Nikolai.
I lost control.
I couldn't believe that I hurt her.
Guilt wasn't something I felt often. Especially since our line of work didn't really require showing your emotions or acting upon them.
We were more than used to not feeling anything. Stuck in a limbo of violence, chaos and numbness without a guide.
No light just absolute darkness and sin.
And we had been lonely since I could remember it would've explained our lack of...understanding if you will.
Our 'birth givers' weren't exactly the most sentimental, caring or loving parents. They trained us to be leaders since birth and trust me they surely made that happen.
We weren't like other kids.
I mean sure our father was The Pakhan as in the leader of the damn Bratva. He was expected to be a bit rough on us but the son of a bitch deprived us of our say in that matter and decided to fucking train us to be his little puppets and take over whenever he saw fit.
Piece of shit.
We didn't get to play like the other kids. and when it came to training us, he had no mercy whatsoever.
He wanted ruthless leaders to take over one day but we weren't very indulgent in becoming them. He called it selfish. We were fucking kids but he didn't care, he just wanted any sense of innocence to leave us.
So he beat and broke us and shaped us to what he wanted.
We were subverted from our innocence and childhood.
Instead of nurturing us and guiding us. hey shattered us into a million damn pieces and broke every sense of normalcy we would've had. They loved seeing our misery, pain and suffering.
They beat us into submission.
Just like fucking animals.
The only people that were supposed to love and care for us were the ones that broke us to an unimaginable limit. However, the walls I built came crashing down on me.
The moment I laid eyes on my lyubov', I felt something.
Something I never felt before.
Love.
The need to protect and provide Sofia with the things that I didn't have was almost suffocating me. I wanted to love her with every fibre of my being.
I craved to show her how much I adored her, and I knew that my brothers felt the same.
We truly fell in love at first sight.
Quite corny some might say, but we didn't care. We wanted her with us at all times. And I needed her to love me as well as my brothers.
But I fucked up before I started anything with her. I hurt her and she might never forgive me. I wasn't one to get down on my knees for anyone. But for her, I would fucking move mountains if she asked.
Yet, I still fucked up.
My grip on the glass tightened, gulping the glass of scotch I had in hand. I hurled it against the wall, pieces of glass shattering, spreading everywhere in our usually neat office.
I positioned my head in my hands, forcing my nightmares and insecurities out. I needed to get her to forgive me.
I couldn't stay like this.
But I should probably give her some space for now. I didn't want to anger her furthermore, and I couldn't afford to make her dislike us more than she did already.
We were selfish for wanting her by our side.
I knew that.
But for us to protect her and love her properly she needed to be here with us. But fuck, we really did mess up, big time.
Kidnapping was something we reserved for our enemies to teach them a lesson or two about crossing us, not for people that we loved.
But it was a must-do. At least that was what I tried to convince myself with.
Picking up my phone I dialled Dimitri's number, but the fucker didn't pick up till the third ring. "Привет?" He greeted gruffly.
(Hello)
"Cut the serious act Dimi, it's just me," I tutted my tone laced with boredom in opposition to my racing mind and aching heart.
"Проклятый брат, я думал, что с вами что-то случилось с тех пор, как вы ушли за Nadei!" Dimitri barked angrily through the phone making me wince at the loudness.
(Goddamn brother, I thought something happened to you guys since you left to get Nadei!)
"Jesus fucking Christ Dimitri, relax for fuck's sake we're all fine. We're returning home in a few hours just make sure that тетя doesn't know that we're coming," I muttered sighing tiredly.
(Auntie)
"Wait, why would you want me to not tell her-oh no no! do you want that woman to kill me? Your aunt is savage. She'll have me hanging in the basement by the balls if I don't tell her about you guys landing home. After not answering any of her calls for over TWO FUCKING weeks!" He shouted, worrisome clear in his still loud exclamations.
He might like a brother but this tone of voice he's using was testing my thinning patience.
"Oh, you fucking Сука. I'm your fucking boss and I'm ordering you not to let a word out of this to her!" I demanded thoughtfully tired of this unnecessary long conversation.
(Bitch)
My aunt wasn't exactly the nicest woman ever, especially to strangers but she was the only family we had. We respected her dearly.
She was like the mother that we wished we had But instead we got her demented sister that loved to harm her kids to 'strengthen' them.
Hearing him gulp nervously on the other line, I sighed, "Listen Dimi, we just have a surprise for her and don't want your dumb self to sell us out, okay just make she doesn't know we're returning home."
"O-okay, what's this pleasant surprise that you seem to want and hide from your aunt, you guys tell her everything?" He agreed, curiously querying.
"You'll have to wait and see, brother, we'll see you later say Hi to Camille for me and don't do something stupid shit," I concluded hanging up not waiting for a reply.
Glancing at the door, I stood from my seat and made my way to our room knowing that I'd find my brothers there. I turned the knob finding Nial sleeping on the bed snoring loudly, might I add.
My dumbass of a brother snored like a damn pig.
I looked around not finding Nadei anywhere in sight and was on my way to our walk-in closet to pick something to wear. And hopefully, distract myself.
_
Tying my shoelaces I woke Nial up to get changed, after a lot of nudging and threatening. It was just another normal day in the Alexeyev household.
Reached downstairs and headed straight to the kitchen making sure that Anne our housemaid would wake Sofia up. I couldn't face her anymore.
The amount of shame and guilt I felt made it hard for me to even sleep or eat.
If I only didn't hurt her. Maybe just maybe, she'd be less reluctant on hating us but then again we did fuck up from the beginning.
Grabbing a bottle of water from the fridge, I gobbled it down and walked to the living room, grabbing my laptop where I last left it to get some work done and wait for the others to get here.
We were going home with Sofia.
Finally.