"Gabriel... Do you understand what this means?" I asked euphorically. I hadn't yet thought about the consequences it would generate, knowing who I really was.
"It means that you will never change..." He said staring at me with a different glint in his eye.
"No Gabriel! It means that we are soul mates! We have nothing to fear! We will never be separated, for the universe itself will find a way to unite us always!" I could hardly contain myself in myself with joy.
"That to me sounds like a curse. A curse..." He said thoughtfully.
"That is a blessing. We love each other at the same intensity and all the time and I believed that one day I would have to give you up to someone else."
"I won't keep you. What makes you happy is a constant reminder of misfortunes in my life. You are not accompanied by good things, but by evil deeds. We are the opposite of each other. You are the part of me that I would never wish to find. Rather, we each live our own lives, apart. You cause too much pain and too much damage. You are like a pollutant. Made to destroy, although it has its uses... You are a part of me that I can't cut off, because I would be tearing out my own heart. I wish it were an arm and I would live happily crippled. We had everything, in all these memories, chances to be happy, but you always spoiled everything. I began to see you as something bad that haunted me and from which I couldn't escape.... But now it doesn't matter anymore. There is one last memory that you are allowed to remember. Do you want to see her or go back to the house?"
"Why don't you make it a point for me to see that last one?"
"Because there's nothing interesting about her." He said shrugging, but his eyes turned dark. I sensed that something bad was about to happen and that was how we would get out of there. So I resolved that I should prolong our time there as much as possible. Maybe the danger intuition would pass in the meantime.
"I want to see it anyway." I said decisively. "And you're wrong. Circumstances have made me a bad person. Because in every lifetime I could tell that my life before I met you was empty, tedious, like food without seasoning. And when you arrived, this reality changed and made me not want to lose you ever again. My actions were driven by the will to follow the spice. You were what I lacked in all my lives..."
He just gestured for me to put my hand back on the mirror, ignoring my words, even though I knew I had become aware of them. Still with the bad feeling oppressing my chest, I put my hand back on the mirror.
I was a street girl. My mother was a prostitute and had no idea who my father was and no means to support me. So, she abandoned me as soon as I was born, I learned about these conditions about my mother and my origin from the women who hated her and made sure to tell me horrible stories about her every time they saw me. They only thought about getting revenge on the woman who took away their husbands' fidelity and didn't stop to think that they paid for my mother's work and that she was no respecter of persons as long as they had money to pay her. They had no pity for my young age. What they did have was the fear that I was the daughter of their precious husbands. Rejected, I was raised on the streets of the suburbs. I don't even know how I survived. Each season, some wanderer would take pity on me and stay with me for a few months. But my constant companions were hunger and loneliness. But I did not resign myself to that fate. With a lot of willpower (because when I entered some place to ask for a job, I was almost kicked to the street, because I walked in rags and was mistaken for a thief), I got my first job at the age of seventeen. Of course, my appearance helped a lot. I started working in a perfumery. The man who employed me was a man of no scruples. He only put me there in exchange for favors. I had to lie with him and in exchange for a bed and food, I was paid less than other employees. But I wasn't discouraged. I studied at night and began to save the little I earned by asking the man who used me to give me clothes. It was all part of my plan to have a better life. On Sundays the perfumery did not open and I got another job in a small restaurant, where the customers were generous with their tips. Little by little, I managed to save a considerable amount of money and opened a small store, where I slept and got rid of my employer. I graduated in business administration and the business became a part of me. So much dedication made me the owner of a good fortune and I opened branches all over the country.
One day, when I was already thirty-two years old, I was leaving a shopping mall, and I met him... Gabriel. His green eyes hypnotized me. He was the most beautiful man I had ever seen.
With him was a beautiful little girl who must have been about seven years old. He could only be her father, for the resemblance was striking. When the little girl smiled, two dimples formed in her face and for the first time, I felt like being a mother. She tugged at him impatiently, demanding attention. Only then did I realize that he was distracted because he was also watching me. When he realized that he was staring insistently at the girl, he took some notes from his wallet and, bending down, said something to her, and she jumped out happily. Then he approached her with a smile on his lips.
