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"...The fucking what ???"
I was staring dumb-foundedly at the series of prompts floating in front of my eyes at a perfectly readable distance and angle.
'Ok dom take a deep breath, surely you're only tripping balls, there's no other reasonable explanation for this, collect your thoughts, what do you remember exactly before this.'
Was born on earth did some toddler activities like snorting play dooh and eating glue did some school bla bla bla oh there we are, i remember now.
I was walking out of the bank on cloud nine having just deposited an eye throbbing amount of money in my savings account.
Why did i have the equivalent of a zillion dabloons sitting in my savings account and about to earn me enough interest so that i would never have to work a day in my life ?
Who cares ? moving on to the more fun truck filled part of the story .... ok fine I'll tell you just because i feel a inate urge to brag.
Step one: Do not go to college because I don't know, that shit seems hard man.
Step two: Get a job at some run of the mill personale deprived business that would hire just about anyone.
Step three: Perfectly utilize the most sublime ass licking skills on the market that would even make veteran porn stars blush in order to get yourself some promotions.
Step four: Live of 50 cent dry noodles and the cheapest apartment in the whole town while saving up every pay check.
Step five: Be a very responsible adult and use all that money on risky BioTech investments by leveraging your short positions to the tits, only one in 10 succed at the clinical trial and their stock surges causing you to run yourself into debt no amount of hard work will dig you out of, solution ? Do it 9 times and stop right before it fails and bam you're a millionaire.
This is not financial advic-... you know what scratch that this is very much financial advice i pray for the downfall of each one of you.
Point is i got extreamly lucky, was rich and would never have to work a day in my life, god was good, I was on cloud 9 as i walked out of that bank.
But something was off, the streets were quite empty, the sun was gone ... i was gonna cross the street but unlike usual i made sure to look on both of my sides to male sure no vehicle was rapidly approaching me as i was in no mood to roleplay as a deer on a poorly illuminated midwestern road, i was rich after all, i had to get home and brag to all the suckers on wall street bets.
The street was clear, i began walking , and out of nowhere there was a light.
'Ha check mate truck i have deep rooted trust issues'
I yelled in my head as my feet bolted me back right as the truck was about to hit me , i was mentally prepared for that possibility.
Scratch crossing the street i will just go with the bus that conveniently stops at a bust stup 20 meters away (not across street) and then stops right in front of my door thus avoiding any street crossing, sure the route was more expensive, but hell, i was rich now.
As i sat gleefully admiring those beautiful bank account numbers on my phone another light just barely entered my field of vision, instantly i tensed my muscles ready to react at a moments notice, just as i glanced towards that direction, the sound of screetching tires reverberated in my ears.
A woman sat in the middle of the road covering her young daughter as she yelped in fear for her life, but luckily for her the truck swerved at the last second avoiding her, unluckily for me it swerved in MY DIRECTION!
I jumped in whatever direction my brain deemed survivable in that split second, as I landed on the cold street i watched the truck utterly evicerate the aluminium and glass amalgamation that used to be a bus stop once.
I watched the small truck collide with the solid reinforced concrete of the building behind it, but it wasn't over yet, as i leaped i used one hand to break my fall and positioned another one in front of me as to cover my face and heart in case of any rubble.
There wasn't any ruble that decided it had a bad day and wanted to make it my problem by flying towards me ... unfortunately i cannot say the same about the truck which seemed to be determined to send me to allah.
' i'm not ready tho, i want the 72 virgins i still have time to make a bomb please just a few more days '.
I pleaded with the truck unfortunately it ignored my pleas just like my land lord and continued rolling over at the perfect angle to make me a most likely delicious pancake.
No... i cannot let this be , i need all the reddit karma those degen trades can fetch me i can't die now.
With a sudden surge of determination bursting through my veins like heroin through the veins of a young oxford graduate i managed to summon a feat of explosive strength i didn't even know my nutrient exercise and sunlight deprived body could muster.
I threw my legs into the air and supported myself with my back, i was now presenting my volumptious buttocks to the rapidly approaching truck in such a way that it could perfectly fold my spine like the Z fold.
But i wasn't done there , with my hands at an awfully uncomfortable angle i pushed off the pavement to get something to push off in order to speed up my evasive maneuver.
My knees grazed the edge of the falling truck but it wasn't over yet, all i managed to achieve was to present the truck with my now wide open back of my neck allowing it to send me hell in a much swifter manner.
