VALERIA
Upstairs
Inside my bedroom, I was busy stuffing my clothes and other necessities into the suitcase when I heard the door open. I looked over casually and the shadow of my mom's shrinking figure reflected in my eyes and on seeing that it was her, I disinterestedly withdrew my gaze and continued with what I was doing.
Only then did I ask in an emotionless voice, "What is it that you want?"
Behind me, I didn't see how my mom's face instantly fell after I said that but she probably thought of why she was here in the first place and instantly forgot or rather set aside her dissatisfaction with my attitude.
"Valeria, I... I had no idea that that was what they were planning from the start If I had known I would have... would have..."
"You would have what?" I turned around and asked in a tone literally dripping with sarcasm.
"You would have risked the anger of the man who held your financial lifeline in his hands and the man who would also have that power in the future and told me about their plans? Nah, you wouldn't have. Because you and I both know that you sincerely don't have to guts to do so. So save those hypocritical sentiments of yours, I honestly have no use for them."
I saw how her face turned pale in one second and then became red with shame and embarrassment in the next second but I felt no wave in my heart.
Seriously, what else was she expecting other than my current attitude?
For me to tell her that it was okay, that I don't blame her?
I sneered inwardly when I thought of this after all, I would definitely be going against my conscience to say that to her.
She might not know of their plans but even if she had known, would it have made any difference at all?
After all, even when she hadn't known that the person they had in mind all along had always been me, had she not wanted to make me replace Vanessa?
Therefore, truthfully speaking, it was the process that had only been slightly different, the outcome would always remain the same.
But if there was one thing my mom should feel fortunate about, it was that at least I don't resent and hate as much as the others.
"If that is all, I won't see you out." Seeing and talking to her really put me in a bad mood so I simply issued out an eviction order.
However, this action of mine seemed to enrage her.
"Valeria!" She screamed at my halfturned back.
I could only let out a sigh of resignation before turning to face her again.
"Is there something else?" I deliberately asked with confusion and then watched satisfactorily as she choked. Even my originally irritable mood miraculously calmed down on seeing her look that speechless.
My mom, you see liked acting up on certain occasions when she felt that her motherly authority was being challenged. I believed that it kinda made her feel powerful and in control since she hadn't exactly been ever taken seriously neither while she was in her maiden family nor in her immediate one.
And because I had always been the disobedient and rebellious one, I became the object of our show of power many times.
Before today, although I couldn't really be bothered about it whenever she thought of exercising her motherly authority over me, I had respected her enough to at least pretend that she did have some power over me but now....
I sneered.
She was no longer worthy of the respect I have given her.
She must have read something in my eyes because her momentum suddenly weakened. I thought that would be the end of it and that she would be leaving without saying anything else but I underestimated her.
"You... surely had not meant it when you said you were going to sever all ties with us earlier on, right?" I heard her ask.
Her question made me pause for a second and then a sneer appeared in my eyes which for some reason made her flinch. However, I acted like I didn't notice as I asked rhetorically, "Why do you ask? Did it look like I was faking it when I said that earlier on?"
"No... I mean..." She must have felt the aggressiveness in my voice because she began stammering. But somehow, she fianlly managed to get a hold of herself in the end and looked at me squarely in the eyes before speaking.
"We are your family, Valeria. That is a fact that neither you or anyone else can deny. Your father and siblings might have gone about it the wrong way but was everything not for your own sake in the end?"
"I mean... just look at you! Where do you look like a wellbred and noble young lady." She said while pointing at my ripped jeans and black baggy shirt with a skull drawn in front of it.
"You spend your most of your time with those people who have nothing better to do with their lives rather than being obedient like your sister and doing as you were ought to do!"
"We had sent to music classes not for you to end up using what you learnt there to make messy friends and form a band that has no future."
I thought that I already did a good job of no longer letting their words get to me... but when mom said those words to me, I still felt my heart tingle and tingle over and over again in pain.
And in a corner she couldn't see, I clenched and unclenched my fists before managing to regain my composure.
"So, you agree with them after all." I stated calmly.
"Isn't all what you are trying to say is that since I hang out with those 'messy' friends of mine all day long and definitely wouldn't be able to find a good man to marry me after everything, I should feel 'fortunate' that my father and siblings cared enough about me to find one for me. Even if he has some teeny weeny 'flaws' that can be overlooked?"
Flaws..
I chewed on that word carefully.
In my mom's dictionary, a really good man was probably measured by the number of zeros he had in his back account and how much he was willing to spend on her.
So, the fact that my prospective husband might a middle-aged man almost the same age as my father, the fact that he might possibly have violent tendencies, might kill me any time... could probably only count as 'flaws' in her eyes.
Bitterness overflowed my heart when I think thought of this but I didn't let it show outwardly because I never wanted to let her or any of the people who called themselves my 'family' but had no qualms about standing behind me to push me into a burning fire pit when I least expected it to ever know how much thier words and actions got to me.
So, I masked my painful heart with a emotionless face and tone on the surface as I said to her, "You shouldn't have come here..., mom. This might very well be the last time I call you that. At least, that way, I would have being able to convince myself that you were not like the others."
I wasn't in the mood to care about how these words made her panic, neither did I want to be.
"There is probably not that much of a time before my groom arrives, so I apologise for not being able to entertain you any longer. If you will please excuse me..." With that, I turned my back to her for real this time and increased the speed in folding my clothes not wanting to stay in this house for a moment longer than needed.
Behind me, Mrs Hale saw how I was ignoring her and understood that I was really not in the mood for talking any longer and silently swallowed the words on her lips and turned to leave.
After confirming she had really left, my hand while folding the clothes unknowingly paused for a bit before resuming its actions.