I took a shower and went out to the balcony where I started to watch the stars. I felt like them. Always close to each other, but always alone.
Turning my thoughts to Gabriel, I remembered our conversation. In truth, nothing I could say to him would change his mind. I had long ago planted the seed of hurt and revenge in his heart, and it was rooted in him. Even though it meant his own destruction, the seed germinated. The fruit was not good. And I didn't know how to change our reality. How to prove to him that I had changed. I could even imagine my arguments and theirs;
"I won't be that person you knew anymore, even animals evolve, why would I remain the same? Look at these last few lifetimes when we haven't met. I've done nothing bad..."
And he would rebut;
"You didn't because I wasn't there! You are like the sand. It never changes."
And maybe he was right. But we would only find that out if one day he came back and we went to a new world, forgetting who we were and starting from scratch. If I could be different and show decency in front of him, then he would believe in my change and together we would be happy. That cycle would find its end. All I needed was an opportunity. And I would talk about it with Antonio later.
With a resigned sigh, I went inside and went to bed. But I didn't go to sleep right away. The smell of Gabriel was on the sheets, reliving memories that at that moment I preferred to forget.
And so the days went by. I visited my father and talked to Geisa, went to the Crystal Mansion to see my mother and brothers again, because I still had no desire to go back there myself. Although I insisted, I was never allowed to accompany Dad or Antonio to the hot sky where they tried to save the souls that wandered there. From time to time they brought me news from Gabriel, but it was never good. He was still angry. I refused help or even approach. What weighed the heaviest on my heart was knowing that because of me he was feeling hunger, cold and pain.
Mom stopped by. She was happy to find her two daughters and had no difficulty in accepting that she was no longer on earth. She knew that soon her other children would also be there, for she came already advanced in age and surely her children would not live much longer. However, as I predicted, she was not pleased to hear that she would not be with Daddy. She didn't hate Alexia, for she was always so kind that it was impossible for anyone to have negative feelings for her. But she accused Dad of cheating only once, and she didn't want to see him anymore. And she always refused to meet him when he came to her. Her soul mate could not get her to break free from the bonds of her tradition. This lasted for a few years. My brothers also passed by and she was happy to see them again. They did not linger, for they longed to return to some world other than there. And Antonio was allowed to let them go. They left knowing that we would never meet again. Mom, after their departure, remained for months in a meditative silence. When Geisa announced that she would also return, Mom came out of her contemplative daze and decided that she too wished to return. But Antonio could not let her go. She had to get out of there with no hang-ups and no regrets. Which meant forgiving Dad. She refused at first. But she gave in, because she also wanted to find love, not there. She wanted her soul mate to win her over in another world. And so she made peace with Daddy. That day she cried on his shoulders. So great was her cry that it moved us all. But she let out in those tears all the resentment she held against her father, and so Antonio also let her go, sending her soul mate two years later.
Giovanna had also been with us for some years. I asked Antonio why he didn't leave there with his beloved, to be happy without disturbances and interruptions. What he answered me, I felt as if it were a warning, he said that he still had tasks to do with Gabriel and me. I was sad for him, for Gabriel could take literally centuries to return. I myself had no hope of seeing him again for at least three centuries. Antonio, on the other hand, was more optimistic than I was. But even though I kept it to myself, I had a secret desire to know who our son was. The only one we had despite so many lives together, and I could not see his face.
After a few years, Antonio decided to use a new strategy with Gabriel. He took him to talk to all the people that I had done wrong and finally began to repent. I was filled with hope. For these people no longer had any hurt feelings toward me. They understood that they were really meant to be between us and that it was not my fault, for the feelings of two halves are very strong and can leave us at a loss as to how to deal with situations that may drive us apart or separate us. What it could mean for Gabriel, unnecessary the hatred and revenge he harbored, because of them. I wondered why Antonio did not do this before? But he explained to me that it was not easy to gather all the ones he remembered and that Gabriel rejected his presence and that of the others who came to him trying to help him. His resentment was so great that the more he saw the helpers, the darker he became to stay away from them. He didn't want help. He wished to suffer for the people who suffered because of my obsession. I hoped now that he would accept help and went to talk to people. I didn't understand why, but I knew that they had already forgiven me as well as Giovanna. Maybe I knew this, because I had already forgiven myself for those cruelties I had committed.
During the years that passed, I managed a task that helped distract me from my thoughts always connected to Gabriel. I took Alexia's place and started to give supplies to people. In addition, I also took on the task of greeting the children. A job that consumed all my time and thoughts. They were smart and made me laugh with their experiences with their families. Some were not expecting families, but a chance to return and live as humans until they became adults. These children were my only joy there. And I knew that I would miss each one that left to fulfill their dream. I considered them my family now. Dad and Alexia were gone too. But they didn't go to another world. They went to paradise. I could see their departure. Two beings that I believed to be angels covered them with their wings and disappeared into the sun. And along with them, my brotherly affection. I no longer remembered them as if we had been a family. It was as if they were just brothers on the same quest.