But i wasn't gonna let it, I used my newly shifted center of gravity to force my legs to the ground faster giving me the support which combined with my hands allowed me to move my head out of the danger zone.
My hands which i routhlessly overworked by forcing them to move at an angle they were probably never designed to move at were not as lucky however, because I did not manage to pull them out in time.
My palms were utterly crushed when the ful tonnage of this damm truck came barreling down, it took the full might of my self control trained for years in the trenches of avoiding the snack isle at the supermarket and taking cold showers in order to not unleash one of those cartoonish Tom & Jerry pain filled yelps and pass out.
As i was hyperventilating trying to focus on anything other than the surging pain in my palms I heard the sound of a siren .... and ambulance siren.
'NOO'
the pain vanished in the back of my mind as a wave of stress and anxiety flooded every nerve in my body.
I ripped my hands from under the rubble ignoring all the pain caused by the friction and all my skin scraping off on the abrasives asphalt, i manage to rip out my appendages from the maw of this four wheeled demon and started booking it.
It is clear now , i had my doubts but now it's certain , the generic cat girl filled RPG world is calling me through it's gas fueled messagers.
No i cannot let this be i must brag about my tendies first and then i can go become stupidly overpowered and somehow be surrounded by a harem of girls with the brain power of an ostrich that somehow find me attractive because plot.
'Wait'
I'm rich , those outrageous hospital bills can gargle my nuts they can no longer hurt me , the realization hit me as hard as the two trucks tried to, I turned to face my soon to be gaming prowess saviours, wait can these fingers even be saved ?
I wanted to glance at my gaming weiners but before i could my face contorted in a horrified expression from the sudden realization.
'That... that's... that's A TRUCK !!'
'WHO THE FUCK USES AMBULANCE TRUCKS??'
As my thoughts were somehow stuttering which i didn't even know was possible i watched the woman and her daughter run out of the road but in their panic theysomehow stumbled into a can of paint and then stumble further hitting a ladder that was left there by some construction workers that were wrapping up for the day.
The ladder which was tall enough to reach the third floor of a building they were making renovations on, The ladder fell paralel to the road but then it hit a tree and instead of getting tangled in it, it somehow managed to get perfectly directed exactly into the path of the incoming truck that by now was just 15 meters away from me, hell the ladder even fell at the perfect angle to duck under the power lines.
'Mannn what the fuck is this contrived final destination ahh plot convenience'
I thought as i watched the ambulance driver swerve away from the ladder (which by the way would've only causes some light damage) and directly TOWARDS ME!
'Fuck all of you I'm not going down without an incredibly mediocre fight at least'
I internally yelled towards the truck as i used the ambulances 10 meter distance and relatively low speed of about 35kmh to duck behind the previous gas guzzling isekai assassin.
Sure i could've just ducked away just like i did with the previous one but i had a hunch this one too would've hit this truck and somehow found a way to flip over towards me again but since my muscles were aching from all the activity they just did which for them was roughly 3 months of work confined in a 5 second period, Quite frankly without some overtime pay i highly doubted they'd be able to pull off that maneuver again.
Instead of just sitting behind the truck and waiting for my bones to become the sound sampling for a CRUNCHy doritos add i decided to book it once more.
My legs were desperately protesting but unfortunately for them this isn't Fr*nce so i just ignored their protests , they didn't have union support anyways.
I only managed to put one meter of distance between me and the truck when the other truck collided then as the impact momentum got cushioned a bit by the crumpling of the previous one i managed to run another two meters.
Then the wreck had to unleash it's inertia and unfortunately i was in it's way , i tried running in a diagonal path away from the poorly predicted path of the collision and towards the wide open street the luckily didn't have any traffic, my calculations were ever so slightly off.
The collision hit my shoulder and my leg that was propelling my run cycle forward at the time as it was barreling fourth towards other isekai nominees hopefully, if i have to suffer i better not be alone dammit.
The immense mass and momentum of the wreckage sent me flying like a tumbling G-mod ragdoll my body being flung in all sorts of ways after tumbling several times i landed on the cold hard abrasive asphalt that my finger gave a lap dance to not too long ago , i also landed right in front of an alleyway which was gonna be convenient in case of ano-
"BEEEEEEEP"
'of fucking course'