Who am I? Is this really my true identity? Did I really come from this place?
Those are the questions that keep running through my mind. In the months that I lived on this small island, not a day went by that I didn't ask those questions in my mind.
I stared hard at the blue sea while trying to find in my mind even the slightest memory before I landed in this place. But still nothing.
"They are here!"
Along with that cry, I also heard the sound of a motor boat from the beach. It was carrying some fishermen who were also living on the island with us. Their wives are waiting for their husbands on the shore, waving their hands.
I only know a few of them because I don't always leave the house. Elias and his wife Linda had been close to us somehow because they often visit us for drinks.
"Aren't you going to meet your husband?"
I turned my gaze to Linda. I did not notice her approaching from the boat where her husband Elias was too.
I didn't express the surprise I felt when he mentioned that word. To this day I still can't believe I'm married. Besides not being able to remember, I feel like something is wrong.
I didn't answer. I barely talked to the people in this island and she's aware of that. It's just surprising that almost everyone here knows me well when none of them are familiar with me.
"Oh! Look at how Kelly hold your husband's arm! Leeches won't even compare to her! Really has no shame!" She continued to rant.
I looked at what she was looking at and she was right. Kelly is one of the vendors in the market. But even so, it was not obvious from her complexion and clothing. She has unexpectedly fair skin for someone who works in the market. Her face is also covered with make-up and she speaks fussy.
I followed her hands holding Javier, my so-called husband. His veins protruded as he lifted the pail full of fish. Kelly was forced to let go of his arm and grinned as she continued to stare at his body. I just shook my head and looked away.
"Aren't you even annoyed that another woman is flirting with your husband? Oh my! If that was Elias, I would have dragged the flirter and torn her apart!"
I laughed a little at Linda. She was even angrier than me when she's not Javier's wife. That's what I'm wondering about. It doesn't affect me even if another woman is hanging around Javier. Is it because I don't remember anything?
"It's up to him, Linda, if he lets that girl flirt with him," I replied calmly.
I stood up from where I was sitting in front of the shore. I would like to think more but Linda seems to have no intention of stopping me with her litanies.
"You know Mira, such a handsome and hot husband as yours should be fenced in!" She said loudly.
Mira. That's what everyone calls me. And that was the name I was born with when I woke up in this place a month ago.
I looked at Javier again. Linda is right. Of all the men here on the island, I have never seen anyone as handsome and masculine as Javier. It's no wonder that even though everyone knows that we are married, many women still flirt with him.
From his wavy hair that almost covers his thick eyebrows, deep-set eyes, sharp nose and thick lips, and his elegant posture, only blind people would say he isn't handsome. And there's something about him that's intimidating me. So I hardly pay attention to him even though we live in the same house.
Javier's deep brown eyes met mine. I didn't realize that I had been staring at him. I immediately looked away and continued walking home. I didn't even bother going to meet him and I also know that he is used to it.
"Someone else might steal your husband!" There was threat in Linda's voice.
I ignored her and continued walking. The sun was already setting when I got home so I prepared dinner. This has been a routine for me for the past month.
He would leave early in the morning to go fishing with the other men while I'm left at home to clean and do whatever else can be done. I'm not the one who cooks breakfast because he's the first one to wake up, so he's the one who does it.
I finished cooking and decided to take a bath to freshen myself up. I was in the middle of showering when I heard Javier's arrival. I sped up what I was doing when I heard his footsteps entering the room.
I jolted when he knocked on the bathroom door.
"Are you inside?" He asked in a cold tone.
I cleared my throat to get rid of the lump.
"Y-Yes."
That was all and he left the room. He knows I'm uncomfortable with him around. And I can't do anything because the small house we live in only has one room. That's why he sleeps in the living room. I would go to sleep first and in the morning when I woke up he would be gone already. This has been our routine for the past month.
Maybe he also feels that I am not comfortable being with him for a long time in the same place, so he leaves before I even wake up. At night, I go to bed first after having dinner and cleaning a little.
I breathed a sigh of relief when he was no longer in the room when I finished taking a bath. I dried my hair a bit and went outside. I heard the splash of water coming from the common comfort room near the kitchen. While he was taking a bath, I prepared the cutlery. It's already dark outside so maybe he's hungry too.
I waited for him to come out. He was wiping his wet hair half naked when he got out of the bath. I cleared my throat to grab his attention.
"Let's eat," I said formally, trying to avoid looking at his exposed body.
"Hmm, okay."
He quickly put on a t-shirt and approached the table. I started getting some food when he finally settled on his seat. He kept glancing at me while also taking his own food.
Unlike our previous dinners, this one is the most awkward. I don't know if I'm the only one who feels it or if he feels it too. I should be used by now that we don't really talk while eating.
I was slightly dazzled when the light hit the ring he was wearing. That grabbed my attention and I absentmindedly looked at the same ring on my finger.
"Your head didn't hurt while I was gone?"
I looked up when he asked that.
"N-No," I shook my head gently.
He nodded and continued eating.
"Call me when your head hurts. I carry my cellphone even when I'm in the middle of fishing."
"Okay," I nodded.
The first two weeks I often had headaches and I went back and forth to the hospital several times. It was because I was forcing myself to get my memories back. But since the doctor said that if I do that there is a high possibility that instead of getting them back, all my lost memories might disappear forever, I got scared.
Javier hardly left my side then. And because of that he couldn't work so I had to stop forcing myself. I haven't had any glimpse of my past since then which frustrates me even more.
Actually, I still want to ask him a lot. But I also know that when I start asking questions, he chooses not to answer them. So I decided to work on getting my memories back, alone. I just hope this time, I will succeed.
He insisted in helping me wash the dishes which I declined. I knew he was tired from fishing all day.
"I'll help you," he said while starting to get the plates.
"No, I can do this."
He continued what he was doing as if he didn't hear me. He went behind me to get the spoons and forks.
"I said I can do it," I said and faced him.
I didn't realize he was near me when I faced him. I almost kissed him because he bent slightly while reaching the plate behind me.
My eyes widened when I realized how close we were. His nose touched mine and he didn't even blink an eye. His stare became gentle as he stared at my face closely.
I can't move because of the intense trembling I feel. Instead of pushing, I gently placed my palm on his chest. And when I was just about to get to my senses, an image flashed my mind. I closed my eyes tightly as my head throbbed.
He was about to get away from me when I held on to his arm tightly, preventing him from getting away from me. The pain I felt partially disappeared so I slowly opened my eyes. There was concern on his face.
I pulled him closer to me hoping the memory would continue to flow and it did. Without second thoughts I kissed him lightly. I could feel his shock but I didn't move. I was hoping so bad it would play longer. That if we did what I saw in my memory, I would remember the rest of it.
It was us, Javier and me, kissing. That's what I saw.