I happily entered the office floor. Feeling ko sulit yung 2 weeks na pahinga. Somehow, I considered it as a rest. I get to enjoy it although most of the time, I just stayed in the house.
"Welcome back Ms. Blooming. Namiss ka namin," bati sakin ng co-worker ko. "Mukhang na-enjoy mo ang bakasyon. Sulit ba ang dating ni Prince Charming?" She teased. They know that the planned leave is supposedly to be with my so-called boyfriend.
'Prince charming, my ass!' ani ko sa isip. "Sulit naman ang bakasyon somehow. I get to rest well," simpleng sagot ko instead.
"Oi, mukhang may kumakalembang na wedding bells. Magleleave ka na naman ba?" Biro pa niya.
I just smiled. Hindi pa time na magkwento ako about our break up. Plus, I had just broken up with him. Call it disrestpectful and rude, I did broke up with my long term long distance boyfriend over a videocall.
"Just because I couldn't come, you're breaking up with me?" He said from the other end. Kahit malayo siya I can see his devastated. "That's selfish? We've been like this for 7years. Ngayon mo pa naisip na ayaw mo na."
"It's not ngayon ko lang naisip. Or maybe yes. It's 7years already and people changed. I changed! Kung natatanggap ko pa noon na hindi tayo nagkikita or nagkakausap for a time being, this time I want us to be together. And if we can't prioritized each other, it's best that we part ways. We are different. We have our separate priorities now."
"Are you inlove with somebody else?" He directly asked.
Hindi ako sumagot. He can think whatever he wants. I have made my decision.
"Not answering means there's somebody else," he declared.
"Look, whatever I answer now, won't matter. You would just believe to a yes. And kahit ano pa ang irason ko hindi mo na pakikinggan. Then, think of it as a yes then," sagot ko not directly admitting there is somebody else..
Napailing siya as if giving up.
"I really can't understand you right now. Let's just take a breather ok. Think things thru. And when you cool off your head, call me," he said and he dropped the call.
I smirked. As conceited as he is. Somehow I begin to understand that he isn't really my prince charming. Kung noon, natatanggap ko ang mga flaws nito, this time I honestly rejected it.
"So what's new?" Pag-iiba ko ng usapan. "Any office drama?"
My colleague's face lighten up. Dumikit pa ito sakin to give of the juicest gossip.
"You have to hear this girl, the juicest of juicest," and I almost fell off my chair when she whispered to my ear. "Sumugod dito ang asawa ni Boss. Seemed that she is having an affair and Boss caught her."
Nanlaki ang mata ko not because I didn't know but because I didn't realize na kakalat iyon agad sa opisina.
"T-the wife is having an affair?" I stammered. I just want to confirm kung tama ba yung pagkakarining ko. "H-how?"
"Just last week. Pag-uwi Boss nahuli niya daw," she seemed very eager to tell the drama.
"Wait. H-how did you knew all these?"
"Eto nga," umayos siya ng upo. "Last week pumunta dito si Mrs. Mendez. Then, was begging to talk to him. But Boss isn't here. 2 days siyang nag-emergency leave. We we're wondering why though kung nasan siya and san siya nagpunta."
He was with me in that 2 days. We just stayed in the house for two days. But he returned to work on the third. And he's staying with me all through the week.
"Anyway, when Boss got back. He explained to everyone what he's been going thru. And told us to please bear with him. Honestly, feel ko si Boss. Ang bigat sa loob nun ha? Iputan ka sa ulo ng sarili mong asawa. But he remained professional as he is," she continued.
"And he allowed everyone to talk about him?" I said in disbelief. I felt worried for him. How is he coping up with work kung pinagtsitsismisan pala ito sa opisina. And why he isn't telling me anything. We'd been together for 2 weeks now. Halos tumira na nga ito sakin.
"He just said we can talk about it behind his back but don't add stories. So I'm just sharing to you. And oh, her assistant filed her retirement. They are looking for replacement. I think you're one of the candidates," sabi nito na ikinasamid ko. Tila nagkwento lang ito na may napulot na candy.
"What?! Anong candidate?!" I shriek. "Bakit ako?"
