"It's called Despair," the demigod said, walking into our camp with a string of dead quails over her shoulder and eyeing the ground where the ooze had fallen to ash. "In my travels, I've heard talk of a disease that afflicts goddesses and gods, tormenting them until they give into madness and become abominations with no trace of their divinity remaining."
There was an obvious statement to be made as Red coughed and slowly looked up at Pyra.
"But she's not a goddess," I said, also looking up at the bard.
Gray Paws, Streak and Katira returned to camp next.
"No, but she has been carrying the magic of a goddess within her for centuries," Pyra said. "I suspect it's not a terrible effort to jump from god to human with god magic inside of them."
Red coughed, and I searched our pack for the waterskins, all of which I'd forgotten to fill when we last stopped.
"Here, take mine," Pyra said, reaching into her bag and pulling it out. I hesitated for a moment, but the bard motioned for me to get on with it.
Unpopping the cork and letting it fall to the side where it was suspended by a thin brown cord, I handed it to my wife.
She drank slowly, gasped for air, drank more, coughed a bit, and finally took a final swig before handing it back to me.
"We can melt snow to fill the other two," Pyra said, pointing up the mountain.
I nodded.
When Red found her voice again, she looked at Pyra as the demigod crossed her arms, waiting for the berserker to say something.
"Pyra, I'm sorry," Red started.
And while I could easily see Pyra taking the petty path to interrupt my wife, she didn't. But she kept her arms crossed while she waited to hear more of the huntsman's apology.
Taking a deep breath without coughing, Red continued, "I said terrible things to you in DuPais and awful things about you, Lea. I own that. That shit was leaking out of me, Despair or corruption, or whatever. . . I'm not letting it take the blame for my horrific words. I own them. I apologize."
Waving my hand, I sighed.
"Don't worry about it. I can only speak for myself, but I'm willing to grant you a bit of grace given that damn ooze and the pain you felt. I hold no malice against you," I said.
Pyra didn't look quite as forgiving, but she sighed looking at my face, and blew her bangs out of her eyes.
"Look, Jenny Red. I'm not going to lie, I'm still a bit pissed over what you almost did to our goddess while I was gone and the things you said last night," she started.
I must have given her a look begging for mercy because the bard took another glance at me and shook her head.
"But Rook is apparently more gracious than me. I don't feel comfortable judging you extra hard when she's already taken the forgiveness route," Pyra said, running her claws back and forth over the top of my head until I smiled and looked at the ground, blushing.
There's just something about the way being called Rook makes me feel, I thought. I can't put my finger on it, but. . .it's almost like an extra dose of serotonin to the brain.
Katira and Streak were rolling around in the grass playing together while Gray Paws chose to lie next to the fire and close his eyes. He was exhausted from the hunt.
"Rook, huh?" Red said, sitting up and putting her back against a tree trunk. "You let Pyra name you, Ruka?"
I think my cheeks were burning bright enough that the Sparrow Speaker could spot our campsite from up on the mountain. But I also couldn't lie to Red.
"Yeah. . . I did. I don't know what else to say that won't make it more awkward. But it felt right, so I let her magic into my heart, along with the naming," I said, rubbing my right arm.
The huntsman looked into the fire and sighed.
"I guess there are some things we need to talk about while we're all here. And then maybe Pyra could tell us more about Despair?" Red asked.
Setting down the quails and pulling out a knife to start dressing them, the bard nodded while wondering what else my wife had to say.
On the battlefield, a berserker had no hesitation. But whatever my wife was about to say, she took an extra minute or two in order to consider her words carefully.
"I am 243 years old. Ruru, you once told me you did not know exactly how old you were, but that it was more than a few centuries. Pyra, I know demigods age slower than humans due to having the blood of gods in their veins. Would you be willing to share—"
"I am 52 years old," the bard said without looking up from the bird she was dressing. I joined her, asking for a spare knife.
Red nodded at her answer.
While her forehead wrinkled, the huntsman continued, "The point is, we're all adults here. And we should be capable of communicating like it, plainly, without beating around the stump."
Nothing in there I disagreed with. Though, in my former life, I was extremely squeamish for a Bostonian. My hesitancy to "speak plain" was unheard of in people among my hometown.
On the occasion I did go out to eat with a coworker, if the restaurant got my order wrong, goddess knows I wasn't going to send it back. I was going to eat it because I was taught not to waste food or be sensational.
"Pyra, you clearly have feelings for my wife. Or maybe it's Lea you've become fond of. Either way, I know you care about her. And since she allowed you to name her, welcoming your magic into her heart, I can conclude she would return those feelings if given enough time to realize them," Red said.
I flinched as she spoke because this was becoming awkward. And so fucking confusing. Did I like Pyra? Sure. I think that much was obvious, and she didn't contradict the huntsman as she said this. But Red had saved my life the moment I'd reincarnated in the grotto. She was the reason I was here in the first place. And I couldn't deny there were pieces of me that longed to be with her again. Of course, the odds were good those pieces came from the original Ruka. But she wasn't here at the moment, and I was. That meant the feelings were mine to deal with.
"It's certainly not my preference for Ruru to have feelings for you, Pyra. But she's a goddess and can make up her mind about what she feels and for whom," she said.
Silence waded through the trees and sat next to our campfire. When I finished dressing two of the birds, I set up a spit and waited for Pyra to finish the remaining quails. Eventually, we set up four of them over the fire, which had to be expanded a little bit to cook all of them.
