Annoyed
A deafening silence enveloped the two of us while traveling home. I couldn't figure out if he was angry or something because he had been frowning while looking directly at the road. The bumpy ride didn't help either because we kept bumping into each other. But even so, he didn't even bother to look back at me.
Why he's acting like this is still a puzzle to me. I was also wondering how he came home early today from fishing that he even managed to follow me to the mayor's house. Did he ask Linda where I was? When I didn't even inform him that I was leaving.
We were walking on the seaside when I couldn't really think of anything that could be the reason for Javier's silence. Well, he used to be really quiet but I feel different with his silence now. I was walking a little late and he didn't even seem to notice.
I noticed Linda and Rosita quickly approaching from the far side. There is a trace of worry on their faces.
"Mira," Rosita said almost crying.
I looked at them, confused.
"Is there a problem?" I frowned at the question.
"Did you get scolded? I told you to tell Javier where you were going. Your husband was very angry earlier when he looked for you from us," Linda explained without further ado.
I turned to see Javier walking away after what Linda said. That's why he was ignoring me. Did I do such a big mistake to make him angry like that? If what Linda is saying is correct.
"I didn't get to tell him," I said confusedly.
I still don't understand why he should be angry about what I did.
"Oh, that's why."
"I'm sorry that you got dragged into this. I'll talk to him," I assured them even though I don't really know how to do that.
In the past month, I can count on my fingers the number of times we've interacted for longer than a minute.
"Yeah, you should. He still looks angry 'till now," Rosita said looking at Javier who's getting farther.
I just gave them a soft nod and started walking after Javier. I caught him stacking the net they used. I thought several times about how to talk to him but it was difficult for me.
Whatever.
I cleared my throat to get his attention. He just looked at me from the side for a moment and returned his attention to what he was doing. I don't know why but I felt bad with what he did. I tried to shake off the strange feeling.
"I-I guess you finished early today?" I said forcing myself to speak.
He stayed focused on what he was doing and didn't even look at me. I feel humiliated by what he did. It seems that he really has no plans to talk to me.
Maybe later?
I was about to leave when I was stopped by his sudden speech.
"I had to," he finally uttered. His voice is tinted with anger.
"A-Are you angry?" I couldn't stop asking. I looked at him, trying to weigh his expression.
He completely stopped what he was doing and faced me. His expression remained guarded and stern.
"I heard someone hard-headed left without telling me," his cold baritone resonated in my ears.
I wanted to ask why but he might just get angrier. How considerate of me?
"Is it that hard to even text me where you're going and why you have to leave?"
I couldn't speak because of his resentment. Right. We are married. I always tend to forget. Maybe because I have no recollection at all? So I don't feel like I have to do even such small things because we are 'married' after all.
I swallowed hard to stop myself from saying what's really on my mind. This is one of the strong reasons why I want to remember everything. Because this set-up just doesn't feel right. Everything doesn't feel right.
"S-Sorry, I forgot." I said looking away.
He was clenching his jaw when I looked at him again. He quickly looked away and was about to turn away when I stopped him. Even I was surprised myself. I immediately removed my hand that was holding his arm. He seemed to have frozen from where he was standing.
"I already said s-sorry. Why aren't you saying anything?"
"That's why. It's enough," he said calmly.
His face softened when he turned to me. Somehow I feel better.
"Just don't do that again," he said softly and finally entered the house.
I stayed there for a moment, thinking about everything I just did. Even I don't understand where these emotions come from. They weren't familiar to me.
I caught him preparing dishes in the kitchen. I didn't say a word and just came closer to help. He's cleaning the fish while I prepare the vegetables and other ingredients. I finished first so I had a chance to observe what he was doing.
His veins protruded with his every move. His forehead was also wrinkled while concentrating on what he was doing. I even bet he didn't notice me watching him.
My gaze went to his hand holding a sharp knife. It wasn't just an ordinary kitchen knife. I often see him carrying it with him whenever he goes out. It's a little bigger and longer than a Bowie knife.
Blood gushed out from the fish's body when he sliced it in half. The moment I saw the blood an image flashed my mind which immediately made my eyes close. I silently endured the headache from the various images that entered my mind. Most of them have hands covered in blood.
This is not even the first time I watched him clean fish. And in some cases none of this happens.
I quickly turned around when Javier's gaze landed on me. I held my head tightly as it hurt even more. I also quietly caught my breath. I'm afraid he'd notice and the flow of memories would stop. That's why I tried to endure the pain. But the images I see keep repeating.
"Hey, are you okay?" Javier held my shoulders from behind.
As if on cue, my knees wobbled that I almost fell. Fortunately, he caught me quickly.