"Nephews sometimes behave a little inappropriately with their uncles."
I realized that he just wanted to start a conversation.
"I thought she was your daughter. She looks a lot like you."
"Everyone thinks... Do you live around here?"
"No. I'm just out for a walk. What about you?"
"Yeah, I live near here. Look, don't misjudge me, but shall we have a drink? I'm really thirsty."
"I'm sorry. I can't."
The disappointment that formed on his face was so piercing that it startled me.
"Of course.... You must be with someone.... Are you married?" He asked and looked at my left hand, but I wouldn't be able to see a wedding ring as I my fingers were hidden by the shopping bags.
"No. I'm not with anyone and I'm not married."
"So you're in a hurry?"
"Actually, I have all the time in the world."
"But then..."
"My mother taught that one should not accept offers from strangers..."
He smiled, when he understood that I was flirting.
"I'm sorry. It's just that when I saw you, I knew I already knew you from other lives. But it's very obvious that you didn't remember."
I laughed too. His voice was so pleasant.
"I don't remember. Could you refresh my memory?"
"My name is Gabriel.
"Ah... Gabriel! How could I forget?"
"And yours?"
"Don't you remember either? I'm Liza."
"All right, Liza, will you accept my invitation to have a drink and catch up on our affairs after so long of separation?"
"I accept. I can't deny a request from an old friend." He took my free hand and hand in hand we went to the snack bar.
We talked for hours. His niece was sweet and an easy child to like. She sat at the table with us, but didn't interrupt us, being distracted by a cartoon on the television set in the cafeteria. When we said goodbye, we exchanged phone numbers and address. As soon as I got home, I was in love. Our meetings became frequent and soon we were engaged. I felt like the happiest woman in the world. I had everything I wanted and felt sorry for those who could not find happiness. The wedding day was approaching and we went to the jewelry store to choose the rings. As we left, a tall woman with vast red hair barred us.
"So that's your fiancée?"
I stared at Gabriel with an inquiring look.
"Get out of the way, Giovanna." Gabriel said in between. I had never seen him angry, but I knew he had a lot of it at that moment.
"Of course, my love..." She said debauched.
She walked away, but as I walked past her dragged by Gabriel, she held my arm and said whispering in my ear and handing me a card without Gabriel noticing;
"If you want to know why he is marrying you for real, call me."
I knew I shouldn't listen to him, but when I questioned Gabriel about Giovanna, he was very vague, which eventually piqued my curiosity. So the other day, I called Giovanna and we set up a meeting since she refused to say anything other than in person.
According to her, Gabriel was marrying for money. He was her fiancé, but when he met me he left her, claiming that he couldn't let the opportunity to change his life pass him by.
"Gabriel... He doesn't strike me as a man who needs money..." I argued suspiciously.
"And you know how many, who don't need it?" She replied debauched. "We all need money. Even you... I know you have plenty, but if it stopped falling into your bank account, it would run out one day, wouldn't it? And besides, Gabriel has made a huge debt to present himself to you as someone successful. He will pay it back once he marries you and has access to your money."
I didn't believe it. But the seed of doubt was planted, and I could not marry suspicious. So I decided to hire a detective. I found out that Gabriel was a millionaire and did not go through financial difficulties, his fortune being four times larger than mine. I never doubted his honesty again, but I became curious about Giovanna. What did she gain by trying to hinder my marriage? I had her investigated and soon the detective handed me a folder containing everything about her.
That woman was the mother of the little girl I had seen with Gabriel when I met him. The girl's name was Laura. Giovanna was married to Gabriel's brother, but abandoned father and daughter to run away with her new "friend". Before she left, Élson, Gabriel's brother, made her sign a document in which she gave up the right to have the custody of her daughter, which she did with joy, because in her life there was no more place for a child. However, the adventure she was involved in soon bored her and she came back wanting to take back the place that was once hers. Élson did not accept her back because he was already in love with another woman, and so she began to harass Gabriel. Gabriel did not accept her advances and even denounced her for being inconvenient and harassing him, making him uncomfortable in the places where he was. The judge found in Gabriel's favor and she began to hate him, continuing to surround him everywhere he went, but without approaching him, because the judge forbade her to do so. I finally understood why she was trying to get in our way and I forgot about her forever and moved on. (Giovanna was actually the same Giovanna that I ran over.) I never thought it necessary to tell Gabriel about our encounter, for he might misunderstand.