"Well, you deserve it. Bagay naman sayo maging assistant ni Boss. Tsaka tama lang na mapaghinga na si Ms. Marie. Matanda na yun eh," turan nito.
"OMG! Naiintindihan mo ba yung kwento mo? These are all big news and you said it like it's nothing?!"
Natawa ito sa reaction ko. "Friend, ang OA mo. There's nothing wrong in becoming Boss' EA. Although medyo aloof lang naman si Boss pero you can do it. Fully support kami sayo."
Overacting or whatever. If they only knew the true reason. And he honestly believe na hindi kami mahuhuli sa ganito? For pete's sake! He's just doing whatever he can, wag lang ako malayo sa kaniya. Or I can stay beside him 24/7 if it needs be.
Napailing ako at nahilot ko ang ulo. Tila ako naliliyo.
"Pero teka, you said I am one of the candidates? Sino yung iba?" I am hopeful na may option pa ko tumanggi.
"Ah yeah, everybody turned down na. So ikaw na lang pala talaga," sagot niya.
"What the heck?!"
Napahalakhak ito. "Look, hindi dahil sa ayaw namin kay Bossing. But you see, Boss' EA is a lot of hardwork. At walang ibang hardworker dito kundi ikaw. Besides, ikaw na lang ang only single with no responsibility dito sa organization na to. So we all voted for you."
I am at the verge of sulking and debating but I heard my name being called. Mabilis akong napalingon. It was from our Boss' outgoing EA. And looking at her tila alam ko na kung ano ang reason bakit ako tinatawag. Alumpihit na sumunod ako sa kaniya. We headed to our Boss' office. Her table was just outside the room. Bahagya akong sumilip sa loob. Wala roon si Boss.
"You must've heard the news," may inabot itong papel. "This is your appointment paper. Please read it,"
My smiles are wide but it's more of hesitating. I am thinking of ways how to reject the offer nicely but I know deep within this'll be a make it or die situation. Wala akong ibang option dito kundi tanggapin. Otherwise, quit the job. Which is impossible to do now.
"Uhm... before I read that, can I just make a slight inquiry as to why I am chosen?" I am trying to sound as just asking as possible. Ayokong magtunog napipilitan lang. I just need to confirm the slightest indication na hindi ito initiated ng Boss turned lover ko. I am worried that a single doubt will definitely spark a major gossip. Pinag-uusapan na ito sa opisina ngayon. I don't wanna add one more fuel to the fire.
"You know what, Boss was also in doubt about you?" turan ni Ms. Marie.
"He did?" Hindi ko nagustuhan ang realization na yun. Hindi naman ako balahura magtrabaho.
"He said he's not sure if you can do the job well. But we know you so well. You are good in doing the task the first time. You never hesitated when assigned into one. You listen to your superior kahit pa you're qualifications are better to them. You are friendly, outgoing and fun to be with. And kahit pa anong okasyon, pumapasok ka. You rarely take leaves and never made absences. Nalilate at times but definitely acceptable enough." Sa haba ng elaboration niya in regards to my work ethics, hindi yun ang tumalaga sa utak ko.
'He doubted my capabilities at work?! How dare him!' Inis na bulong ko sa sarili. 'Makikita niya!'
Without hesitation, without even reading, I signed the appointment letter. 'Not sure if I can do the job well? We'll see.'
"Good. It settled then," Saka lang nagbalik sa huwisyo ang utak ko. Napaharap ako kay Ms. Turning Ex-EA. Her smile is so wide na tila masaya itong aalis na sa company. Probably so excited for retirement. "I'll endorse to you one at a time. Don't worry. I am still here for 2months. But bear with me, medyo hindi na talaga kaya ng katawan ko so you know once in awhile you'll do things on your own."
Sincere ang ngiting binigay ko sa kaniya, "Good for you, Mommy. It's high time you enjoy your old aged. Mas masarap magretire na nakakakilos pa ng maayos. You get to enjoy life more."
"That's what I really look forward actually. Anyway, Sir Ryon is on an important meeting with other Bosses. I have to go back there so I leave everything to you here for awhile. First task mo, sumagot ng mga phone calls, ok?"
