We didn't leave immediately, the trip was for the next day. I planned to have it at the end of the week, but since uncle Duncan was coming we decided to just leave the next day; which meant that I could maybe be able to attend the party Dean invited me to.
I had never been invited anywhere before and it was exciting but at the same time scary.
I couldn't think much about it because I had so many other things on my mind. like: My Mother.
How would she react to seeing me?
How was she?
Was she regretful?
It was so long ago, I couldn't even remember how she looked. All that came to mind when I tried to think of her ( which wasn't often ) was a shapeless shadow with eyes that showed so much showed so many emotions, none being positive. There was fear, desperation, anger, hatred, and...sadness.
Where my eyes were really so scary to her. I had heard stories of mothers going above and beyond for their children, some even being disabled or disfigured. What was different with mine?
Was she even alive?
I was shocked by the thought but once I thought about it made some sense. I heard of some people committing suicide after giving their child up for adoption, or having abortions. My situation was worse, cause she gave birth to me and then tried to kill me. Even if my memory of her was blurred, I never forgot that day.
Being choked, knocked out, and dumped. It was a reoccurring nightmare in the earlier years I lived with Dave.
These thoughts swam in my head the entire remainder of the day...and night! In truth, I wasn't sure how I would approach her. I was...scared. suddenly I started rethinking my decision. It would be much easier to wait until I'm 18. I didn't want to see her but at the same time, I had to.
"Didn't sleep well I see" Uncle Duncan said as I walked into the kitchen, dark bags visible under my eyes.
I just nodded and accepted the cup of coffee he was offering. Uncle Duncan couldn't cook to save his life but his coffee and tea were out of this world.
I didn't look at him our entire breakfast, all the thoughts kept spinning in my mind.
"D"
"Oh yes"
" I've been calling me for a while"
" Oh my bad, I was just thinking"
A look of concern flashed across his face and my stomach twisted. Today was not going to be easy. For either of us.
The drive was a quiet one. There were a few comments here and there and even some jokes. Then after driving for a while I realized something. I didn't know where the house was.
The realization stilled me, and I slowly turned to look at my uncle who was driving. Did he know the way? Or was he expecting me to give him direction?
"D you're staring," he said calmly yet reprimanding. I blinked and looked away, only to turn back to him seconds later.
I saw him look at me from the corner of his eye and sigh. " We're almost there just a few, just an hour away."
after that, I said nothing but a question popped into my head.
" How do you know where she lives?"
I was genuinely curious, although I suppose it made sense considering he is the chief of police it would be fairly easy for him to get that kind of information. But his reaction to the question was odd. The hand on the wheel faulted and the car shook but only for a moment before he got back control.
"Wow," I said steadying myself.
He didn't even give an explanation for his reaction and for some reason I didn't ask.
" I'm an officer. it's not that hard to find this kind of thing" He answered completely ignoring what just happened. I stared at him questioningly for a bit then went back to my thoughts.
Does she think of me?
How exactly was I going to approach her?
What was I going to say? Hey, it's me your daughter you tried to kill. Nope.
At some point, I felt wet. I looked at my hands and to my utter surprise, they were drenched in sweat. My forehead and feet too. As soon as I realized it, a handkerchief was suddenly dangling in front of me. I looked over at the one offering. it was uncle Duncan. I took in and wiped myself off, then quietly thanked him while holding tightly to the handkerchief to absorb any more sweat.
I hadn't realized just how nervous I was until now.
I decided to come back to reality and it was then that I saw it. Uncle Duncan was no better off than me. His hand was way more sweaty and I noticed the base of the car was vibrating. Looking down I found that his left foot was the source of the vibrations.
It only got like this when he was either deep in thought or extremely nervous. I wondered which reason it was. Probably both. But I couldn't think of why he would be nervous. I guess that we were getting close and that's why he was nervous... he was worried about me. I knew it cause I was worried about myself too.