The next morning Red insisted we sneak out before dawn to avoid a big show or crowd. Apparently, the party and offerings from the previous night weren't "low-key" enough for my wife.
I tried to throw my goddess weight around and insist on some more beauty sleep. And when I say goddess weight, I meant it, dammit. Back on Earth, I remember being a scrawny beanpole of a girl. I always thought puberty would grow me out, but God must have insisted I remain a twig. Amazingly, inheriting Ruka's body meant I put on an extra 40-50 pounds. I didn't know where to find a scale, but I had to be close to 195 pounds here, with a mixture of extensive leg muscles from centuries of running in the hunt and what I would describe as surprisingly generous curves from the waist up.
And yet, even with that added weight to throw around, I lost to Red. And I lost hours of sleep.
That bitch. This is no way to treat your wife, I thought as she woke me up by shaking my arm. When I resisted, she resorted to shaking both arms. That landed the berserker on my shitlist from then until noon when we finally stopped for a break.
In truth, the morning walk was awkward, especially after I overheard the argument between Pyra and Red while I bathed. It left the with plenty to think about. Did Pyra have feelings for me? I mean. . .surely you don't dance with someone and share a kiss otherwise, right?
Not to fulfill every useless lesbian and gay overthinker stereotype, I thought, as I hopped over a fallen log with little white mushrooms growing along a shaded side.
Streak walked closest to me as we continued west through what I eventually learned was called the Great Tyrellan Forest. It was a huge patch of woods that covered most of two separate nations, Hyull, where we'd been since reincarnation, and Jilnaka, our next destination, according to my wife.
Katira and Gray Paws ran each other in circles, changing directions at random for a game I could only guess at. Streak stayed close enough that I could pat her back now and again as we walked through an increasingly-narrow path surrounded by oaks and beech trees. I heard tiny birds with rapid, beating wings flying between the branches above us, this world's equivalent to hummingbirds, I supposed. But instead of seeking out nectar with their thin beaks, they sought tiny holes in the bark to get at tree sap.
After we stopped for lunch and got back on the path, I noticed it was getting colder, and the ground was rising upward. When we got a clear view through the treetops, I saw a range of three large mountains in front of us, all snow-capped.
Their jagged forms took on a purple hue as evening approached, and the sun dipped lower in the sky. We got to the base of the mountain, and Red told us to make camp. We'd need our strength to make the climb tomorrow.
"It's been a while since I've seen the Tri-Heads," Pyra said, leaning against a birch tree with all the lower branches snapped.
"Yeah, I don't like to spend much time in the cold. But the guy I'm taking us to who knows where Ruka's next heart piece is lives in a remote cabin up here," Red said.
I raised an eyebrow.
"A mountain hermit knows where a piece of my heart is? How on Earth did he come by that information?" I asked.
My wife smiled and sat down on a patch of soft grass, taking her boots off and scratching the bottom of her feet on a nearby rock.
"That's the good stuff," she smiled. "Fucking itch has been bothering me for the last half mile. And it's always the bottom of your shoe where you can't scratch it."
Okay, yeah, I'll grant her that, I thought. Pretty damn relatable.
"Anyway, that hermit, as you called him, is the Sparrow Speaker. Birds from all over Gyrelle fly to these mountains to visit his home and partake of his seeds and nuts. He collects some of the rarest and tastiest grains and exchanges them for secrets the birds overhear in their travels," Red said.
That sounded absolutely bonkers to me, but then again, I was still walking around with fangs and a bushy rust-colored tail, so what did I know?
"Let's get a fire going," Red said. "Ruru, if you'll track down the firewood, I'll start digging the pit for it."
I nodded, my heart skipping a beat when she called me Ruru. Since regaining my first heart piece, I'd remembered the first time she'd used that name. We'd only been together for a few weeks. I'd made my way to her hometown with a broken ankle, and she set it for me, giving me time to heal.
We hit it off pretty quickly, bonding over the hunt. While I'd tried pitifully to hide my identity from the town, the berserker sized me up pretty quickly. She was always good at seeing things outside of the ordinary. Or maybe I was just bad at disguising myself outside of illusions woven by a demigod.
