
(Teases Bisi)
BISI
(Smiles)
Ola, don't start, please.
OLAMIDE
If I were you, I would be packing now.
We are leaving in thirty minutes.
BISI
Are you serious?
(Rushes out of the room)
"Robert walks into the room"
ROBERT
Are you ready?
OLAMIDE
Yeah.
ROBERT
Where is your sister running to this morning?
OLAMIDE
She decided to join us.
ROBERT
Oh, alright, that's good.
I'll be downstairs waiting for you guys.
OLAMIDE
Alright.
ROBERT
(Gazes at a painting of an African woman breastfeeding her baby)
I love this.
OLAMIDE
Really?
It was a gift from my ex.
ROBERT
Wow, she must have been a lover of art.
OLAMIDE
Yes, she was.
ROBERT
Can I get something like this?
OLAMIDE
Sure you can.
I'll talk to her about it.
ROBERT
(Smiles at Olamide)
That would be nice.
Thank you.
_____________________________________
|Mr ACHEBE's RESIDENCE, ABUJA|
"One of the police office walks towards Adaora"
POLICE OFFICER
So is there anyone you suspect would want to dump a dead body in your trunk?
ADAORA
No, there isn't.
NNAMDI
Yes, officer, there is.
ADAORA
(Turns to Nnamdi)
Nnamdi!
NNAMDI
(Walks towards Adaora)
What?
They have to know!
(Turns to the police officer)
A few days ago, my stepmother, my late father's legal wife, approached the deceased to make her son, my elder brother, the next of kin.
He refused her request because he works for the next of kin, which is my sister here.
ADAORA
Meaning he takes orders from only me.
These were the wishes of our late father.
POLICE OFFICER
Hmm, why did you keep all of this from us, ma?
Do you know how this information can help in our investigation?
ADAORA
(Smiles at the Police Officer)
Trust me, it wouldn't be useful to you.
NNAMDI
You never can tell, Adaora.
ADAORA
Nnamdi, do not act like you don't know they will find a way around this.
Besides, this was an open warning and threat.
(Turns to the police officer)
If I were you, I would close this case and forget about this.
NNAMDI
They will do no such thing!
What if they come for your head?
We have to stop them, Adaora, be reasonable, please.
POLICE OFFICER
Hmm, you can't tell us how to do our job, ma.
Do you know that holding information that could help a case is against the law?
ADAORA
I know, and I'm sorry, sir.
But you need to understand why I did it.
POLICE OFFICER
Do not justify your actions, young lady.
We will take our leave for now.
Please do not leave town.
NNAMDI
Sure, Sir, I will make sure she doesn't.
POLICE OFFICER
Alright
(walks out of the scene along with his other subordinates)
ADAORA
(Turns to Nnamdi)
What is your problem, Nnamdi?
Why did you tell the officer about...
NNAMDI
Because it's the right thing to do.
Since we can't take the law into our hands, we should let the authorities do their job.
ADAORA
(Smiles)
But you know this investigation will lead to nowhere?
NNAMDI
You never can tell.
_____________________________________
|CHIEF BALOGUN's RESIDENCE, BANANA ISLAND|
"Kate walks into the living"
Mrs. K BALOGUN
Good morning, my dear friend.
Dr. SHADE
(Hugs Kate)
E kaaro, Kate.
It's been a while.
Mrs. K BALOGUN
Oh yes, it has.
Please have your seat.
(Points to the sofa)
Dr. SHADE
Thank you.
(Sits down)
Mrs. K BALOGUN
So what brings you to my residence?
Because for a second, I was thinking you have been avoiding me.
Dr. SHADE
I won't deny the fact that I was indeed avoiding you.
I couldn't face you after what my daughter did to your family.
I know it's unforgivable, and I feel bad about it.
Mrs. K BALOGUN
Hmm, you are right.
But still, it would have been nice to hear from you, my friend.
Dr. SHADE
I'm sorry, Kate. I wish I could travel back in time.
Mrs. K BALOGUN
But sadly you can't.
