Mid 281 False Spring
"Give me one good reason not to end you right now, boy!" I shouted as I wrapped my hands around Kodlak's neck, replacing his smug expression with panic.
Around the breakfast table, my children scrambled unsure of what to do in response to this happening.
Kodlak used his restricted air supply to croak out, "None so cursed as the kinslayer?"
A reasonable response to this unreasonable situation.
"The gods themselves cursed me to insanity and death. I killed them until they surrendered, and now I feel my hands tightening up. Try again." I growled at the boy as he began turning purple.
"Gettof him!" Galmar shouted as he launched himself at me over that table.
I kept one hand on Kodlak's neck and used the other to collide my fist with the young man's flying face. Galmar crumpled under the blow that could have packed enough power to outright kill a warhorse. He collapsed onto the table, smooshing the tray of scrambled eggs and landing face first in the bacon.
Kodlak wisely used the decreased squeezable surface area to get some air to his monkey scrotum brain, rubbing his synapses together in an attempt to spark up some inspiration. The sly smile that spread across his flushed face made me want to put the real squeeze on him but his response stopped me cold.
"I pulled out!" he gasped as he grasped onto the path to survival.
"That is a good reason not to kill you, boy!" I shouted in his face and got off the lad.
I lifted Galmar off the food and tossed him onto the ground causing him to wake up with a scream.
"Have at you!" he cried as he rose up with his fists clenched looking around the tent in confusion, "What hit me?"
"I did." I informed him, "It felt good."
"Oh…" Galmar smacked his lips as he tried to find something else to say, but decided to just sit down.
"You could have choked him a bit longer and a lot harder." Ulfric scowled at his younger brother who had the audacity to announce to the family his sexual congress with Lyanna Stark, thus ruining our already tense breakfast.
Fortunately after my eagles tore the eyes out of the last three people spying on our tent, no one else took up the risky position. As such, Kodlak's mongerloid moment is contained for now. How many of those moments he's had between taking Lyanna to pound town and now is unknown. How many of those moments she's had is also unknown, but the obvious lack of a wild Bobby B appearing while shouting 'KODLAK' gives me hope. Nothing I can do to control that so better to address the issues I can affect.
"Bitterness over the distribution of cunny is the path to weakness." I guided my heir down the manly path.
Ulfric looked at me like he heard something he'd never expected to hear from me. Good. The depths of Jorah Mormont's wisdom are shocking and unfathomable. As it should be.
"Oh he should be bitter." Kodlak mocked his older brother, "Lyanna Stark was…" Kodlak finished his thought with the chef's kiss.
Skjor and Galmar held Ulfric back when the young man leapt up roaring, barely able to contain his enraged strength.
"I will fong you!" Uflric bellowed as his brothers wrestled him, "I will fong you until your insides are out, your outsides are in, your entrails will become your extrails!... Pain! Lots of pain! How did you even do it?"
This was something I also wanted to know, but chose to distance myself from the topic to maintain my air of elder dignity. Now that the question is out though, I'm all ears.
Kodlak, my quietest son, created a far away look in his eyes, as if the boy was transported back to the moment in time.
"I caught her eye during the feast." he narrated the beginning of the conquest, "And maintained that eye contact even when she pulled away. She kept coming back to me as the tension mounted. Once it became unbearable I said… 'How bout it, then?'"
Classic.
"How bout it, then?" Ulfric repeated, "HOW BOUT IT, THEN!" he screamed as he renewed his attempt to get at his brother, "I tried for years to get her to love me, but I somehow missed just asking her, 'HOW BOUT IT THEN?! I'll kill you!"
I stood up and collected my effects as well as my weirwood and horn longbow and my quiver of competition arrows. My family may be falling apart around me, but I can't let that keep me from collecting five thousand gold dragons. All of life's issues are easier when your finances are strong.
The patience required to wait through the long competition outweighed the capability needed to win. Even the Tourney of the Hand, which drew in the greatest archers from around the world petered out at a hundred paces, and with my archery base coming from Bloodraven's supernatural skill which could single out targets at three hundred, none one even caused me to dip into the extra range I'd been working on, taking Bloodraven's abilities even farther by using a heavier bow.
I don't even think the guy who took second place could even string my bow.
When I returned to the tent everyone had at least one black eye. Even the girl, though that one came from me. Kodlak had two and a busted nose, the boy trying to stem the bleeding. Despite that he still looked smug and fair play to him the lad picked up quite the feather for his cap.
"Father." Aella got my attention after I dropped off my archery equipment and the fat chests that contained over three hundred pounds of world class athlete pay.
I'll bring two hundred pounds if I win the melee, and four hundred for the joust. All together seven hundred pounds of gold provided by my enemies just for being such a magnificent beast. They feed me, they breed me, they give me shinies. It's a shame for the Targs that Bobby B will be even better at that than they are. That man will fatten me up like a prize bull
"Father, please, just tell us this plan that so important to you so we can stop… whatever today has been from happening again." Aella begged me and I considered her words.
"Gather round, children." I beckoned my sons and daughter to gather around as the sounds of an eagle screeching precluded a scream of 'MY EYES!'
I took a deep breath and looked at each of them.
"You're all old enough. It's time for you to know my mind." I began, "I have a dream…"
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Shorty this time, chose to cut out Jorah's speech so the next chapter can have a bit more umph at the start.
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