When the time came for me to move on, I made the wild suggestion that Red come with me. There was a definite spark, and something about the huntsman drove me wild. I don't know if it was the way she somehow could get close enough to a deer to throw an axe and take it down or if it was the way she ravished me when it was just the two of us.
I blushed remembering some of the things Red had done to me, in most cases, after I'd asked her to.
Why am I embarrassed? I thought. Those things happened centuries ago! And with a different Ruka.
After one particularly fun romp near a creek bed just south of the Netildon Plains, we lay there together, the sound of a gentle stream filling in the gaps of silence between our words. And it was there I became determined to keep Red with me for as long as I could.
"Stay with me," I remembered whispering. "Beyond the days, through the months, over the years."
The way Red's eyes swept from whatever she was staring at right into my gaze carried a force of intensity beyond what I'd seen from her up to that moment.
"Okay, Ruru. For you I'll stay," she said, before lying her head gently on my breasts and sighing with her eyes closed. I think she didn't want me to see the few tears that formed.
Pyra's voice brought me out of the memory.
"Do you mind if I borrow Gray Paws, Streak, and Katira to go hunt up some supper?" the bard asked.
I turned and must have had a distracted look on my face because Pyra's expression suddenly narrowed and took on a smug flavor.
"What were you thinking about, my goddess?"
Her tone was dripping wet with mockery, and I decided not to give her the satisfaction of. . . whatever the fuck she was after.
So I raised my nose and my tail and asked the wolves and fox to go hunting with the demigod.
She giggled and came over to me just before leaving.
"Have fun with the firewood, Rook," Pyra whispered.
My tail dropped faster than an elk hit with a tranquilizer dart. Inside my chest, my heart was feeling squeezed, and dizziness invaded a sizable portion of my mind.
"Wha-what did you call me?" I stammered.
"Rook. As you named Katira, I now name you," she said, her magic rubbing up my arms and sending shivers down the back of my neck. What was happening here? Was I getting a nickname?
Ohhhhhh. Rook, like the first syllable of my name, I thought. That's clever.
The bard's magic advanced up my arms further, and I could feel her pause for a moment around my shoulders, waiting for my reaction. Taking in a breath and pressing my forehead against Pyra's, I heard her giggle.
My magic wasn't going to block hers, whatever she was going. I laid open the door of my heart and stood there, waiting to see what the demigod who said I was priceless would do.
Pyra whistled a low tune that made my ears buzz and feel a little funny. They twitched and swiveled a little.
And then I felt her magic reach my heart at last. There was no mistaking its arrival, sliding right up to the threshold of my entrance, rubbing at the archway. I tensed but ultimately hissed, "Do it."
The way her aura slowly teased its way into my heart felt like torment and bliss, my chest heaving with large gasps of air when I remembered to breathe. I felt dizzy for a moment, but Pyra's hands found and steadied me.
In her embrace, the demigod whispered, "I name thee Rook, my priceless goddess. My magic marks you. I see you in the past. I see you now. And I will see you in the future."
My head was swimming when Pyra placed her hand on my bosom and spoke again.
"Dare to know who you are, especially as you figure out who you want to be," she said. "And when you start to feel yourself slipping, my dear Rook, seek me. Find yourself in my embrace. This is why I name you now."
I smiled, comforted by her closeness and the way she spoke with such surety about my identity. Pyra felt like a harness as I descended into a dark chasm, one where you throw a torch to see the bottom, and it vanishes from sight before arriving there.
When my tongue stopped feeling fuzzy, and I could again form words, I told Pyra, "I thought you were going to say that you wanted to name me because you had feelings for me."
A wicked grin overtook the bard's previously serene expression, and her cherub-like demeanor descended into something far more devious.
"Why. . . a demigod having feelings for a goddess? Do you know what it would be like if that were true?"
I shrugged.
"Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria?"
Pyra lifted my chin with her fingers until I was staring deep into her eyes. Box, stick, string. Pull the spring. I'm trapped. Fuck.
"Maybe dogs and foxes living together?"
"Where I come from, lesbians have a running joke about moving in after the first date. We haven't even been on one yet, and you're already talking about living together?"
I couldn't help but notice Pyra's fingers were still under my chin.