On the eve of the wedding, I was euphoric. We agreed that we should ask Gabriel's sisters for help, since he had no relatives, and we went shopping. It was great fun trying on several wedding dresses, I left it to the last moment, because I wanted to curb my consumerism and be spontaneous in all the choices I made. As soon as they were satisfied, we went to meet Gabriel and Laura. On the way back, Gabriel's sisters made us stop at the mall. I preferred to wait at a snack bar and Gabriel and Laura joined me, not willing to face the crowds, for it was Christmas time and it was very busy.
As they left, Gabriel got up to help them put away their shopping. I leaned against a lamppost and watched her. Our eyes met and I knew that never again would that feeling that was growing within us be extinguished. And nothing and no one could change this. Not even us.
When they left, we still stayed with Laura for a while in the cafeteria. She was having fun with a Santa Claus. Gabriel asked to be excused to go to the bathroom and I was left alone with my thoughts.
Gabriel returned and was worried about Laura, for he was no longer there. I felt guilty that I had been careless and helped him look for her. My heart froze when I saw her. I saw that she was crossing the street behind another Santa Claus and a car was speeding towards her. Without stopping to think, I took off running. Just as the car was about to hit her, I managed to push her away, but I didn't see that I was in the middle of the asphalt and another speeding car ran past me, throwing me about five meters in the air.
It was incredible! I felt no pain. Only peace. Before I closed my eyes, never to open them again, I caught a glimpse of Gabriel. His eyes blurred with tears and a mute request for me to stay. And in a fragile, whispered smile I made a promise I knew I would keep.
"I will come back. Wait for me, and I will come back."
Those were my last words. Which I fulfilled. I was born to be Liza again. Perhaps the last time I would ever set foot on earth. But while I was born, Gabriel, I had already been in the Colony for a long time. Living happily away from me.
I stared at Gabriel, when I came back from the trance and he had his head down.
"See, this time I didn't do anything bad and ... Gabriel! We are soul mates! We will never have to go through this again. Nothing bad will happen to us because now I know that even in the face of any hindrance, we will be together in the end." He didn't answer, but I knew he heard me. "Aren't you happy? Does it mean nothing to you?" I said starting to move closer to him.
He raised his head and I took a step back, startled by what I saw. There was an indescribable expression on his face, a weak smile on his lips, and his eyes... My God! His tears looked like blood!
"Gabriel, is everything all right?"
"I'll find another place to stay... Our adventure ends here."
"What did you say?"
"I am saying that as of today, from now on, you are free from my presence." He said turning to leave, but I held his arm in a moment of desperation.
"Just when everything has made sense. That the words, the actions of the people who have been with me, have begun to fall into place, you say you're going to leave me? I don't want you to go! We are part of each other, and without one, neither of us is complete, we can't go. We have to stay together forever and ever. After all, we love each other!"
"I don't want that love."
"Why?"
"You just remembered everything, why do you need more reasons?"
"I know that what you are about to hear now, does not justify the cruel acts I have committed, but try to understand that life has never been fair to us. Why every time we met did we not have the chance to be together? That was the cause of all our suffering. If we weren't supposed to be together, why did we meet and ignite the flame of boundless love within us? There must be some reason for everything that happened to us. Think about it, if we are soul mates, it was inevitable to the consequences of our encounters."
"What does it matter now, at this point?"
"Gabriel... It makes all the difference! It has all the importance in the universe!"
"It is very comfortable, Lisa, that now, after you have caused so much suffering to innocent people, who had nothing to do with your sick feeling, that you are happy with your object of pleasure without a single thought of regret for each one you sacrificed. You don't know what it is to love. To love is to forgive, to want to see the loved one happy, with whomever he or she is with."
"I love him yes! After all what could I do to change what I did?"
"You can't change anything!"
"Then what good will it do to keep beating myself up about what's already past? Now it's time to move on and be happy. Nothing that happened is stopping us from being together now."
