"Sorry Doc, my coughing has been getting worse." David apologizes after a coughing fit that had him throwing up and wheezing for the past ten minutes.
"You don't have to apologize David. However, we do need discuss your care. Because your health is deteriorating, the other doctors here feel it would be better to put you in a palliative care facility or a hospice facility, whichever route you choose, and I have to agree with them. You'd get better care for your pain and for your lungs at one of those places than you can here."
He has been here for over two weeks now and his health has become a concern. He's eating less and his color that was returning is going pale again.
"Your sister will be here in a little bit, are you going to tell her? She's going to ask why the doctors have requested a transfer to an extended care facility." I try to let him know that she's going to ask questions that only he could answer.
David swallows hard, "Tell me something Doc. You and my sister have been dating for a week now?"
I nod in agreement.
"You care for her? I know you treat her right by the way she talks about you."
"I do care for her very much. Why are you asking that?"
David shrugs, "I want to know if you have plans on making her your wife one day?"
Taken aback, I struggle to answer that, "Well, we've only... been dating a week."
"I know that doc, I'm asking are you the kind of man who dates a woman, or are you looking for your partner in life?" David sits back and crosses his arms, looking sternly at me.
I sit back in my chair, interlocking my fingers, and really give his question some thought. I like Sarina, I really do. Ever since I saw her, my mind has been filled with her every free minute I've had. I can't even think of Lirael in a sexual manner now, because she just doesn't do it for me like Sarina does.
Can I picture asking Sarina to marry me?
My heart race increases with excitement.
Yes.
Her in a wedding dress coming down the aisle?
My heart skips a beat thinking of it.
Damn, yes.
Can I see us living together, having kids running around that look like her and me?
My heart clenches at the thought.
Oh wow... Yes.
I want it all so badly with her.
"David, it's too early for me to ask her to marry me, but I do want to marry her one day. I want all that comes with it, but in its time." I answer him.
David smiles, "I can live with that answer, doc. Now, when I'm gone, you'll be responsible for her." He leans forward over the desk with his hand out stretched, "Put it there, brother."
I reach across and firmly shake his hand, feeling the weight of what he was asking me.
The door opens and Sarina's beautiful smiling face comes in, "Hey, you two. Oh no, what are you two up to holding each others hand like that?" She teases.
David not missing a beat, "I'm stealing your man, he likes me better anyways." He waggles his eyebrows at me, making us all laugh.
David starts coughing the next second though and I quickly move the trashcan into his grasp as he hacks up a lung.
Sarina's eyes grow wide seeing the blood in what he's spitting up and looks to me. "What's going on? Did his respiratory infection come back?"
I open my mouth but can't say anything as David brings his coughing under control. "Sit down, sis." He clears his throat and spits, "I need to tell you something, and just so you're aware ahead of time, the only person you can be mad at is me. So don't go taking it out on anybody else. Please."
She takes a seat and gives me a questioning look, but turns back to her brother, seriousness in her stiff posture. "Alright, I'm listening."
"I'm the only person you can get mad at, because it was my decision to keep it from you. I want to hear you say it." He says grabbing a tissue and clearing his throat again.
"David..." She rolls her eyes, irritated. "FINE. I won't get mad at anyone but you. Now are you going to tell me what the hell is going on?"
David takes a deep breath, "I'm leaving this facility, but I'm not going back to your house. I'm going to go to a nursing home. I'm going to go on hospice care."
Sarina furrows her brow in confusion, "What? A nursing home? Not a rehab facility? What? Why?"
David glances at me, but I give him an encouraging nod to go on.
"I've got..." his voice breaks and he throws his head back and lets out a deep breath before he continues still facing the ceiling, "I've got ...."
"What have you got? Don't tell me you've got aids or hepatitis from shooting up." She starts to get more agitated and I raise my hand and lower it to tell her to calm down without speaking.
David who still hasn't stopped staring at the ceiling, wipes both of his eyes with the sleeves of his shirt before finally meeting her gaze again, "I've got stage 4 lung cancer."
Sarina freezes before saying dazed, "What?"
David's tears fall freely from his eyes now, "I found out before my car accident I had stage 3C lung cancer. It's was in just my lungs, my lymph nodes, and my esophagus then. Now, it's spread to my stomach and pancreas. So I'm going to go to a nursing home, where they'll take care of me while I ...." He can't say anything more, his tears flood his face and his sobs start to make him cough.
Sarina sits there frozen. Mouth slightly open, eyes wide, as the information sinks in.
"Chemo..." She mutters, "You can do chemo though right?"
He shakes his head as he spits into the trash can. He mutters, "Doc, help... me out.... here." in between his coughs.
"Sarina, chemo might buy him a few months tops, but its too far gone at this point. He'd be in more pain than he already is, slowly wasting away and feeling worse from the effects of the chemotherapy."
Sarina looks to her brother, her heart visibly breaking in front of us as she fights back her emotions, "What? No... No.... David.. bubba.. you can't, you can't ... you can't leave me.. I still need you." Tears start leaving glistening trails down her face that she doesn't bother to wipe away. Her eyes hold fear and agony as her lips quiver and her shoulders begin to sag. My own heart twists, aching that she's in such pain, understanding that loss and because there's nothing I can do for either one in this situation.
"I don't want to, Sarina. I really don't." He reaches for her and she goes to him, holding him fiercely in a hug as they cry together.
"I love you, I love you." Sarina mutters over and over again, "I love you so much. Don't leave me. You can't..." her voice breaks and a painful cry escapes her mouth that I know all too well.
I sit there quietly, blinking back tears of my own, remembering my brother, wishing I could have known that the last time I talked to him was the last, so I could have told him how much I cared about him.
I let them sit there for as long as they want, just holding each other and crying until another coughing fit racks David's body. I stand up and inform them I'm going to go grab some water for them both. When I come back I hand them each a cup and go to sit back down at my desk, but David grabs my shirt sleeve.
"Hang on a moment, doc. Stay here." He pulls me gently to stand next to them.
"I've already talked to doc, here, sissy. He's going to be there for you when I'm gone." David takes in a shuddering breath before taking her hand and linking ours together. "So be good to each other. I like him, I wish I could be there later, to walk you down the aisle and see my nephews and nieces..."
I blink and tears escape my eyes at the thought of so much that he and my own brother will miss out on.
"David..." Sarina wipes her face with a wet tissue, as she stands up but squeezes my hand for support. I wrap my free arm around her waist, letting her know I was there for her.
"I know I messed up quite a bit after mom and dad died. That I messed up the most with you, doing stupid shit, but I love you sis. I hope you know how much I really do love you."
She drops to her knees and throws her arms back around her brother, "I really love you too, you dumbass." She cries.
"I know, sissy. I know."
Sarina smacks his arm, "That's for planning my life without me involved, by the way."
David laughs and holds his sister an arms length away from him, "Wait what?"
"Nephews and Nieces? You think my uterus is going to be a clown car or something?" She chuckles through her tears.
David's shoulders bounce as he tries to stifle his laughter, "Honk, honk!" He makes the noise of a clown car and I can't even hold back the laughter that pours out of me.
"Both of you!" She flips us both off but is softly laughing, trying to stifle it and scold us instead.