"Looks like we still have quite a bit of journey left. When you want to have dinner with me, all you have to do is ask," the bard said, before turning to go, her tail thumping mine lightly.
When she left, Gray Paws, Streak, and Katira followed, with the fox giving one of those little "hehehehe" laughs they make.
I might have a traitor in the pack, I thought, briefly wondering if welcoming Katira into my group was a mistake.
Being alone again gave me some time to think as I started collecting the firewood. Over the next several minutes, I hunted for dry thinner wood that would burn easiest, stripping any remaining leaves off branches I picked up.
As I did this, all kinds of scenarios started running through my head about our trio and what we meant to each other, what might happen as I continued to collect pieces of my heart.
Pyra. . . named and marked me. I'd let her. She wouldn't have had the power to do it on her own if I was resisting her.
"So one some level. . . I think that makes how I feel about how pretty clear," I said.
"How you feel about what?" Red asked, looking up at me with an expression I couldn't place. Had she been following me? Or had I wandered back to our camp without realizing it? Either way. . . I figured the two of us needed to talk and clear the air.
A thick haze had formed between us all day, and I — Ruka had some responsibility in fixing it.
"Red. . . I feel like we need to talk," I said, setting the firewood down by the pit she'd dug. In the time I was gone, she'd also managed to set up her tent, which now looked so much smaller than when the two of us started on this journey.
My wife added some smaller twigs to the pit and struck them with her flint and iron, eyes not anywhere near mine.
"Well, here I am," she said, as sparks flew down over the twigs repeatedly. With each strike, more specs of light danced in the darkness, until I started to smell the first hints of smoke. The fire finally caught, and she leaned down to blow on the embers, encouraging them to come into the world full force.
And there it was, a fire. She built it so easily, as my wife had done for countless nights both with and without me.
Without me, I thought. That's such a lonely feeling. All she wants is for me to come back. It's not a cruel wish, but one made from love.
I was tempted right there and then to promise her the Ruka she'd prayed to for 200 years would reappear. My knees buckled a little, and I started to say those words. But something pulsed inside my heart, a warmth, a reminder, a name. Rook. I'd been named. . . willingly. Whether I knew it or not, in that moment, I'd made a choice. And I had to be fair to Red and tell her about that choice, no matter how squeamish I was when it came to conflict.
The huntsman added one stick to the fire and then another. She still wasn't looking at me.
"You heard my argument with the bard, huh?" Red spoke before I could get any more words out. I swallowed and tried to steel myself for the uncomfortable conversation to come.
"Every word," I nearly whispered. "Wolf ears."
I wiggled them as I said that, hoping maybe it would be cute enough to cut some of the tension. Unfortunately, my wife wasn't amused.
"Anyway, her name is Pyra. You. . . can't keep calling her the bard. She doesn't just call you the huntsman," I said.
My wife tensed, and I flinched.
"Is that really what you wanted to talk about, what I call her? Are you sure you don't want to discuss what you call her? Or maybe. . . what she calls you?"
Another flinch. This conversation was already painful, but there was some hostile element to our exchange that I couldn't identify. I figured it would be strained, but there was almost a malevolence present.
"Red. . . listen. I don't know what Pyra is becoming to me, what the right word for that is. But we need to discuss what I am to you here and now," I said.
The berserker raised an eyebrow and put another couple sticks on the fire.
"I think we've covered that, Ruru. You're my wife," she said. This time, there was no warmth in the "Ruru" part. In fact, it was cold enough that I shuddered.
My wife added the first log to the fire, and it rose to consume the piece of wood, burning it first from within until it had a solid grasp on the fuel and could engulf the entire thing in orange and yellow warmth.
"Sure. . . yeah. I get that. But — I've decided that, um, I want to live."
"That's ridiculous. Of course, you're going to live. . . with me once more. Nobody is saying otherwise," Jenny Red said with a perverse chuckle. She was sweating pretty hard for us being on the side of a mountain base at night.
Listening closer, I picked up that her heartbeat was erratic as well.
"No, Red. I mean live as me. I don't want to be consumed by the old Ruka until there's nothing left of me but her. I didn't pause to think when I made the initial bargain what I'd be giving up. I was fine. . . throwing everything away to become someone else," I said, my eyes growing blurry as water started to drip down my nose.