So what brings you here?
Dr. SHADE
I have come to ask for your help, Kate.
Although my husband has asked me to drop this issue and let him handle it, but I cannot do that, Kate.
I am a mother, and I'm sure you would understand why I must be here.
Mrs. K BALOGUN
Hmm, what is it that you want from me, Shade?
Dr. SHADE
Kate, you have been my friend for many years, and you and I know there is a solution to Soni's situation right now.
I can't let my daughter suffer anymore.
Please help me, Kate.
I can go on my knees right now.
(Attempts to kneel down)
Mrs. K BALOGUN
No, don't do that, my friend.
Please sit down.
I have heard you, Shade, and I understand how you feel. I am a mother too, and I would do the same for my children and grandchildren.
But you also need to understand that I can't do much for Simi because Maria is like a daughter to me too.
Dr. SHADE
I know, Kate, but please ejor.
Just help me the best way you can.
My daughter cannot go to jail.
Mrs. K BALOGUN
Hmm, like I said, Shade, there ain't much I can do for you.
This is something very personal to me and my family.
Dr. SHADE
Kate, please.
You were once the Chief Justice of this nation, and we both know with your influence Simi can walk out of there.
Mrs. K BALOGUN
I can help you, Shade, but I won't.
The most I can do for you is to find a way to lessen her sentence, but she must go to jail.
I am a Balogun!
No outsider can hurt our own and go free.
Dr. SHADE
I understand you, Kate, so how many years are we looking at?
Mrs. K BALOGUN
I don't know for now, Shade.
That is something I would discuss with the judge handling your daughter's case.
Dr. SHADE
Hmm, alright.
Thank you, Kate.
_____________________________________
|ADEBISI's RESIDENCE, FESTAC|
"Temilade walks into Adebisi's office"
TEMI
E kaaro, ma. You sent for me.
ADEBISI
(Takes off her glasses)
Oh yes. Please sit.
(Points at the chair opposite her)
TEMI
Okay.
(Sits down)
Hope everything is alright?
ADEBISI
Yes, it is. I just want to have a short chat with you.
TEMI
Alright.
ADEBISI
A lot happened when you were kidnapped, and that has forced me to execute my plans earlier than expected. As you know, your mother is involved in a lot that happened to me.
TEMI
Yes, ma, and I apologize on her behalf.
ADEBISI
Temi, I didn't call you here to get an apology from you. We both know you and your siblings had absolutely nothing to do with what happened.
TEMI
I know, ma, but I can't help but feel shame and anger when I think of it. Never did I imagine my Mum would do such. As for Auntie Lolade, I wasn't too surprised.
ADEBISI
(Smiles)
I know, right? Bisola was my closest friend; we were practically sisters. Although I knew she had a crush on your father while we were in school, she never admitted it. I knew a little bit of her was envious when your father married me, but I never knew such feeling would overshadow the bond we shared as friends. As for Lolade, she never liked me because I brought more wealth to the Balogun, which encouraged Chief to pick Ayo as his next of kin.
TEMI
Hmm, I get it. What are your plans?
ADEBISI
I can't tell you, Temi, because I want to keep all of you away from it. The less you know, the better. I called you here today to warn you that although I care and love you, I won't spare your mother from my wrath.
(Holds Temi's hand)
And I'm hoping you will try and understand me and why I must do this.
TEMI
(Sighs)
I still love my Mum; I won't deny that fact, but I know she deserves whatever is coming her way, so I won't resent you for it. I can only imagine the pain you went through all these years, and it's unforgivable.
ADEBISI
(Smiles at Temi)
Thank you, Temilade. Your understanding means a lot to me.
TEMI
You are welcome, ma.
ADEBISI
By the way, I think you should see your Mum. Because a lot will happen, Temi. A lot is coming her way, and I do not want you to regret not seeing her one last time.
TEMI
I don't know, Auntie Adebisi. But I will try.
ADEBISI
Please try.
(Smiles at Temi)
_____________________________________
"Taiwo walks into Micheal's room"
TAIWO
Hey bro.
