I couldn't believe Ella just blurted out she wanted to be an artist. The confidence she had was actually turning me on, not that it was hard for her to do that. The way everyone looked at her like some poor, lost, little girl was confusing me. I was pissed and I didn't know why.
Jack swoops in and sticks up for her which only pissed me off more. I didn't really know what art Ella did. In high school I noticed her hiding in the classroom painting, but I never paid attention to what she painted.
"Good luck with that one." My dad chuckled to Aaron as she walked away with my sisters. They weren't going dancing because I watched them walk right out the front door. They would probably just go home and gossip all night.
"Ella is sensitive about a lot of things. I'm sure after college she will move back home and figure things out." Aaron responded to my dad being a dick.
"Being an artist is a pipe dream. Very few make anything of themselves in that field."
"Ella will be ok. Her career, or lack thereof, is the least of my worries."
"She has a real talent, Aaron. You shouldn't ignore it." Jack patted his shoulder then walked off. Why was he defending her? They met like once.
I ignored everyone jumping back into work conversation until the night finally ended. Unlike my sisters I needed to be here to represent our family. This was our company's holiday party after all.
After Ella's little outburst I just wasn't feeling like dealing with anything. I wanted to find her and spend the night finishing what we started. A part of me wanted to ask about her art too. There was this whole side of her I knew very little about. I thought we could casually hook up, but I was so wrong about that.
"Where are your sisters?" My dad asked Lucy annoyed.
He already figured out they left. Jackie and Amber barely saw him and respected him very little. He never married their moms. They were just his women he took while away on business. It left them bitter and despite them allowing their daughters to come visit him I doubt they spoke highly of our dad. Lucy's mom on the other hand was still in love with him and spoke like he was some fucking saint.
"I don't know." Lucy looked to me for help.
"They took off not too long ago. Jackie was getting restless so I had Amber take her home before she started playing any pranks." I covered for Lucy quickly. It wasn't her fault they left, she wasn't their mother. My dad always expected Lucy to handle them being the oldest girl though.
"That little girl can be handful. Her mother is just as feisty." My dad gave me a knowing look and I looked at him disgusted. I don't want to know that shit.
"Sure, let's go home." I threw my arm around Lucy and we headed out.
I went straight to bed with one girl in my head and it had me feeling way too good. I needed to talk to her tomorrow and settle whatever jealousy she had over Chrissy. I still didn't think it was a good idea to full on date. Ella would want too much, too fast, and I can't be that right now. We could take things slow though, but with a lot of sex. I really needed a lot of sex from that little pussy too.
I woke up with a slight headache. I didn't drink a lot but enough to have a buzz all night. I jumped in the shower with a plan to find Ella and have a little talk. I wasn't good at that. I stumbled through my words then usually turned everything into being about sex. I knew Ella wasn't going to let me get away with that like the other girls I messed around with though.
I walked past Amber's door noticing it was half open. I peaked in and there were three girls passed out on her bed. They all looked a mess with ripped dresses and smeared makeup. What the fuck?
I stared at them a few minutes when I noticed a hickey on Ella's neck. I didn't leave that their. Did she leave the party and fuck someone else? I turned to look at Jackie and she had lipstick all over her. Not from herself, but from some chick kissing her neck. My fourteen year old sister was covered in kisses looking like a fucking tramp.
"Get up!" I shouted. I was losing my shit and putting that little girl on a fucking leash. All three of them.
"What happened?" Ella jumped up grabbing her head. "Oh my god it hurts."
"Shhh, just sleep... forever." Amber whispered reaching for Ella. They were all hung over.
"Where the fuck did you go last night?" I yelled.
Ella was already looking at me. Amber peeled her eyes open then yawned sitting up. She never cared when I was pissed and she sure as shit never listened to anyone.
"Relax, Eros. It too fucking early for your shit." Amber rubbed her eyes.
"You all look like fucking whores that went fucking around all night. And Jackie looks a mess, she is fucking fourteen."
"She is fine. She had like three drinks. Despite her evil personality she never had alcohol before and it hit her a little harder than I thought it would."
"Amber! I swear to fuck I want to slap the shit out of you right now. You gave Jackie fucking alcohol? And Ella, what the fuck did you do to her? She looks like a fucking whore." I was pissed about the hickey and I knew I was't handling this the right way. I was too fucking angry to care though.
Ella's mouth dropped open at me. "Hey, I'm the oldest here. Amber didn't do anything I didn't want to do."
"Don't get on your fucking high horse with me. I want to know where the fuck you were and none of you are leaving this fucking house again."