My wife said nothing.
"Let's just say the life I lived in my world was remarkably empty, not a joy to behold. So, obviously, I leaped at the chance to become someone else," I said. "But— now that I've had a chance to discover who I am and realize my life holds value, I'm not so eager to give it up. I know you want the old Ruka back, but I'm not sure I can give her to you anymore."
The sound of a stick snapping in Red's hand was enough to let me know she wasn't on my same wavelength. Probably not even in my same ballpark. If I was in Fenway Park, she was in Dodger Stadium.
"That fucking bard did this. She's done nothing but screw with your head since joining us. And as soon as she comes back, I'm splitting her goddamn skull open. Maybe we can bleed her and add what little magic she carries to yours," my wife growled.
A growl caught in my throat, and I was starting to wonder who exactly I was talking to. This person looked like Red, but the things she was saying did not match the memories I carried of her.
"I told you her name is Pyra. And you're not going to harm her. What's the matter with you?" I asked, frowning.
"What's the matter with me? I'll tell you! I didn't spend two centuries praying for your return, only to have you fall in love with the first fucking fox demigod that wandered into your view."
So this wasn't just about my identity anymore. It was about the woman who'd just named me minutes ago. But jealousy didn't seem to be a song typically found in Red's jukebox, again, not based on the few memories I had of her.
"You know what? I'm done with you. Clearly, this reincarnation didn't quite take," my wife said, reaching behind her and pulling her large axe into a tight grip.
I took a step back.
"Red. . . what are you doing?" I asked. I sure picked a fine time to have this potentially deadly conversation with the rest of the pack out hunting.
The fire had built into a solid blaze now and threatened to overtake the pit Red had hastily dug.
Advancing toward me, I saw nothing but hatred inside of Red's eyes, the very eyes that I could have sworn carried nothing but love and adoration for me when she saved me from attackers right after reincarnation.
"I'm going to kill you, Lea. And I'll pray for another 200 years. Then hopefully that Ruka won't be so determined to betray her wife," my partner said.
She took a step toward me, and I advanced in the opposite direction.
Oh fuck, was all I could think repeatedly.
But that wasn't the worst part of this conversation. Because an onyx sludge started to leak out of my wife's right ear. I covered my nose because the odor was singing hairs in my nostrils. It smelled of moldy bread and warm crude bursting from the earth. It was pungent enough that I coughed, my eyes watering for an entirely different reason now.
The ooze continued to drip down Red's shoulder and chin until it spread across half of her face. It covered her right eye, and the pupil changed into a glowing shade of tangerine. Just staring at it left me feeling nauseous and uncertain of anything.
"Two-hundred fucking years," Red growled with a deep voice no longer her own. "Alone. . . all in silence — isolation a choking force I died to each day."
Red's grip on her axe tightened, and she moaned, taking yet another step forward.
"I just wanted you back, Ruru. Wanted. . . you," she stammered rotating between pity and hatred at an uncanny speed.
Tripping backward and falling against the trunk of a large sequoia tree, I found myself on my rump as Red continued to get bigger and bigger.
I need to get out of here and find Pyra, I thought. Maybe ooze will make Red really slow, like the good kind of zombies.
My mind was consumed with thoughts of fleeing, getting away, escaping whatever impurity had infected Red.
But a tiny sound managed to escape Red's throat, a plea that was so subtle anyone without canine hearing would have missed it entirely. That noise didn't come from the contaminant leaking from the huntsman. It came from a desperate victim who was being. . . swallowed up entirely.
She's fighting for her very existence against this corruption, I thought. That gave me pause. My heart felt like it came to a sudden stop as this epiphany struck with the weight of a wrecking ball twice the size of Miley's.
There was no running, not when she needed me. Red is a stubborn warrior all too eager to prove herself and stand on her own two legs. That's how she'd always been through our relationship from what memories I could gather. So for her to be pleading here and now for help meant that she was utterly devastated by this defilement of her will.
I stood up and held out a hand toward the huntsman. What could I do? How could I fix this?