One day, Antonio came to me with news that was sad and good at the same time. Gabriel had returned from the hot sky at last. But he refused to see me. And I was forbidden to try to find him. However, I didn't need to look to know that he was taken to the hospital. But I was anxious. If he was back, it was because the darkness had left his heart and he was free now just to love. He was no longer going to reject me. I hoped that he no longer had anything to think about me to feel that he should stay away. That we could love each other forever after everything. I also hoped that he would understand that I regretted everything I had done in past lives. I watched those memories, as if it wasn't me taking those horrible actions, and deep down, even if I couldn't say it directly to Gabriel, I also thought I was the worst of people, I also believed that those women I was, deserved greater punishment than they received. And I was afraid to go back to some world and repeat those or other atrocious acts. I hoped that it would not require a return where I would meet Gabriel. For as much as I didn't want to admit it, and aware that I had some inclination for wickedness within me, Gabriel made it surface even more. If we were, we should never meet. I wanted to be someone who was good and had no reason to commit acts that would hurt people. However, my hope was that I would never have to return to another world. I wanted to see some of the children I had learned to love again, but after that, I wanted only Gabriel. I wanted to live in the fullness of our love.
Three months after the news of his return, I was sitting on the porch steps, thinking and wishing I could reach him at least with my heart and wondering if in his heart there was no more room for forgiveness, wondering how long we would suffer, for he let hate blind him and ground his heart, The years and months away from him discouraged me to the point of wanting to go to another world, just to forget about him, that's when I looked in the distance, wanting to see nothing and saw him. Without realizing it, I stood up and focused on that distant point that was approaching. In my chest, my heart was beating frantically. I felt that something had changed. I didn't know what it was, but I didn't feel afraid of him, even when his eyes and his face bathed in tears of blood came to mind. Now he was already at the foot of the stairs and I was standing at the top. His expression was stern, but I was not fooled. He was happy. When he realized that he had not fooled me, he opened his arms and smile, in a mute invitation to snuggle. I ran into that embrace in desperation. With nothing to say, we entered and in the dark of the room, we made love tirelessly. After we were satiated, we started to talk.
"Will you ever forgive me?" He asked.
"There is nothing to be forgiven. Let's not talk about it anymore."
"Do you still love me, after all I've done?"
"It was my fault. Your actions were the fruits of my mistakes. We must forget the past."
"Okay. But there is something you need to know."
"You can tell, now that I literally have him forever, nothing troubles me. Whatever it is, we will face it together."
"I'll have to go back."
"Go back?" I felt a great tightness in my chest mixed with fear when I heard that.
"Yes. To a new world. I will be reborn."
"You can't do that!" I said already in despair.
"It is necessary. I have to fulfill one more mission." He said and ran his hand over my face trying to comfort me.
"Are you going to leave me here? After so much suffering, will you separate from me? Will I have to wait long years for a reunion?"
"Actually, you may go too. I don't know what it is yet, but Antonio assured me that it is something special, and his presence will make the paths I have to travel to fulfill my mission easier. But this is your decision alone, for you no longer need to be reborn in the same world as me. And probably, just like the other times, there will be some impediment to our being together."
"Of course I will. I want to stay close to you. Even if there are impediments to us being lovers."
"But you must know, that there will be no memories in us of who we are. Nor of the old mistakes..."
"Gabriel. That never stopped us from falling in love in other lives."
"True. But as I told you, this passion will have a different impediment than in the other lives. It will be something that cannot be changed."
"Maybe that's even better. I don't want to feel like committing atrocious acts, to be with you. I want to go, because I will be tormented here, not knowing when I will see you again. I want to go to be near you. Now come I wish to enjoy our time here, before we leave for a new reunion."
After loving each other to exhaustion, we got up and I prepared snacks for him, who ate everything, showing he was starving.
"Didn't you have anything to eat the hospital?" I asked laughing, when he asked for more.
"There was, but I eat better, when I . I work out."
I threw the dishcloth at him, which he caught in the air and we started laughing. I prepared more snacks and sat down at the table, watching as he ate with appetite.
I remembered the last question. I asked Gabriel, why he didn't want to see me when he returned from heaven, to which he replied that he wished to restore himself first as he was too weak.
"I was in a very degrading situation. I was ashamed that he saw me like that. It was years of being in need that made me look like a walking corpse.... Understand that I was very hungry there and had nothing to eat, you don't die of hunger in the spirit world, but it changes you. I only thought I was ready to see you a couple of days ago, but Antonio told me to wait two more days and come see you in person. Those two days he used to explain to me that I would have to come back."
And so we forgot all the misfortunes we had lived through, but only after analyzing each one, each detail, each feeling, and left for the well-deserved enjoyment of our love, without being bothered, forgetting that one day we had been apart, for many long years, until the day Antonio, with a very serious and thoughtful expression, came to visit us, after these years to interrupt us for the first time. Even knowing that this time his visit was not the bearer of good news, I invited him to have a snack with us. He accepted and during the snack he was so pleasant, telling us about various subjects, that we no longer remembered the look on his face when he arrived. But the impression came back in the following words after the snack, although his expression, was no longer so concerned.