MICHAEL
How far now?
TAIWO
I dey oh. I for like step out before. A friend of mine would be opening his restaurant today, so I don't know if you would like to tag along.
MICHAEL
Hmm, sure, bro. What time?
TAIWO
Later this afternoon. Ebuka can come along too.
MICHAEL
Alright, I'll ask if he is free. You know he's been busy ever since he started working for your Mum.
TAIWO
(Gets up to leave)
Alright. Are you okay?
MICHAEL
I dey alright.
TAIWO
You don't look okay, bro. What is bothering you?
MICHAEL
It's Temi.
TAIWO
What about Temi?
MICHAEL
She's been acting strange ever since she returned. I just have this feeling that she's hiding something from us.
TAIWO
You mean like there is something she's not telling us?
(Sits down)
MICHAEL
Exactly, bro.
"Onyinye walks in"
ONYINYE
Something about her story doesn't add up.
MICHAEL
(Turns to Onyinye)
Onyinye! Haven't I warned you about this attitude of jumping into adult conversations?
TAIWO
Let her be, Michael, at least she noticed too.
ONYINYE
Sorry, sir, don't vex. But I think we should try and find out what really happened.
TAIWO
You shouldn't be worrying about that, dear. Besides, you should be in school by now.
MICHAEL
That reminds me. Why haven't you left for school?
ONYINYE
I told you, na. I'm waiting for Maria. Alright, we have agreed to leave after Ganny is buried.
MICHAEL
Hmm, alright.
TAIWO
Alright, bro, I'll leave you for now. Let me get some things done.
(Gets up to leave)
MICHAEL
Alright, bro. Take care.
_____________________________________
|PRESIDENTIAL VILLA, ABUJA|
"Mrs Adesoji is lost in deep thoughts"
LOLADE
(Turns to Mrs. Adesoji)
Are you okay?
MRS. ADESOJI
I'm fine, my friend.
LOLADE
I'm not sure you are. You appeared so distracted earlier today at the meeting.
MRS. ADESOJI
I'm just confused, Lolade.
LOLADE
What is the problem?
MRS. ADESOJI
Supposing you found out your son killed your daughter, what would you do?
LOLADE
Hmm, that is a very interesting question.
"Robert walks into the office"
ROBERT
And that shouldn't be difficult for you to answer since you are used to getting rid of people regardless of who they are.
(Smiles at Lolade)
LOLADE
Robert, what are you doing here?
ROBERT
Are you seriously asking me that question?
LOLADE
Yes, I am.
ROBERT
Can't I surprise my own wife at her place of work?
(Walks towards her)
LOLADE
This is your wife, the president of the Federal Republic of Nigeria. You can not storm in here whenever you want.
MRS. ADESOJI
Lolade! Calm down, please. The young man just misses his wife.
ROBERT
Thank you for that.
LOLADE
Whatever.
(Turns to Mrs. Adesoji)
So what really is the problem?
MRS. ADESOJI
Don't worry yourself with my problems.
LOLADE
Are you sure?
MRS. ADESOJI
(Gets up to leave)
I'm fine, Lolade. Attend to your husband. I will be leaving for Lagos later today.
(Walks out of the scene)
_____________________________________
|FESTAC OIL AND GAS, HEAD QUARTERS|
"Bayo walks into Kate's Office"
BAYO
E kaaro, ma.
MRS. K BALOGUN
(Gazes at Bayo)
Bawo ni?
BAYO
Beni.
(Sits down)
So how is work?
MRS. K BALOGUN
Very fine. Why are you here?
BAYO
Can't I check on my beloved Grandmother?
MRS. K BALOGUN
Bayo, I know you more than I even know myself, so be straight with me, son. What do you want?
BAYO
Okay. Don't you think you should rest? Taking over the company from Grandpa isn't a smart move, especially with your age and health.
MRS. K BALOGUN
(Smiles at Bayo)
Your Grandpa is older than I am, and he was doing fine.