"Mira!" He exclaimed in shock as he held my waist tight.
He gently brought me to face him and tried to peer into my face. I can barely open my eyes because of the pain.
I firmly held his arm and remembered what I had seen even though I almost lost strength from the severe headache. I feel nauseous too.
"Baby, stop forcing yourself. Damn it," he murmured angrily while holding me in place.
I just realized that I was being carried and placed on something soft. I can feel the beads of sweat on my forehead.
I woke up with the warm thing touching my face. Javier's face first appeared to me when I finally opened my eyes. There was concern on his face. He cupped my face and stared at me closely.
"How are you feeling?" He said gently. He kept staring at my face as if looking for something.
I smiled at him. He looked dumbfounded which made me chuckle. I still feel so lightheaded. The pain is still there but not as bad as awhile ago.
"Let's go to town," I blurted softly.
"Hmm?" He looked even more confused.
"Fiesta in town. Let's go there," I said looking away.
"O-Oh okay. Do you still have a headache?"
I just shook my head gently. Somehow I felt relieved that slowly my memories are coming back to me. I should be happy. But with that comes fear. Will I be ready if all my memories come back? What if they weren't that great? Will I be able to accept them?
"I'll get you some food. You haven't eaten yet," he said and got up from his seat.
I held his arm which stopped him from leaving. I slowly got up from bed and faced him.
"Why aren't you telling me anything?" I asked calmly.
Since I woke up in the hospital the only thing he told me was that we were married. He didn't even bother telling me the other details. And every time I forced him to speak, what he always say is that it will not do me any good to force myself remembering everything.
There was no one else with me at that time except him. So I had no other choice but to go with him.
"What do you mean?"
I clenched my fist for the anger that's growing inside of me. I tried to calm myself down.
"I know you know something. About my memories. Don't give me the same bullshit over and over again. Just tell me how we met each other," I restrained my anger.
His eyes widened slightly. After a while he looked away, anger is now evident in his eyes.
"Let's not talk about this," he murmured.
"Why not? I want to know about that at least," I insisted.
I don't understand why he can't tell me even that thing. I'm hoping it would trigger something else if he told me how we met each other.
"It's not good for you," he said and finally stood up.
I wasn't able to stop him when he walked out quickly.
My eyes feasted on the bright lights of the town. People flocked everywhere and markets left and right. I smiled at the view and my insides churned with the jolliness.
I turned to look at Javier, there was still a trace of smile from observing the surroundings. He was looking at me intently. I quickly looked away and decided to wander around the markets. I consoled myself by choosing a good purchase while Javier just followed me.
The loud pop music from the gymnasium nearby can be clearly heard from where we were. In my inference, Linda was also there, so I would like to go there too.
My conversation with Javier didn't go well a while ago. That's why we almost didn't talk while wandering around. I just realized going to the gymnasium by myself. I thought he couldn't follow me because of the number of people who were also going there. I noticed his hand covering my back but not totally touching me. Probably to prevent people from bumping into me.
He still has that stern look when I look up at him. I cleared my throat and focused on walking instead. It was fortunate that we still managed to find seats despite the swarm of people. And the seats are not that close to each other so people can still pass.
I heard tonight is the coronation night of Candelaria's queen for this year. The stage is brightly decorated with different kinds of lights. In front of that is the big table for the mayor and his family along with the judges.
I roamed my eyes around and saw different faces. I bet whole of Candelaria is here, if not there are also many foreigners from the other town and neighboring islands. Come to think of it, I haven't been out of this island since Javier and I came here.
"Are you hungry? I'll get us some food," Javier whispered softly.
I'm not hungry yet but it might be difficult for him to buy later when there are more people. Also, the food stalls are outside.
I just nodded and looked at the stage again. I noticed him standing up from my peripheral. I just put the hand bag on his seat first so no one would try to sit down.
I wonder when this program would start?
It finally started after a few minutes. I was enjoying myself with the show to notice that Javier hadn't returned yet. I kept looking outside to see if he's there. I felt the urge of going out when I noticed his familiar back from the entrance. The person he was talking to was facing my direction, so I could see all the little flirting she was doing and how she was holding Javier's arm.
It was Kelly.
She was smiling in a girly manner while talking to Javier. I wouldn't have mind that if I hadn't felt weird. It was the first time. In the past, I just wouldn't care about it. But not this time, and I don't know why.
What are they talking about that Kelly is so happy?
Overwhelmed, I sat down again. I didn't even notice that I was clenching my fist so hard. And what annoyed me even more is even after minutes, Javier still didn't come.
To be continued...