"I, actually did not come to pay a social visit, as I would have liked. I come on a mission to warn you that you will return in a new era. The Great One, some millennia ago, created several other worlds, which you may have already realized from your memories, thus giving a new chance to the human race and to other species as well. The civilizations that you have known, will forever fall into oblivion. You will return to a place, where the world is not divided, and is ruled by only one king, a single man running an entire world. His name is Dartan, a good and just king, but like all of us, susceptible to failures. And because of his good heart and his difficulty in finding evil in those he loves, the kingdom will split in two. On each side, enemy brothers ruled their people with iron hands. However, one is focused on the good of his people and the other on obtaining more and more power. One of these brothers wants to unite the two kingdoms again, so he trains men day and night to fight for his ideal. To plan a war and kill his brother.
"Why should we return in this place?" I asked.
"You guys don't have to. That's why I'm here. It's your decision."
Gabriel stared at me.
"That's a good idea... These worlds we find ourselves on are all very similar to Earth, except for the one where we were gods. Maybe we'll do better in a place with new customs."
I nodded and turned to Antonio.
"All right. We accept."
"Good... I have then, the duty to prepare you. The mission of both of you is to unite the two sides, but let it be for good, of course. Not, that you will achieve that feat, but it is an attempt. And the fruit of you will probably finish what is started by you..."
"It's a big responsibility..." Gabriel commented.
"And it won't be easy either. You will run into obstacles that you think are insurmountable, but you must persist and never give up." Amended Antonio. "They will go through difficult challenges. You will know love and hate for the same people...I believe it will be the most difficult life you have ever lived. I cannot, should not, and do not want to hide these truths from you. Don't think that because you were born into privileged families, your life will be a bed of roses? I could glimpse and saw a lot of suffering, especially for you two."
"Me and Gabriel, will we meet there?"
"Yes... But you will be, unknowingly, relatives."
Gabriel and I stared at each other in surprise, and I immediately rebelled.
"But it's not fair! We want to be together, and as relatives..." I started to rebel, but was interrupted.
"You will be together. Forever... But you will go through many difficulties and many problems. I want you to come with me, to the Crystal Mansion, to better understand what awaits you."
"But I thought that at least this time there would be no impediments, no facts that would hinder our relationship, because I am sure we will fall in love." Gabriel also whined as we all stood up.
"Yes. You will fall in love."
"I am afraid of me being around Gabriel without being able to be with him. How many people will I make suffer to make up for the anger at not being able to have the man I love with me?"
"Maybe things will happen in such a way that you don't need that anger.... You can simply resign yourself. You need to remember now that you are seeking redemption."
"Can you see our future in the Crystal Mansion?" I asked thinking about looking at my future.
"No. There is a wing where people can follow a history that is happening in the world and in the families where they will be born. Of course you won't remember anything when you are born, but it is the chance you will have to refuse to be part of that history."
"And when will we leave if we accept?" Gabriel inquired resolutely.
"Soon. First Liza can pass on her position now. I'll wait for you at the Crystal Mansion, so you can get settled, remembering, that you will no longer return to this house if you accept. And you will spend some time there before the birth. Everything begins to happen in a few hours, so I ask you not to delay." Antonio said already leaving, but stopped himself, and turning, stared at me with a worried look.
"E... Liza... Good luck. Try not to be too cruel this time, because you'll seem to have gone back in time, due to the similarity of costumes, customs, and... The existence of slaves and servants. Not as you knew them, for these receive a wage, but still, subject to the demands of their masters."
I just bowed my head as I heard these words, for my thoughts were tormenting me. How would I contain that cruelty within me? Especially since I would not remember all the crimes I had already committed and their consequences! I didn't know what I would be capable of. But I wanted to be a good person, and maybe this will would be enough for me to become a person I would admire myself.
As soon as Antonio left, we began to pull ourselves together quickly, without exchanging any words. Each of us had our own thoughts and were fearful and anxious about this regression. However, we stopped at a certain moment and looked at each other. It seemed that we were thinking together. We still had a few hours left, and Antonio was clear when he said that we would not return home if we accepted being born in that place he mentioned. We understood that it was time to say goodbye and we spent the next hour loving each other and getting lost in each other's arms. When we saw that the time had come, Gabriel remained silent while I shed tears knowing that we would soon be apart again. With no more forms of delay and the time had come, we went to the Crystal Mansion and met up with Antonio, after I had passed the task to someone else. He was waiting for us downstairs. He took us to a room downstairs where there were two beds that looked comfortable and a large screen in the mirror. He turned it on after we got into bed and left. And what we saw, of the world where we were to be born, made us stunned and more apprehensive. But still, we were also looking forward to the challenges ahead of us. And somehow, I knew that a beautiful story, would come out of that life. That it would be a love story.