Amber chuckled. "None of us actually live here, Eros."
My anger was about to explode. Not one them cared I was yelling or losing my shit over here. Everything was a fucking joke to Amber.
"Where did you go?" I grabbed Ella by the arm to stand her up. She would crack before Amber.
"Just a club then a friends house. Let me go!"
"What did you do there?" My face was in hers and my eyes went right to the fucking hickey.
"We just danced and drank a little. You're over reacting."
"Over reacting. Why the fuck does my little sister have lipstick all over her?" My anger was pure rage now. "Why the fuck does your neck look like someone was sucking on you while fucking you like some whore?"
Ella's hand went to her neck looking confused. She took a deep breath as her eyes widened. Now she remembers.
"Let go of me." She wiggled out of my grip.
"Come sleep, babe." Amber called her to the bed.
"You all need to stop yelling before I carve out your hearts." Jackie spoke with her head in her pillow still half asleep.
"Nothing happened last night. You should go." Ella had tears in her eyes, but her voice was steady.
"Why the fuck are you pissed?" I was tired of this bullshit.
"You came in here like a lunatic yelling at all of us."
"Not now, last night."
"Eros!" She moved to walk away.
"Answer me!" I demanded and she jumped a little.
"It doesn't matter. Just leave it."
"Just leave it? That's what you fucking say every time. How can I fix shit if you don't fucking tell me what I did wrong." I screamed at her then just walked out. Lucy was at the door watching us.
"Eros!" Lucy called to me as I brushed past her, but I was done talking to all them. I don't know what the fuck I want from Ella. I did want to talk and that turned to shit real quick.
She was right, we make no sense. She grates at my last nerve, sends my temper through the roof, annoys the fuck out at me, confuses me to all fucking hell. I grabbed my key to head to the garage.
I still didn't have a bike to work on and the newer ones my dad got me I didn't want. I fucking wanted nothing right now.
I jumped in my dad's red Ferrari and left. I needed to clear my fucking head. I still wanted to talk to Ella, figure this shit out, find out what really happened last night. I just can't do that right now. They needed to get cleaned up and I needed to stop thinking worse case scenario of what my little sisters and Ella were up to last night.
I saw a cop car parked on the side of the road and gunned my car pass him. I smiled knowing how pissed he was right now. The lights went on behind me and I took a sharp corner then skidded to a stop doing a full three sixty.
"What the fuck Eros!" Rich came out his car in full uniform.
"I needed to talk to someone."
"So you fucking try to kill yourself. I clocked you at 160. You're lucky you didn't lose control and slide right off the cliff."
"I'm fine. Just fucking with you. Plus there is no cliff here."
Rich looked at me annoyed. I smiled at him and he shook his head walking over to the passenger side to jump in.
"You need professional help, Eros. I wasn't even in the car and had a heart attack."
"I thought it was kind of fun."
"Don't you have a track you can try to crash and burn on."
"Yeah, but you weren't there buddy."
Rich gave me that look again. The one that I wasn't nearly as cute as I thought.
"What's up? You have five minutes then I need to go back to actual work."
"Please, everyone knows you're napping in that hideout over there."
"I have a double shift today. I need that nap. Five minutes, talk."
I took a breath and dove into everything Ella. I left out the details of our sex life, but told him what we've been up to. Then I told him about my dad wanting me to take on more of the company and Aaron's disapproval of me so much as talking to Ella, let alone fucking her.
"Simple answer. Ask the girl out, treat her right, tell your dad you don't want to be CEO, and Aaron will try to kill you at first, but he'll come around."
"I can't ask Ella out and I do want to be CEO."
"Why can't you ask her out and you definitely don't want to be CEO. The thought suffocates you, but you're too up daddy's ass to tell him that."
"The second I start dating Ella she will want everything. Commitment, marriage, probably fucking kids. I just want to enjoy the few years I have left before I take over my dads business, which I plan to do."
"So you want to fuck Ella, but you both don't fuck other people?"
"Just casually dating, I guess."
"You want to be a douche bag guy that gets all the benefits without doing any of the work."
"Whatever. I don't know what I want from Ella. She doesn't fit in here either. She'll move back home after next year. Then what? We will break up anyways. Why get so involved when we already know we want different things? I'm not trying to be a dick. I'm trying to be realistic."
"Well buddy, love isn't realistic. You either dive in with both feet or you walk away."
"I'm not in love, just fucking horny."