"I would feel dirty if I did that. I will seek revenge for those you have made suffer."
"If you try to destroy me, you will automatically be destroying yourself as well. We are one."
"We are not! And I don't care about high destruction. Ending you, will be seeing my life and the lives of the other people you destroyed, avenged, and that will make up for my pain."
"I will fight for you. I will not allow you to do that."
"And what do you plan to do to stop me."
"Love you very much. And prove to you, that what happened in the past is over. It sank into the waves of oblivion. It doesn't matter anymore."
"I still remember. The anguish of people who were precious, are alive inside me."
"Then erase them. Let them die."
"Shut your mouth! You have made my life hell every time I have been in any world, and I will not allow you to progress without paying for your mistakes. Your punishment will be to see all your relatives arrive here, then change stages or worlds until you recognize no one else. You will spend your eternity alone."
"That's what happened to you..." I said understanding his pain. "I'm sorry."
"Me too."
There was no more way out. Gabriel was dragging himself into the dark, endless abyss of hurt. I wanted to dry those tears of blood in his eyes, but he turned his back and walked away. He disappeared before my eyes. The storm was gone too, and the sky cleared again. Defeated, not knowing if I would see him again, I started walking towards the house, when I met Antonio.
"Ah, Antonio... He's gone." I said in an embattled voice without bothering to clarify who I was talking about.
"I'm sorry." He said sincerely.
"Can't you bring him back?"
"Unfortunately, it is not possible to help him now..."
"Where did he go?"
"Back to the hot sky."
"Oh my God! Antonio, we have to help him! We have to get him out of there. I read a book that said horrible things about that place and I've been there and I know the book didn't describe a tenth of the storm going on there."
"It was a choice he made. For now there is nothing that can be done. He desires the suffering."
"Why?"
"He has let his heart be filled with darkness.... It must come from him the will to get out of there. Only then, can we help. I warned him so many times.... I failed him. And with you too. I shouldn't have left you together. He begged me so many times not to do this...".
The sadness in my soul was really contagious. I could see my pain, mirrored in Antonio. But he was wrong. It was my fault. I shouldn't have made so many mistakes when I was in those worlds and found him. I had the gift of turning something wonderful into the worst experience of Gabriel's life. This reminded me of Giovana.
"And Giovana?"
Antonio seemed surprised at the sudden change of subject.
"She has returned to the earthly home."
"I'm sorry. I know how important it was to you that she stay here."
"Perhaps it is for the best. There is still much for her to learn there. I believe that if she stayed here, she would always have the feeling that she has lost something very important. At least from here she won't have memories to believe she left someone or a promising life behind."
"Nor will she remember that she found me here... That we talked and understood each other..." I said really sad at the thought that I would never see Giovanna again. I knew I would never see her again. That certainty welled up in my heart.
"She won't remember that you found her here, but strong emotions are usually engraved in our subconscious. She probably won't hate you anymore. Even more so when she finds out that you are no longer among them."
"Then she will remember you too. There is no greater emotion than love."
"Yes, but she will look for me and satisfy the lack I make in someone else's arms. That comforts me, because I wouldn't want her to live clinging to the dream of a perfect person. Because our love was perfect. There is nothing like it. But she is filling the emptiness with other things, such as work, study, walks, children... I talked a lot with her about this. I hope she feels like doing these things. I will follow her life closely, and whenever I can intervene, I will enter her dreams, making her see herself doing these things and raising children... And my waiting continues."
"So does mine. With the difference that you can have an estimated time to meet her here again. And I no longer know when Gabriel will allow her heart to be free from the darkness. The darkness that I myself made exist within him..." I said thoughtfully.
We both remained, thoughtful. After exchanging a few more words of mutual consolation, we each left for home. I hoped to find Gabriel there, but found, unsurprisingly, that I was alone. Loneliness had never been so unwelcome in my life as at that moment, because I did not know when it would be supplied again. Nor did I know if it would be. Gabriel left and left me with a question mark. I felt the tears wet my face and angrily wiped them away. It was only fair that I should pay for all the suffering I put him through. And if I were to wait for him for a thousand years, I would wait without murmuring.