BAYO
I know, Granny, but I don't think it was the best thing for either of you. You know Grandpa listens to no one but himself.
MRS. K BALOGUN
I'm fine, Bayo.
BAYO
Granny, you need help, and I want to help.
MRS. K BALOGUN
If this is a tactic to get rid of me so that you can fulfill your long-term dream of leading the company, then I can assure you that you are failing.
BAYO
But you know I deserve it, Granny.
MRS. K BALOGUN
Do you?
(Walks to her safe)
We both know you were behind Taiwo's scandal, and you knew your mother was behind what happened to Adebisi and your Dad.
BAYO
Okay, yes, I won't deny the fact that I have done some shady things, but it still doesn't dispute the fact that I am the best man for the job, Granny. Just trust me!
MRS. K BALOGUN
Trust? You went to extreme lengths to hurt your brother just to prove and secure your position as the next of kin, and you still look me in the eye and speak of trust?
BAYO
You are no saint either, Granny. Don't give me those looks.
MRS. K BALOGUN
What looks?
BAYO
The same look you have been giving Grandpa lately.
MRS. K BALOGUN
Go back to work, Bayo. I am yet to make my decision on this matter. I will not be moved by this. I will be logical in my decisions.
BAYO
We both know Taiwo doesn't deserve this.
MRS. K BALOGUN
And you do? What makes you think you are so special, son? Bayo, I was in the middle of something before you stepped in. Please, go back to work.
BAYO
Fine, I will let you be.
MRS. K BALOGUN
Thank you, love.
"Bayo walks out of the office."
_____________________________________
|PRESIDENTIAL VILLA, ABUJA|
"Robert wraps his arms around Lolade"
ROBERT
Don't tell me you are still mad at me?
LOLADE
Like I said, Robert, you can't just come whenever you like, especially now that I am trying to crack my way into The Table.
ROBERT
(Sits down)
How is that going?
LOLADE
Not as planned, Robert. My father keeps blocking all the loopholes.
ROBERT
Well, you shouldn't be surprised, Lolade. Just because you won the election doesn't mean you should underestimate your father. Chief is a well-respected and powerful man. If I were you, I wouldn't be seeking power over the table.
LOLADE
So I should let them be? That is not possible, Robert. Do you even realize that the seat of the president is insignificant without the support of the table? The Table controls everything. I might have won the election, but my father is still in control.
ROBERT
Exactly why I suggest you take a different approach to this.
LOLADE
(Sits down)
Which would be?
ROBERT
Since you cannot go through the table, go around it.
LOLADE
Be a bit specific, Robert.
ROBERT
Destroy the table. You had the resources to become president, but those resources are not enough for you to win the chairmanship of the table. They don't care about your position. If they don't want you, they don't want you.
LOLADE
Hmm, you might be right, but do you also realize that the table is indispensable? Destroying it won't solve my problem. I want it for myself.
ROBERT
Why?
LOLADE
Because I desire it.
ROBERT
Is that it? Or do you just want to prove to Chief that he should have chosen you over Ayo as his next of kin?
LOLADE
Can we drop this topic? I will not dissolve the table. I want the table, and I must get it. Period!!!
_____________________________________
|Mr ACHEBE's RESIDENCE, ABUJA|
"Olamide sits beside Adaora"
ADAORA
I was so scared, Olamide. I have never been so terrified in my life before.
OLAMIDE
I can only imagine how you must have felt at that point.
ADAORA
Guy, I almost ran mad. That was my first time seeing a corpse. I couldn't even see my Dad after his death.
OLAMIDE
I'm sorry that you had to go through this. And I want you to know I am here for you. (Holds Adaora's hands)
ADAORA
You know I had this entirely different perception of The Baloguns.
OLAMIDE
Let me guess, we are heartless people who care only about money and power?
ADAORA
(Chuckles) Exactly. Why are you different?
OLAMIDE
Because I am human, and trust me, others like me. Not all of us are what you think.
ADAORA
Hmm, that would be hard to believe. Your family has a very controversial reputation, especially online. Do you even know some blogs assumed your Mum was behind your late cousin's death? What's her name again, oh...
