I am wolf, Quietly I will endure.
Silently I will suffer. Patiently I will wait.
For I am a warrior And I will survive.
Unknown Author
After a night of fitful sleep, Annie sat on the little local train as it bumped and weaved its way towards to the Scottish Lowlands. Jacques had driven her to Inverness in Patric’s car to catch the train and for the hour’s car journey Annie had stared out of the window with unseeing eyes. She hadn’t been able to communicate with Sabine since the night before and she was worried. Annie however didn’t feel the pain as bad as she had expected to, yes it was there, a heavy weight in her chest, but she knew she would survive this. When she was a child she had believed the stories that said anyone who rejected a mate, or a wolf that had been rejected would pine away and die a horrible, lonely death taking their human half with them. The first time it happened to her, she thought she would surely die, the pain had been so intense she thought she was losing her mind and she almost lost Sabine. It took her the best part of a year to fully recover and for seven months of that she wasn’t strong enough to shift. She had also believed that wolves would only ever have one mate in their lives, which is why they were meant to love and cherish their mates forever. Well Annie had been rejected twice now so clearly that was just an old she-wolf’s tale too. Jacques had waited with her at the station and had waved her off on the train. Worry lines creased his forehead when he looked at her, she was pale, tired and quiet but she had told him not to worry, she had done all this before and she would be fine. With a promise to call him the second she got home, the train pulled out of the station, taking her away from her mate.
This was going to be a long journey home, she checked her e ticket. Two hours twenty minutes to Perth, Perth to Glasgow Queen Street Station was an hour, then a ten- minute walk across Glasgow city centre to Glasgow Central Station where she caught a train home, which was another two hours ten minutes. She calculated she would get home around five o’clock if there were no delays, a journey just short of seven hours door to door.
As the train skirted the Cairngorms National Park Annie looked at the mountains, remembering her promise to Sabine about a run, she tried to talk to her again, nothing. Annie could still feel her, she was just dormant and she prayed to the Goddess that her wolf was healing. There was no way she would be able to shift for the moment and Annie was worried that she may never be strong enough to shift again. Each rejection took its toll on a wolf and Sabine had been through more than most, each time Sabine had been able to pull herself through it but how much more she could take, Annie didn’t know. The lack of sleep from the night before caught up with her and with the gentle rocking of the train, Annie was lulled to sleep until she was jolted awake as the train pulled out of a station. Panicking, she checked the route on her phone map and to her relief, realised the train had just left Pitlochry, not long before the change at Perth. The first change went smoothly, there wasn’t long to wait, and as the train pulled into Glasgow Queen Street station an hour later, Annie pulled up ‘Maps’ on her phone so she could walk the ten minutes to Glasgow Central station without getting lost, it wasn’t as bad as she thought, only a couple of streets to walk along. Grabbing a coffee and a sandwich at a café she passed on the way she found the station with no problems, located her platform and took a seat on a bench. At least she was only a few hours from home now she thought to herself, a hot bath and a good night’s sleep beckoned, there was a busy week ahead with all the new students to get settled.
She realised that she was trying to think about anything but the pull she was feeling back to her mate, she felt ridiculous, she didn’t even know his name or what he did. Annie thought back to the night before, the tall man with the intoxicating scent, broad shoulders….who looked at her with disgust before storming off. What was it about her that made this keep happening? She was no oil painting, she was quite plain really unlike the flashy Reiver she-wolves but she was hardly unattractive. She took good care of herself and tried to live her life in a way that would have made her parents proud. Tears pricked at her eyes again, fighting them back she realised that it could have been worse, what felt like a huge traumatic event to Annie clearly hadn’t been noticeable to anyone else so at least she was spared the humiliation of a public rejection again, but then, why hadn’t he rejected her, if he didn’t want her why not just say the words and it would have been finished with? Despite everything, Annie couldn’t help wondering who he was or what pack he was with. Was he a Reiver or from a surrounding pack, would she even want a Reiver if he had been willing?
This led her to a train of thought about what it would actually mean for someone like her to finally be accepted by their mate. The consequences would most likely be that she would lose everything she cared about. It was usual in wolf packs for the female to move to be with the male, she would participate in the blood bonding ceremony which would mean giving up ties to her own pack becoming part of his. Was she really willing to give up everything, her pack, her job, her house, her friends? Her past human lovers crossed her mind, they hadn’t expected her to give up anything for them, they had just loved her, as she had them. It would be like abandoning everything she had worked so hard for, Annie honestly didn’t think she could do that, it would be like betraying herself, throwing everything away to become a subservient little she- wolf.
Maybe the tall stranger had thought she was too old for him, she was a bit long in the tooth to be producing pups wasn’t she, how would any other potential mate feel about that? Maybe he already had a lover, one he wasn’t willing to give up despite the mate bond, did he have pups with her she wondered? Annie felt a surge of jealousy course through her body forcing her to push the ridiculous feelings down. How could she feel jealous at an imagined scenario she thought rolling her eyes? This is what the mate bond does to wolves, makes them fearlessly protective of their mates, even if the mate in question appeared to hate them apparently. She balked at the unfairness of it all, why would the Goddess do this to her now, just when her life had found some order? But still, despite all these thoughts she longed for him, this unknown stranger, at least she had learned from experience that this feeling would lessen with time. Pushing any feelings of longing down as deep as she could, she ate her sandwich and boarded the train to Lancashire determined to put yet another sorry episode behind her.
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