He was like a faithful believer being called into the alter to warship the heaven and earth. With boiling blood his soul was driven mindlessly into the worshiping temple to sacrifice what was left of his conscience to the called Gods.
He wasn’t there, yet he was there. He was senseless yet he felt everything around him. This weird combination, of yes and no, “to be or not to be” drove him to the edge of no return. His numb biting heart, felt only one thing; excitement. He was expecting, as all his urges kept waiting for the moment of revelation to wash away all his past sins. Calling for mercy begging for forgiveness. At this second you can feel that this iron man wasn’t different at all. He was the same as everybody else. He dreamt, he feared, he expected. Deep inside he was the same, a humane.
His steps kept going not falling behind. He remembered all the past experiences of failure he had to go through over and over again, praying it wouldn’t be the same this time. For an unknown reason the spark of hope inside of him kept growing in a scary speed. Since the night before, or since he crossed the boundaries his urges and instincts all screamed: you are almost there.
There for what? Is it related to that women in his dreams? Can she be his long waited mate?
Very dangerous questions flew in a devastating whirlwind, blowing what was left of his sane mind into a thousand broken part. Like bullets kept hitting him left and right shattering his last shield to dust.
Dangerous, very dangerous. Feeling himself taking some hasty steps back to protect himself. Knowing that he had crossed unrestricted area. He shouldn’t have done it, stopping for a second closing his eyes breathing deep in and out, to restart walking a few moments later.
His struggle was so obvious, to all his man around him. Something unusual lead them at a stand by mode. As an alpha his leadership was like a programmed skills imprinted on him. Making him the ultimate boss of all, reassuring that the final man standing will be him at all costs. But his behavior, let them take a look back, unsure of what was going on inside his mind of him.
…..
The searching team have got an estimated image of the place he had dreamt of. A tree and a bushes with sunlight skipping through the waving leaves and branches. When they heard about their new mission, their leader almost died at hand, thinking it was just an excuse to get rid of them.
However, seeing their king’s insistency to find this place, no matter what it costs, all senses just lost rationality. What was he thinking? What did he want? For a long time he thought of blurting this words in a loud voice letting all his anxiety free. At the end he only kept his mouth shut and did his job. And as a result failure was the only outcome for them for the past whole year.
A tree and bushes and skipping sunlight, a tree and a bushes and skipping sun light, a tree and a bushes and skipping sunlight. A sentence he repeated over and over none stop through his day and along his dreams. Becoming an obsession more severe than his master.
Logically speaking it was impossible to find an unknown or unmarked place as vague as this, in a large Kingdome. A tree, the fuck there was billions of trees out there how can he find it, was he supposed to travel, crossing every tree that didn’t match his description. What was his description in the first place? You came find me a tree, he felt himself melting remembering that meeting. Moments that kept hunting him until now. Looking back at the team, he felt himself creating a contest, calling all possible trees for selection and interviewing, just imagine;
- Miss tree are you the one?
- YES? Sir, I think so
- Mmmm, no sorry the master said you are not, next please.
- No I am, I swear! Crying loudly begging while she fell onto the floor and calling for attention.
- Sighing deeply, he said: security!
- And finally the lying tree was dragged out side and another one entered:
- You saw what happened to your sister don’t lie: are you the one we are looking for?
And the line kept going and going….
He was desperate, desperate as he was inside his little theater.
But the huge disappointment lounged in reality as well, killing the small hope they had. When they had reached the marked destination Xavier knew automatically that it wasn’t the place. As always the same let-down feelings have swept him in like a, none stop tsunami. Sadness, sorrow, despondency and failure, they all hit him hard making him stand like a hard, decaying log. Why he questioned, why would it be like that?
Was he dreaming? Was he getting crazy creating a maddened dreams to manipulate himself? Lord only knows the kind of will power he conjured to keep standing, ceasing from falling to his knees.
If it was to end like this, why would he feel that hope and excitement.