OLAMIDE
Eniola?
ADAORA
Exactly! Crazy, right? A few days before my father's death, some documents came in concerning it.
OLAMIDE
You mean your Dad was investigating my mother?
ADAORA
It appears so. Although I just think he did it to know if he could trust her, at least to know who he is dealing with.
OLAMIDE
What did you do with these documents?
ADAORA
Nothing. I never opened them. Wasn't my problem; I didn't care.
OLAMIDE
Adaora, can I see these documents?
ADAORA
Sure, but why? Don't tell me you believe your Mum was actually involved in her death?
OLAMIDE
I don't know, Adaora. I just have to see that document.
ADAORA
Sure, just a minute, I will get them for you. (Walks out of the scene)
_____________________________________
"Bisi wraps her hands around Nnamdi"
NNAMDI
I won't give it to you. So just forget about it. (Holds firmly to a pack of chocolate)
BISI
Please, na. You know I love them.
NNAMDI
But you have had enough of them already.
"Chibuike walks into the room"
CHIBUIKE
Wow, look who we have here. My brother playing with the devil's daughter. (Smiles at Bisi)
NNAMDI
(walks angrily to Chibuike)
Watch your tongue, brother!
CHIBUIKE
Or what?
BISI
(comes between Nnamdi and Chibuike)
Nnamdi, that's enough, please. He's not worth it.
CHIBUIKE
You are the one who isn't worth it. By the way, tell your Mummy we are coming for her.
BISI
(Turns to Chibuike)
What are you talking about?
NNAMDI
(Turns to Chibuike)
What is your problem? Please, leave.
CHIBUIKE
If I were you, bro, I would watch my back. Remember what they did to Dad. (Walks out of the room)
BISI
(Turns to Nnamdi)
What is he talking about?
NNAMDI
It's nothing, Bisi. Don't mind him.
BISI
That wasn't nothing, Nnamdi. What does your brother have against my mother?
NNAMDI
Bisi, it's nothing. Please, drop this.
BISI
Rara, oh. What was he talking about?
NNAMDI
Bisi, please, let's drop this. It's nothing serious.
BISI
Oh, it's serious. I know it is. Nnamdi, please.
NNAMDI
Fine, I will tell you. Chibuike, his Mum, and some of my Dad's people believe your Mum is involved in the death of my Father.
BISI
(sits on the bed)
Are you serious?
NNAMDI
Relax, dear. It's not certain yet.
BISI
Do you think it's true?
NNAMDI
Honestly, Bisi, I do not know what to believe. I have decided to keep an open mind. Besides, we both know it's possible.
BISI
Yeah, I do.
_____________________________________
|POLICE STATION, IKEJA LAGOS|
"Bayo sits opposite Simi"
BAYO
Hey, how are you doing?
(Gazes at the chains around her hands and legs)
SIMI
I'm fine.
Why are you here?
BAYO
I came to see how you were doing.
SIMI
You shouldn't be here, Bayo. I have put you and your family through a lot. Please, go.
BAYO
Why can't you see through me, Simi? If you had chosen me over Taiwo, you would be here.
SIMI
Is this what you came here to tell me? What is your problem, Bayo? I have told you times without numbers. I do not love, cannot love you, and would never love you!
BAYO
(Gets up to leave)
All I have ever done is love you, Simi. Crazy how I was ready to change for you. I would have given you anything.
SIMI
Don't you get it, Bayo? All I wanted was Taiwo. Nothing more, nothing less.
BAYO
Hmm, I blame myself, you know? But it's fine.
(Turns to leave)
SIMI
How is Taiwo?
"Bayo ignores her and walks out of the scene"
_____________________________________
|Mr ACHEBE's RESIDENCE, ABUJA|
"Olamide appears terrified as he gazes at the documents"
OLAMIDE
Do you know what this means? My mother was behind Eniola's death.
ADAORA
And that of my father. Olamide, this is huge. What do we do with this?
