It's a pretty mild day for November but I still put on my extra warm jacket that I still had at the cottage.
The wind is blowing the last leaves left on the trees away.
We've been walking for ten minutes in silence now.
But as long as it's comfortable I don't mind it.
"So you said you often came here when you were younger?" Aiden asks and I know he's not referring to the weeks I spend here after my sisters death.
He's rather making reference to what I told him about my childhood here.
Which is also one reason I could never bring myself to sell the cottage.
I could've required the money from selling it, especially after dad also left us.
But I couldn't.
I loved my grandma fiercely even though we didn't visit her that often, which I really regret.
And this was her little heaven. Completely without any 'annoying human people around' like she always said. Only her very loved cat Barney.
"Yes, like I said, it was my grandma's cottage. We didn't visit her that often, which makes me kind of sad, but I still have a lot beautiful memories with her here."
He smiles.
"Aiden are you okay?"
"Yes, I'm good. I - I often just grieve for my childhood, because it feels like I've never really had one." He says.
That's new for me.
I knew his father was difficult, but was it that bad.
"What do you mean?"
"My mom got sick when I was eleven." He winces as he whispers it and my heart hurts for him.
I take his hand in mine and squeeze.
He squeezes back.
"And my dad, like you probably already know, actually hated me. He still does, to be honest.
I just wasn't what he wanted.
I was a disappointment to him.
And as a child that hurt. I just wanted him to be proud of me."
"Oh Aiden."
"Don't. I'm not saying this so you can pity me."
"I'm sorry. I don't pity you, I'm just sorry for little Aiden."
Because my heart burns when I think of a little Aiden, his mom too sick to even talk to him and his dad ignoring him. Just because he's an arrogant asshole.
We arrive at the water hole.
'Water hole' doesn't do it justice, but sea or lake doesn't fit, and pond sounds even worse.
The water is beautifully blue just how I remember it.
And the little waterfall is also just as I remember.
It was always the highlight when we walked here in the summer heat and then as a reward we were going swimming in enjoyable almost magical blue water.
"This is beautiful." Aiden speaks.
"I also associate a lot beautiful memories with this place."
"Tell me about those."
I take the blanket out of the rucksack, I brought with us. Earlier Aiden insisted he should carry it.
But I rolled my eyes and kept walking.
Until he just took it from my shoulder.
We sit down and I start talking.
"My sister was still pretty young, but she always insisted to come with us anyway.
She was so stubborn."
"Just like you." I roll my eyes, it was so obvious he would say that.
"Anyway. Like I said, she always insisted, and my grandma couldn't say no to her.
But she had to wear armbands when we went swimming.
And one time she swam with them too close to the stony wall, and they just broke. Like the air slowly came out of them. But she didn't want us to know so she tried to get back to land.
But you have to know that she couldn't actually swim.
So me and gran sat there when she came towards us. And I'm not saying swimming on purpose, because it was anything but. She looked like she was fighting some nonexistent sea monster and at first we got worried.
But as soon as she was out of the water we all laughed so hard. I still remember my stomach hurt." I chuckle at the memory and Aiden grins.
"Oh and me and Soli were also hardcore prank masters. One time we put hair dye into grandmas shampoo. But this day dad came to visit and we forgot about the shampoo.
He went to shower and all of a sudden we heard screaming and then he walked out with his hair and half his face pink." I laugh thinking about it.
I look at Aiden and he's still smiling.
"You have a beautiful laugh." He says.
I blush and goddamnit!
I don't blush!
Aiden of course notices and his smile turns smug.
We stare at the water and I put my head on his shoulder. He kisses my forehead and I almost melt.
I breathe in his scent like a drug addict.
I can't get enough of it.
After some time we get up and walk back because it's still November and I don't wanna get sick.
We arrive back at the cottage and I stop in my tracks.
What's that?
The trash can is knocked over.
There are muddy footprints everywhere, or rather paw prints.
Aiden also notices, and he pushes me behind him.
My heart flutters at his protectiveness but I roll my eyes nonetheless.
"It's probably just mice."
"Stay behind me." He insists and I sigh.
Aiden walks towards the little garage.
I follow him anyway.
There's some rustling.
I look around Aiden and see a cute blonde butt.
"Oh my gods. Is that a puppy?" I practically squeak. I'm gonna be embarrassed about it later.
"It's so cold! Where did he come from? There's not a house anywhere near."
I'm already walking towards it, but it's currently eating the last of Barney's, cat food.
I go to pick him up but Aiden grabs my hand to stop me.
I look up at him ready to argue but then I notice his hands are shaking, his jaw clenched.
First I'm worried but then my eyes grow wide.
"You're not afraid of dogs are you?"
He narrows his eyes at me and glares.
Oh my gods he's embarrassed.
"But why? Look how cute he is." I point at the puppy.
"Can't we just leave him?" I gasp dramatically.
"Are you insane? And leave him here to his cruel death?! Not with me!"
I go to pick the puppy up and surprisingly he isn't even scared.
He cuddles into me.
Poor baby
"Are you cold baby? Come on let's get you warm."
"We're taking him inside?!" Aiden asks trying to sound calm but I see right through him.
"Yes now come on. But no worries, I'll protect you Aidy."
