I blink at the unexpected sight that's revealed once the blinding light vanishes. I look at Eri. I look at the man holding Eri.
That seems fine; I threw her at him and he caught her. That's perfectly natural. And you know what else is natural? The man holding my daughter. Au naturel, that is.
…
"PERVERT!" I shout as I kick myself toward the creepy naked man holding Eri in his arms. Wait, he has a cape. Why's he only wearing a cape!? Who does he think he is, Midnight!?
With a knife in hand I roll forward to dodge under Eraserhead's capture weapon, coming up in a lunge with my knife aimed at the one spot every naked man should fear. While I've been launching myself at the man in a completely reasonable bout of justified protective rage, something long and pink is being launched at my daughter. Not that I'm overly concerned about that occurrence, mysterious classroom tentacles definitely have better morals than people.
During all of this, the naked man is simply standing there like he has nothing to fear. He's even cocky enough to pretend that he's super confused and has no idea what's going on! But I know that behind that absolutely baffled expression on his black butterfly mask are eyes full of arrogant self assuredness!
Oh, and Mirko is standing behind him too?
Several things happen in quick succession.
I give Mirko a small wave while the tentacle wraps around Eri, the man's eyes seem to widen as he finally understands what's going on and his feet start lifting off the ground with absolutely no build up. Eri gets yanked out of the pervert's arms, Mirko blinks, and the man launches into the air, causing me to miss. Unfortunately, as has been established, Mirko is in fact standing behind him.
The man flips himself in midair so that he's facing my back, his cape flaring behind him and causing my female classmates to scream at the sight they're forced to see, a rare occurrence of a full moon in broad daylight. I blink due to an unexpected gust of air that blows into my eyes, which means I can't see anything else. And that means that we finally get to the end result. I feel the familiar sensation of my knife sliding into flesh and open my eyes.
Directly in front of my face is a familiar sight. Smooth and muscular legs, shaded like a tantalizing morsel of chocolate with a soft and juicy surprise when you get to the center. Which, of course, is covered by the curve of an equally familiar pure white leotard. I swallow when I see my knife buried to the hilt in one of those firm muscular thighs and slowly look up. I take my time, appreciating the way the leotard clings to her muscles and chest, before finally meeting Mirko's calm red eyes. Too calm.
I swallow nervously. "Himi's gonna kill me if this scars."
Mirko smiles at me reassuringly. "Absolutely. She really likes my thighs."
"Maybe to an unhealthy degree?"
"She did have me choke her out that one time."
Now, obviously we aren't talking about our past experiences in normal tones where everyone can hear. We aren't dumb, clearly our voices are lowered! Of course, that's not counting those with enhanced hearing, but it would be the word of a top hero vs a hero student. There would be no question of who'd be believed if they both made claims on what's being said. Especially when what's being said is that said top ten hero has had multiple sexual interactions with a known villain. So neither of us are worried about the few people who might be hearing us.
Then again, I probably have something more important to worry about, don't I? Apart from Himi and I's sex friend suddenly showing up for a booty call, which is odd since we're normally the ones who go to her. What with the whole 'can't invite the hero to the semi-secret villain base'.
Anyways, back to what I was doing. Niceties exchanged with the sex friend, I leave the knife in while I turn my attention back towards the flasher walking around a high school and the mysterious tentacle that took my daughter away from said flasher. I breathe out a sigh of relief when I see the pervert wrapped tightly in Eraserhead's scarf -finally, the man does something useful!- and Eri sitting on Tsu's desk with tears streaming down her face while the frog comforts her. She seems to have things well in hand for now, so I take the opportunity to ask Eraserhead an incredibly important question.
"So, can I castrate him?"
"No."
I frown at the hobo hero who doesn't look away from the so far silent pervert. At least he's technically clothed now. "A naked man is walking around UA unmolested. Given this fact, I don't think I'm being unreasonable here."
Said naked man opens his mouth to defend his kink, which, fair, I don't have any ground to stand on regarding kinks, but still. Eri was in his arms while he was naked. Castration is the least he can allow done to him as an apology. Unfortunately (depending on whose side you're on) Mirko speaks up behind me, unaffected by the knife in her thigh.