"I hope you figure your shit out before it's too late. Ella deserves so much better than you, but would put up with your dumbass. She won't wait around forever though, Eros. If you want her and she wants you, then take the leap."
"Maybe." I did want her. I didn't see us working out long term though. I couldn't even bring her to work events after last night. My dad would be pissed if I went from Chrissy on my arm to Ella.
"Eros, you're so fucked up in that head because you're living a life your father wants you to. It's normal to seek out our parents approval, to want to be apart of what they built for us. At some point you're supposed to grow up and live your own life though. Sometimes that means stepping away from what they thought you would want."
"I do like working for my father. He wants more from me than what I want to give him right now, but I really do want to be there."
"Ok, then let Ella go. She doesn't fit in your world, like you said, and you're just going to break her heart trying to only get in her pants, again. If you figure your shit out maybe things will be different then."
"I don't want to let her go." I sighed hitting my head back to my car seat.
"I have to go buddy. Just remember you're the one that has live this life. Don't become someone you regret looking at in the mirror because you gave up the life you wanted to live in some else's dream for you."
I nodded to him and he got out of my car. I don't think he helped at all. I was less pissed though. I could talk to a thousand people and it wouldn't make this any easier. It is my life and I'm the only one that can choose how to live it. I just wish I knew what I fucking wanted.
I drove around checking out some bike shops and junk yards not really paying attention to anything. I don't think I was figuring anything out until I saw Ella.
———
"Hey!" I stood at her bedroom door while she read on her bed.
"Hey!" She put a little card in her book and closed it.
"I'm sorry I exploded this morning." I didn't look at her as I spoke.
"I understand it was probably a shock how we all looked. I swear Jackie wasn't in any danger though. We shouldn't of let her drink either."
"I know and I'm sure whatever you were all up to last night was all Amber's idea too."
"Not completely, but it was her friend's house."
"Why were you mad last night?" I needed to know what the fuck was going on in that head of hers.
"I spent all day listening to Chrissy and Lucy make plans on how to get you two back together. She was very explicit in how you two were with each other and the things you like. I know we said no strings, but it still hurts that I mean so little to you."
"You don't... Ella, I don't know what you mean to me." I scratched the back of my neck. Why can't I just say what I want? What do I want?
"Eros, do you want me?" Her big hazel eyes looked at me with so much need for me to just give into her. I wanted to say yes, just dive in like Rich said, but it scared the fuck out of me.
"I want many things from you." I slid on my stupid grin punching myself. I only knew how to talk sex apparently.
"I mean more than that. I like how we are together, Eros, and I know we said no strings. I've been pushing the way I feel about you down for so long I feel like I'm just going to explode, and not in a good way."
"What do you want, Ella? As a relationship, you're right, we don't make sense. You don't fit into my world and I don't think you even want to. I sure as fuck don't fit into your world, I don't even know what your world is, but all the rainbow and unicorn outlook on life makes no sense to me how you're even still alive."
"I want... I don't know. I don't want to meet you in a coat closet and then just walk away though. I don't want to listen to your ex's plans to get you back when we are doing whatever we are doing either."
I knew she wanted to say more, but wouldn't put herself on the line when I said I didn't want the same things.
"You want me all to yourself." I teased.
"Yes!" She responded quickly with all her emotions. Fuck, I can't do this. I can't be half in and half out.
"I won't be with other girls, Ella. I just got out of a year relationship with Chrissy and that was fucked from the start. I don't want to worry about someone else, worry about coming home to someone and what they need. I just want to figure out what I want in my life and do what feels good. Right now, you feel good." I cupped her check but she backed away.
"You do realize everything you just said was so wrong. Don't you?" The look of disappointment was written all over her face. I know she wants more from me, but I wasn't ready to give her more.
"I don't... I don't know what I want, ok." I really suck at this.
"Maybe we shouldn't see each other until you figure that out, Eros. I know what I want and it's you I want. I can't pretend that you sneaking in my window is good enough, because it's not even close to how much I want from you." Her eyes teared as she spoke.
I knew she always had a crush on me and I knew sleeping with her would only make her more attached to the idea of us. I just can't wrap my head around being with Ella right now.
I nodded my head at her. She was being fair and reasonable, but it still pissed me off.
"I'll see you around, I guess." I spoke low as I turned to the door. Unless I was willing to be more to her we weren't going to be together in any way.
I dated plenty of chicks. I don't know why dating Ella was impossible for me to consider. I just couldn't bring myself to admit I wanted her in every way out loud. Maybe because I knew I would fall hard then lose her, or maybe I was just scared to let someone that close to me.
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