The answer came in the form of faith, in me, in our trio, and in Ruka. I'd purify this ooze and set things right because I was a fucking goddess, and my power responded to the needs of others.
My mark of divinity slowly lit up, and warmth spread throughout my body as the magic within me stirred.
"Are you going to fight back? Kill me even?" Red asked.
"No. I'm not going to hurt you or leave you alone anymore. I promised you when I reincarnated that I was here to stay, and I am. So believe in me, Red. Have faith in your goddess, your wife."
A look of feral bewilderment showed in Red's glowing eye. But a stream of tears leaked from the other.
"It's going to be okay. Your Ruru is here," I said, walking toward her.
Red's grip on her axe tightened, and she raised the weapon with lethal intent. But before she could swing it, I heard a cry of pain escape her lips. Her arms froze, veins popping out from the strain of my wife fighting back with everything she had left.
"I need you," she pleaded. "I believe in you."
That kicked my power into high gear, and I felt within me a purity formed from the memories of our love. Our desire to be together through all the years. From our first kiss to our marriage ceremony to camping under the stars in fields of wheat. Memory after memory played in my mind like a silver screen.
Raising my hand, a silver aura took form and surrounded every finger. Then it spread to my palm and down my wrist.
"I am Ruka the Wolf Goddess, and I won't let you poison my wife anymore," I said, placing my hand upon the ooze and letting all my power flow free to purify Red's corruption. The fire behind us rose seven feet into the air, brilliant chiffon flames engulfed the shadows of Red and me.
The ooze met my magic with all the resistance of a stubborn piece of food clinging to the silverware you're trying to clean off while doing the dishes. You turn up the water pressure waiting for it to fall into the drain below, but it holds on with unmatched tenacity.
A dark will was present in this corruption, a presence far across the continent looked upon me with the same tangerine eyes I'd seen in Red.
"You can't have her! She belongs to the Wolf Goddess. Jenny Red the Huntsman is pack!" I yelled, burning the impurity from my wife's life force.
Gradually, my light and magic faded, and the ooze hardened before dissolving into ash and fading in the next breeze. Red dropped her axe and collapsed into my arms.
With what little strength I had left, I lowered us to the ground, with her head in my lap.
She returned to normal over another minute or two and slowly opened her eyes. Neither glowed. They were the same shade of brown eyes as when I'd reincarnated in the grotto.
"Ruru?" she said with a hoarse voice.
"I'm here," I said, running a finger over the jagged scar on her left cheek.
She didn't even try to get up. Nor did I. Our bodies shuddered from the effort as the campfire returned to normal, shrinking down until it barely rose from the pit.
"I'm so sorry," Red said, new tears forming. "I don't know how that thing got ahold of me. I just remember feeling so alone, so isolated, and utterly beside myself. Like I could be surrounded by a million people and still feel abandoned. I didn't mean what I said about you or Pyra, I swear."
Wiping away her tears only to see more leaking from her eyes, I waited for Red to be done talking before I interjected.
"Ru — I mean, Lea. I need you to know that I respect your life, and it absolutely has value. I'm sorry for trying to force you into becoming someone I lost. I had no right to treat you like that," the huntsman said.
I shook my head.
"It's okay, Red. I can't imagine the pain you carried for so long. It wasn't right, having the woman you loved most in the world ripped away like that. But I'm here now," I said. "And look, I don't know how this will end up. I want to be Ruka the Wolf Goddess. I want to help people. I want to inspire faith. But I don't want to lose myself. Who knows? Maybe as I regain my heart I'll still end up ceasing to exist, and you'll get the original Ruka back. But until that happens, today, I am me, the me I choose to be because my life has meaning. Can you. . . understand that?"
The huntsman nodded without hesitation.
"I respect that. Whatever happens, know that you'll always have my axe, my loyalty, and my faith."
I took Red's hand and kissed it softly before whispering, "And you'll always have your Ruru."
The truth was, I didn't know how much of Lea I could hang onto as I did my best to learn how to be a goddess. I knew I had feelings for Pyra. But my body and heart also had an extensive history with Red in a past life. I didn't have it in me to deny her that connection. So, for now, at least, I could be Ruru. And I could be Rook. That would have to do.