"He was clothed five minutes ago. And shorter. And older. And uglier."
"OI!" Said supposedly old young-looking man cries out in objection. "I'll have you know that even at sixty-five I still got moves!" He looks down at himself and frowns bemusedly. "Well, I was sixty-five. Now I feel and look thirty years younger!"
I frown at the nudist as my mind fires away at the situation, my body moving to be by Eri's side while it works. I gently pet her head and make reassuring noises while my eyes scan the man, Eraser, Mirko, and the scattered pieces of what was most likely his clothing before Eri's quirk affected him. Though there's one thing that keeps repeating in my head as I analyze. Younger… Younger… Younger… Couple that with her having 'made daddy disappear'...
I nod. "Got it. Makes sense. Quirks are bu- nonsense." I cut off the curse and switch it to something Himi and Eri approved.
Aizawa briefly directs his glowing-eyed glare at me before refocusing on the captured man who's glaring at me also. "Well Problem Child, explain."
I look out in the distance with a far-away look in my eyes. "No, no I don't think I will."
I chuckle at the way the man twitches. "Relax, it's fine. Eri is a good girl and was just startled." I get down to her level and give her a soft smile. "Isn't that right, Little Unicorn?"
She looks at me through red eyes filled with tears, and it breaks my heart to see the worry and fear on her face. She hasn't looked at me like that since the first couple days after I found her. "Y-you a-aren't m-m-m-mad?"
I shake my head gently. "Of course not, Unicorn. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you, or your quirk."
She sniffles. "Promise?"
I hold out a pinky and adopt a serious expression. "I'll do you one better, I'll pinky promise!"
That gets a small giggle from her before she sticks out her own pinky. "Pinky promise!"
I hook my finger around hers and give it a little pump. "The pact is made, an oath ordained. Pinkies pained, should the promise be made in vain!" She giggles again and I crack a smile at her before straightening up and planting my hands on my hips. "Now, I think that's enough excitement for one day. How about you tell Himi to take you out for ice cream?"
She pouts at me. "You won't take me?"
I shake my head sadly. "Sorry, Unicron. I can't. Stuck at UA for a while." I look over the scattered students who are doing their best to look away from the front of the room where I'm having a tender moment with my daughter. Oh, and the streaker. Probably more him than us, actually. "Now, can I trust any of you to take her to the front gate so she can head home?"
The few people comfortable look at me with incredulous expressions before Aizawa speaks up, his quirk deactivated due to the pervert having given him no problems. "She's going to remain at UA where we can figure out her situation. We aren't sending her to a group of villains!"
At his exclamation Tsu raises her hand. He glares but allows her to talk. "I could take her to Principal Nezu. Then I could tell him that something happened so he can get things sorted out, kero."
The man eyes her for a moment before nodding his head. "Good initiative, Asui. Get it done."
The older girl nods before lifting the younger girl up and planting her on her hip in a practiced motion, standing up straight for the first time I've seen her. Eri pouts at me but allows herself to be carried from the room. I shake my head fondly before looking back at the teacher and the streaker.
"So… are we just going to wait for someone to bring him clothes? Or do you enjoy the scent of a naked man on your scarf? You do bury your face in it a lot…"
Aizawa scowls at me, but does answer by letting go of his scarf with one hand and digging around in his sleeping bag before pulling out a pair of black sweatpants.
"...Do you often find yourself in need of extra pants while you're at a high school? That would actually explain some things…"
His scowl deepens and he drags the man out of the room, the door slamming shut behind him. I exchange a look with the so far silent Mirko, who's been leaning against the blackboard with a smug expression on her face. Seemingly forgotten by the hobo hero.
In fact, she's looking a little too smug…
"What's got you in such a good mood? Don't tell me that you're actually into getting stabbed?" If she is, then that's good news for Himi. And for me since she won't get mad about me stabbing her thigh!
She smirks at me. "Oh, just thinking about how I can totally use all this to get the rat to let you intern with me."
I nod. "Makes sense."
Unfortunately, the rest of the class seems to disagree. At least if the sudden shouts and general racket they're making is any indication.