Napangiti ako. And nod exaggeratedly. I went back to my table for now. Somehow, I got excited with the new assigment. I even saw my colleague smiled at me teasingly. Pabirong inirapan ko lang din ito. It's not actually a promotion, more of a change of responsibility. But nonetheless, I maybe hesitating to take the job it is somewhat exciting. I'll be beside him most of the time. Tignan ko lang kung di siya magsawa sakin.
We are almost drowned na sa workload when the office floor turned into a slight chaos. Napaangat ang subsob na mukha naming magkakatrabaho when we heard something at the door. Halos lahat napalingon sa commotion na nagaganap roon.
"Oh no! Andiyan na naman yung lukaret na ex ni Boss. She have been banned here. Baka ayaw na papasukin ng guard," turan ng katabi ko. Napalingon ako sa kaniya. Mas dumadami na ang naiistorbo sa tila pagwawala ng babae.
I stood up. I feel that I needed to interfere as soon to be EA. Lumapit ako sa guard.
"Excuse me," awat ko sa kaguluhan. Natahimik naman ang babae and the guard looked at me. "Hi. I'm Mr. Mendez' assistant. As much as you really want to see him right now he is actually on an important meeting," explain ko.
"I understand. Pero hindi ba ko pwedeng maghintay sa opisina niya? Hindi naman ako mangugulo eh. I just want to talk to him."
Nilingon ko ang guard. "Sinabi po kasi ni Boss na hindi na po siya pwedeng pumasok. Baka ako po ang mapagalitan."
"Look, Gusto ko lang makausap ang asawa ko. I will wait for him inside," argumento ng babae na medyo nagpi-flare up na naman.
"Uhmm.. Can we stay instead sa cafeteria? I'll go with you. We can talk while we wait for him," turan ko. Bahagya ko pa siyang inakay sa paglalakad palayo. We headed to the cafeteria.
I didn't know what gotten into me. But I feel the need to talk to her. Tipong it's best to know what you're enemy is saying. I have this urge to know how she really feels at this time. It maybe risky. Makikilala niya ko. And mas malaking drama kapag nalaman niyang ang babaeng pumipigil sa kaniya ngayon is the same woman that her husband was sleeping with.
We sat to a table na medyo malayo sa karamihan. It is almost lunch time and call it paranoia, people in the office talk alot of things. Ayokong on the first day of my job as an EA eh mabahiran agad ng issue ang career ko.
"I know here current EA is retiring. I didn't know they hired a younger one," sarkastikong turan nito. Tila ito pa nagbibigay malisya sa pagiging EA niya. Probably here defense mechanism. She cheated on him, naghahanap ito ng butas na baliktarin ang sitwasyon.
"I am not newly hired. I have just been transferred into his office. I am working here for over a year now. No available candidate so I took the job," sagot ko. Kung magmamaldita ito sakin, I would just give her what she asked for.
"Alam kong pinag-usapan na ko rito. You can talk all you want, I don't care. I just want to talk to my husband. Hindi siya umuuwi samin. He's not answering my calls. I didn't even know where he stays ngayon."
"You cheated on him!" Diretso kong turan. Disbelieving kung anong attitude meron ang babaeng ito ngayon. "Didn't it occur to you that he is asking for some space? That, kahit na masama yung loob niya, he decided to continue his life by still coming to work everyday?" I want her to give a piece of my mind.
"But I want to explain and I can't do that kung hindi niya ko kakausapin," she insisted.
Nagmenor naman ako. I am in no position na makipagdebate sa kaniya. I am just a mere secretary at this time. Bumuntong hininga ako and choose the right words to say.
"I'm sorry for blurting out. Medyo nadadala lang ako sa drama. I mean I only see this sa mga telenovela and you know it feels like a pump for it," I tried to be as ease at it is. She already had her bad thoughts about me for being his new EA I don't want to put spark more on it. "If I just may ask and hindi ako nakikitsismis ha. Baka lang makatulong, I mean, ano bang explanation sa nangyari sa inyo? It's ok if you don't want to share," mabilis kong bawi sa huling sentence.
I heard her sigh. It's as if yun lang din ang kailangan niya as someone to talk to. Tila wala itong nakausap to somewhat ease the heartbreak. And I felt empathy towards her bilang isang babae.