I took the first rotation spinning the meat over the orange and yellow flames that rose to kiss the birds on occasion when grease dripped down into the blaze.
While I rotated the birds and watched their color gradually change from flesh to golden brown, Pyra sat closer to me and put her hand over mine on the ground. I'd been lost in my task, letting my mind wander thinking about a memory of Ruka's that involved her climbing a tree and nearly falling.
That would have been an embarrassing way to go, I was thinking before Pyra touched my fingers.
"You're right, Jenny Red. I do have feelings for Ruka. Or Lea. Whatever she wants to be called," Pyra said. "All my life, I've been on the road as a performer hiding in plain sight knowing demigod hunters could strike at any time. And then. . ."
The bard's voice trailed off as our eyes met. My heart kicked into a higher gear as I waited for her to speak more.
"Then I met you, Rook. And you didn't just make me feel safe. You made that entire town feel safe. The tenderness and care you've shown complete strangers just leave me feeling like— I want that from you, but not as a stranger. As a friend, maybe as something more. So I named you, and you let me in. And now I don't know what's going to happen next, but I do know when I think about it, my stomach starts to fill with butterflies, and I want to do things to you."
Shit. We were just talking about dinner earlier, and now she's gone straight to wanting to do things to me? I thought. I've never had a girl do things to me before, but I don't think I'd complain one bit if Pyra was the first one.
But that caused complications because this body had done stuff before with Red, decades of sex and loving one another, even if I could only remember bits and pieces of it. I know that love was real, and Red obviously wants to pick back up where we left off before I was slain. Goddammit, this was messy.
I didn't want to leave Pyra feeling like I was dismissing her feelings, so I squeezed her hand tight and kept staring into her eyes.
"I've got no intention of standing in the way of you two if something happens. But Pyra, I think it would be smart of us to be prepared," the huntsman said.
"Prepared for what?" Pyra asked, breaking our stare.
My wife sighed and scratched the back of her head.
"I still have feelings for Ruru. And if the goddess keeps claiming more pieces of her heart, there's a better-than-zero chance she becomes who she was before dying," my wife said.
"What's your point?" Pyra asked, raising an eyebrow. Her tail was poofed because I think she knew what the berserk was hinting at, even if she didn't want to say it.
Katira and Streak finally finished playing and came to sit beside me, disappointed to find both hands occupied.
"Her point is the original Ruka was madly in love with Red. And if I become her, those feelings might grow more powerful, while my feelings for you could diminish," I said, wishing I could vomit those words into the fire so nobody had to hear them.
More grease dripped from the birds, along with a little blood. But they were starting to smell fucking delicious, smoked meat literally under my nose.
Pyra's nose twitched, and with it, her whiskers as she looked from the fire up at the mountain we were supposed to hike up the next morning.
"What if those feelings don't return?" Pyra asked.
"Then I suppose if she desires it, the Wolf Goddess is all yours. . . romantically speaking," the berserker said, carefully. She could sense the thin ice under her boots where this conversation and her standing with the demigod were concerned.
Nobody said anything for a good long while after that. We pulled the birds off when they were done cooking, and I tore into mine with a ferocity previously unknown to me. I guess today's events left me hungrier than I cared to admit.
Katira, Gray Paws, and Streak all watched me sink my canines into the bird, and I took the fourth one, tossing it to them.
While Gray Paws initially caught the entire bird with his jaws, I watched him lower it to the ground without an ounce of unsurety for Katira and Streak to share. Each tore off their piece and sat in a pile to devour it together. Looking at both Red and Pyra, I stood up and said, "I have feelings for both of you in different parts of my heart. I don't know how those feelings with change or fluctuate going forward. But so far as I can tell, that's how love worked in the world I came from, too. Relationships started and ended every day for a wide variety of reasons. Love is messy and impossible to contain in a box."
"So what are you proposing?" Pyra asked.
I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
"Let's just try to be graceful with each other and see where our feelings go. Communicate, speak up when something bothers you, and respect each other, no matter the outcome. Because I don't think any of us can predict the future accurately. Far as I can tell, only the Snake Goddess can, and she's literally the goddess of prophecy."
That earned a grin from both of my travel companions. Red took another bite of her food and shrugged while Pyra exchanged glances with me and slowly nodded.
"Listen, you two. I may not know what'll happen in the love department. But the one thing I do know is we're pack. Regardless of which tent I end up in or when, the six of us are pack. Red, you need to protect Pyra. And Pyra, I expect you to do the same for her. Perhaps once you both have done that, you can work together to protect me," I said, grinning.
I almost felt like putting my hand out and waiting for them to each place their palms on top of mine, but that was one step too close to a Disney Channel Original Movie.
"Nobody gets left behind in this pack. We stay together until this quest is complete. And goddess willing, for many more years to come after. That's what I want right here and now," I said before nodding awkwardly and sitting back down to eat the rest of my quail.
Pyra and Red exchanged a glance and nod before looking back at me.
"As you say, goddess," Pyra said.
"Yes. We are pack, no matter what," Red said.
I smiled and looked down into the fire. Suddenly, I felt so much lighter as though we'd cleared some massive air between us. Red was right. We were adults, and just hashing that shit out had bound us tighter together. And that was enough for tonight. I didn't need to know who I would fall in love with until the moment came.
There was a simple beauty in the surprise of it all. And that was something I think even the original Ruka would agree with.