He glares at me but follows.
I put the puppy into the bathing tub and start washing him.
He doesn't try getting out once.
"What a perfect puppy you are huh? Are you a girl or a boy?" I have a look and yup definitely not a girl.
"Aiden?!" I shout and he comes running.
"What?"
"No worries, the cute puppy didn't kill me yet.
But I wanted to ask if you have any name ideas?"
He frowns.
"No I don't."
"Come on, pet him once."
"Hell no." He says and leaves again. Ugh.
I think about the neighbors dog my sister loved so much, her name was Ellie.
Oh I have the perfect name.
After I dried Eli I put him onto a hill of blankets and pillows and he falls asleep immediately.
He so damn sweet I'm gonna cry.
I walk into the kitchen where Aiden is sitting at the table, the food he made us already getting cold.
"Thanks for the food." I say and he nods.
"Tomorrow we have school again."
"I know but when I said you could stay here as long as you wanted I wasn't joking.
I'll take care of it. I also have to check in with mom and Callan.
Could you just tell Theo we are okay? I don't want him to worry."
"I already did, he says he'll come visit us tomorrow if it's okay."
"Yes of course. And Aiden?"
"Hm?"
"Would you be okay if I named him? My sister loved a dog that was called Ellie, and I don't know, I think the one I have in mind fits." I smile sadly, trying to not think about the days where everything was still perfect.
"And what would that be."
"Eli."
He stares at the ground for a whole minute, then he nods.
"Yeah I think that suits him."
I try to not smile too hard.
We finish the meal and then I look for something Eli can eat.
I take some cheese and sausages, that should be enough for now.
But I'll have to buy more food tomorrow if we're staying here any longer.
I give Eli some water and the food and his tail is waging like crazy.
He looks much better already.
After I finish feeding him I walk over to the couch where Aiden is watching something on the TV.
Eli follows me like the amazing puppy he is.
I sit down next to Aiden and he pulls me into him.
I freeze for a second, still uncustomed to him being so close to me.
But I recover quickly and put my head next to his.
"You good?" He asks.
"Yep. You?"
"Mhm."
Eli is on the ground trying to get up but he's too small so I pick him up.
Aiden grumbles under his breath but doesn't say anything.
"What dog breed do you think he is?" I ask Aiden.
"I have no idea."
Eli is mainly blonde but he has one brown ear and two dark brown paws.
He looks so damn cute. I'm gonna die from cuteness overload.
I always wanted a puppy, but I never got one.
My dad was allergic to dogs and after he left I never had the time to even think about one.
"Did you call your mom?"
Oops.
"Um no, I forgot. I'll do it later." He nods.
"Come on, pet him once."
Aiden shakes his head.
"Please?" He rolls his eyes
"Fine. But if he bites me it's your fault." I chuckle.
He slowly puts his hands towards Eli and Eli immediately jumps towards them.
Aiden startles a bit.
"It's fine, he's just excited." I smile.
Eli licks Aidens hand and wags his tail.
"I think he likes you." I smirk at Aiden.
Aiden stares at Eli and he looks like he's so deep in his thoughts.
I'm still worried about him.
He couldn't just tuck away his mothers death that easily right?
I mean she was sick for a long time, and he knew it would come one day.
But it was the same case with Soli, and I know you can never be ready for the deaths of your loved ones.
No matter how often you get told that they won't make it.
It still feels like your heart is being ripped out of your chest, when it's over. Because then it feels so final.
Then there's no hope left.
Then there's no light anymore.
I still remember how I was after Soli's death, I was a freaking mess.
Like a zombie really.
But I don't know what to say to Aiden.
I've known him for such a long time.
But do I really know him?
I don't even know his favorite color.
Isn't that basic knowledge for a friendship?
Are we even friends?
It doesn't feel like friendship is the right word to describe whatever we have.
Oh I don't freaking know.
"What's your favorite color?"
Aiden looks up at me and his right mouth corner goes up.
Shit.
Dimple.
My heart starts beating hard and I wanna punch the fuck out of it.
"What?"
"It's not that hard genius. What's your favorite color?"
"What's yours?"
"I asked first."
He rolls his eyes.
"I don't have one."
I just stare.
"What? Why?"
"I just don't have one."
I won't let that slide!
"Okay think of something beautiful."
"Mhm."
"Now what color does it have?"
"It's brown with specks of gold in it."
"Okay, there we have it. You're favorite color is brown."
"Don't you wanna know what I was thinking about?"
"Um Sure? What is it?"
"Your eyes." He deadpans.
I blush.
Not again!
What is wrong with me?
"Well, thank you."
Smack smack smack.
That's how I smack myself in my head.
He just grins at me.
And I'm so unbelievably happy he's got the strength to still smile.
"I'll call my mom now."
He nods and I get up.
But he takes my hand pulls me towards him and kisses me on the cheek.
I tell my mom to not worry and where we are just in case she needs anything.
I'm still weary about her mental state.
When I walk back into the bedroom I see Aiden asleep with Eli on top of him.
Both of them cuddling each other closely.
I knew it.
And I'm not sure if I should envy Aiden or Eli.
I climb into the bed with them and sleep.
I've never fallen asleep that easily.