"Nagkamali ako. I admit it. Hindi ako perpekto. He maybe a good man. He provides everything for me. But have you ever felt the emptiness that seemed to be bursting inside and that you look for it somewhere else? That's what I felt. Something's missing."
The typical 3rd party reasoning. Pinigil ko ang sarili na mag-smirk. Ayokong isipin niyang hindi ko siya nagegets. Kahit pa her reasoning was actually unacceptable.
I have been in a long term long distant relationship. Magkalayo kami but I didn't feel the need to be completed by a man. I am so independent that myself is enough to bloom. Her husband could have shown a different side of relationship but it didn't justify why I want to break up with my ex. That's why I wouldn't get her.
"So you are looking for that emptiness with a different man?" I asked pinilit kong wag maging sarcastic but it came out naturally.
Bumuntong hininga ulit siya. She couldn't look at me. "Magkaiba sila. Iba yung happiness na nararamdaman ko. And he can't give me that," sagot niya.
Hindi na ko nagsalita. Madami pa ko gustong itanong but I think hindi iyon nararapat. Instead, I told her this...
"Is there anything you want me to do or to say to him kung ayaw ka pa niya harapin? I mean, he may not listen to me but atleast I could try," prisinta ko. Kung sasabihin niyong makipagbalikan sa kaniya ang asawa niya, hindi ko alam pano yun sasabihin sa Boss ko.
But to my surprise, may inilabas itong dokumento. Inilapag niya iyon sa mesa at itinulak palapit sakin. Nanlaki ang mata ko sa nabasa ko.
"Divorce paper?"
He maybe my lover now but this paper seemed to be a devil slapping my face. Tila binibigyan ako ng hint na mali ang ginagawa ko.
"I have done enough damage to him. This is the only way to fix this. I need to free him," turan niya.
Hindi ako makapagsalita. 'Free him or free you?' Turan ko sa utak. Tila mas gusto nitong palayain ang sarili. Gayunpaman, wala ako sa posisyon na umapila. Hanggang sa makabalik ako sa opisina at dala ko ang dokumentong gusto niyang ipabigay ko sa lalaking gusto niyang pakawalan, tila pa rin ako nakalutang. Hindi ko alam pano iyon ibibigay. Tila pati utak ko nagulo dahil sa kapirasong dokumentong iyon.
Alumpihit na pumasok ako sa opisina niya. Eveyone was on lunch break and gusto kong samantalahin ang pagkakataon na halos kami lang ang nasa opisina. He looked at me straight and I couldn't read what he was thinking. Lumapit ako sa mesa niya, placed the folder and slightly pushed it towards him without saying any word. Binuksan niya iyon, read it and then closed the folder. Humarap siya sakin.
"You talked to her?"
Tumango ako.
"Bakit hindi mo sinabi yung tungkol satin? I would really love to know her reaction," he said.
Nanlaki ang mata ko. Anong ibig sabihin nun? Tila nainis ako sa sinabi niya.
"What did she said?"
"If you want to know what she said, you talk to her yourself," malditang turan ko. Hindi ko inisip na Boss ko siya ngayon. Hindi ako messenger para maghatid ng balita ng dalawang kampo.
He smirked at me. Nakita ko pa ang tiimbagang niya. "All she wants was for me to free her? Para makasama na niya ng tuluyan yung lalaki niya?"
Napataas ang isang kilay ko. Natamaan din ako sa sinabi niya. I have just broken up with my boyfriend para makasama siya. Bakit ba nasa ganito kaming sitwasyon?
Tila naman nagets niya ang naramdaman ko. Tumingin siya sakin. Stood up and without hesitation pulled me up and sat me on his table. Nag-alangan ako na baka may makakita samin. Although his office was closed and covered.
"Sorry. I didn't meant to say that. Naguguluhan na rin ako kung pano ko ba ilulusot to. I mean, I am ok with this divorce pero hindi ako makapagsaya. Somehow, this feels so wrong," he said as he gave me slight kisses.
