[LUCA]
I still couldn't believe the princess would ask me that question outright.
Have I ever had a lover? No.
I admit, at my current age, I can't deny being physically attracted to women. There were too many of them in the palace. And some of them seemed attracted to me as well. It was beginning to be a bit bothersome.
That was the reason why Lena was so confused about her maids' behavior toward me. Ever since I finished puberty and the years that followed that, I began sensing those kinds of looks from the young and unwed females in the palace directed my way.
I don't really understand why. I'm usually quiet and keep to myself. I don't go out of my way to talk to them. I was very dedicated to my duty, that is, the princess's protection.
Maybe they were attracted to my physical appearance.
I'm six-foot-three, with black, chin-length, tousled hair that stuck out everywhere; very dark brown eyes that most of the time looked black; thick brows that always gave me the appearance of frowning; I wasn't exactly buff, but I did develop a lean and muscular body due to my training. Maybe women are attracted to that?
Personally, I think I'm average looking. I've often been told that I looked mean, that I was always scowling. Even the princess would frequently make fun of my resting expression. Dark and brooding, she'd say. I'm not trying to be mean; I guess I just looked that way.
Relationships did not interest me. I appreciated the women's beauty, but I've never been attracted enough to feel the drive to pursue someone of my own will.
As time passed, I learned to decline and ignore their advances. I was content with being alone. I wasn't exactly alone; guarding and looking after the mischievous princess took up a lot of my time.
So to answer the princess's second question — No. I have never been in love.
Still, straightforwardly asking me that, especially in front of her giggling, unwed and willing maids-in-waiting, was mortifying.
"Why are they acting like that around you?" Lena demanded, frowning.
I stared at her confused face, and I burst out laughing.
"What?" she asked, annoyance coloring her voice. "What's so funny?"
There was no way I would tell her the reason. She was so innocent and pure. I wasn't going to burden her with the complications of mundane attractions and flings.
"It's nothing. They're just happy to be in your presence," I answered coolly as I took another sip of my tea, settling comfortably in my seat now that the awkwardness had passed. Normally, servants and guards weren't allowed to be this close to the princess, but I was the exception.
"You're lying."
"What is all this talk about love anyway?" I asked.
She sighed. "Nothing. I'm just thinking about marriage. In a few years, it will happen. But, isn't there, like, supposed to be love involved?"
"I guess," I answered hesitantly. "Where did that come from? Was that your topic earlier in your lessons?"
"Heavens, no. It's just a random thought." She stared at me thoughtfully. "Surely, you're going to be married soon, right? You have to be betrothed. You're old."
"Hey, I'm not that old. I'm only twenty-two," I said. "Anyway, no, I'm not getting betrothed to anyone. It doesn't work that way with us, lowly commoners."
"Shut it, you're not a lowly commoner." She hated it whenever I talked about the difference in our status. "But, what do you mean? How does it work, then?" she asked curiously.
I pity Lena at times. She was envied for her status and rank, but they didn't know she was also dealing with her own struggles. As a princess, she had everything she ever needed, but she didn't have the freedom to do what she wanted.
I cleared my throat uneasily. Unlike her, I had a choice.
"We don't have arranged marriages like the nobility does," I explained, choosing my words carefully. "The common folk don't have to maintain the purity of their bloodline, or be obligated to unite kingdoms through marriage as nobles do."
"Why do people get married, then, if not for that reason?"
"Erm… they marry because they want to? I don't know," I mumbled. The subject was getting really uncomfortable for me.
"So they marry because of love," she said with certainty. "I was right."
I shrugged. I wasn't the right person for her to talk to about this.
"I envy you, Luca."
"Why?" I asked in surprise.
"You're lucky. You're free." She smiled, but her smile was hollow.
"Okay, enough talk about this." I selected a strawberry tart from the tray of snacks, knowing it was one of her favorites, and handed it to her. "Cheer up, Little Lena. You're still young; you don't have to think about it right now. I don't even think about it, and, like you said, I'm already old," I said, grinning.
"True," she said, sighing. "Well, that's good, at least."
"Hmm?"
"I'd be sad to see you go."
I frowned. "What are you talking about? I'm not going anywhere."
"Because if you get married, you're going to leave me." She looked away and her lower lip jutted out into a pout.
I laughed. "No. I won't. Whatever happens, I am always bound to you. To protect you. I promised I'd stay by your side forever, didn't I?"
She still didn't look at me. But when she finally did, happiness reflected in her eyes.
She smiled, a genuine one this time.
However, several weeks later, I was greeted with consequential news.
I received a message stating that the commander of the royal guard wanted to see me. I had no idea what it was about. After escorting the princess to her lessons and making sure that another guard was posted outside her door, I headed to the command post.
"Commander Olivier, you wanted to see me?" I said after greeting him respectfully. The commander was a middle-aged man with graying hair and a bushy beard. He was powerfully built, despite his age.
"Oh, yes. Take a seat, Luca," he replied in his booming voice. "We need to have a discussion regarding your future."
I listened. I was grateful for the opportunity I was presented with, but by the end of it, a heavy feeling settled in my heart.
It appears I couldn't keep my promise to the princess after all.
When I left the command post, I came back to a flurry of worried activity on the way to the room where the princess had her lessons. Apparently, the princess had sneaked out again.
I wasn't worried. I didn't sense that she was in any harm.
Several guards had been deployed to search for her inside the immense palace. I headed outside and went to each of her usual haunts, her secret hideouts. They have been increasing throughout the years, but she could never hide from me for long.
I finally found her at the last place I checked. Of course.
From afar, I spotted the tip of her blue dress hanging over the side of the roof of the wooden tree house I had built for her years ago. I made my presence known, deliberately stepping heavily on the crunchy leaves as I approached.
"Luca! What took you so long?" she called out, laughing.
The princess was in a cheerful mood. That's good. It will help when I break the news to her.
"Everyone's worried about you."
"Why don't you come up here, Luca? The weather's nice!"
I sighed. "Lena, we need to talk."
Her head poked out from the edge of the roof. "Then, talk."
"Why don't we take a walk?" I suggested.