I left the house with the form and walked to the car. Uncle Duncan opened the door and looked at me. I couldn't look back, I was afraid I would start crying, I didn't want him to see that not while we were still close to that woman.
I got into the car and looked away from him. " how did it go?", he asked,
" She signed it," I answered plainly, without looking at him. I was trying desperately to keep my voice in check
" D can you look at me"
" Uncle, dun, I'm really tired, can we just leave," I asked, the tears already flowing. What was wrong with me? I already knew she didn't love me. I knew she didn't deserve my tears... So why did it still hurt? I already felt all of this before, so why couldn't I get over it? Opening an old wound hurts.
I felt movement behind me, uncle Dun was going to put his hand on my shoulder, that was always his first move when I was upset.
I didn't want him to, because I knew the moment he did that all my walls would break. I would start crying for real, and I did not want him to see that. I wanted him to see me as strong and able to bare the results of my actions, not a baby who always needs comfort. I unconsciously moved away from him and the comforting hand never came. Uncle Dun started the car, and we left, in silence.
I didn't want to think about everything that had just happened and I knew thinking about it would only hurt me more, but as we drove in silence I turned to look at uncle Duncan. He must have noticed my staring because he looked back at me.
"What is it D?" he asked quietly
"Can I ask you something?"
"You can always ask me anything"
"If I was your real daughter and you saw my eyes what would you feel? Would you- would you hate me too? 1s the reason you're with me because I'm not your real daughter so you don't feel the need to hate me? Are my eyes so horrible?" I was crying now all the questions I wanted to ask her. I didn't want to take it all out on Duncan but he was the only person close by. The only person I could trust to answer truthfully. My rock.
He stopped the car immediately. It actually took me by surprise, I stared at him curiously. He looked worried and upset. He opened his mouth to speak, saying:
"D..., You have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. If you were born to me as my real daughter, I would have loved you just as much as I love you now. Your eyes-They are unique. The special thing that makes you who you are. It does nothing it doesn't change that you're a human being. It doesn't change that you are D and I would love you just the same. Don't listen to what that woman told you. Don't listen to what anyone tells you. Your eyes aren't horrible. They aren't a curse. They mean absolutely nothing. They're just an aspect of who you are. Something that makes you who you are and you shouldn't have to feel ashamed or I have to feel worried about what people would think because you didn't ask for those eyes. You just got them and you should own them." He smiled at me with loving eyes. He was trying to be strong and positive for me, I could see the honesty in his eyes. Not a word was a lie.
I reached out to him and we hugged, those long hugs serving as comfort. The same ones he gave me when David and Dave died. We stayed on the roadside for a couple of minutes then he continue driving in silence.
During the rest of the ride home, I kept my mind silent. I didn't want to think about her anymore. thinking about her would only hurt me so I stopped. I tried to put my mind on something else something more positive then I remembered the party. The party that Dean had invited me to. It would be my first time going to a party, I wasn't very affiliated with anyone in my school so I know for a fact that I'd be the odd one out if I went. Honestly, I had no reason to go, I didn't want to go but every time I concluded that I would tell him I didn't want to go I would remember the look in his eyes. Why did I want to make him happy?
Something stirred in me as my thoughts turned to him. There was something about him, something that I could not describe. I ignored it, after all, it didn't matter because I would be leaving soon and he will be a distant memory so I figured the least I could do for the person who wanted to be my friend is attend the stupid party he invited me to.
So what if I was a little excited?