I chew on my lip, annoyed. Sarina just told me she plans on working with John. She explained her reasonings, the steady income helping fund another skilled metalsmith to work making her designs with Art and the others. It would also fund creating the second floor into the workshop classrooms, enlarging the gallery for more local artists to display their pieces. It would give her more time to work on her own designs and paintings. It also would give her time to focus on her health and us starting a family.
That's the only thing right now that puts my mind at ease with her being around him. She is more focused on how it will help us. She wants to get married so we can start a family together. With the extra money she made off the sales of the apartments above her shop, she's already has plans for our wedding starting to form.
"I understand what you are suggesting, Sarina. I'm just concerned about you taking on too much at once. You're going to renovate the second story of the building for the art classes, expand the gallery and shop portion, plan a wedding, hire new workers AND take on the project for John." I start to express my concerns and she gives me a disgruntled look so I attempt to appease her. "I know you're a capable woman, that you are amazing. However, you're recovering from something traumatic, we just lost David and then you end up in the hospital, now you're filling up your plate before you're fully healed. I'm just concerned that you may be attempting to take on too much at one time. Remember how overwhelmed you felt not long ago?"
I take her hands in mine. "I just want you to be healthy and happy."
I watch her think about it and start to pout, making me internally sigh, "I will support you in whatever you wish to do, Sarina. I'm just asking you to maybe pick and choose which ones have priority so you're not overwhelming yourself with too many things at once."
She purses her lips and seems to be thinking hard about what I'm saying.
"Fine." Is all she says, her annoyed tone saying it wasn't actually.
I really have always hated when someone used that response with that inflected tone. I chew on the inside of my bottom lip while I take into consideration that she's still thinking about what I've asked of her.
It's been only two days since her gyno appointment. They removed her implant and scheduled her for a new one next month, so her body could readjust after the pregnancy loss before the new implant was put in place. Sarina hated the fact that she was going to have to have her period again, and started asking about short term birth control options that she wouldn't have a period with too. She decided against the other options and went ahead with her implant again.
I don't know who had been more embarrassed though when she asked her doctor about us being able to have sex again, safely. The doctor had given us both a look and she smiled saying that if the surgeon cleared us, we should be fine. Sarina had cleared her throat and just wanted to make sure, mainly to appease my mind over the nightmares I had.
"Well, he's rather quite large and girthy, like the width and height of a water bottle. He won't rip me open or anything like that if we get a little rough, right?" Sarina had asked her with a straight face.
I couldn't believe that Sarina had asked that or the doctor who cleared her throat after a few moments pause, blinking her wide eyes slowly.
The doctors voice was breathless, but you could hear the restrained amusement, "Yes, you'll be fine. IF anything, you might be a little sore, but nothing to worry about as long as it's just his penis."
As much as I had appreciated the fact she was asking to put my mind at ease, was I mortified that she had explained my cock size to the woman in front of me. Normally, it's Sarina who is shy, not me. When I looked back towards the doctor, I saw her give me a quick peek from the side of her eyes, like she was assessing my manhood with x ray vision as she filled out her chart.
Rolling my eyes at the memory, Sarina's scoff catches my attention.
She purses her lips as she scowls at me with her arms across her chest. "That was uncalled for! I just did as you asked!"
Realizing, I had not been paying attention, I quickly try and back track. "No, babe, I'm sorry I was lost in thought about something completely else. I wasn't rolling my eyes at you. In fact, I need you to repeat what you said... I didn't mean to not pay attention."
She grunts through her nose, annoyed, but repeats her words, "I will work on our wedding, the new hires and the second floor of the building first. John's deal has to be finalized first before I'm able to start work on that. Once that is finalized, I can wrap up what ever on the second floor is in process and put it on pause for the time being. Then when the wedding is over I can restart the second floor and the gallery remodel."
"I like the sound of that better than everything at once." My phone starts going off at that moment and I check it. "It's my mom."
I answer it, "Hey mom."
"HEY MOM?!" I pull the phone away from my ear as she shouts. "WHY AM I FINDING OUT NOW THAT SARINA WAS IN THE HOSPITAL?! WHAT HAPPENED?! " I look to Sarina who's paled hearing every word my mother just shouted.
"Mom, please stop shouting. Sarina was in the hospital, yes. She had surgery, but has already been cleared by her surgeon for light work again." I try and ask Sarina with my eyes if she wants my mom to know the truth as my mom continues to ask questions.
Sarina sighs and holds her hand out to me so I quickly tell me mom, "Here mom, I'll let you talk to Sarina."
"Hey Brittany. Yes.... I'm okay, oh.. well you see... I uh... had an ectopic pregnancy from my birth control failing. No.. I didn't know. I'm sorry." Sarina covers her eyes with the palm of her hand and I see it trembling. "Thank you, I'm okay right now. No, no.. mom that's not necessary." She sniffles. "No, I'm alright! Its just... thank you, for caring. It means a lot to me. I'm going to let you talk to Brian now, love you too." Sarina hands the phone back to me and exits the living room where we had been talking.
"Is she alright Brian?" My mom asks me.
"She will be mom. It's still recent for the both of us. I'm going to let you go though, mom. I need to be there for her right now."
"Of course, love you son."
I hang up and am walking down the hall to our room to find Sarina washing her face off in the bathroom.
"She cares about you, she didn't mean to upset you." I inform her.
Sarina nods, tossing her head back in the air, "I'm just so sick of crying about everything lately. We have this and tomorrow is David's memorial." She starts sobbing again. "I really miss that asshole. I miss my brother and all I want is to call him up and hear him say 'hey sissy, or I love you with all my heart' one more time."
I wrap my arms around her turning her into me so she can let it all out as much as she can. "I know, Sarina. I know." I hold her close, trying to soothe her, even though I know my love can only give her the strength to continue on and slowly heal from the loss of her brother. Tomorrow was going to be rough, on her, on me, on Alyssa and the twins. On everyone. Amanda had asked for every picture and video we had of him so she could make something with them.
We still had stuff to do today to prepare for tomorrow. The memorial would be intimate as we accepted his ashes minus a small portion being sent to travel through deep space later in the year.
When Sarina pulled away to wash her face again, I got her a dry towel and asked her, "Are you ready to make your delicious cupcakes? I think you should make extra icing by the way." I let her know.
We head out to the kitchen and she turns to me, pulling powdered sugar from the cabinet, "Why do you want extra icing?" Curiosity quirking her brows up as I pull out the heavy mixer for her.
"I have a few things I'd like to frost myself, for just myself." I wink at her and it takes her a moment before the light bulb goes off.
"Oh Brian!" She snorts, bursting into a giggle, before tossing a block of cream cheese at me, "Start mixing you pervert."