OLAMIDE
I don't know, Adaora. I still can't believe this. (He paces around the room)
ADAORA
I think we should find out where this came from first. That way we can further prove its authenticity.
OLAMIDE
What is there to prove, Adaora? The truth is right in front of us. My mother is a murderer.
"Bisi, alongside Nnamdi, walks into the scene"
BISI
What did you just say?
OLAMIDE
(Rushes to cover up the documents)
It's nothing.
BISI
(She manages to get through to some of the documents)
What is this? (She goes through them with Nnamdi)
OLAMIDE
Bisi, give them back to me.
NNAMDI
Why? Why is it so important that we do not see this?
ADAORA
Because they are documents that prove...
OLAMIDE
Adaora!
ADAORA
What is it, Ola? This is bigger than both of us! We can't keep it to ourselves.
BISI
This is saying something about Lolade being involved in Eniola's death. I don't understand.
OLAMIDE
What is there not to understand? You have said it yourself. (Places both hands on his waist as he appears perplexed)
ADAORA
(Turns to BISI)
They are also documents and evidence linking your mother to my father's death.
BISI
(Turns to Nnamdi)
Exactly what we were talking about.
_____________________________________
|THE TABLE MEETING|
"Mrs Ajayi gets up to address the table"
Mrs AJAYI
I personally think we shouldn't strike just yet. We need to collect more evidence against the AUG party. What we have is enough to stop Lolade, not the AUG as a party.
Dr AKANDE
Lolade is the whole cake here. The AUG is nothing without her and her resources.
Mr OBI
I agree with Dr. Akande. The AUG party is just a piece of the cake. They would never have won that election without Lolade Balogun. So I'm suggesting we go ahead with our plans and release the evidence to the press and the general public.
Mrs AJAYI
Are you aware that such action can cause a state of emergency, which may harm us all? The public may not handle such a magnitude of information.
Mr OBI
I understand the point you are trying to make, Mrs. Ajayi, but we should act now that we have the information. Even if it means war, we are more than ready for it.
Dr AKANDE
Exactly! Do you know the policies Lolade has implemented ever since she stepped into power? She has been doing everything possible to eat her way into The Table. And we cannot allow that.
CHIEF BALOGUN
That is enough! (Turns to Mrs. Ajayi) I understand how you feel about this, but we have been patient for too long. Now is the time to strike back. Nigeria belongs to us.
Mrs KANO
So are we going to release all the evidence against your daughter and the AUG to the public?
CHIEF BALOGUN
Yes!
Dr AKANDE
When?
Mr OBI
I'm suggesting as soon as tomorrow.
Mrs AJAYI
That is too close.
CHIEF BALOGUN
Tonight. The fate of the AUG will be decided tonight. (Gets up to leave) I believe this meeting is over. (Turns to Dr. Akande) Please find out why Gen Abiola isn't here.
Dr AKANDE
Alright, Chief.
CHIEF BALOGUN
Go home, my friends. You are about to see the light at the end of the tunnel.
_____________________________________
|ASU ROCK, THE PRESIDENT's OFFICE|
"Lolade picks up her cup of hot coffee earlier prepared by her secretary"
LOLADE
This is nice.
Miss NWOKO rushes into the office.
MISS NWOKO
Good morning, Ma.
LOLADE
Good morning. What is it? You look like you were running for your life.
MISS NWOKO
Ma, have you seen the news?
LOLADE
No, I haven't. What is it?
MISS NWOKO
Some documents and information that link you to a lot of crimes were published this morning by a lot of blogs.
LOLADE
What documents?
MISS NWOKO
See for yourself, Ma. (Drops a flat screen on the table) This isn't looking good, ma.
LOLADE
No! No, this cannot be possible. How did they get their hands on this?
MISS NWOKO
I don't know, ma. Some of your party members are asking to see you.
LOLADE
Let them in.
MISS NWOKO
Okay, ma.
(Miss Nwoko rushes out of the office.)
LOLADE
(Flings the glass of coffee across the room)
No!!!