I pushed him. "First, let's be professional in this area. Second, kung anuman ang gusto mong maramdaman towards your situation you're free to do so. Don't worry about me. Problema ko ang sarili ko. Third," nilingon ko ang papel sa lamesa niya. "Alam kong wala akong kinalaman diyan, but what are you gonna do about it?"
He had this sarcastic smile on his face. He looked at it then looked back at me. "Considered it signed. She wants it, I gave her that."
"Ganun-ganon lang?"
"Sabi mo wala kang kinalaman diyan. Pero bakit parang nag-aalala ka?" He said teasingly.
Ewan ko kung anong mararamdaman ko. Somehow, I am excited that he will be fully mine but sabi nga niya, this feel all so wrong. Besides sa kanilang dalawa, pano ang iba? Ang mga anak niya? I can't help but worry.
Napabuntong hininga ako. Hindi ko alam pano iyon itatanong sa kaniya. Napakagulo ng sitwasyon namin.
He held my face with both of his hand and kissed me again reassuringly. Mabilis kong tinabig yun.
"Stop pushing me," natatawang turan niya. "I will be divorced soon. I plan to expose us."
"Tumigil ka nga!" Saway ko.
"Whether you like it or not, I will. Wala kang magagawa," deklara niya.
Matalim ang naging tingin ko sa kaniya. But instead na matrigger, he just gave me kisses even more. It's a struggle na kumawala. But he kept holding me. When I mustered the strength to get away mabilis kong binuksan ang pinto. He laughed so hard. I stayed on the door.
"Opening the door would just make it more troubling for you. That won't stop me," he said naughtily.
Sinara ko ulit ang pinto.
"Ok. Tama na. Once and for all, may kailangan lang akong sabihin. I want you to talk to your wife," aniko. Wala akong kinalaman pero gusto kong makialam.
"Soon to be ex-wife," pagtatama niya.
"Whatever. But I want you to talk to her. Try to fix things thru and to confirm if you really want this. For my peace of mind," Yes. I want that. Para habang maaga alam ko din kung dapat ba kong umiwas.
"I am confirming now, that I want this thru. Kahit ngayon kaya kong pirmahan yan sa harap mo," turan niya.
"But not talking to her won't help me. Iisipin kong hindi mo siya kayang iwan kaya ayaw mo siyang kausapin. Wala kayong closure. Takot ka bang harapin siya? Are you in doubt na baka hindi mo siya kayang iwan?"
If he said yes, siguro nga hindi tamang ipilit ko ang sarili ko. But then iba ang naging sagot niya.
"Are you in doubt that hindi kita mahal? Hindi ka ba siguradong pipiliin kita?"
Natigilan ako. All of this and yet he still thinks of me. Ano ba ang dapat kong isipin. He walks towards me again. And lifted my face.
"Drop this. Leave this to me. And stay put. Uulitin ko, I only asked for you is to wait for me. Do not worry. I'll make things right," bulong niya and gave me a soft kiss.
Then he moved back in his table. Umupo ito roon. "Don't talk to her again. Hindi mo alam kung gano ko gustong lumabas sa meeting thinking na baka sinasaktan ka na niya or nagsasabunutan na kayo. Why did you talk to her in the first place?"
"She was making a scene. I heard she's been making a scene for awhile now," dahilan ko.
"Does it bother you?"
"It bothers everyone else."
"Really? I believe they enjoyed it. You know a little drama. Ikaw lang ata affected," panunukso niya.
"Why do I get the feeling na feel na feel mong may nagwawala para sayo? Gusto mo bang habul-habulin ka niya?" Iritable kong turan.
"Bakit? Nagseselos ka?" He looked at me nang nakakaloko.
Bumagsak ang panga ko sa tinuran niya. "The nerve! Conceited!"
Natawa lang siya sa reaction ko. He was enjoying it. He took a deep breath then told me to get off.
"Lumabas ka na. Go back to work. Hindi pa ko naglulunch, baka ikaw kainin ko dito. Mamayang gabi na lang tayo mag-kainan sa bahay," taboy niya sakin.
Naniningkit ang mata ko sa gigil. But I turned my back and stormed out. Sa labas ko na nilabas ang gigil ko sa kaniya. I headed to the cafeteria para ikuha siya ng pananghalian.